Laughter crept in from the distance. It was a young woman. He covered his ears but felt the thick viscous liquid on his hands.
No…no, no! Leave me alone!
He tried to yell at the source of the laughter but his vocal chords refused to move. His headache became more and more excruciating. A ringing in his ears then drowned out the laughter. He screamed as loudly as he could until the area around him became undeniably visible.
He stood on a small patch of grass surrounded by darkness.
Please…leave me alone…
A woman emerged from the shadows smiling at him; she was youthful and beautiful wearing primitive clothing he had seen long ago in the ancient days of humanity. Her bare feet pressed against the moist soil with every step.
She paid no heed and walked up to Sheppard who refused to acknowledge her. He chose to look at the ground, hesitating to see her face.
“Why do you want to forget me, Shep? I miss you…”
He was now on his knees with his face still fixed on the ground. She raised his chin to make him look at her, it was Maije, his first love. Her nostalgic smile and bright eyes gave him hope. She grabbed his hands and raised them in front of his face.
As they came into view he realized the viscous fluid on the ground was blood. He shut his eyes, unable to piece the dream together.
He opened his eyes once more. He was lying face up in a hut as a much younger version of himself. He raised his head and looked down, there was something putting pressure on his chest.
It was Maije. She was lying beside him.
“Your heart beats so slow…” She said.
He was young again, with the woman he loved so long ago. He had everything he wanted.
“Shepzy…” Her pet name for him.
He smiled, inside his heart was aflutter. Was everything just a nightmare? The war… Dom… the Eri… The Legions… He shut his mind out of such things, he was home again and wanted to think nothing more of it.
It was just a dream… The thought was welcoming, a strangely vivid dream nonetheless.
But it was hot, and the air was humid. They were cooled in the shade watching the world outside pass them by. There were no other sounds, no villagers, no parents, no wildlife. It felt nice.
“I missed you Shep…”
“I missed you too…”
He held her close not wanting her to leave again. He wanted to cry. She looked up at him, her bronze skin and long unusually light hair was alluring. Few people in these parts had the physical characteristics she had.
A warm rather wry smile cut across her face. She was beautiful, he thought. He wanted to be with no one else at the moment. If they could sit here, wallowing away the rest of their lives together then he would have been content. Sheppard just wanted to be happy with her.
“I had a strange dream,” He told her, “You and I were on a watery beach, and we had a child. And your family was there with us. It was such a nice dream…”
Did I know what a beach was back then? I never left the mainland…
He tried to smile back, rather awkwardly given the thought. Maije was not dead…she was here, in his arms, and he in hers.
He held her tighter. She blinked harder with a wry grin as if feigning pain from his deep hug, secretly she enjoyed it. Sheppard eased up somewhat. She was real, he kept telling himself.
Her grey eyes were the most alluring feature of all. He was lost in them, not wanting to say anything to break her gaze. No woman he had ever met before in the ancient days had her eyes.
She cut a wide playful grin.
He relaxed now, laying his hands to his sides gazing up through the thatches of the wooden straw-reed hut. He did not want to close his eyes for too long, lest he return to his nightmare. She crawled onto his chest, looking down at him more seriously now.
“You know I still love you, don’t you?”
His heart raced, this was not what he wanted to talk about.
She continued, “You’ve been so distant…I always try to talk to you and you shrug me away.”
His blood pressure dropped and his eyes wanted to well up with more tears. His breathing grew coarse.
“I did it to protect you…to protect us…” He said, though words were a little more abstract than that in his mind. He wanted to say it better but she already lost his attention.
She held an emotionless countenance, looking away as if trying to find answers. She tapped her nails on his chest.
She has the most beautiful hands…
Though it was an understatement, at this point in human history almost every woman lacked viable grooming tools.
Wait…how do I know that…
Then the realization set in. This was a dream, or was it?
He paused the thought, when he saw her crying. She wanted to hide her tears, and smile in his presence but she had already given up hope.
“What is it…?” He asked.
She shook her head, grabbing a nearby animal skin to wipe her tears. She looked at him again and smiled. No explanation, he did not want to force it on her. He looked at her and raised himself up sitting in his bed. He held her closer and embraced her emphatically. He wanted to understand… but in reality he did not even understand himself.
He removed his outer tunic, the cold night was over and the heat was becoming unbearable.
“I wanted it to work…” She said in a whisper.
It is going to work, you just never tried to make it work. A lie, or maybe not. He was not necessarily showing her his best side the past few days. Above all else he wanted her to be happy, but he also wanted her to be with him. He was selfish.
I’ll show her…I think I’m finally ready to grow up…
“But it was never going to.” She said. “You’re an outsider…my place is here. We’re from two different worlds…”
She has no idea how true she was…
“Mortals and immortals will never mesh…”
That statement came crashing down onto him. He wanted to say a million things that could have refuted her, but her mind was made up. Every word he wanted to say was disrupted by another thought. Though he had seemed insensitive at the moment to her feelings he wanted to tell her he truly loved her, and he would do anything for her.
