by Susan Lewis
Laurie’s eyebrows went up. ‘Why? Her contacts will be as good as anyone else’s. Possibly even better, and besides, with Michelle in the same house, I don’t see how we can avoid it.’
‘You might find Michelle agrees with me,’ he responded. ‘These guys don’t play by the rules, she knows that better than most, and considering Katie’s condition …’
‘Elliot, Katie’s a grown woman who can make her own decisions, and I, for one, am not about to stand in the way. I doubt Michelle would either, because Katie’s clearly seeing this as her last opportunity to be involved in something big, and what harm do you think she’s going to come to, stuck down here in Wiltshire, making a few calls and surfing about on the Net?’
‘Location’s got nothing to do with it. If the US is planning to pre-empt another war and get this country involved, then we’re all in a vulnerable position, because they’re going to do everything they can to stop it going public before they’re ready.’
‘I take your point, but I still don’t think we can exclude Katie, unless she herself decides that we should.’
‘OK. I’ve expressed my concerns, and I’ll come back to them if need be, but until then, let’s move on.’
‘Happily, but I’ll tell her you were worried, it’ll be sure to please her, because she’s very fond of you.’
‘As I am of her. What progress did you make on the programme front last night?’
‘Actually not much. She’s avoiding making any kind of commitment, I think mainly because of Molly. So I’m going to pull back from the personal, and see if she’s more comfortable with the political.’
Elliot laughed. ‘That’s like asking a man with one leg if he’s more comfortable sitting down,’ he commented.
‘I know, but I think it’s the kind of swan song she’s more likely to go for, laying into our Government for all its failings, particularly over this last year, which she was too ill to comment on – and now we have this added bonus of a new situation unfolding around us. I think hearing it from her, as it happens, could have a profound effect on everyone, including us.’
‘I won’t argue with that,’ he responded.
‘Good. Right, I’m outside the house now, so I should ring off. Just tell me, have you contacted Nick since you received the email? If this P2OG group has morphed into a reality, he might know something about it.’
There was a moment’s pause before he said, ‘I want to consult with Tom before I open it up any further. Unless you’ve already mentioned something to Nick?’
She was feeling slightly breathless now, and wondering why she’d even brought it up. ‘No, I merely told him that you might be in touch,’ she said.
‘I see. So you’ve spoken to him? Or perhaps you’ve seen him?’
‘We spoke on the phone yesterday.’
There was another drawn-out silence before he finally said, ‘Are you coming back tonight? I only ask to know if I need to vacate the flat.’
‘No, you’re asking to find out if I’m seeing Nick.’
‘Wrong, but you can answer that anyway, if you feel the need to.’
‘My focus right now is on making a programme about Katie,’ she reminded him, ‘which means I will be spending the day with her and Michelle. How that goes will dictate whether or not I come back to London tonight.’
‘Then I’ll wait to hear from you,’ he said, and as the line went dead she knew he’d have been only too aware of how she’d avoided a direct answer to his question.
‘You know, I sometimes see us all as gazelles,’ Katie was musing aloud as she strolled into the village with Laurie and Michelle. ‘There we all are supping innocently at our personal little watering holes of life, getting on with things and doing the best we can, while all the while, out of sight and out of mind, dark forces are stalking. Those forces, to my mind, are the American neo-conservatives with their projects and think tanks and ambitions of global dominance that affect every single one of us. Our country’s at war because of them, and they’re quite obviously behind this P2OG initiative to provoke others. OK, we have no proof that the P2 exists other than on paper, but do any of us really doubt it? To quote Gore Vidal, they’re operating a policy of “perpetual war for perpetual peace” and while they’re at it, they’re managing to brainwash certain elements of our Government into believing it’s the right way to go. I’m telling you, if I still had my column I’d be using it to demand that we have a vote in the next US presidential election, because if we’re going to be any further subjected to that neo-ninny’s right-wing agenda, I think we need to have a say.’
