by Tara Lynn
“Sure it did.” Marlo spat in the turf. “Now we all know where we stand to each other.”
He shoved his way into the crowd and off through the bleachers. My only real friend in the MC, gone now too. What a life I had to look forward to.
“Everything ok?” Her voice spun through me like a drug. Even under the weight of everything I had lost on this field, my spirits rose.
Liza stood behind me, arms clasped.
“What are you doing here?”
“Watching my last high school game.”
“Yeah, but you hate football. And this game doesn’t even matter.”
Her eyes fell soft on me. “You matter.”
She had on a grey t-shirt with our school snake and jeans, but she shone far brighter. I stood and wrapped my arms around her.
“Hey,” she said. “There’s a billion people here.”
“I don’t care.” I gripped her even tighter. Right now, I needed an anchor, but she squirmed and looked around, so I let go.
“Sorry about the game,” she said. “But at least people will still remember you compared to what happened out there.”
“I don’t care about that.” I gazed at the lopsided scoreboard. “It was always just a means to an end. And now, what use is my rep. It’ll only be in service of the MC until they ride it into the dirt.”
“You’ll still be you. They won’t change that. And we might still find a way out of this.”
But even her voice wasn’t as strong as it was a week before. Find a way out into what? I had nothing waiting for me.
I rubbed her shoulders. “It’s alright, baby. As long as I have you, I’ll take whatever comes.”
“You have me. You’ll always have me.”
I believed her, and that made it hard to hold back a sigh. “Well, see what becomes of the Tull name and then decide.”
“Your name?”
It was a question at first, but suddenly her eyes narrowed.
“What?” I said.
She found me with clear eyes, then shook her head. “Nothing.”
“That wasn’t nothing.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
But her voice was drifting off now. She had her mind on something, and I didn’t need more than a guess to know.
“Hey, I don’t want you doing anything dangerous, ok? Tell me what you’re thinking.”
“What? It’s nothing.” She pecked me on the lips. “I was just wondering what it’d be like to be Eliza Tull.”
My heart beat faster if anything. Eliza Tull. Hell that could have already been her name, but to have it land on her honest, to be in a place and point in life where it could come true.
That would be an absolution far greater than I deserved.
And I didn’t see a world where it could happen.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Eliza
The sun seared the air and had the ground cooking by the time we set off for our graduation ceremony. Mom and Ronald had wanted to take us there, but I didn’t see how either had earned that right.
Though, to be honest, my palms were sweating thinking about them being there for my speech.
“Ready?” Rett asked, strapping on the backpack with his cap and gown to the saddle.
I just nodded. My throat felt too tight for words.
“Well, come on then, Miss Clark.” He patted the saddle. “Your audience awaits.”
I handed him my own bag to add by his and slid on behind, my body edged up right against his. The smell of metal and oil suddenly had me spinning. I gripped the seat edges to steady myself.
“That’s not gonna work.”
He gripped my hands in his and brought them around his body. He glanced back at the silent windows of the house and kissed my right hand. A molasses warmth crept up my arm as he clasped my hands together around his stomach, strong and sculpted even through leather padding.
I gulped air as if I’d just been pulled from a river. I lay on his shoulder, wrapped tighter against him and breathed easy.
“Much better.”
He flicked the engine to life, and the pipes thundered through me like paint smeared over a canvas. He flicked us forward and we roared onto the street. If I had any doubts, they vanished wrapped around Rett.
I was going to do it. I was going to set Rett free. He had nearly thrown away his life doing it for me, once.
Compared to that, I was losing very little.
The small homes cut off abruptly for the desert. We sped through Loving’s little downtown again, and then that, too, cut off. How had this tiny place meant so much in my head?
A different girl in a bigger town somewhere green and not at the edge of the world, she might not have fought so hard to prove she was someone she wasn’t. She might not be on her way to become valedictorian because she was too afraid of what people would say about her, if they found out what hid behind her perfection.
She probably wouldn’t be headed to a top school. She probably wouldn’t be sleeping with her stepbrother.
I was glad I wasn’t her. The mess of my life wasn’t something I needed to hide. It was what made me who I was. It had led me to all the things I cared about. Right or wrong, I had what mattered to me.
We turned past the high school and roared onto the highway, away from Loving, away from civilization. The red wilderness churned past around me, harsh and beautiful. The place where Rett and I had spent that night away from the city wasn’t the way we were headed, but it returned clear and vivid in my mind: the sight of him, the smell of him even now in my nose, the feel of him in my arms.
