All This Love

by Belle Calhoune

  He let out a sob. He wasn’t going to see her again. At least not in this world. She would never again tell him how much she loved him. Or sing Spanish lullabies to him as he drifted off to sleep. She would never again help him with his homework or show him how to play the guitar.

  He was all alone now.

  That morning two ladies from CPS came to take him away. Although he was scared, Heath didn’t cry. He wasn’t sure he would ever cry again. All he felt was a deep sadness. It felt as if he was at the bottom of a big, dark hole with no way of climbing out.

  Overdose. Depression. He didn’t know what those words meant, but it had to do with Mama. He’d heard the ladies from CPS talking about it. It had to do with how she had died. Heath folded his arms across his stomach and let out a sob. The tears kept coming and coming. They didn’t want to dry up. His belly hurt from crying. He missed his mother. He loved her so much. And now he was all alone. He didn’t have anybody to love him or take care of him.

  Foster care. It sounded bad. He didn’t want to go live with the elderly couple he’d been introduced to by the case worker. Henrietta and George Smith. He had to sit with them for two hours and answer their stupid questions. She had squinty, mean eyes and a harsh voice. And George kept asking how much they would be paid. Heath knew they didn’t really want him. Not for real. They wanted the check.

  Dear God. Please don’t let me have to live with them. I know I might never have a family again, but please let me be with people who want to love me. I know no one will ever love me like Mama, but even if they could love me a little bit it would be all right.

  When Heath woke up the next morning, he was told that there was a family interested in adopting him. He was going to meet them as soon as he’d finished his breakfast. Heath cringed. He didn’t want to be adopted by the Smiths. He knew they didn’t like him. They’d only pretended to. When Heath was led into the visiting room, he looked around at the people sitting at tables. He didn’t see the Smiths. Perhaps they’d changed their minds. His case worker, Miss Jemison, led him over to a table by a window. As the sun shone through the window, it shimmered and glistened. A strange feeling came over Heath. The couple sitting at the table weren’t the Smiths and they didn’t look anything like them. They were smiling at him. Really, truly smiling. The woman was beautiful. Maybe the most beautiful woman Heath had ever seen in his life, except for Mama. And the man looked relaxed and his skin was tan as if he enjoyed the Florida sunshine.

  “Heath. I’d like you to meet Jude and Penelope Donahue. Your new parents,” Miss Jamison said, waving her hand in the direction of the good looking couple.

  Heath’s jaw dropped. This was the couple who was adopting him? No way! They were sort of young. And really nice looking. His mother had always told him not to judge a book by its cover, but in this case it was kind of hard not to. The lady looked like a movie star.

  “Hello, Heath. I’m Jude,” the man said, standing up and sticking out his hand for Heath to shake. Jude had a firm grip. He smiled at Heath, then turned toward the woman. “This is my wife, Penelope. I know it may take some time, but we hope you’ll call us Mom and Dad.”

  Mom and Dad? He shook his head. It was too weird. He didn’t even know these people.

  The woman named Penelope stood up and bent down so their eyes were level with one another. Her blue eyes were the coolest bluest he’d ever seen in his life. They were almost purple. They were kind eyes, he thought. She reached out and clasped his hand. “Heath. We know this is all new and strange to you. You’re still heartsick over losing your mother. We just want to let you know that we’ll never try to take her place. That would be impossible, wouldn’t it?”

  Heath nodded. He still ached for Mama. He wasn’t sure he had any more love in his heart to give.

  “We want to give you a home and loads of brothers and a little sister to play with and lots of love. Our home is in a town called Pelican Bay. It’s right by the beach. We think you might learn to love it,” Penelope said, darting a glance at her husband. “What do you say? Will you give us a chance?”

  Heath had been disappointed so many times in his life. It was hard to believe in people who were strangers. But what choice did he have? He’d learned in Bible class that God wanted everyone to love and be loved. Maybe if he tried really hard he could love these people and they could love him back.