A searing jolt of pain rushed across his head from temple to temple. His head was ablaze, the humid air did little to comfort it. It felt like flames rushed through his veins. In what felt like seconds he felt years rush by. Then time resumed its normal flow. He looked around, nothing changed. But he had his proof, this was truly a dream.
Maije was still at his side looking at him face to face. She was half-kneeling next to him, wearing the village’s traditional garb. Her hair hung over her shoulders and her grey eyes still exuded her ephemeral beauty.
“Can you ever forgive me for what I said?” Maije asked.
He looked at her as his jaw dropped. Again words rushed by his head, it was his curse. Always the over thinker. He looked at her, wanting her more than ever, if he told her what she wanted to hear, maybe she would stay with him. He was losing her now. He would do anything in the world to keep her by his side even in memory.
He would have given her the world, his wealth, his fortune, his time, his dreams… All for her.
Sheppard looked at her, pausing to collect his thoughts, if he wanted her to know that he would still chase her wherever she would go, he would say yes to her question now. He would never hurt her, he told himself.
If she would even remotely think of coming back to me…I would have to say yes…
His mind was made up, he wanted to say yes. If he had feelings left for her, he would say yes.
“No…” He humbly replied. “I can’t…”
His pride pulled them apart. Or was it a Freudian slip? He would never know. The rift was broken now, their worlds torn asunder. But maybe she would understand, he told himself, that he actually meant yes.
Sheppard would always kid with her, making j
okes and saying stupid things to make her smile. Maije enjoyed every minute of it, but it was hard for her to understand what he really meant. Sheppard rarely ever unmasked his true feelings without hiding it in the form of some joke. But maybe, he told himself, maybe she would understand this.
Maybe she’ll come back to me… He laughed in his mind, Maybe she will finally understand that this was a joke too, and that I would always forgive her if she would forgive me… Maije…
Maije sat there, a rather neutral grin cut across her face. She nodded.
“Ok…” She murmured.
She lay by his side, her hand over his chest and his arms around her. He wanted her to lay here with him for eternity. Until she would finally realize he wanted her back. She smiled and laid by his side, was this the last time? Sheppard shrugged the thought. He wanted to enjoy this moment.
He turned his head to the right, to see the sun set in the West. As he gazed over, he kept one arm around Maije. Another man stood in the doorway, Sheppard recognized the man. They had never met acquaintances, but they were from the same village.
Seconds later they both disappeared.
She never came back… He told himself. But…maybe she will.
She’s found another… Another part of him said, She’ll never learn to love you again. You were just kids…
For him hope held out. But such was a fleeting thought. His veins throbbed and his mind lost control, he was reliving the exact moments and feelings he never wanted to again. He jumped out of the bed and out into the desert around him. He was standing in the middle of a savannah plain, empty for miles around. He let out a fierce war cry.
The thunderous roar destroyed the hut behind him and what little shrubbery there was around him. The debris began to collect around him like a vortex, spinning around him like a raging cyclone. The entire world around him was falling apart; the ground cracked and broke apart into a blustery wind.
His war cries grew louder, it was as if he did not need to breathe. The skies above him, now darkened by the setting sun, rotated with the ground. The stars and planets in the sky slowly revolved then eventually picked up speed rotating in analogous elliptical orbits. His mind was burning out. The sky came crashing down onto him in a blinding flash of light.
In seconds, his entire world became a blur. Again he was lost to the world, a slave to his own nightmares. He closed his eyes, he was now in a microcosm, quiet and dark.
The sound of crackling flames emerged. He opened his eyes, now in another place, another time. The village where he found Jo, hundreds of years later.
He turned his head and saw Maije by his side, wearing the same clothing her daughter wore that night. He reached out for her with his hand but her back was turned to him.
“Do you remember this day?” Her apparition asked, “The day you saved Jo?”
Sheppard nodded.
“I wished I could be there with you that day, to see you one more time…” She continued.
“You’re not real.” He told her, but she continued to smile.
“Why do you say such things?”
“You’re nothing but my imagination reminding me of something I wanted to forget! You probably never even existed!”
Maije faded for a moment into a wispy patch of dust. He closed his eyes trying to forget where he was, but he remained. She appeared behind him again, this time wearing Jo’s Legion regalia.
“As much as you hated me, you know I cared for you…”
“Stop!” He yelled at her, “You were the only one who loved me back then!” He began to whimper, “For years you and I kept promises to one another, but you never wanted it to flourish…and against all odds,” he said nearly choking on his tears, “I made the promise to never leave you, when I said I loved you…I meant it, you were the first, no matter what I said to you…”
She cupped her hands on his cheek before turning away.
“I tried… but it was never destined to work out between us.” Maije said.
“You ignored me after that day….” He whimpered.
She shook her head.
“You refused to acknowledge me! You said things that even I could not believe as a friend!” Sheppard continued.
