Antebellum

We all waited in awkward silence as the soldier refused to move. SaTia pulled up the contract on her laptop and looked it over one last time. “Did I forget anything?” she asked.

  “No, ma’am.” The soldier continued to look uneasy.

  “Well...can we help you with anything else?”

  The commander took a deep breath.

  “Ma’am, as soldiers we’re trained to follow our instincts. No matter what happens, if our guts tell us something, we listen to them. I’ve lived and operated under that premise, and it’s kept me alive more times than I can count.”

  “Okay?” I knew he was going somewhere, but I couldn’t figure it out.

  “I heard your story last night.”

  It was my turn to take a deep breath. This was the first time anyone had brought it up directly since I’d told it. “I know.”

  “I didn’t want to believe you.”

  I laughed.

  “I don’t think they wanted to believe me, either,” I said, motioning toward my mother, Big Mama, and SaTia.

  “Was it true, sir?”

  I looked in his eyes and saw the same conflict that I’d seen when he’d spoken with his fellow soldiers over the radio.

  “Yeah, yeah, it was true.”

  The soldier nodded and his eyes focused on the floor. Finally, as he resolved in his mind what he wanted, he straightened his back, lifted his head, and turned into a stone wall again. “Sir, I’d like to stay on your detail.”

  “What? What are you talkin’ about?”

  SaTia pulled my arm.

  “I think he’s saying he wants to stay here and keep protecting you.”

  I looked at the soldier with disbelief. “That’s not what you’re saying, is it?”

  “Yes, sir, it is.”

  “But you gotta get orders from your boss, right?”

  “I’d like to work for you exclusively, sir.”

  “So, you want me to hire you?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “And you’re gonna quit your job?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Don’t you have a family or somethin’ that you need to discuss this with?”

  The soldier’s eyes glazed over as he tried to focus on something else in the room.

  “No. No, sir, I don’t.”

  He was trying to hide his sadness, but I’d seen too much of it on the plantation not to recognize it. I quickly asked another question.

  “Well, how you know I can afford you?”

  “It doesn’t matter, sir. I’m following my gut, as I was trained to do. My gut tells me that you need me here. And, well, that I need to be here.”

  “Why do you need to be here?”

  “I don’t know yet, sir. You remind me of someone.”

  I looked at SaTia, who shrugged her shoulders and shook her head, and then I returned my focus to the mercenary.

  “I’m not sure what you tryin’ to do, man.”

  “I’m choosing my own mission, sir. You can accept or decline as you see fit, but I’m offering my services.”

  Everyone was quiet as I thought it through. This could easily be some kind of trap or set up, and if it was, I was falling right into it. But if it wasn’t, then this guy, whoever he was, connected with my story. It had struck him enough to want to be a part of whatever I was doing.

  I decided that he was worth taking a chance on. “Aight then,” I replied to the soldier. “I accept.”

  “Thank you, sir.”

  The soldier picked up his radio.

  “Alpha to Packman, come in.”

  “Packman here. Still waiting on you, Alpha.”

  “Not coming. Tell Tooley I quit.”

  “Come again, Alpha?”

  “You boys leave without me. I got another outfit now. Over.”

  “Okay, Alpha...so you just want us to leave you here, over?”

  “Affirmative. Go home. It was a pleasure working with you.”

  “Red Eagle, Alpha! Red Eagle!”

  “No! Red Eagle is docked and locked! I am not in distress. Repeat, not in distress!”

  “Don’t understand Alpha, over.”

  “You won’t. It’s code green, here. You boys leave now; that’s an order.”

  There was silence on the other end for a while before the uncertain voice came through once more.

  “Departing now, over. Hope you know what you’re doing, Alpha.”

  The soldier put his radio down and looked at me. “Should I go back to post, sir?”

  “Well, no, hold up a minute. If you’re gonna work for me, then we gotta know each other’s names. I cain’t get with all that ‘sir’ stuff. I’m Moses.”

  “I’m Xavier, sir. Xavier Turner.”