The wind roared past me like an animal, and I shut my eyes and rested. It wasn’t so hard to be out in the wild, as long as you weren’t completely alone.
The traffic thickened as we neared the exit for the stadium, and my ease tightened. These had to be classmates, maybe finally headed in after a breakfast celebration. Well, I didn’t really know most of them, and they didn’t know who I was other than my title.
Not yet, at least.
We followed traffic into the stadium lot. A swarm of cars were parked up front, but it still sat mostly empty, the air blurred with heat of the pavement. Rett parked somewhere in the middle, close but not too close. He got off, and I popped off right behind and grabbed my bag. The chopper engine still thrummed in my blood, like an electric current.
“You look amped,” Rett said, working me over slowly with his gaze.
“You have no idea.” I shifted in place and looked at the ancient Roman coliseum of a stadium. Yeah, this was the right place for an execution alright.
“I just want to pick you up and plug into you like a battery.” He glanced around wistfully. “We should have parked further.”
“They’d see us from anywhere.” Still, another thrill of energy surged through me. “Maybe we can on the way back.”
He laughed at that, deep and throaty. I almost wanted to kiss him right there. Why wait?
But I held myself back and just admired him. His dark hair, sharp and choppy and so easy to grab; his gorgeous face, strong and craggy and tan like a mesa at sunset his tall, taut body, fighting to get out of the cut that enveloped him.
He was the boy I had always loved. And I was going to set him free.
A moment of panic ran through me. What if it wasn’t enough?
“I have a question for you,” I said.
“Uh, just ask it then,” Rett said.
I gathered my breath. “Why did the MC kill my stepfather?”
Rett blinked and grabbed his bag. “I told you why.”
“Yeah, their code. You’re so sure that’s it?’
“I mean, he was greedy as fuck, too, so that made it easier. But they can’t be seen working with a guy like that.”
“But they didn’t have to kill him. Was that cause he was molesting his own stepdaughter?”
Rett winced. “Probably. Why?”
It might have been just the sun, or it might have been the stress, but my
forehead felt damp. I chose carefully. “I’m just wondering what would happen to you if they saw us ride in together and figured it out.”
Rett edged in on me. “Hell they probably already know.”
This was news to me. “They won’t…they won’t hurt you right?”
“Na, I’m not your dad. I’m too valuable. Can’t be scratched up for that, though they might give me a few broken ribs to make sure we keep it locked down.”
“But if you weren’t valuable?” This could be going awfully wrong. “Would they hurt you just for sleeping with me? I’m your stepsister, not connected by blood, not even connected for more than a few months.”
“I’m their brother. I’m your brother. That’s how they see it.” Rett shrugged. “They can’t have their golden boy football champ be seen as a pervert. If I got grime on me…I don’t know.”
The sun ground down on us. All the certainty had fled me. It was one thing to risk myself, but I couldn’t gamble Rett’s life. But what was the alternative? A life here, a life apart?
It had taken three tries to save me years ago. I could try once.
“Ok,” I said. “Let’s go.”
“It’ll be fine.” Rett cupped my back an instant as he joined me. “You’re going to be out of here soon, and this will be a closed chapter in your book.”
“Not too closed.”
“I hope not.”
He smiled at me, but the only warmth on him was the sweat pebbling his face.
We joined the crowd and filtered through the darkened tunnels into the massive field. A tiny podium stood at the 30-yard line, presiding over dozens of rows of chairs. Umbrellas were spaced out among them, but the stage looked about as hot as a funeral pyre.
We tossed on our gowns, pitch black and perfect for a hot Texas day. Even if I was just another student, Rett and I wouldn’t be seated together. My mom’s name change for me had been reversed, just in time.
Now though, we went to whole different worlds. Rett tossed me a blink and disappeared into the seats. I trudged up the sidelines and up the stairs, and into the seat on stage labeled with my name. It was leather, cozier than the metal seats for the rest of the class, but it was black and roasting. The umbrella over me couldn’t exactly cool off my rear.
Let the flames start.
“Hello, Ms. Valedictorian,” Maria said, adjusting her gown as she sat next to me.
“Ms. Salutatorian.” I gripped her in a burning hug, even as my stomach turned on the inside. I hadn’t forgotten she’d be up here. It’d be easier with her back to me.
“We’re going to die today, aren’t we?” She fanned her face with the schedule.
“Maybe. You’re not going to die before me, at least.”
