She smiled and held out the cup. “Take it please, it’s disgusting.”
He sat next to her and took a sip with a grimace. “Why you out here, Beth?” When she didn’t answer, he frowned. “Did I, or did I not, tell you that you are my old lady and I love you?”
“Yes.” Her voice was tiny. “I know I’m being irrational, but I can’t help it. Maria was always the beautiful one, the one you really wanted.”
“Told you before that I wasn’t gonna keep repeating myself. This ain't about me or M. This is about your insecurities. And right now, Beth, I ain't got the energy to deal with them. Your sister is dying and she’s scared and in pain. Now I ain't gonna leave Amy to deal with that on her own, so I’m afraid you’re just gonna have to suck it up.” He stood and threw the cup in the bin before marching away without a backwards glance.
“Joe. Wait, please.” He stopped, but didn’t turn round. “You’re right, and I’m sorry.” She touched his back, flinching as she felt him tense up. “Please don’t be mad at me. Not now, I couldn’t stand it.”
“I ain't mad.” He brushed her hand away and continued walking. “Got people who need me.”
~ oOo ~
Suck it up? Beth scowled and watched his retreating back. Suck it up. What the fuck did he think she’d been doing? All her fucking life, that’s all she’d done. Kept her head down, her lip buttoned and picked up the pieces. Good old dependable Beth. Oh yeah, she was the perfect old lady. Reliable, undemanding, pathetically grateful for any scraps of affection thrown her way. No wonder he kept her around.
Slowly she followed him and watched as he resumed his vigil at Maria’s bedside. She took a deep breath and pushed open the door. “Joe, can I have a minute with my sister, please?”
Maria scowled as Joe nodded and gave up his chair. “I’ll be outside.” He touched her hand and left the room, barely acknowledging Beth.
“What do you want, Beth?”
“I don’t know. To talk, I guess. To clear the air.”
“You want me to forgive you? Is that it? Cuz if you do, you’re going to be disappointed.”
“Forgive me? For what?”
“For taking Joe from me. You couldn’t fucking wait, could you. You’re pathetic, do you know that? Always lurking around on the sidelines wanting a piece of what I had.” Maria pulled herself into a more upright position, grunting with the effort.
“I didn’t take Joe away from you.”
“You got that right, bitch. He might have put his mark on you, but who did he drop everything and come running to?” She smirked as a look of pain flashed across her sister's face. That barb had hit home. “He will never love you like he loved me, and you know it. Doesn’t matter what he says. You know that if you stepped through that door right now and begged him to go with you and leave me here alone, he’d refuse. I might be dying, but I will go to my grave knowing that I was his one true love. If you live to be a hundred you will never measure up. Now why don’t you fuck off and be the dutiful little housewife that you’re so good at being.”
“You finished?” Beth stood and leaned over her sister. “Good. You’ve said your piece now I will say mine. I came in here hoping that we could put the past behind us and, I don’t know. Say our goodbyes as sisters. You don’t want that, fine. But you will hear what I have to say. All my life I have picked up after you. I’ve paid your debts, taken care of your kids and stood silently by as you have infected everyone around you with your poison. Not because I wanted what you had, but because I loved you. And yes, I loved Joe and I hated watching you treat him like shit, because he’s a good man and he deserved better. Maybe you’re right and Joe won't ever love me like he loved you, I don’t know. But I do know that it doesn’t matter. Because you will be dead and we will be together. And despite what you think, he is with me because that’s where he wants to be. I’m sorry that you are prepared to go to your grave hating me, but I will not let it affect the rest of my life. I don’t feel guilty, and I don’t want your forgiveness. I just thought you might like the chance to redeem yourself. Guess I was wrong. Goodbye, Maria.” She straightened up and walked out with her head held high.
“You okay?” Joe frowned as she walked past him, failing to meet his eye.
“Would it make any difference if I wasn’t?” Joe said nothing, and she sighed. “Thought not. You’d better get back in there.”
“Hey. Where you going?”
“Anywhere but here.”
Amy sat on the hood of Joe’s truck and watched as Beth walked across the lot and out onto the street. Part of her wanted to run after her aunt and stop her from leaving, but after arranging for Jack to be picked up from school and a long discussion with his new potential foster family about the best way to tackle the subject of his mother's imminent death, she didn’t have the energy. And if she was honest she was a little pissed at her for bailing. She needed her, and so did Joe.
~ oOo ~
When she had walked out, Beth had no idea where she was heading. She just wanted to get as far away as possible. She just walked, paying no attention to her surroundings, driven not by anger, not even by pain, just a pervading feeling of loss. She was done with all of them. Maria, Joe, even Amy. They had all taken every last piece of her until there was nothing left. She was empty, just a big hole where her heart had been. And with no idea where that left her, she carried on walking until she found herself standing outside the Greyhound bus terminal. There was no plan, she just needed space. And as she handed over her credit card, all she knew was the reason she had chosen that destination was that the bus was leaving in ten minutes, and she had to get out of town as fast as she could.