  “It’s good to meet you. Stop calling me sir.”

  “Yes, sss...ah...okay.”

  I turned and looked at Ray, Henry, and Brian. “Looks like we got another squad member,” I said.

  Ray sat up in his seat with his nose turned up.

  “Whateva, I don’t know dat nigga.”

  I slammed my hand down on the table without realizing it, and everyone in the room jumped except for Xavier.

  “Aight, look.” My anger came so quickly that my voice surprised me.

  “Calm down, Moses,” SaTia tried to whisper, but it wasn’t an effective effort.

  “Now’s a great time to talk ’bout what things is the same, and what things is different,” I said. I had a hard time trying to get the fire out of my voice, but the flames eventually died down to embers. “First off, don’t nobody use the word nigga in my presence no more.”

  “Hold on, what?” Henry sat up in his seat and scratched his head. “Don’t say nigga? That don’t make no sense!”

  “Look, you don’t know what happened, aight? When I was in the coma...”

  I started to reach for the back of my shirt, and then stopped. I looked into Ray, Brian, and Henry’s eyes as they looked back at me with various emotions ink-blotted on their faces. I realized they wouldn’t understand my explanation. I could talk another whole day about where I’d been and what had happened to me, but in the end, they wouldn’t get it. They’d hear my story, and maybe even believe it, but they wouldn’t understand it.

  It was then that I realized how valuable Xavier really was.

  Sadly, I dropped the back of my shirt, covering my scars up once again.

  “Look, I just ain’t with the word no more, aight? I’m not tryin’ to hear it no more.”

  “But how you jus’ gonna up and say we can’t say nigga no more?” Brian chimed in with slight agitation. “It’s your name, man!””

  “Look, you can say whatever you wanna say when you not ’round me.” I looked at Brian, unmoved by his sentiment. “When I’m around, though, you can’t say it. Like I said, I ain’t feelin’ it no more.”

  “Moses, come on, man...” Ray stood up to address me, but before he could get fully to his feet, Xavier stepped forward and made himself known. He didn’t say a word, but Ray, clearly thrown off by this new force, sat back down.

  “It’s like that now, Moses?” he said as he sat gingerly back in his seat.

  I looked at Ray, and then back at Xavier. I hadn’t turned to anyone else, but I knew they were all watching me, anxious to see what I was going to do.

  As I took account of myself, I realized I was not inclined at all to say anything to Xavier. I knew that Ray wasn’t going to do anything after he stood up but say his piece and sit back down, but the man had just quit his job to protect me. Who was I to stand in his way?

  “Look,” I said, and stood up in the place where Ray would have been. “I told y’all, some things is gonna have ta change. Y’all my homies, man. We been through a lot together...and I understand if you can’t get with the new changes, but if you gonna stay with me, then you gotta.”

  I looked around at their serious faces.

  “I’m just being real, y’all. Take some time to think ’bout it. If it wasn’t no money involved, would you st
ill put up with it? ’Cause I’m tellin’ you, I can’t do things how I used to, dogg. If it costs me some money, then so be it. And it probably will.”

  “Hold up,” Brian looked around the room, confused, and then back at me. “You sayin’ dat with all dis money you could be makin’ right now, you ’bout to do somethin’ that could make you go broke?”

  “I’m sayin’ that, in all seriousness, don’t nobody in this room know where we gon’ be at in six months. You stick with me, then yeah, you could end up goin’ broke. That’s not the plan, but it’s a possibility. In order for this to keep goin’, you gotta be here for more than the money.”

  “More than the money?” Henry looked like a priest who’d heard a curse word. “The hell is wrong wid you, man? What’s more important in this life than money?”

  “This...”

  I turned my back to them and lifted up my shirt, showing them my scarred flesh.

  “Damn!”

  “Yo, what the hell!”

  “Who did that to you, man?”

  “It doesn’t matter,” I replied, and turned around. “Y’all go home. Come through tomorrow mornin’ and let me know what’s good. Real talk, I’d much rather see y’all roll out now and we stay friends than later on and we ain’t even talkin’ to each other.”

