“What about it, Erin?” Derek asked.
“All right.” Erin took a deep breath, and as she moved back toward the lights and the camera, she was thinking, I’ve learned to do other things. I can do this, too. A strange dichotomy had taken place within her, although she herself was not aware of it. She was repelled by much of what she saw in the world of motion pictures—yet at the same time there was something that attracted her to it. Without realizing it, she had been drawn by the excitement, the money, and the recognition that comes with stardom. She had tasted a little of it as a stunt pilot, but this opportunity was much greater. I can do it! If I can spear a lion, then I can act a little!
****
The sound of the phone ringing jarred Erin from her intense scrutiny of the script she was reading. Since reading was so difficult for Erin, Quaid and Rev had helped her with her scenes earlier that day—taking turns reading the different parts out loud. But now she was trying to decipher them once again on her own to make sure she had them memorized for filming in the morning. Placing the manuscript on the bed, she leaned over and picked up the phone. “Hello?”
“Hello, Erin. This is your grandmother.”
“Oh, Grandmother, I’m so glad you called! I tried to call you, but you were out.”
“Yes, I heard that I missed your call. How are you, Erin? Are things going well?”
“Oh yes, very well. How are you and Grandfather getting along?”
A silence punctuated Erin’s question, and suddenly she knew that all was not well. “What’s the matter? Is something wrong with Grandfather?”
“I’m afraid so. He’s not doing well at all.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that! What’s the trouble?”
“It’s his heart. He had palpitations, and we had to rush him to the hospital. They called it fibrillation, and the tests they ran weren’t at all encouraging.”
As always when Erin received bad news, she did not know exactly how to handle it. Her heart went out to her grandparents, for she had learned to love them dearly during her time in America. “What does the doctor say?”
Again a brief silence, and then Lola’s voice came to her quietly. “He doesn’t offer a great deal of encouragement.”
“But can’t they do something? Can’t they operate?”
“No, Dr. Williamson says not.”
“I’ll come home right away!”
“No, don’t do that, although it’s sweet of you to offer.”
Erin listened, grasping the phone so tightly that her fingers ached. Lola explained more about her husband’s illness and then finally said, “I’ll call you if there’s any change, and of course, I’m calling all the family to ask them to pray for your grandfather.”
“I’ll do that, too, Grandmother. I just know that God’s going to heal him.”
“I knew you’d say that, Erin. I must go now. I have several other calls to make.”
“Good-bye, Grandmother. I love you.”
“We love you, too.”
Erin replaced the receiver in the cradle and stood uncertainly by the bed. Her nature was always to attack a problem head-on, for she had great determination and a strong will. But what could she do in a situation like this? She knew her grandmother would not have put the matter so strongly if there were not serious problems with her grandfather, and this frightened her. She sat down slowly on the bed and folded her hands, noticing that they were not quite steady. She had not realized before just how much she loved her grandfather. Maybe we don’t know how much we love someone until we’re faced with the possibility of losing him. The thought startled her and grieved her. She slipped to her knees beside the bed and began to pour her heart out to God.
****
As Quaid walked along the edge of the airfield, something about the sky depressed him. Perhaps it was the hills over to the west, humped up on the horizon. They seemed to him to be sullen, and in the late September afternoon haze they shouldered their way upward, like wild animals with some brutal intent. He did not like California with its dryness and its relentless sunshine. But now the sun had gone into hiding with the approach of an unusual fall storm. The darkening sky was suddenly torn asunder with a brilliant bolt of lightning that spider-webbed down to the earth. He counted off the seconds, and when the low, moaning boom came to him, he realized the storm was too close to risk flying today.
Quaid turned and retraced his steps. A blue jay flew down ahead of him, spreading his wings as he landed and presenting the almost ferocious blue of his feathers. Defiantly he stood with his head turned, one bright beady eye on Quaid, as if determined to stay and endure whatever onslaught the man might give him. Quaid slapped his hands together sharply, and the jay flew up with a miniature thunder of wings. He circled twice, then flew off, uttering his raucous cry.
Quaid approached his plane and found Rev working on the engine. He stood quietly watching and noted that the lanky man had long, tapering fingers and that he handled a wrench as delicately as a surgeon would handle a scalpel.
Finally Rev took a final turn on a bolt, nodded with satisfaction, and turned around. “That ought to do it,” he said. “This little hummer ought to do anything you’ve a mind to put it through!”
“You’re a fine mechanic. I wish I knew as much about engines as you do.”
“Well, to each his own, I guess. God’s given different gifts to different folks.”
Rev wiped his hands on a handkerchief, stuffed it back into his hip pocket, and said, “Let’s go set a spell. Doesn’t look like there’s going to be any flying today or maybe tomorrow.”
“I don’t know,” Quaid said as they found a comfortable spot under a tree. “Jerry says we need to get some shots in bad weather. Funny thing. Bad weather’s hard to find here in California, but in France during the winters you didn’t have much else.”
