“Jackson, you sound like you’d been living under this dictatorship your entire life, and you are ready to jump the wall to your freedom. The way you are describing your father is different from the man that I’ve come to know. Is this how he will treat my mother?”
“Riley, you misunderstand what I’m saying to you. It’s my fault that I suck at trying to get my point across to you. Let me break it down the best way I can. My father is an amazing man. He has a heart, a good one. He loves hard, works hard, and when you are loved by Walker Reed, he puts you above anything else that matters. I have never come in second when it comes to my father. His dominant side comes from a time in his life that he simply didn’t have control of.”
“You mean your mother?”
“Yes, my mother. Since reuniting with your mom, he has shared some parts of his past with me, but certainly not all of it. He had a very volatile relationship with my grandfather, a relationship with my mom that was never supposed to go beyond friendship, and to top all that, he lost the love of his life…Reese, and he never understood why. All my father had in his life was his work and me. He didn’t have anything in between. It never occurred to me how lonely he was until your mother walked back into his life. As young as I am, I have so much in my life, whereas my father didn’t, until he fell in love with your mom. I know him well enough to know that all his protectiveness comes from a good place, and he has never used that to hold me back. He’s just scared for me. I get it, so I’m trying to be patient and respectful of his feelings.”
“Jackson, with all that you just told me about your father, how can you sit here so calmly and keep the one thing from him that will hurt him the most? I don’t understand this at all.”
“It’s complicated, Riley, and it does hurt me to keep things from my father. I don’t want to, but I feel I have to for now. Let them get married and be happy for one freaking minute before…”
“Before what? Before you get sick? What the hell, Jackson? Do you want that to happen? Where is the positive and confident guy that I love and respect? I know I’m an emotional, crazy girl sometimes, but I don’t change my colors that much. You are all over the place right now, and I feel I can’t keep up.”
My girl looked like she was going to throw up. I knew I threw everything at her all at once, but she had to know. How do I get through to her? If this is Riley’s reaction, I can’t even imagine how my father would be.
The tension was so thick in our room, you could slice it with a knife. That’s an accurate description on how I felt. I knew I was wrong on so many levels. I’d been lying to Riley and my father. I loved this crazy, over-reacting, full of life girl who was now crying inconsolably over me. I needed to close the distance between us. I leaped off the bed and walked toward her. She held up her hands to me, stopping me.
Ouch. Now I feel like I can throw up. She’s never rejected me. I’m at a loss. My back is up against the wall. What do I do now? I’ve pushed her too hard, when I should have given her time to process all that I’ve told her.
I watched despairingly as Riley exited the bedroom. She turned back and half smiled back at me. She said, “I need a few minutes alone, please give me that.”
I silently nodded and watched her walk out. My heart dropped down into my stomach. I felt awful for hurting her. What the hell am I doing here? I’m trying to be so independent and live my life without the long arm of Walker Reed, but hell!! I fucking needed him so much right now, and he along with Riley are the two people that I should have been able to trust above anyone else.
My head was again pounding. I sat down and said my silent prayers to the one person I prayed was listening. “Please mom, help me. I thought I was strong enough to do this on my own. Am I just fooling myself? Please show me the way, and if you can, help Riley too. She’s amazing, mom. She’s like lightning in a summer storm. She gets all fired up with a thousand sparks lighting up the room, and then she smiles. Her face is the sun that parts the clouds on a cloudy day. Her smile makes me forget my own name, and all is right in my world.”
FEELING LIKE TIME has stopped and not knowing what to do next, I splashed some cold water on my face to wash away the few tears I couldn’t stop from falling. Here I was, crying like a fucking pansy¸ and all I wanted was her. I looked at my cell, and it only had been ten minutes, when it felt like hours since she walked out. I knew she was near, I could feel her presence. She’s struggling with this and all I can do is wait for her answer. I hate this! How can I fix it?
We were completely happy until she discovered my medicine bottle almost empty. I was careless to keep it out in the open for her to find. She was only trying to help me. And I behaved like an ass. I walked out of my bathroom, and there was my beautiful girl waiting for me. I said nothing. She came back to me. It was now my turn to listen.
“Okay, Jackson, I will call my father, but you have to do something for me first.”
“Anything, all you have to do is ask.”
“Do you promise me?” she asked.
“Riley, I promise. Anything you want, I want to give you.”
“I hope that’s true, Jackson, because I’ve been thinking a lot about this, and every fiber of my being says this is the absolute right thing for us to do.” She paused, slowly cracked a smile, and looked into my eyes. “I want to get married. Jackson Walker Reed, will you marry me?”
“What did you just say?”
“Come on, baby, do I really need to ask it again?
“Riley, I want nothing more than to marry you, but this is not the time.”
“Jackson, you’re wrong. This is the perfect time to get married. If you ever want to break free from the control your father has on you, then this is the perfect time to do so. We are of legal age, and no one can stop us from being together, not even Walker Reed.”