“Of course not. The valedictorian always goes first.” She glanced at the thin wooden podium standing up front. “You ready for your speech?”
“I think so.” Deep breaths.
“Hey.” Her hand fell on my thigh. “It’s just a formality. No one’s gonna care what you say anyway.”
I kinda needed them to, and for better or worse, they probably would. “We’ll see.”
“And if you fall, I’ll be there to catch you.”
“Hah. I don’t think you’ll want to.”
She gave me an odd look.
The principal and vice-principal and other teachers came and sat, stopping to beam and shake hands with me. I barely heard a word. It was probably better. The praise might just make me puke.
The chairs filled with students. Above, in the bottom rows of the side of the stadium we occupied, parents and loved ones filed in, surprising thick, more than I had pictured. I had known all these faces growing up, in town and in school. Everyone here knew my whole life story.
All but the parts that made me who I was. Only, one person in the audience knew that. He was seated almost near the back, but his face stood out sharp as if I it were inches from mine. Every time his eyes caught mine, the storm in my stomach stilled a bit.
Just as things were scheduled to start, a small crowd of black pushed out into the stands. I made out a dozen leather jackets as they sat in their own section. All were grizzled men, all wearing the same familiar logo – blood and bones.
The MC was here. They had family graduating too. Rett had made that clear.
Something in me condensed to metal. Time to show them what it really meant to protect your own.
The principal stood up and made his opening remarks. Something about the achievements of the class. For a small school with a meager college attendance, it seemed we had accomplished a lot. Or maybe, just like everyone else in the world, he was trying to pretend he were something he were not, that this school was worth something. Maybe he could cover the truth by talking enough, by doing enough.
Well, I was tired of it.
“And now, in a sea of remarkable graduates,” the principal said. “We have one who has stood out above the rest. The leaders of several of our academic clubs, an AP and national scholar and headed off to UT-Austin on a full merit scholarship! We’re delighted to see her success and look forward to all that she has to say. Our very own, Eliza Clark.”
He glanced back and clapped, joined tepidly by my classmates. However, the arena seemed to echo with the claps from the audience. What must Rett have felt to hear this place thunder when he scored touch downs. I wished I could give him that again, but the time had passed.
I could still do this though.
Maria patted me on the shoulder. I nodded to her, stood and shook the principal’s hand before taking the podium. I cleared my throat and spotted Rett.
My mind cleared.
“I’m going to keep this brief,” I said. “Cause today isn’t about me, and you all shouldn’t have to melt to hear what some dumb eighteen-year old thinks about life.”
People laughed at that. It eased me up a bit. I glanced down at my notes, but only enough to take a breath.
“I’m proud of all that I have accomplished here,” I said. “But lately I’ve been wondering why I did any of it. I mean grades, tests, clubs – it’s all good, and it’s brought me here – but if I’m honest with myself, I did it because it was better than doing nothing. I didn’t love any of it.”
People in the front seat were bent forward now. I heard chairs squeaking behind me. A sharpness had hit the crowd. They could sense I had something real to say.
Good, let them hear.
“See these past few months,” I said. “I’ve been thinking about love a lot. Up until then, I didn’t really understand what that word meant. I thought I’d have to run far from this place and even then I still didn’t think I’d find anything like it.”
I gripped the podium edges. There was no going back after this. The silence just made it longer and longer though.
“So imagine my surprise, when I found what love meant, right in my own house.”
Even from this far away, I saw Rett’s eyes go wide.
“Everett Tull moved into my house five months ago when his father married mine. And bit by bit, we have come to love each other. And more than anything that’s happened in this town, more than getting into Austin, more than this title that you people have given me, being with Rett has been the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
The silence echoed in the vast, empty stadium. Even the rustling had stopped, no one was fanning themselves. The world stood still in the stands and seats all around.
And so, just to make sure it was all clear, I said it one last time.
“My name is Eliza Clark and I’m sleeping with my stepbrother.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Everett
The stadium had always been a place of freedom, of wide open sky and passes that flew into the clouds.
Now, it was like I had been dropped into a hole, and the whole world was peering down.
Eliza stood silently at the podium, and the silence lifted inch by inch. Gowns rustled, stands creaked, and people looked at me. I glowered bac
k, but there were too many faces in too many directions. I found the one that mattered instead, up on stage, gazing right down on me.
The fuck are you doing? I tried to say.
She saw, but she was beyond caring.
“For the past four months, we’ve been spending almost every night in the same bed,” Eliza said, her voice echoing out the stadium.