Heath frowned. “I have no idea. I know she loves me, Jimmy. I know it more than anything. Feelings like the ones we shared don’t evaporate in an instant. She feels the same way I do.”
“She’s had a tough time getting through this break up. I’d be breaking her confidence by telling you specific details, but let me be frank. There were numerous times I wanted to hunt you down and give you a piece of my mind. The only reason I didn’t was because my little girl would never have forgiven me.”
Heath quirked his mouth. “I wouldn’t have blamed you if you had,” he admitted. “Even though my intentions were good, it tore me up inside to know Bella was hurting because of me.”
“I believe that. But if you truly want to get things right with my daughter, you have to understand what she wants. Bella wants to know you love her in a spectacular way. She doesn’t want an offer of marriage for the baby’s sake.”
“That’s not what I was proposing. I used the wrong words. I focused on the baby when I should have stressed the importance of us. What we’ve always meant to one another.”
“Ever since Bella was a little girl she’s dreamed of being Cinderella and having Prince Charming sweep her off her feet. She wants the carriage and the glass slipper. She wants to feel like a princess.” Jimmy let out a chuckle. “Of all my four girls it was always Bella who wanted to dress up in fairytale gowns and sing about her prince coming along one day. She puts up a good front of being a tomboy, but she’s a princess at heart.”
“I messed up,” Heath confessed. He felt like a complete failure. How had he made such a colossal mistake? In a sense he’d taken Bella for granted by throwing out the proposal in such a cut and dried manner. He slapped his hand on his forehead. We need to get married. Isn’t that what he had said to Bella? Let’s do this right and give the baby the best shot at a great life. He hadn’t stressed anything other than the baby.
“No wonder she shot me down,” he murmured. He wished he had a do over. If he did, he would make it the most special moment of Bella’s life.
“Just because she shot you down once doesn’t mean she’ll do it again. Tell me, Heath. What have you been doing in the last five months or so to change your life? To move past what happened in Afghanistan? What makes you think you’re ready to be a husband? Or a father?”
Heath bristled. Jimmy had no idea what he’d been through to get to where he was today. He hated the idea that he was being judged. He’d endured the chaos of Afghanistan and witnessed brutal deaths, most poignantly the death of his best friend. And he’d been the one to find his mother’s body after her death. But that wasn’t something he’d even told Bella about. How did he expect Jimmy to understand everything that he had gone through in his life?
He took a deep breath and reminded himself that Jimmy was protecting his daughter’s best interests. Someday soon Heath might do the same for his own child. How could he begrudge him for doing what any honorable man would do?
“I’m a different man than I was five months ago. I resisted it at first, but I went to therapy for my PTSD. Gradually, I learned to deal with the events that I witnessed in Afghanistan, as well as issues from my early years.”
“Vinny’s death must have been horrific to witness.”
“It was,” he said with a nod. “It scarred me. Tore me apart. And the more I tried to pretend that I wasn’t damaged by watching my best friend blown to bits, the more I struggled. I was depressed, which raised all kinds of memories of my birth mother.”
“So this therapy helped?”
“It did. It’s not a cure all and I still have work to do, especially with regards to my past, but I now see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m actually going to Savannah to visit Vinny’s family. I owe them a face-to-face.”
“I imagine they’ll be grateful for it,” Jimmy said. “It’s an honorable thing to do.”
“I’m glad you still think I have some honor,” Heath said.
“I was pretty angry at you about Bella’s pregnancy, but I can’t simply put the blame on you. You and Bella have been in love since you were practically kids. I’ll admit I was hoping the two of you would walk down the aisle before you created a baby, but I admire both of you for facing up to it and embracing the life you created.” He held up his hands. “My role isn’t to judge. It’s just…she’s my little girl and I never wanted this for her. I wanted it all to be perfect for her. Roses and moonlight and a wedding date with the pastor at the church.”