“Riley, I can’t marry you for the sole purpose of getting out from under my father’s thumb. He will always be an influence in my life; getting married is not going to change that.”
She was starting to look flustered. She said, “Back in Georgia, we made promises to each other, our forever promises, did you forget? Or was that just talk?”
“How can you even question that? You know I meant every word spoken to you. I love you with all my heart and want to marry you, but to do it now would be wrong. You deserve a magical day surrounded by our family and friends. I know you’re angry with him, but haven’t you always pictured your father walking you down the aisle? Lifting your veil with tears in his eyes, as he takes in the beauty of the woman you’ve become? Riley, it would be incredibly selfish of me to take that away from you.”
“Jackson, let me decide on what is best for me. As beautiful as that sounds, I don’t need it. If we have learned anything from our parents love story is this: Live in the moment. I want this moment with you and everything that will follow. Please say yes.”
“Riley, oh baby, my heart says yes, but my mind is a different story. I can’t have history repeating itself. That wouldn’t be fair to you. I love you too much to hurt you that way. Please believe me that I would marry you a thousand times if I could predict the positive outcome I’m praying for.”
“Jackson, we have no absolutes in life. If you truly believe in fate and all that the universe has aligned for us, then you should know our destinies have already been planned out for us. You said it yourself that meeting me at your mother’s dedication ceremony was fate. We found each other almost a year ago to the date, and now here we are in love and together. Our love story has been nothing but guided by fate, and I will never question it. I depend on it, trust it, and believe in it, and I believe in us.”
She had completely broken me with her declaration of love for me. Who was I kidding to ever fight this force between us? Riley loves hard. She goes in with her full heart, and she uses that amazing heart to guide her through every decision she makes. She is fearless, my girl. If she is scared, she’s not showing it to me. She was willing to throw caution to the wind and
not let my fear hold us back, or define our future for whatever it will be.
I held her hand and said to my girl, “I have never loved you more than at this very moment. I know we are young, but it feels like I’ve been connected with you all my life. I’m not going to lie to you Riley, I’m scared. But you’re right. Everything is telling us that we belong together, and this is the best thing for us. Let’s get married!”
With her tears gone, she crashed her lips onto mine, sealing our commitment to each other. Our tongues swirled together in perfect unison; we only disconnected to catch our breaths.
“I love you, Jackson, and I will be with you for as long as you want me to be.”
“I want forever with you, Riley, and I won’t settle for anything less.”
We held onto each other as if we were each other’s lifeline. We just got through a major moment that other couples may have given up on. Not us, we were stronger together than apart, and I should have trusted Riley from the beginning.
No one will understand the decisions we made here today, especially my father. He is going to go ballistic when he finds out about this. I promised my father that I would never keep things from him, and I always intended to keep my word. He’d been through so much over the years and had sacrificed everything for my happiness. To tell him now would only cause him to worry. I had to try my best to shield him from the unknown, until I don’t have any options left. He deserved this time with Reese. They waited long enough to be together. And with their wedding only a few weeks away, I wouldn’t be the one to cause them one minute of unhappiness. My father would not see it the same way I do, I was sure of it. I would deal with his wrath when the time came.
JACKSON AND I fell asleep entwined with each other. It was only a short nap, but very much needed. I composed myself to make the call to my father. He had phoned already twice today, and I ignored both calls. He was going to wonder about my sudden change of heart, but this was for Jackson, not him. I called his private line, and my father answered on the second ring. His tone was professional, but curt and right to the point. He softened once hearing my voice on the other end.
“Hi daddy” was all I could say at first. He was surprised to finally hear from me, but encouraged me to continue talking with him. I told him that I would be in Maryland with Jackson tomorrow and invited him to have lunch with us. My father said he would cancel his entire day to have his chance to apologize and clear the air with me.
Jackson wanted us to meet him at the hospital. If my father agreed with our request, we would be able to move forward with the consult. It was a huge gamble, but I was willing to try for my boyfriend and soon-to-be husband. Everything was riding on his agreement. I feared this would be a challenge given his feelings toward Mr. Reed, but my father never held any resentment toward Jackson. I was praying that his feelings had not changed and he would rise above and keep the personal feelings out of it.
Jackson made his daily call to his father, this time by phone and not video chat. He looked a bit pale today and didn’t want to raise any alarms with his father. After our fight—or what Jackson calls ‘communicating’—he was exhausted. I spoke to my mom as well. She was going on about the wedding plans and final dress fittings. Freddy arrived early to California, another surprise by Mr. Reed. I was happy he was there to help her when I couldn’t be. They were so close, I couldn’t wait to see him again.
On our last phone call, Freddy promised me that my eyes would pop out of my head when I saw my dress. All designed by him, of course. I would love to wear a Freddy Mac original when I marry Jackson, but he’s all I need. I was also getting excited to see Fabrizio again. The only person I hadn’t met yet was their friend, Marsha, my mom’s former agent. Mom and Freddy have told me countless stories about her, but they always said nothing compares to meeting Marsha Malin in person.