The two men sat there talking idly about planes and about their experiences in France, and finally, as usual, Rev began speaking of the Bible. Quaid sat there quietly listening, for he had learned that there was a profound wisdom in this homely man. Rev was not widely read, except for one book, and that one—the Bible—he knew extremely well. Since becoming a Christian, Quaid had attended church with Rev, and every spare moment he pumped the other man for advice about living a Christian life.
“Rev, I want to ask you something,” Quaid said tentatively.
“Shoot. Ask away,” Rev said, putting his entire attention on the pilot. “Something bothering you?”
“In a way there is something. How do you know when God is telling you to do something?” Quaid ran his hand through his black hair and shook his head ruefully. “I’ve been trying so hard to find out how to listen to God. I remember you showed me where Jesus said, ‘My sheep hear my voice.’ Well, I’m not sure if what I’m hearing is the voice of Jesus or just some idea that came floating into my mind.”
“Everybody I know has that trouble. All of us want help and guidance, and yet we’ve got a mind. I don’t have much of one”—Rev grinned—”but it’s busy enough. I know exactly what you’re talking about. It can be bothersome.”
“Well, how do you know?” Quaid asked insistently. He leaned forward and fixed his gaze on Rev, waiting expectantly.
“The first thing to remember is that God wants you to know His will. It’s not like you’re trying to figure out a secret and somebody’s trying to keep it from you. He wants you to know His will, probably more than you want to know it yourself. Get that in your mind, Quaid. Secondly, God doesn’t tell us everything all in one big vision. I know you’ve been studying Genesis, and you remember the other day you said you envied Abraham because God spoke to Him face-to-face.”
“That’s right,” Quaid nodded eagerly. “That would be easy.”
“Yes, it would, but did you ever stop to think that God, as far as we know, only spoke to Abraham in about fifteen-year intervals? Imagine going fifteen years waiting for God to speak! But Abraham did wait, and God did speak. So rule numb
er two is don’t get in a hurry.”
“Is there any rule number three?”
“I think there is. When you have to move and you’re not entirely sure of what God wants, then go ahead and make your play. If you’ve got two choices and you’re not sure which one is right—and you’ve prayed about it and you’re still not sure—then you finally have to take one road or the other. So you just pick one.”
“What if it’s the wrong one?”
“If it is, you’ll get warning signs that tell you maybe you’ve made the wrong choice. You’ll begin having some doubts about your decision. You just won’t feel right inside. So you’ll need to stop right there! You’re on the wrong road. But on the other hand, if you make that choice and it feels good, it seems just right, keep going and trust God to turn you around if it’s not right.”
Rev pulled a New Testament from his pocket and thumbed through the well-worn pages. “Look at this. It’s in the first chapter of James, verse five. It says, ‘If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.’ Now, ain’t that plain enough? Just ask for wisdom, and God will give it to you.”
Quaid sat quietly soaking this up and then smiled faintly. “I’ve got a big decision to make, Rev. I want you to pray that God will give me this wisdom.”
“Why, shore! We’ll pray together. I don’t believe in puttin’ prayin’ off, so let’s do it right now.”
The two men bowed their heads, and Rev began to pray aloud, Quaid silently. Two mechanics wandered by, smoking cigarettes and jesting loudly. One of them saw the two men with their heads bowed, one holding a Bible, and he nudged the other. “Shut up, Bailey!” he said. “Church goin’ on over there.”
The man named Bailey looked over and grinned faintly. “It usually does, don’t it, when that Rev is around.”
****
An unusually gloomy day descended on the coast and enveloped the city. Jerry Haskins had suggested that Erin take some time for herself. “Erin, there’s really nothing for you to do. We’ve got all your scenes shot. Why don’t you take the day off?”
Erin had found this a welcome suggestion. She had gone to her hotel room and spent the morning alone writing letters and relaxing. At eleven-thirty she was about ready to go get lunch when the phone rang.
“Hello?”
“Hello. Is this Miss Erin Winslow?” It was a woman’s voice on the line.
“Yes, it is.”
“You don’t know me, Miss Winslow. My name is Helen Frazier. I attended one of your air shows once, and I thought you were wonderful.”
Erin was used to these calls by now, along with all the fan mail she got. She said, “I’m glad you enjoyed it, Miss Frazier.”
“I know you must be besieged with people asking you to do things, but I’m going to join the line.”
Apprehensively Erin said, “Well, what is it exactly?”
“I do a great deal of work with handicapped children in a local hospital, Miss Winslow, and many of these children will never be able to go see you perform, but I’ve told them about you. I was wondering if you would have a half hour perhaps to come by and visit in the ward with some of the children.”
Instantly Erin said, “Why, I could do that this afternoon, Miss Frazier. It’s the only time I really have free.”
“Oh, that would be wonderful!”
“Where is the hospital?” Erin took a pad and quickly wrote down the directions. “I’ll meet you there at one-thirty, if that would be all right.”
“It would be just fine. I so appreciate it, and the children will love it!”
****
Helen Frazier proved to be a small woman, very attractive, with a wealth of light brown hair and a pleasing expression. She had large, well-shaped brown eyes and an expressive mouth. She put her hand out as Erin approached and said, “I thank you so much for coming, Miss Winslow.”
