So much so that his mind leaped all the way to thoughts of marriage.
That was something of a shock. He wasn’t sure he wanted to get married. Unless he changed jobs, he wouldn’t be able to support a wife and family. He liked his life in Texas. Not even his inheritance had made him want to change it. So what was it about Maria that was causing him to question his plans for the future?
For one thing, he’d just spent one of the most pleasant afternoons of his life with Maria and Luis. Dolores had stayed in Cíbola, Broc was taking a nap, and nothing on the ranch needed his attention. The day had been unusually cool for summer, the sun behind scattered clouds. A breeze coming down from the mountainside stirred the leaves and set the tall, dry grass that covered the steep hillsides to waving.
Luis had ridden between them, his curiosity about everything seemingly boundless. He would question Rafe in detail, then turn to Maria and tell her everything he’d just learned. She didn’t betray by as much as a smile or a raised eyebrow that she’d heard his questions and Rafe’s answers. Seeing her patience, her pride in Luis, her love for him, had performed a special kind of magic in Rafe’s heart. This was a good woman, the kind a man was fortunate to find even once in his life.
Maria kept smiling at him. Every time she did, he felt a little short of breath. He told himself not to do anything foolish, not to act too quickly, but it didn’t do any good. There was something about this woman that spoke to him in a way no other had, not even Dolores. Especially not Dolores! And it didn’t hurt that Maria had loved his favorite place.
It was a small outcropping where two ridges came together, looking out on a panoramic view of the valley for miles in all directions. Luis liked it because everything down below looked so small. It’s like a toy ranch, he’d said. Maria seemed to understand Rafe’s feeling for the place, where the ranch could be seen as a whole rather than a collection of parts.
“I can see why you love this spot,” Maria had said to him. “It makes the ranch feel like a lot more than dirt, plants, and animals.”
He had wanted to ask her what the ranch meant to her, but Luis had asked him a question and he’d gotten sidetracked. On their way back to the house, it hadn’t felt like the right time. There would be a right time eventually. In the meanwhile, he had to search his mind and his heart. The latter organ hadn’t been used in such a long time, he couldn’t be sure it was working right. It was important that he find the right answers to his questions. He didn’t want history to repeat itself.
Rafe decided he was getting soft. He couldn’t remember when he’d spent a more enjoyable evening and all he’d done was listen to Broc recite bits from the roles he used to play on riverboats, listen to his friend sing while Maria accompanied him on the piano, and watch Luis’s delighted enjoyment of the entertainment. Dolores had gone into town again, as she had for the last three nights.
Thinking of Dolores reminded Rafe that Laveau’s presence in Cíbola had raised questions that needed answers. Why had Laveau come to California and why had he ingratiated himself with Dolores? Laveau wasn’t one to spend money on anyone but himself unless he thought he had something to gain. Rafe wanted to believe Laveau was behind the shooting of Broc, but he couldn’t think of any reason for the man to shoot Broc, and Laveau never did anything without a reason. If Rafe had been the one who had been shot, he’d have been certain Laveau was behind it and Dolores was somehow involved. Yet his father’s will made it impossible for either of them to benefit from his death.
None of it made sense, and trying to figure out the mystery was giving him a headache. He was relieved when Luis spoke.
“That’s enough singing,” the boy said to Broc. “Say something funny.”
“You’ve had him reciting bits from his plays every night,” Maria said. “He’s bound to be out of material by now.”
“He’s never out of material,” Rafe said, “because he makes it up.”
Broc defended himself, with Luis and Maria taking his side.
“If it’s so easy to make up stuff, would you make up something for me?” Luis asked Rafe.
“Luis, my child, don’t let your admiration for Rafe’s horsemanship make you think he has a brain,” Broc chided. “Whenever he has a question or needs advice, who do you think he goes to?”
“Cade.” Luis said, then crowed with delight when Broc looked deflated. Even Maria laughed at his exaggerated shock and consternation.
“I’m hurt.” Broc’s pretense of being deeply offended was comic rather than serious. “I thought you liked me.”
“I do like you, but Maria says I must always tell the truth.”
Broc directed an accusing glance at Maria. “Stop giving this child good advice. How am I supposed to steal his money?”
“You can’t steal my money because I don’t have any. Rafe has it all.” Luis grinned as if he’d just won a prize.
“Then I guess there’s nothing left for me to do but marry Maria and run away with her.”
Maria giggled and flushed, which caused Rafe to feel an all-too-familiar stab of jealousy. He felt even more irritated when Broc started talking about all the children they would have and how Luis could think of them as his little brothers and sisters. Broc’s description of several romantic trysts had Luis making faces of disgust and Rafe biting his tongue to keep from telling his friend to stop talking nonsense.
It threw him off stride when Maria said to Broc, “I need to talk to Rafe. Alone.”
Chapter Eleven
As soon as Broc and Luis left the room, Rafe asked, “What do you want to talk about?” He couldn’t think of anything Maria would want to say that required privacy.