  He nodded his head at Penelope. “Yes, ma’am. I’m going to give it a shot.”

  Penelope and Jude grinned at him. They were perhaps the biggest smiles he’d ever seen in his life. These people looked so happy. And he had the feeling they were grinning because he was going to be living with them. He was going to be a part of a family. Heath couldn’t deny that it felt good to know he was wanted. Although his heart still felt broken into a million little pieces, he felt a glimmer of hope. His life wasn’t over. Maybe it was just beginning.

  “If I didn’t have my family, I wouldn’t have a single thing in this world.”

  Shayla Donahue

  Chapter One

  “Happy Birthday, Heath!” The sound of his father’s voice shouting out birthday wishes was enough to make Heath Donahue grin from ear-to-ear, even though he wasn’t really in a celebratory mood.

  “Happy Birthday, bro,” Jason called out. He placed a party horn to his lips and made a blaring sound.

  “Heath! Heath! Heath!” His sister Shayla began to chant his name over and over again. She began to clap loudly. As much as he loved Shayla, he wished she would quiet things down a bit. He didn’t like all the shouting and loud voices. To be honest, he hated being the center of attention. That being said, he was grateful for the well-wishes.

  His whole family had gathered for his birthday celebration. Even though his parents, Jude and Penelope, were going through something in their marriage, they had made a point to remain a united front to celebrate his special day. They were separated, yet still living in the family home together. Heath knew it wasn’t really any of his business, but at the moment they were living in separate bedrooms. The whole situation perplexed Heath. He knew how deeply his folks loved each other. How on earth could things be bad enough to be contemplating divorce? The whole “growing apart” excuse didn’t work with him. Wasn’t marriage supposed to last for a lifetime?

  He looked around him. Lots and lots of Donahues were gathered at his family home to celebrate. Heath felt like a brat for not reveling in the birthday celebration, but he couldn’t make himself feel completely happy. It was something he had struggled with his entire life. But now, on the day he’d been brought into this world, feelings of heartache trumped everything else.

  Bella. He missed her. It was difficult not being with her, even though he knew it was the right thing. Breaking up with her had been the hardest choice he had ever made in his life. But in Heath’s opinion, loving someone meant protecting them. In this case, he’d been safeguarding Bella from himself. Bella deserved somebody strong and true. She didn’t need a man who couldn’t seem to get past his issues in order to live a healthy, balanced life. It wouldn’t be fair to saddle her with all of the demons he dealt with on a daily basis.

  Even though he knew these things from a practical point of view, he still couldn’t manage to erase Bella from his mind. Sweet, loyal Bella. What had loving him every gotten her but heartache?

  His oldest brother, Parker, clapped him on the back. “Happy Birthday, Heath. May this year be your best ever.”

  Heath made a face. He wasn’t sure if Parker’s wish would come true. Heath had made so many mistakes lately. And now he was paying for it. His heart hurt more than he’d ever imagined it was possible. Bella. Just the thought of her made his heart ache.

  Heath had made a huge mistake. A colossal one! One year ago when he had returned from military service overseas, he had been racked with depression. Seeing his best friend blown to smithereens by an bomb had been traumatic and devastating.

  As a man of faith, Heath didn’t understand God’s plan.


  Seeking a little quite amidst the mayhem of his whirlwind of a family, Heath went outside and found himself gazing at the beautiful Pelican Bay sunset.

  “Is everything all right?” His brother Caleb’s voice washed over him. Heath stared out across the water. The endless vista stretched out before him was stunning. Sand. Surf. Sea. It seemed so tranquil, yet it stood in direct contrast to the chaotic emotions churning inside of him. It felt like he was at the bottom of a cliff trying to claw his way back to the top.

  The last few months had been bruising ones. After returning home from Afghanistan, he had fallen into a deep dark black hole where no one or nothing could reach him. His large, bustling Donahue family had tried over and over again to help him, to no avail. He had been stubborn. Prideful. And living his life through a fog of despair and grief.