“Why, I’m glad to do it. But I would imagine they would rather have a baseball player or a movie star, Miss Frazier.”
“Call me Helen.”
“Fine, and I’m Erin.”
“Actually I’ve heard you are a movie star, of sorts, aren’t you?”
“Oh, not really. I’m just now making a picture with Mr. Derek Wells, but it’s a very small role. I think an actress is the furthest thing from what I really am.”
The two were standing in the foyer of the hospital. There were people moving through, but Helen Frazier ignored them. “You don’t know who I am, do you, Erin?”
“Why—”
“I was Derek’s wife.”
Erin reacted sharply to this. She had never seen a picture of Helen Frazier, but for some reason she was surprised at the woman’s appearance. She did not look like the kind of woman that a famous movie star would marry. But, of course, she thought, he wasn’t a famous movie star when they married. She remembered Derek telling her that they had had a hard time financially as a young couple, but they were close to each other then. It was only after money and fame came rolling in that their marital problems began.
“No, I didn’t know that, but Derek has spoken of you.”
“What did he say?”
Erin was taken by surprise at the direct question. She saw, however, that the woman was sincere, and she said, “Whenever he talks about you it’s always in a very special way. I’ve met divorced men before who weren’t this kind about their ex-wives, but he always speaks of you very highly.”
Helen dropped her eyes for a moment. “We had something very good going for a while.”
“Derek thinks so, too. He told me once that every time he thinks of anything good in his life, you’re always involved with it.”
Her words warmed Helen, and she said, “Thanks for telling me that.”
“You’ve never remarried?”
“No, I don’t think I ever will. You see, I became a Christian a few years ago, and if I understand the Scriptures correctly, a man and a woman are joined for life.”
“I believe that, too,” Erin said instantly.
“Do you really?”
“Oh yes! That’s why I want to be so careful about choosing a husband.”
“I thought I’d been careful. Of course, I wasn’t a Christian when Derek and I married. That came afterward, but I loved him, and I know he loved me. But then when he became a star, it changed him.” Sadness touched Helen’s eyes, and she shook her head. “I stayed with him, but I couldn’t become a part of the things that go with Hollywood and the life out here.”
“What do you do now?”
“I’m a nurse, and I help these handicapped children as much as I can.”
“I think that’s wonderful,” Erin said warmly. “Why don’t we go see the children, and then afterward you and I can talk, if you have the time.”
“Do you have time for that?”
“Oh yes. I’ve got all afternoon. I would enjoy it.”
“Well, come along, and you can spend some time with the children. You’ll find them very sweet, I’m sure. They’ll break your heart, but you can’t show it. Tell them stories. Try to make them laugh. Just be yourself.”
As the two walked along the hall, Helen spoke of the children, but just before they entered the double doors that led to the children’s ward, she turned to Erin. “The gossip columnists all say that you and Derek are having a romance.”
Erin’s cheeks burned. “They say a lot of things, but I want to tell you, Helen, that I am not having a romance with Derek.”
“I imagine he’s tried.”
“I suppose you might say that, but I’m not interested in being any more than friends.” She hesitated, then added, “I’m going to pray that you and Derek will get back together. Every time he’s talked about you, I’ve had a very strong feeling that he still loves you. And I know you love him.”
“It’s too late for that, isn’t it?”
“With God all things are possible!”
“Yes, they are. W
ell, come. Let’s go see the children.”
****
During the next week Erin went back twice to visit with the children, and each time she had lunch with Helen Frazier. She genuinely admired the woman, who gave herself so unselfishly, and on Thursday Erin said to Derek, “I’ve been seeing Helen this week.”
“Helen?”
“Yes. Your ex-wife, Helen.”
Derek stared at her. “Why would you see her?”
“She called me and asked me to visit with the children at the hospital, and I went. We went out to lunch, and I’ve seen her several times.”
Derek dropped his eyes and seemed sad. “What did you think of her?” he asked finally.
“I think she’s a wonderful woman!”
Derek blinked. “Do you really?”
“Yes, I do. She’s so honest and works so hard for those children. I admire her so much.”
“So do I, Erin.”
“Do you ever see her?”
“Not really.”
“I think you should.”
Derek stared at Erin. “Why do you say that?”
“I think you’re still in love with her.”
Erin’s words seemed to strike Derek. He was usually a cheerful man, but now a cloud crossed his features. He did not answer but simply stared at her. Finally he turned and walked away without a word. Erin watched him go and thought, He’s so unhappy, and I think that Helen could change all that.
****
Later that afternoon Erin got a phone call. When she picked up the phone and answered it, the voice came back, “Hello, this is your grandmother.”
“Oh, Grandmother, how are you?”
“I’m fine, but I didn’t call to talk about myself.”
“Is it Grandfather? Is he worse?”
“He’s about the same, but it’s not about him, either. It’s about Amelia.”
“Amelia? What’s wrong with Amelia?”
“She’s left home, and all of us are terribly worried about her. She hasn’t, by chance, contacted you, has she?”
“Why, I haven’t heard a word from her. Did she say anything about coming here?”
“Not to me, but Phillip said she’s mentioned California several times.”
The Golden Angel Page 26