“I wanted things to play out differently as well, Jimmy. All I can say is that we failed to live up to our beliefs. We were human. And that’s not an excuse. It’s just the simple truth.” He made a face. “I felt really badly about letting my folks down considering everything that’s going on with them.”
Jimmy frowned. “Is everything okay with them?”
“The past few months have been rough ones.” Heath felt as if a weight was sitting on his chest. It was hard talking about the dissolution of his parents’ marriage. If they couldn’t hold it together, what hope did he have of working things out with Bella? It was a sobering realization. He hadn’t realized until recently how much their news had affected him. For some reason it made him feel like the vulnerable little boy who had been adopted by them after the tragic death of his mother.
“They’re separated, Jimmy. After so many years of them being the perfect couple, they cracked under the strain of life. I’ve always had this thing about not wanting to disappoint them.” Heath ran a hand through his hair. “I suppose it has to do with being adopted.
“Life is unpredictable, son. Relationships are hard. Your folks always struck me as the perfect couple, but I suppose there’s no such thing. We all struggle. Don’t give up on Bella, Heath. Stick with it.”
“We still might make it down the aisle before the baby comes, Jimmy. I love Bella. I always have. I imagine I’m going to love this baby of ours more than words could ever express. I’m going to try my hardest to show Bella that I wanted to marry her long before this baby came along.”
Jimmy held out his hand and Heath reached out and shook it. “I’ll be praying for the two of you,” Jimmy said. He grinned, then added. “Make that the three of you.”
“I appreciate it,” Heath said with a grin. If tough as nails Jimmy Vincente could offer him an olive branch, then there really was hope for him and Bella. “I’ll see you later, Jimmy. I’m going to go talk to Bella. I have a pretty good idea of where she’s at.”
“Tell her not to forget I’m making lasagna for her tonight,” Jimmy called out after Heath.
“I will,” Heath promised as he walked briskly out the door of Fish Tails. Back in the day Jimmy would have invited him along for lasagna dinner as well. To be honest, he missed those days. Heath let out a sigh. It would take a lot of mending fences for him to be invited back into the Vincente family fold. But he was willing to do the tough work to make it happen. Starting right at this very moment.
“I’d give anything to have one more day with your mother, Bella. Tammy was my earth, moon, sun and stars. She was my everything. Where she began, I ended. We finished each other’s sentences. We were soul mates. If you feel that way even once in your life, you’ll be the luckiest woman on earth.”
Jimmy Vincente
Chapter Six
Bella was sitting on one of the dunes at Pelican Bay Beach, slowly eating her peanut butter cups and watching a man and his dog running along the beach. The dog resembled Heath’s dog, Bingo, although this dog was smaller. The wind was kicking up a bit, which was unusual for November in Florida. She should have brought her sweater along with her. She crossed her arms and hugged herself to keep warm. She hated the way she’d stormed out of Fish Tails like a two-year old having a tantrum, but she couldn’t take the moment back.
These days it was hard for her to deal with frustration. It just seemed as if everything was out of whack as of late.
“Here, Bella. Take my sweatshirt. It’s getting cold out here.”
Startled, she whipped her head around at the sound of Heath’s voice. He was standing behind her, sweatshirt in hand, as if he’d instinctively known she needed it. Some things never changed, she realized. Heath had always known knew her special spot here on the dunes. Whenever things had gotten rough in her life, Bella had come to the dunes to sort things out. Despite the changes in their relationship, Heath still knew her like the back of his hand.
There was no point in being prideful at the moment. She reached out and took the sweatshirt, sliding her arms through the sleeves. “Thanks. The wind is pretty fierce.” She turned back to face the water, warmth infusing her body thanks to the extra layer of clothing provided by Heath’s sweatshirt.
Heath settled down beside her on the sand. For several minutes they simply sat in silence with the wind whipping all around them. Strangely, it felt as if they were the only two people in the world.