~ oOo ~
Amy stood in the corridor watching Joe bring a glass of water to her mom’s lips. She had no idea what had been said to cause Beth to walk out but she had no doubt that her mother had something to do with it. Closing her eyes, she leaned her forehead against the glass. Even now on her deathbed, Maria was driving those who loved her away. No, not this time. Amy squared her shoulders. She would not let her aunt be treated like this. She pushed open the door. “What did you say to Beth?”
Joe turned and scowled. “Not now, Amy.”
“When, then? Tomorrow, the next day? When we’re putting Mom in the ground?”
“I said not now, Amy.” Joe’s voice was low and menacing, and any other time she would have backed down. But this couldn’t wait.
“I know what you said, Joe.” She turned to her mother. “What did you say to Beth?”
“I didn’t say anything.”
“Bullshit. There’s no way Beth would have walked out if you hadn’t said anything.”
“Amy.” Joe stood and loomed over her. “You will stop this now.”
“Or what, Joe? You gonna send me away too? Shit. Open your eyes. Even on her fucking deathbed, she is playing her games.” Again she turned to her mother. “What did you say to Beth. Tell me, or I walk.”
“The truth. I told her the truth.”
“The truth?”
“I told her that Joe would never really love her. That he kept her around cuz it was easy. That she was pathetic.
“Shit.” Joe ran his hand over his head. “Shit. Why would you say that, M?”
“Because this is what she does, Joe.” Amy whirled on him and unleashed her fury. “And you let her. You must have known that this is what she’d do, but you stayed here while your old lady walked out. You know what, you two really deserve each other. If you lose her because of this, you’ll have no one to blame but yourself.”
Maria gave a tiny smile. “Oh please. Beth won't go anywhere. You can keep beating that one with a stick and she’ll still come back for more.” She frowned as Joe turned and headed for the door. “Where are you going?”
“To find my old lady.”
“No, you can’t go. You promised you’d stay. Please, Joe. Don’t leave me.” She turned to her daughter. “This is your doing. Why couldn’t you keep your nose out, you interf
ering bitch…No wait. Amy. Where are you going? Don’t leave me here alone.”
“Joe. Wait up.”
Joe stopped and waited for his kid to catch up. “Where do you think you’re going, sugar?”
“I’m coming with you.”
“Oh no, you ain't. You’re gonna stay with your mom.”
“But she said…”
“Don’t care what she said. Just get your skinny ass back in there and make things right.” He took her face in his hands and looked deep into her eyes. “You will never get another chance, Amy. If you don’t forgive your mom, it will eat you up inside. I can’t let that happen.”
“I don’t want to go back in there on my own.”
“I know, sugar. I’ll call Ma, get her to come and sit with you. As soon as I find Beth, I’ll come back.”
Sophia picked up the phone. “Hello?”
“Ma, it’s me. I fucked up. Beth took off. I gotta go find her. I need you to get a cab and come to the hospital to sit with Amy. Maria ain't got long left, and the kid shouldn’t be on her own.”
She sighed. “Okay, son. I’ll get Tom from next door to give me a ride. I’ll be there as soon as I can. You go find your girl and makes things right.”
“Might be too late for that.”
“It’s never too late. Just go and find her.”
“Beth. Please I’m going crazy here. Just pick up the Goddamned phone.” Joe wasn’t exaggerating. For what seemed like hours he had cruised the streets, checked bars, called old friends. Each time coming up with nothing. He must’ve called her a dozen times, but she’d switched off her phone. Pulling up at the side of the road, he rested his head against the steering wheel and closed his eyes. “Shit, baby girl. Where the fuck are you?”
~ oOo ~
She hadn’t been on a bus since being at school, and after less than an hour, never wanted to be on one again. Closing her eyes, Beth tried to block out the gossiping old ladies, the loud phone calls, and screaming babies. She hadn’t been thinking when she’d bought the ticket, and even as she’d boarded the bus, it hadn’t occurred to her that this might be a bad idea. Now, though, with the prospect of a seven-hour journey ahead of her, she realized it was. She opened her eyes as the bus pulled up at a stop. Bay View! She was in Bay view. Quickly she got to her feet and headed for the exit. The bus driver frowned as she made to leave. “Hey lady, this ain't your stop.”
Beth smiled. “It is now.”
As the bus pulled away, she looked around, trying to get her bearings. It wasn’t a place she knew well, but she had a pretty good idea where she should be heading.
~ oOo ~
“Spike.”