Though Laurie was laughing, she was in perfect agreement as she said, ‘There aren’t many who’d argue with that.’
Warming to her subject, Katie said, ‘Did you happen to hear the Foreign Secretary on the radio earlier? He opens his mouth and out comes all this neo-con guff about Article 51 of the UN Charter giving the right to take pre-emptive action. That is utter bollocks, excuse my language. Article 51 only allows for self-defence in the event of armed attack. Nowhere, in the entire Charter, does it even refer to the right to take pre-emptive action, so the man told a bare-faced lie.’
‘Which, when scrutinized in the light of what Tom seems to be suggesting,’ Michelle said, ‘leads us to wondering if the ground is being set for another illegal war.’
As they reached the war memorial on the village’s central island they paused to look at the names that had been chiselled into the stone. ‘Seems rather inauspicious that we should find ourselves here while having this conversation, doesn’t it?’ Katie remarked.
‘These men died for the greater good and freedom,’ Laurie said. ‘What are our men and women dying for now?’
‘It’s a good question with several answers,’ Katie responded, ‘and one is to grab control of as much oil as possible to feed the gas-guzzlers of the United States. They need to be taxed, the way we are, watch their consumption drop then.’
‘Anyone who did that would be thrown out of office,’ Laurie commented, as they walked on across the road towards the pub.
‘Of course, which is why it won’t happen. And then shall we get into how many billions the arms industry is making out of this war? And the next question is, how many members of the US cabinet are heavily invested in that nasty conglomeration of genocide pedlars? It stinks, the whole lot of it, but as much as I might want this little voice of mine to be heard, I don’t think it’s going to make a lot of difference now. We’re too deeply in the pockets of that ghastly hanging-chads regime.’
‘It’s only by speaking out that we can make a change,’ Laurie reminded her. ‘And I’m offering you a platform.’
Katie smiled. ‘Oh, I can go on and on,’ she assured her, ‘but I thought you wanted a more personal slant for the programme.’
‘I do, but being who you are, it has to include your political and societal views, and an involvement in Tom’s story, if it happens, will bring another dimension to what we’re trying to achieve.’
‘Which is actually what?’
‘To see how Katie Kiernan’s playing the end game.’
They were outside the pub now, though none of them attempted to go in as they came to a stop. Katie was looking pensive, so Michelle and Laurie waited, watching her until she said, ‘You know how much I want to be a part of Tom’s story, if I can, but I have to confess to being anxious about how it might affect Molly. Am I going to be putting her at any kind of risk?’
Laurie looked at Michelle, feeling she should be the one to answer that.
‘If it were gangs or terrorists Tom was seeking to expose, I’d be a lot more concerned,’ Michelle said. ‘But Western intelligence organizations don’t target their own women and children. OK, it’s possible, depending how this plays out, that someone might decide to put a little pressure on you at some point …’
‘Let them try,’ Katie interjected.
Michelle smiled. ‘… but it almost certainly wouldn’t involve Molly, and once they kn
ow you’re sick, it’s highly unlikely they’ll come anywhere near you either. They just couldn’t afford the publicity if it got out, and of course, by the very nature of who you are, it would.’
Katie was nodding. ‘That’s more or less what I thought you’d say,’ she responded, her gaze drifting over to the old manor house that was currently being converted into three separate dwellings.
‘The instant something doesn’t look or feel right,’ Laurie said, ‘we’ll cut you completely free of the political story, but remember you’re not going to be playing that big a role. None of us are. It’s only Elliot and Tom who’ll be in the firing line, and that’s not what this programme is going to be about. The focus is on you, as a woman first, then a mother, then a journalist.’
Katie’s eyebrows went up as she turned back.
Matching the irony in her expression, Laurie said, ‘Why don’t we try putting a couple of things on tape? No camera, just sound. If nothing else, it could help establish the parameters of how personal or controversial you want to get.’
Katie nodded and pursed her lips. ‘OK, on that basis, I don’t see any reason not to give it a try, if you have the time.’