“About Luis, the ranch, and you.”
“That covers a lot of territory. Does that include you, too?”
“In a way. I mean, yes, it does.”
Rafe hadn’t expected Maria to blush. What could that mean?
“Can we go to your father’s room?”
Rafe didn’t know how much privacy Maria wanted, but he was surprised she would suggest his father’s room. That implied a degree of intimacy Rafe hadn’t thought existed between them. As he followed her up the steps and down the upper hall, he wondered if it was a reflection of the change in their relationship over the last few days.
She had insisted upon going with him every time he took Luis riding. At first he’d thought she didn’t trust him with the boy, but she seemed more concerned about the ranch than overseeing the boy’s safety. She had encouraged him to tell Luis everything he could about the ranch, how things had been when Rafe was a boy, and what he thought should be done in the future. He’d assumed she was trying to get as much information as possible about Rancho los Alamitos before he went back to Texas.
Yesterday her questions had been directed to his plans for the future. She’d questioned him about his partnership with Cade and the kind of work he did. Today her questions had focused on how he intended to run the ranch from Texas. She hadn’t seemed upset when he didn’t have answers.
He held the door to his father’s room for her. “Take any chair you like.”
She settled in a deep chair next to the table where his father had kept Rafe’s picture. He stood by the fireplace. They were separated by less than ten feet.
“What did you want to talk about that requires so much privacy?”
“I want to convince you to stay here, not go back to Texas.”
In the beginning she hadn’t wanted him there. He wondered why she’d changed her mind. “That will take a lot of convincing.”
She looked genuinely bewildered. “I don’t understand. This is your home. You grew up here. Everybody says you loved the ranch. From what I’ve seen riding with you these last few days, you still love it. You already have dozens of ideas about changes you want to make.”
She’d hit him at a weak spot. He liked his work in Texas, but at heart he was a farmer, not a cowman. He loved every acre of Rancho los Alamitos, but he could not remain. “Thing
s happened here that make it impossible for me to feel the same way I used to.”
“I can’t imagine how much Dolores’s marriage to your father must have hurt, but no teenage crush lasts forever. Surely you can see that you and Dolores would never have been happy together.”
He was older and he did see that, but the realization didn’t change anything. He couldn’t forget finding his father in Dolores’s bed, naked, in the throes of physical climax.
“I agree with everything you say, but it’s not enough to change my mind.”
“What about the money? Surely being a wealthy rancher and one of the most important men in the valley is better than being a cowhand on a Texas ranch. One day you will want to marry and start a family. I wouldn’t think you could do that on a cowhand’s salary. Here you could give your family all the advantages of wealth and privilege.”
“I don’t care about any of that.”
“How do you think your family will feel when they find out you turned down such a life for one of drudgery and hard work? And you know they will. There’s no way you can come back here several times a year without people finding out.”
She was bringing up points he didn’t want to consider because he had no answers. He’d move heaven and earth to keep the ranch from being sold and the money used to build a shrine to Dolores. There was little point in returning to Texas if he had to come back here every month or so, and even less point in working for Cade when his half of Rancho los Alamitos would make him several times richer than Cade.
“I’m not likely to get married, so that doesn’t matter. My friends are in Texas. They’re my family.”
She had been sitting forward in her chair in her eagerness to convince him, but now she got up, walked over to him, and put her hand on his arm. “Then think of Luis. The ranch is his inheritance. Someone has to manage it for him until he’s old enough to take over himself.”
Her hand on his arm made it hard for Rafe to concentrate on what she was saying. How could he have known her touch would affect him so strongly? Or that looking into her upturned gaze would cause his pulse to thrum in his temples. He wasn’t an impressionable young man. He couldn’t tell whether her look of entreaty was entirely on Luis’s behalf or if it represented her feelings toward him.
“The lawyer can manage the business end and Miguel can take care of the ranch.”
Her grip on his arm tightened. “But someone has to teach Luis what to do, to love this place as you did. Nobody else could do the job as well as you.”
“Maybe you could talk Broc into staying. He grew up on a farm, so he would know what to do.”
She gave him a nudge of frustration before releasing his arm. He wished she hadn’t let go. He’d enjoyed the warmth of her touch.
“Luis has fun with Broc, but you’re the one he looks up to. He doesn’t quote Broc, but he does quote you.”
“I’ll start him riding with Miguel.”
“It wouldn’t be the same as riding with you. You’re his brother. He wants to feel like he’s part of everything you’re part of. If you care for him at all, you’ve got to consider what I’m asking.”
She stepped closer, put her hand on his arm once more, and met his gaze with a look that practically took his breath away. It was as though she were saying she depended on him, that without him everything could crumble to dust and blow away. No one had needed him for a long time—he hadn’t allowed himself to be needed—but now he wanted the responsibility. He didn’t know what it was about this woman that appealed to him so strongly, but he had to find out just how much she was interested in him.