  “Yo, you kickin us out, homie?” The hurt in Ray’s voice almost made me feel bad.

  “Naw. You can stay if you want, but I gotta press conference.” I stopped for a moment, and then looked at SaTia. “Right?”

  “It’s already taken care of.”

  “Cool.” I turned around. “After that, I gotta get some rest, so we can hook up later.”

  “I can’t believe this, yo!” Brian said as he stood up. “You know what we s’posed to be doin’ tonight? It’s like, ten clubs in the city all havin’ ‘Welcome Home Da Nigga’ parties! We s’posed to be hittin’ all of ’em! We s’posed to be gettin’ twisted and layin’ pipe in some shorties and hittin’ the studio. Dis nigga—yeah, I said it—dis nigga come outta coma after six months, and all he wanna do is sleep and not say nigga no more!”

  I shook my head and smirked. “Naw, that’s not all I wanna do.”

  “Really? So what...you tryin’ to go out tonight?”

  “Naw, I’m good. I’m chillin. Y’all hit the parties for me. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Whatever, man.”

  Brian walked out the door, with Ray and Henry on his heels. I let the weight of disappointment fall over me as they walked out the gate and past the police officers on duty.

  “Sir,” Xavier started, but I cut him off.

  “Moses. It’s Moses.”

  “Sorry, sir. Moses?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I don’t trust them.”

  I didn’t want to hear his truth so I walked away, then stopped and turned back. “Well, I trust you, and I just met you, so give them a chance. Okay?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  It wasn’t worth correcting him again. I dropped down to the couch and tried to convince myself that I hadn’t lost my three best friends.

  Two hours later, I stood a few feet from the front door, listening to the hustle and bustle on the other side. SaTia had instructed the police to only allow the press past the front gate, and now my front lawn was standing-room-only. Peeping through the window, the scene reminded me of my floor at the hospital overrun with reporters. They were everywhere, from cameramen to news reporters to journalists, all falling over one another trying to get as close as they could to the podium that had been set up on the front porch.

  Xavier stood beside me, his face stern and calculating. I’d counted at least six different firearms on his person as he was loading up, but now you couldn’t tell that he was armed at all. Even though the sun was down, he still wore a dark pair of sunglasses, hiding his suspicions from the rest of the world.

  “SaTia, is that a JumboTron outside?”

  She was finishing a phone conversation, and moved the phone away from her mouth. “I never cleared a JumboTron, so no, it shouldn’t be. This isn’t a concert, it’s a press conference. It’s probably just some new piece of satellite news equipment.”

  “I don’t know, SaTia. It looks like a JumboTron.”

  I was in a dark pair of jeans and a dark T-shirt. No shades, no grills, no expensive jewelry that could have afforded one of the reporters an early retirement if I’d given it to them.

  SaTia walked up beside me. She paused, then pivoted on her heels and wound up standing directly in front of me. Instinctively, I kissed her.

  “Still not going to tell me what you’re going to say for the press conference, huh?” she said breathlessly after we parted.

  “Nope. Why ruin the surprise?”

  “Well, how do you know I’ll be here when you finish?”

  “’Cause you were here when I started.”

  The look of confusion on her face quickly changed into a smirk.

  “You must’ve been chained up with some slick-talkin’ slaves,” she said, shaking her head.

  I threw my head back and laughed like a fat man before a quick knock at the door cut my bellows short.

  “One of the policemen,” SaTia said. “I told him to knock when they sealed off the front yard.” She looked into my eyes, and I could tell she was proud of me, though she didn’t know what I was about to do.

  “It’s time,” she said, and stepped to the side.

  “You’re not going out there with me?”

  “No. I look a mess.”

  “That never mattered before.”

  “I wasn’t marrying you before.”

  I thought for a half-second, and then nodded my head.

  “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

  “You’ve got Xavier now, and he’ll protect you more than I ever could. I don’t want the world to see me as your manager anymore.”

  “You want me to fire you?”