‘Of course I have. Look, why don’t I stay on till the weekend? That way I’ll be close at hand if you feel like chatting, and when you don’t, I can either talk to Michelle who would obviously be an integral part of the programme, or recce the local area for some dreamy countryside shots.’
Katie smiled and glanced at Michelle. ‘You’re very tempting,’ she told Laurie, slipping a hand into Michelle’s, ‘and because I love having you around I’m going to say yes, please stay till the weekend.’
Laurie immediately hugged her. ‘I’ll call Elliot and ask him to courier down my laptop and tape recorder,’ she said, ‘then we can get started any time you like.’
Katie grimaced. ‘I don’t think it can be today,’ she responded, glancing at her watch. ‘I’m going to love you and leave you now, while I toddle off to the doctor. Then I have my spiritual counselling group at one thirty, where I’m currently bottom of the class because I’m so pissed off this is happening to me, which isn’t supposed to be the attitude, and I can’t seem to find the right one, but I keep on trying. And at three I’m due to see Molly’s headmaster, which I’m actually trying not to think about, but I should at least be nice and mellowed out after my session with Heather the Healer. I suppose we could meet after that, but I’m a bit anxious about how it’s going to go with aforementioned headmaster, and anyway, I should be meditating somewhere between four and six, if I’m not having to have a serious chat with Molly. Then at seven I’ve got my line-dancing class, which you should come to, I think you’ll like it.’
Michelle was laughing. ‘She’s winding you up,’ she told Laurie. ‘Can you honestly see her line dancing?’
‘Don’t scoff,’ Katie told her. ‘I’ve actually tried it you know, and OK, I was as bad as you might expect, but at least I had a go. It’s a lonely world out here in the country, so you have to do what you can for a bit of entertainment. Is that your phone, Laurie?’
‘Yes,’ she answered, pulling it out of her bag, and feeling her nerves starting to churn, she clicked on to read the text.
At GCHQ. Where r
u? N.
Resisting the urge to send a message straight back giving him the name of her hotel, she clicked off and put the phone away.
‘Are you OK?’ Michelle asked, noticing how flushed she suddenly was. ‘Not bad news, I hope.’
‘No! No, not at all,’ Laurie answered. ‘In fact it was someone you might know. Nick van Zant?’
Michelle nodded. ‘Not well, but I’ve met him a couple of times with Tom.’
Katie was regarding her through narrowed eyes. ‘Didn’t I read somewhere that you and he …?’
‘Yes,’ Laurie jumped in, ‘you did, and we were, while Elliot was having his affair with the Brazilian bombshell. Frankly, he saved my life, because I honestly thought I was going under after Elliot walked out.’
‘But Elliot’s back now, so where does that leave you and Nick? Actually, you don’t have to answer that, your body language is doing it for you.’
Michelle’s eyes were simmering with laughter. ‘She doesn’t miss a thing,’ she warned.
Laurie’s cheeks were burning.
Katie grinned. ‘OK, I can’t hang around here with my knees going weak as we gossip about two Titans of the journalistic world, three if we’re going to include Tom. I’m due at the doctor’s in five minutes, so keep in mind the sizzling account I’ve just given you of my day, and I’ll try not to be offended if you decide it’s simply too risqué for a pre-watershed show.’
*
Molly was doodling love hearts and entwined initials in the back of her Religious Instruction book, wondering how she and Brad could work out the Bodhisattva Concept so that they could be reborn together, or maybe even escape samsara completely to get out of suffering, because like, who wanted that? Anyway, it was all Hindu, or Buddhist, or something eastern and exotic that didn’t count in Chippenham, where she was like just blissing out over the text messages Brad had sent at lunchtime.
Toby gave me yr
nmbr. Hope thats
OK. Brad.
Yes, OK. I’m glad.
She was just starting to panic that saying she was glad wasn’t cool, when he texted her again.
R u on instant
message?
Yes.
What’s yr adrs?
Let’s chat ltr.