“Would you like me to stay?”
“I’ve just said that I would.”
“You’ve said you want me to stay for Luis. You haven’t said that you want me to stay.”
Her gaze faltered. “I didn’t ask you here to discuss what I want.”
She tried to release him, to move back a step, but he covered her hand with his. “I know that. Nevertheless, I want to know what you want.”
She appeared confused, embarrassed. He knew he could be too abrasive. Pilar had told him he’d never get a woman to spend more than five minutes in his company if he didn’t learn to be more sensitive. “I’ll make it easier on you by going first.”
“What do you mean?” Now she looked nervous.
“It was unfair of me to think you are like your sister just because you’re related. I was prepared to dislike you. I was wrong.”
“What made you change your mind?”
Now she appeared more curious than nervous. “The first clue was the way Rosana and Juan talked about you in comparison to Dolores. They aren’t easily fooled. The second clue was that Broc liked you right away. In fact, he accused me of being interested in you that first day.”
“You hated me because of Dolores.”
“I didn’t trust you, but I was attracted to you from the beginning.”
“I would never have guessed.”
“I didn’t mean for you to.” He hadn’t meant for Broc to guess, either, but maybe he wasn’t as good at hiding his feelings as he thought. “The most important reason for me to change my mind was your obvious devotion to Luis. The fact that he turns to you whenever he has a question or is unsure of anything is the best proof that you’re an honorable woman.”
Maria looked slightly embarrassed by his praise. “Luis is sweet and gentle. He’s easy to love.”
“There’s a lot of Jerry in him, and we can be hard and uncomfortable. You lived with my father long enough to know that.”
“Your father was unhappy and sick, but he was never harsh to me.”
“Which is further proof that I was wrong about you.”
She tried once more to pull away, but he captured both her hands and held on firmly. She turned away from him, wouldn’t meet his gaze. “You give me too much credit.”
“I don’t think I give you enough.”
She turned back to look at him. “What do you want from me?”
He didn’t know the answer to that question. “I’d like to know what you think of me. I hope your first impressions have softened.”
She looked down at her hands in his grasp. “It was hard to know what I should think at first. You’d left home and hadn’t communicated with your father for ten years, yet he kept your picture by his bedside. Juan, Rosana, and Miguel were anxious for your return, but Dolores told me a different story.”
“And you believed her?”
“She’s my sister. She had suffered, too. Why shouldn’t I believe her?”
Because she was a liar interested only in herself. Because she thought nothing of seducing an old man while he grieved over his wife’s death. “Do you still believe her?”
“I’m not sure it should be a question of whether I believe her, but more about what I think of the man you are now. Ten years ago you were young, very much in love, and grieving for your mother. It must have been incredibly painful to learn that the woman you loved wanted to marry your father. Anyone could be excused for going a little crazy.”
Why did he get the feeling she was trying to convince herself more than him?
“The important part is what you’ve done since. According to Broc you were little short of a saint during the war.”
“To a civilian, anyone who saves someone’s life is a saint. During the war we all did it more than once.”
“That’s something else I like about you. You never seem to think the things you do are out of the ordinary. You have no idea what an impression you’ve made on Luis.”
“I’m more interested in the impression I’ve made on you.” She looked down. Why did some women prefer to look at a man’s shirt buttons rather than into his eyes?
“You impress me as a man who’s sure of himself and takes his abilities for granted. Though I doubt you’ll admit it, you’re very much concerned for others. I think you regret some of the things that happened here, but have learned to accept the past and move beyond it. I think
you take your responsibilities seriously, even the ones you don’t want. I think this is your home, that you’re looking for a reason to stay.”
“Would you be willing to be that reason?”
Her gaze flew to his face, her eyes wide and questioning. “I don’t understand.”
He was going too fast, but his curiosity was riding him hard. “Few men will make a major change in their lives for another man, be it a father or a brother. Every man will do it for a woman.”
Maria avoided his gaze. “I would never ask you to do anything like that for me. I don’t have the right.”
“What if I gave you that right?”
Maria looked up at him. “There’s too much history between you and Dolores, between you and your father, to make that possible.”
“What if the situation weren’t complicated? What if we were two ordinary people who’d met for the first time?”
She didn’t answer, just shook her head.
He had the feeling she knew the answer to his question and wanted to give it to him but was holding back. “Sometimes knowing what you want has a way of clearing up complications.”
“How?”
“Understanding your needs puts everything into perspective. If you want something enough, even past pain can cease to matter.”
“Is that how you feel?”
He would never be able to forgive Dolores for what she had done. She’d destroyed his life. She’d hurt his father, had a child she didn’t want, and had turned her own sister into a personal servant. “I doubt some things in my past will ever cease to matter, but I hope I can reach the point where they won’t affect the decisions I make.”
Someone Like You (Night Riders) Page 12