“I tried to forget you!” Her apparition screamed.
“As did I…” Sheppard responded in a hushed whisper, they both remained silent a moment.
“But you stayed by me…in secret, like I hoped you would…” She then replied.
There was an awkward pause between the two, he clearly wanted to see her again.
“I wished she was your daughter,” Maije said, “every day…”
Sheppard pretended to be angry with her but knew the truth. Jo was not his daughter by blood.
“But you found her…and treated her like our own…” Maije said.
“It was the least I could do, for everything that there ever was between us…”
He reached for the apparition’s hand but she disappeared. He grasped his head in agony, the ringing in his ears was growing unbearable.
“Please,” He yelled, “get out of my head! I tried to forget... and all I bore was suffering…”
Her youthful self appeared beside a younger version of himself, playing carelessly amidst the burning rubble without a care for the world around them. She was his only friend then.
He clutched his temples and ran into the flames trying to grab his younger self, hoping to cause a time paradox by killing his younger self.
But he ran straight through his childish apparition, ending up in the flames behind it. The flame bathed his soul in a bright flash of light before transporting him to another place.
It was Uruk the ancient Mesopotamian city he had founded. In the court of the ziggurat stood his daughter, Atha, now a beautiful and strong woman.
She smiled at her father before traversing the depths of the structure. He felt a strange sense of fulfillment while watching her investigate the archaic runes.
You have your own family now Sheppard…don’t lose them like you did me…I’ll always be with you, like old times…
He blacked out and he hit the ground with a thud.
The smell of blighted flesh permeated the air. Sheppard woke up again seconds later, his eyes felt unusually weak and heavy. He threw off the cloak he was under and saw Ellie next to him, long dead. She was not bloated like the other corpses around them. She looked peacefully serene, almost like a doll.
He wanted to check if she was alive but it was a miracle that he was alive.
He clutched his chest, a heart attack was setting in. His eyes irradiated an incredibly bright hue of blue that nearly blinded him to his surroundings. He coughed forcefully, expelling foreign objects from his lungs.
He felt his sensitive alveoli being grated like cheese. His pounding heart nearly raised into his throat.
You can’t die…not just yet… It was Maije again.
He fought back as hard as he could. He rolled onto his back and writhed like an earthworm in broad daylight. He kept himself awake, moving. Before long he was coughing black dust and tainted sputum uncontrollably, his body was finally fighting back.
Sheppard grunted loudly, he was not going to die. He could not give up just yet. He was the oldest, the strongest, he was the hope for their future. And he had to be there to see it to the end.
After a few minutes of agony it was finally over. His body lay motionless, breathing. He took a moment to look around and saw bodies strewn across the fields, death and decay was rampant even in the trees. Several leaves became brown and stiff, breaking into dust upon contact.
He could hear his heart beating normally again. His limbs and arteries pulsed strongly. He raised himself up with his arms to a crawl and, with every movement he made, regained vitality slowly.
Why was he alive? The question plagued him, this was not the first time he had risen from the ashes a new person. A changed person.
But like the Phoenix, he cared not for those around him. He had create
d his nest of myrrh underneath that tattered blanket and travelled into his darkest dreams looking for answers before being born anew.
He looked around. For a moment he felt sorry for those who died. They suffered a fate Sheppard had deserved but been denied. He envied them for their mortality.
He walked into the distance silently. His countenance bitter, focused. He would try to find his place amongst the fallen.
Chapter 23
Friendless
Five days later,
Aboard the Battleship Eternity
Monica arrived aboard the Eternity via a small jump-craft just minutes ago, what she saw upon arrival was nothing short of shocking. She gazed through the portcullis that gated another loading dock and saw a glimpse of the Earth and its once peaceful orbit.
Mankind would never see the universe the same way again.
“Clear this area immediately! We have over a hundred return craft scheduled to land in these docks!” Solb yelled to the ground crew in the concourse’s largest loading bays.
“Commander Solb!” Monica shrieked as the ground crew prodded her to clear the landing pad. Solb heard her and gazed around in confusion, missing her.
“Please!” She begged, “I have to speak to Commander Solb!”
“He’s very busy, you will have to wait for him in the ship’s central residence quarter.” A soldier pushed her back.
Monica clenched her fists, one of the only people she knew was now gone. She followed the civilian lines into the main areas of the ship, she was amidst complete strangers again.
Her impatient demeanor caught the eyes of the patiently waiting passengers. Many of them were holding heavy feelings aside, their countenances reflected their grief and tragedy. She felt ungrateful as she looked at the blank stares of the children’s faces. They had probably lost their parents or siblings in this war.
Don’t worry… Loss is only the beginning… She wanted to tell the child.
A man tapped her on the shoulders on the way through. His warm smile was contagious. He knew Monica was not from here.
The man spoke in a strange immortal dialect different from those here.
Monica shook her head, “I-I’m sorry?”
Origin: Eternity's End Page 34