  “No, dummy...nobody else could handle you right anyway. It’s just...you know how you want the world to know you’re not the same person? Well, I want them to know I’m not the same person either.”

  I looked in her eyes and kicked myself for the years of foolishness. “I feel you. It’s done.”

  She smiled, and I walk past her with Xavier at my side.

  “Forgive me if I don’t hear your statement, sir.”

  My hand stopped short of the doorknob as I looked at Xavier.

  “It’s Moses. You plan on shooting anyone?”

  “If I have to, sir...Moses.”

  “Better them than me, I guess.”

  “Would you mind filling me in if I don’t hear it, sir?”

  “It’s Moses. Hear what? The statement?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why do you...” I stopped short, denying my curiosity. “Yeah, I’ll definitely fill you in.” I grabbed the doorknob and turned it, but only opened it slightly before I turned back to Xavier and let my curiosity win out. “Why do you care, Xavier?”

  The question stopped the soldier cold. He stood still for a moment, and then removed his shades and looked me in the eye. “I’ve only heard your story, sir. You haven’t heard mine.”

  I shrugged my shoulders and raised my eyebrows, conceding his point. “Guess we need to talk then.”

  “Yes, sir”

  “Xavier...”

  “Yes, sir?”

  “It’s Moses.”

  I threw the door open before he could respond. The flashing lights that met us would have given a little child a seizure. Xavier immediately stepped in front of me, shielding me from the direct onslaught of the lights, and leading me to the podium that had been set up.

  There was a three-second delay from when I walked out, and when the tsunami of noise hit us, but I had expected it. In almost all of my previous pictures, videos, and interviews, I’d been covered from head to toe in accessories. This was probably the first time any of the reporters had ever seen my eyes. It took them the three seconds to realiz
e it was really me. After the realization hit, everything turned to chaos.

  The press started screaming out questions. Their noise alone would have been enough to make me want to cover my ears, but a sea of fans, who had taken a cue from the television cameras, gathered beyond the perimeter drawn by the police. Even though they could barely see me, they cheered as if I was walking through their crowd.

  Xavier stood shoulder to shoulder with me as I lowered the microphone to my mouth.

  “Thank y’all...”

  I hadn’t anticipated two things: the loudness of the microphone or the revelation that what I’d seen outside was in fact a Jumbo-Tron, and that it was set up just outside my front yard. SaTia must have had the same thought, because as soon as I saw it, she was running through the front door, pulling me away from the podium.

  “I don’t know who cleared that damn JumboTron, but somebody is catching hell for it! This was never supposed to be this big, Moses. You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

  She was screaming, but I’d just barely heard her over the noise.

  “It’s okay. Go on back inside. I’ll be fine.”

  “You sure?”

  “Yeah, it’s all good. Go on back.”

  As she ducked and made her way back inside, I stood up at the podium. Feeling as if I was about to give an announcement in a football stadium during the Super Bowl. It literally felt as though the ground was shaking.

  “Thank y’all. Please, calm down. Calm down.”

  I lifted both of my arms and waved my hands, signaling for the crowd to be quiet. The noise dropped slowly, taking several minutes before I was able to speak.

  “Thank you. Thank you everybody for coming out. Thank you for all your love and your prayers over the last six months.”

  “WE LOVE YOU, NIGGA!”

  Random women yelled from the crowd positioned behind the press, igniting another wave of cheers and screams. I just decided to wait this one out.

  Xavier had unholstered one of his pistols and was holding it behind his back and out of view. I could see his eyes darting back and forth over the crowd behind his sunglasses.

  Another several minutes passed before they got the hint that I wasn’t speaking again until there was a moderate amount of order. Finally, they began to settle down.

  “I called this conference ’cause I wanted to clear some things up. There’s been a lot of rumors goin’ around, and I know people wonderin’ what’s been goin’ on with me, ’specially since I came out of the coma. First, let me promise y’all that I’m not crazy. Matter-of-fact, I’m feelin’ better than I’ve ever felt. Bein’ in that coma changed my life.”