“This was my mother’s favorite place,” Bella finally said. “She used to bring my sisters and I here all the time. The best part was, she would only bring one of us with her at a time, so the experience was even more special. We used to walk this beach collecting shells and dipping our toes in the water when it was too cold for a full-on swim.” Her chest felt tight as bittersweet memories of her mother washed over her. “I miss her,” she said, her voice cracking.
“I know. It’s not a loss you ever get over. I know something about that, Bella. Sometimes when I think of my birth mother I almost can’t breathe because of the loss of her. It sneaks up on me sometimes when I least expect it.”
Bella tried to keep her expression composed but she was shocked by Heath’s mention of his birth mother. He had only mentioned his pre-Donahue childhood on a few occasions. Heath had been incredibly closed off about the subject.
“You’ve never really talked about her before. Or losing her,” Bella said.
Heath turned toward her and their gazes locked. Something flickered in Heath’s eyes that Bella couldn’t quite put a finger on. “Her name was Camila. And in my eyes she was the most beautiful woman in the world.”
Bella smiled. “That’s really sweet. Did she look like you?” she asked, curious to get a mental picture of Camila.
“No,” he said with a nod. “She was darker skinned than me. From what I was told my father was of Scottish descent, so I’m a mixture. My mother had long dark hair and the most beautiful brown eyes in the world. People always stared at her wherever we went. It was just the two of us against the world. I never knew my father. She used to cook Spanish food for me, recipes she learned from her grandmother. She called her abuela. I think abuela died when I was really little. I don’t have too many memories of her. We didn’t have a lot, but we had love and each other. I remember feeling well-loved until everything changed.”
“How did it change?”
“She stopped acting like my mother.” Heath’s voice sounded hollow. His expression was a bit fractured. He was peeling back the layers and revealing things he had always kept close to the vest.
“She was sleeping all the time. Not taking care of herself…or me.” Clearly choked up, Heath bowed his head. I-I think she might have been suffering from depression. Looking back, it all adds up.” He put his head in his hands, shoulders heaving.
“Take your time,” Bella said, reaching out and patting him on the shoulder. “I know it’s not easy reliving painful memories.”
He inhaled deeply. “I’ve kept it buried for so long. I think it felt like a violation of her to talk about her and how things were in our household before she died. And then life went on and I so wanted to be a part of my Donahue family, so I stuffed down all the memories that made me so uncomfortable. It hurt to think about her and how she died.”
“I get it. It still hurts for me to think of Mama,” Bella admitted.
“This is like an ache that never completely goes away. More than anything, I want to deal with it head-on. I want to get rid of the things that are weighing me down.”
She could tell that Heath was ready to tell her something monumental. The look on his face, his tense expression and the tortured vibe emanating from him all pointed at the same thing. She’d always known when he was about to drop something major on her. Bella felt as if she was holding her breath waiting for him to continue. Be patient, she reminded herself.
“I was a little kid, but I remember pill bottles and alcohol and having to fend for myself. There were plenty of days when there was no food in the fridge and I went to bed hungry. My clothes were dirty sometimes with no clean ones to be found. Before this turn of events she was an amazingly caring mother. She was so loving and attentive. It was like she disappeared into this little black hole and never came back.”
She bit her lip to keep from crying out. It killed her to hear these painful details of Heath’s early years. But she owed it to him to listen. If he had endured it, the very least she could do was hear him out as he poured out his heart and soul. She had never seen him so raw, so incredibly vulnerable and open.
“Mama used to walk me to the bus and make me breakfast in the mornings. All of that fell off and I had to do those things for myself. She used to have friends at our apartment. It whittled down to just the two of us. Our lives became really insulated. I remember feeling this overwhelming aura of sadness.” He shuddered. “I never want to feel that way again.”
“Heath. How did she die? What happened to her?” Although Bella knew she had to ask the question, a part of her didn’t want to force Heath to dredge up the painful memories. She hated to see him hurting. It felt like a dagger in the region of her heart.