Immediately she’d sent her address, then forwarded the entire exchange to the DOLs, who’d texted her back like crazy, giving her all kinds of advice. She had to turn the phone off in lessons, but she was just dying for school to end now, so she could call them and go over everything he might say and what she should say back, and then what he might say again, and what she should say to that. This was like, just the best thing that had ever happened to her. She’d never had a boyfriend before, and her eyes closed as a wave of nerves rushed through her so fiercely she almost needed the loo, but then Kelly Milne nudged her hard, and told her to look out of the window.
‘Isn’t that your mum coming up the drive?’ she whispered.
Molly’s eyes grew large as a cold dread opened up in her chest. It wasn’t just because she was afraid her mum was here about the stupid picture Glover had snatched, but because from up here her mum looked all thin and like weird, as though the chain had come off her karmic cycle.
‘Did you know she was coming?’ Kelly asked.
Molly shook her head, then abruptly turned back to pay attention to the lesson. She wanted to get in Buddha’s good books so he’d make Brad call tonight.
Chapter Eight
AFTER LEAVING THE school Katie drove straight home, left the car in its usual space, and carried the evidence of Molly’s disgrace into the house. There was only Trotty to greet her, and a note from Michelle saying she’d gone to the supermarket with Laurie, but Laurie wasn’t staying for dinner. Katie barely registered the words, for she was still so upset by her meeting with the headmaster, and disconcerted now by how empty the house seemed, that for a bewildering, disorienting moment she felt almost afraid.
Scooping Trotty into her arms, she buried her face in the dog’s lovely soft fur, and carried her upstairs. In her bedroom she dropped Trotty on the bed, with the proof of her motherly neglect, and sat down in front of the three oval mirrors of her antique dressing table. She looked as dreadful as she felt, ashen-faced, hollow eyes, sunken cheeks. Ironically, only her wig seemed to exude any semblance of life.
But what did she, or the way she looked matter, when she’d obviously gone so terribly wrong with Molly that her young life was heading fast towards disaster – if it wasn’t there already. Fear was tightening a stranglehold round her heart even though her instincts seemed to be telling her it was all a game, something Molly and her friends got up to, the way teenagers did. However, if she’d learned anything in her
years as a columnist, it was how wrong parents could be about their own children, how often they failed to read the signs even when they were staring them in the face.
Fighting to hold back the tears, she covered her face with her hands and felt the pain of it all pressing so hard into her heart she could barely stand it. No amount of spiritual counselling, understanding or meditation could make this any easier to bear. Molly was her baby, her own flesh and blood, the most precious part of her life, and she was failing her completely. With all her might she was trying not to be bitter about her fate, to be, instead, one of those women who was noble and brave, who accepted their lot with equanimity and forgiveness, but there was no light from God shining in her soul today, no inner peace to smooth the way. She didn’t want to die. She wanted to be here for her daughter, to go on being a mother, and show her how deeply she mattered.
‘Please God,’ she choked, starting to break down, ‘please, please, please, let me stay with her. Even if it’s only until she’s old enough to cope on her own.’
Her head fell into her hands as she sobbed. It wasn’t for her that she needed to live, it was for Molly, couldn’t God see that? She’d go freely and happily if there was no Molly, but how could she just give in and accept her fate, focus her mind on the now, or anything else, when Molly’s whole future was at stake?
It was a long time before she was able to pull herself together and stumble into the bathroom to rinse her face, but mercifully she managed it in time, for she was just coming back out on to the landing when the sound of the back kitchen door opening brought her to a stop. She hoped it was Michelle, please God let it be Michelle, but the thud of Molly’s school bag hitting the floor told her that God wasn’t listening.
Downstairs Molly was banging about in the fridge, turning on the radio, pouring herself a drink.
Katie stayed where she was, caught in the dilemma of whether to postpone confronting the issue to give herself more time to think it through, or whether to address it now and get it over with. The second stair creaked and her heart contracted. She put her towel on the banister and continued to stand where she was, outside Molly’s room, almost as though barring the way.