  Heath shrugged. “I’m grateful for the party, but I don’t feel like celebrating really. Don’t pass that on, either. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I know they really wanted to make tonight a joyful celebration.”

  Caleb narrowed his gaze as he stared at him. “Is this about Bella?” he asked. “Or other things?”

  “Mostly Bella, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t all twisted up inside before we broke up,” he admitted. “I think about Vinny every day.”

  Bella was out of his life. Thinking he was doing her a favor, Heath had broken up with his childhood sweetheart, Bella Vincente. In breaking up with the love of his life, he had been under the belief that he’d been doing her a favor. Heath had been trying to be noble.

  In reality, he’d been such a fool. But the aftermath of being in a war zone had left him a shell of a man. His head had been all jumbled up. After watching his best friend’s brutal death, something inside him had snapped. He’d been so tired of hurting the woman he loved. Over and over again he had wounded her. But giving her up had dealt him more pain than he had ever imagined. And now that he had a handle on some of his issues, he wanted Bella back. He needed her.

  “Are you still going to counseling?” Caleb asked.

  Heath let out a sigh. “Yes. I still go once a week.”

  “Is it helping?”

  “It’s a lot of hard work,” he muttered. “To be fair, I think it’s really helped me, although it’s not something I feel totally comfortable with. I never imagined I’d be sitting on a therapist’s couch trying to figure out what’s going on with me.”

  “It’s brave of you to do it, Heath. You’ve been through a lot,” his brother said with knowing eyes. “Being in a war zone and watching your best friend die a horrific death was scarring. You’ve got to give yourself a break. It doesn’t mean you’re weak to need help.”

  “I’m glad I got the PTSD diagnosis,” Heath told him. Just saying the words made him feel a little ashamed. He was supposed to be tough. He’d had to be strong for most of his life and during his years in the service. Soldiers couldn’t be weak. No fear. It had been the motto of his unit. He had operated with no fear until the day Vinny had lost his life in a random and brutal manner.

  “That sounds reasonable,” Caleb said. “It all makes sense. Trauma has to be worked through.”

  “Do you think Bella would talk to me if I reached out to her?” Heath wanted to see his ex-girlfriend badly. Even if it was just a glimpse of her, he would be all right with it. But he had to know she was doing okay. He wanted to see her gorgeous face and smell the sweet scent of vanilla and roses that she wore each and every day. Truthfully, he wanted to kiss her and bury his face in her hair. He wanted to bring her a bouquet of sunflowers and take a walk with her on Pelican Bay beach. He wanted so many things that centered around the woman he adored.

  “You’ll never know if you don’t try,” Caleb said. “If it was Addie, I’d go to the ends of the earth to make things right.”

  Heath smiled. One of the highlights of the last few months had been Caleb and Addie’s wedding. It had been a small affair filled with family and friends. They had wanted to tie the knot as soon as possible after their whirlwind engagement. Heath had never seen two people who were more grounded in their love for one another. The wedding bug was catching in his family. Two down and five to go, Heath realized. It was hard to imagine himself getting married. He wasn’t sure he was marriage material, with his mood swings and melancholy. Bella deserved someone who would bring sweetness and light to her life, not unpredictability.

  “I’m not sure about making things right,” he said in a gruff voice. “But I would like to see her and make sure she’s doing okay.” He made a face. “I haven’t heard a word in months.”

  “Usually that’s how breakups work,” Caleb quipped. “She may be trying her best to move on like you told her to do.”

  Hearing Caleb say it so bluntly gave him a reality check. Even though he had done it with the best of intentions, he’d hurt Bella in the process. She had been head over heels in love with him. And he was still desperately in love with her, to the point where he couldn’t imagine ever loving another woman. And it pained him to imagine her with someone else.

  “What are you trying to do, Caleb? Monopolize the birthday boy?” Caleb’s better half, Addie, walked up and slid her hand into her husband’s.