My great grandparents would also be making the trip out to California for the wedding. I wish I had Nana Lila here with me. She always knew what to do, no matter how small or big a problem was. I could use one of her pep talks right about now, and a hug or two couldn’t hurt.
With our phone calls now out of the way, it was time to go down to Dr. O’Larien’s office to retrieve Jackson’s file. He was hoping we could be quick about it and leave without raising any suspicions. Richard was our constant shadow. He drove us to the Upper West Side where Dr. O’Larien’s office was located. We knew he would recognize the building immediately, so we called a friend to meet us at the local Starbucks a block over.
Jackson asked Richard to stay with the car while we went inside to meet up with our friends. He didn’t have any issues with it since we were all seated at a front table where he could have clear access to us. Richard was only following orders. I think he actually felt bad for us at times but never voiced any opinions that would cost him his job.
Phase one was already in motion. I needed to cause a diversion for Jackson, so he could sneak off to his doctor’s office. After about twenty minutes, I walked outside, when Richard immediately approached me. An actress I wasn’t, but after my performance, I didn’t think I did half bad at convincing him that I was suddenly ill.
I had Richard drive me to a local pharmacy where I told him I needed to pick up a few things for my upset stomach. He wanted to get Jackson, but I explained that Jackson would simply wait for me and stay back with our friends. As soon as we pulled away, I saw Jackson slip out the door. My fingers were crossed that we could pull this off and not get caught.
WITH MY FRIENDS being my lookout, I made it to Dr. O’Larien’s office in a few minutes. I entered his upscale office and greeted his office manager, Mindy. She knew me well and was always kind to me. I didn’t see his bitchy nurse lurking around. My last conversation with her was not pleasant, and I was hoping to get out of there as quickly as possible.
“Jackson Reed, how are you, son?”
“I’m well, Mindy. Thank you for asking.”
“What brings you here today? I don’t see you on the doctor’s schedule.”
“I’m here to pick up my records. I spoke to Wanda earlier. She should have left it for me.”
“Jackson, all requests go through me first. The nurses only log the messages into the computer. Let me take a look here and see what we have.” She began clicking away on her keyboard.
This was not going right, according to my plan. Looking down at my phone, I already had been there for more than ten minutes already. I had to get back to the coffee house before Richard figured out that I was missing.
“Mindy, I’m kind of in a hurry. Can I just have my file?”
“I’m sorry, Jackson, but all I see here is that you requested a copy of your records, but they would have to be released by Dr. O’Larien himself. It’s clearly stated here in the doctor’s notes.
“Fucking bitch of a nurse!” I mumbled under my breath. I hoped Mindy didn’t hear me, but I wanted to strangle Wanda. Hell! I want Wanda’s ass fired. Mindy frowned at me. She heard my disgust for the incompetent nurse, but she was cool and didn’t call me out on it.
“Jackson, please have a seat, and I’ll be with you in a few minutes,” Mindy said, as she got up from her desk. I had no choice but to wait.
My phone beeped twice while waiting on Mindy to return. I read the “Where are you” messages from Riley. I was so screwed. How long could she hold off Richard before he found me? Not ten seconds later, Dr. O’Larien greeted me. Yup, I’m screwed.
“Hello, Jackson. What brings you here today? Is your father with you?’
Liam O’Larien and my father go all the way back to prep school. They had been friends since they were teenagers, and my father completely trusted him with my care. Their close friendship was one of the reasons why I couldn’t trust him with this. I didn’t believe that the patient confidentiality agreement would be respected here, not with my father always calling the shots.
“Hi, Dr. O’Larien. No, my father is not with me today. I’m here in New York on vacation with my girlf
riend. I just stopped by to pick up my medical records.”
“Is there a reason why you need them? I already provided your father with the most updated notes, and your next appointment is not until September. Why would you need them now?”
“I would think that would be obvious. I am the patient, after all, and I’ll be living here in New York on my own. I just wanted to hold onto something that is rightfully mine. Can I please have my records?” I couldn’t help the anger in my voice. This was not Dr. O’Larien’s fault. I meant no disrespect toward him. I knew he was just asking out of concern.
“You may have your file, Jackson. You are right. You are my patient first, and I have to respect your wishes. Have you signed over a consent form yet?”
“I have, sir. I sent over the signed consent electronically to Wanda.”
“Okay, Jackson, give Mindy a few minutes to transfer everything over, and you can be on your way. Before I go, how are you feeling? Is there anything else I can help you with? Are you experiencing any issues that I need to be made aware of?”
“I’m fine, Dr. O’Larien. I just want my files.” Liar! My conscience was screaming at me. “Would it be too much for me to ask you to keep this quiet and not mention my visit here to my father?”
Our Forever Promise Page 6