Heath crossed his hands in front of him in prayer-like fashion. His brows were knitted together. His eyes looked a bit glazed over. For a moment Bella wondered if Heath had slid back in to the past.
“When I was eight years old, I came home from school one day and found her in her bedroom lying down. That morning she hadn’t roused when I tried to wake her up, although I could hear her lightly snoring. To tell you the truth, it wasn’t unusual for her to zone out. I remember being upset that she couldn’t walk me to the bus stop. That afternoon when I came home from school she wasn’t at the bus stop. When I let myself into the apartment and went to her bedroom, I realized she wasn’t moving. I knew something was terribly wrong.” Tears coursed down his face. “I reached out to touch her and her skin was ice cold. I think I knew right then she wasn’t coming back to me. I knew she was gone.”
“No, Heath! Oh no. I had no idea,” Bella cried out. Her heart ached for Heath and all the tragedy he had endured at such a tender age. She knew how terrible it had been for her and her sisters when their beloved mother had passed away. In some ways, they still weren’t over the loss. She wasn’t sure a person could ever get over such a void in their life.
He dragged his shoe in the sand, focusing his gaze on the ground. “I haven’t really talked about it with anyone. Ever. I think after I was adopted my parents tried to bring it up with me, but I shut them down.” He shivered. “It’s pretty horrendous to relive the worst moment of your life.”
“I can’t imagine how devastating that must have been for you to find her. You were so young.” Bella tried to hold back the tears but they spilled over her lower lid and splashed on to her face. She sniffed back the tears and tried to compose herself. This was about Heath and his emotional well-being. She needed to be strong for him.
She felt his arm around her shoulder and instinctively sank against him. “Don’t cry, Bella. It was a shattering experience, but it didn’t break me. Kids are resilient and I was no different. I rebounded with my forever family, the Donahue’s. I thank the good Lord every day for bringing them into my life. I can’t even imagine what might have happened if they hadn’t found me. Trust me, there were plenty of potential foster families I didn’t want to go home with. There was this one couple who seemed interested in me and they gave me this really creepy vibe.” Heath shuddered. “God blessed me with my forever family. I hit the jackpo
t when I became a member of the Donahue clan.”
Bella nodded. “You were both incredibly blessed. You were a wonderful addition to the Donahue family. I know how much Penelope and Jude love you, Heath.”
His lips turned upward in a shaky smile. “I love them too, although I have to admit I still have questions about my mother’s death. My parents didn’t know a whole lot about the situation. They said she overdosed on pills, which technically explains how she died, but I suppose there are things that still nag at me. I’ve come to realize that I need more answers. I think it will help me heal.”
“It sounds like you’re planning to do something about it.”
“I am,” Heath said. “I’m going to go searching for answers. Thankfully Parker and Jason are going to help me out.” He winked at her. “I’m reaping the benefits of having two Private Investigators for brothers. They’re the best of the best.”
“Are you sure you want to dig into the past?” Bella asked. She didn’t want Heath to end up chasing shadows rather than focusing on his future. What if he spent all this time seeking answers that led to dead ends? She didn’t want him to be disappointed.
“I’m very sure. For so long I’ve stuffed down my past and the memories that caused me pain. I don’t want to do that anymore, Bella. I want to be free. Free to move forward with my life without the shadows.” Heath reached out and squeezed her hand. “I want to share things with you. I want to show you that I’ve changed for the better. I’m trying to become a better man, which will make me a better father to our child.” He grinned at her. “And hopefully it will make me a fantastic husband one day for a very special woman.”
Bella shook her head. She knew Heath was talking about her. He hadn’t given up on the idea of them getting married. Truthfully, she didn’t know whether to be annoyed or flattered.
“Heath, if anyone can get those answers it’s you.”
“I appreciate you saying so. And I’m really sorry we ran you away from Fish Tails,” Heath said, his tone nuanced with regret.
All This Love Page 8