  Caleb leaned down and placed a tender kiss on Addie’s temple. Normally, such a loving display wouldn’t bother Heath, but at the moment he was feeling vulnerable. He yearned for Bella. No one in his family needed to rub his nose in it for him to recognize the truth. He’d made a colossal mistake when he had ended things with Bella. The last five months had been pure torture.

  He glanced at the watch on his wrist. The party should be winding down soon. It was early enough that he could pay a visit to Bella’s house and ask to be invited in. If nothing else, he could lay eyes on her and make sure she was doing well. And if she didn’t throw him out on his ear, he might be able to tell her how much he regretted ending things. The thought of it did crazy things to his insides. Heath wasn’t really good at laying his feelings on the line. Perhaps if he was, he wouldn’t have broken up with Bella in the first place.

  After consuming vast amounts of chocolate birthday cake and dancing in the back yard and playing touch football on the beach, the party came to a close. Heath thanked his family profusely for the party and headed to his car, praying all the while that Bella was at home this evening. The very thought of her being out on a date irritated him to no end. If that was the case, Heath would have no one to blame but himself. By breaking up with Bella, he’d let go of a treasure. A priceless gem. He couldn’t blame any man on the face of this earth who recognized Bella’s value and came calling.

  Please, Lord, he prayed. Cut me a break. I may not deserve it, but please let Bella be home tonight. Let her heart be as open as it has always been. Please grant me favor.

  As he drove away from his parent’s house, Heath steeled himself for coming face-to-face with Bella. He had no idea how she might react or if she would even be at home. Frankly, he had no idea what he would say to her once they came face-to-face.

  *

  All day Bella Vincente had been in a foul mood. It wasn’t until halfway through the day that she realized why. Today was Heath’s birthday. Ever since they’d started dating in high school, his birthday had been an occasion for them to celebrate. Bowling parties. Movie parties. Beach parties. There hadn’t been a single one where Bella hadn’t been right at the center of it.

  She wasn’t celebrating it this year. It had been five months since she had spoken to Heath. The pain had been like being stabbed by a thousand little knives directly in the heart. For the first few weeks she’d gone away to her aunt’s place in Hilton Head, hoping that a change of scenery might help her heart heal. All it had done was make her homesick for Pelican Bay. Then Bella had gotten really sick. She had been so ill she’d been bedridden for days. When the nausea and vomiting started, Bella had been in denial. Food poisoning, she’d thought. A virus. Maybe the clams she’d eaten had been rotten. Then one morning it had dawned on
her.

  She was pregnant.

  And unmarried.

  And she wasn’t even in a relationship with the father of her unborn child. She hadn’t yet been able to muster the courage to reach out to Heath. He’d dumped her unceremoniously five months ago, telling her the oldest line in the book. It’s not you, it’s me. That still stung. He’d never acknowledged that she loved him enough to stand by his side, come what may. She knew he had issues. Major ones. But wasn’t that what love was all about? Standing by someone’s side no matter how many struggles there were along the road?

  Shame had filled her at the notion that she had engaged in sex with Heath without benefit of marriage. As a teenager her father had given her and her sisters promise rings. It had been their choice to wear them proudly. During her entire relationship with Heath, he had respected her choices and loved her unconditionally. It had never been an issue. Until one night when the strain in their relationship had threatened to tear them apart. One thing had led to another. A moment where she’d faltered badly. Now, she was going to be a mother. It still felt surreal.

  She wasn’t going to blame anyone but herself for her actions. Heath hadn’t pushed her to have sex. Not in any way. It was strange how a person could believe one thing all of their lives and then, in an instant, it all went up in a puff of smoke because of one moment of weakness.

  Worst of all had been her father’s reaction to her pregnancy news. He had been devastated. They hadn’t spoken for weeks after she’d told him about the baby. Bella cringed as she remembered the moment she’d told her father about her pregnancy. She had invited him over for dinner and made him his favorite meal—veal scallopini. Although her sisters had wanted to be there with her, Bella had instinctively wanted to tell her father the news privately.