“Shit, Gloria, what now?” He grunted and frowned. “I would like to get this bike built this side of Christmas. Oh, hi sweetheart.”
“Hi.”
“Where’s Tiny?”
“Fillmore. Um. Is there somewhere we could talk?” Beth looked over to Gloria, who was listening to their exchange with interest.
“Sure, sweetheart.” He led her into the cool of the empty clubhouse and closed the doors behind them. “So what’s going on?” Beth looked at her hands. “Did you and Tiny have a fight?”
“No, yes…I don’t know.”
“Shit. How can you not know if you’ve had a fight or not? If I have one the bitch knows it. Fuck, half the town knows it.”
“It wasn’t a fight, exactly. But Joe said some stuff, and I got upset and took off.”
“Took off how?”
“On a bus.”
“A bus to Bay View?”
“No. A bus to LA. I didn’t know it came through Bay View.”
“Why the fuck did you want to go to LA?”
“I didn’t. It was just the first bus out of town.”
“Wow you were that upset?”
“Yeah.”
“So why get off here?”
“Because going to LA is a really stupid thing to do.”
Spike grinned and grabbed two beers from behind the bar. “Tiny know where you are?”
“No.”
“You planning on telling him?” She shrugged. “You plan on telling me what’s going on?” Again she shrugged. “Listen, if you don’t want to talk to me, I’m cool with that. But if you don’t call Tiny and let him know you’re okay, then I will.”
“I will, just not now.”
“Yes, now, Beth.” He scowled as she made no move to get out her phone. “C’mon, sweetheart. Clock’s ticking.”
“Please, Spike. I need to get things straight in my head before I speak to him.”
“I ain't telling you to call and give him a speech about feelings and shit. Just call him and let him know you’re alive. Poor fucker is probably going out of his mind.”
She sighed. “I doubt he’s even noticed I’ve gone.”
Spike rolled his eyes and held out his hand. “Phone.” As soon as she handed it over he switched it on. “Nine missed calls. I’d say he noticed.” Before he had the chance to hand it back, it rang. “Yo…. It’s Spike….. Yeah she’s here….On the bus…. Yeah bus…. I don’t know…..Nah, it’s cool bro, I can do that….You wanna speak to her?” He held out the phone. “Here speak to your old man.”
She took the phone. “Hey.”
“Hey, girl. You pissed?”
“I don’t know. I was.”
“Why are you in Bay View?”
“Because that’s where I got off the bus. Decided that running out on you wasn’t what I wanted to do.”
“Good to hear. Listen, Spike will give you a ride back here. Get him to bring you to Ma’s. I’ll meet you there.”
“Okay. Joe?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry.”
“You got nothing to be sorry for. I’ll see you later. Call me when you get into town.”
“Okay. Joe?”
“Yeah, baby?”
“Are we okay?”
“I hope so. I’ll see you soon.”
It felt strange, riding with Spike. Both his and Joe’s bikes were similar, and both had many years' experience under their belts. But unlike Joe, whose riding style was fluid and smooth, Spike was more, for want of a better word, aggressive. He would accelerate and brake sharply, and he’d throw his bike into the bends more. Dee didn’t feel exactly unsafe, but it was a relief when they pulled up outside Sophia’s little house. He chuckled as she dismounted on shaky legs. “Didn’t scare ya, did I, sweetheart?”
“Were you trying to?”
He grinned. “Maybe a little.” He climbed off and held out his arm. “C’mon. Tiny will be waiting.”
~ oOo ~
Joe stood at the window and watched as Spike accompanied his girl across the yard. He couldn’t quite believe how close he’d come to losing her, and as soon as the front door opened he swept her up into his arms. “I’m sorry, Beth. I don’t know what else to say.”
“Shit, man. You ain't gonna win any man points, groveling like that.” Smirking, Spike leaned on the doorframe.
Joe raised an eyebrow and grinned. “Blow me, asshole.” His arms tightened around her. “Thanks for bringing her home.”
“Anytime, bro.” He stood up straighter and patted him on the shoulder. “I’m gonna head back. Try not piss her off again. Next time she might get all the way to Mexico.”
Beth disentangled herself from Joe’s arms and, standing on tiptoes, kissed Spike’s cheek. “Thank you.”
“Was a pleasure, sweetheart.”
Joe frowned. “You were riding like a crazy fucker so she held on tight and pressed her tits against your back, weren’t you?”
“Shit, Spike. Tell me that isn’t true.”
He waggled his eyebrows and gave her what could only be described as a salacious grin. “They are very nice tits.”
“You are a sick and twisted asshole.”
He kissed her on the lips and winked. “And don’t you forget it. Take care, sweetheart.” He raised his hand. “See ya, bro.”
�
�See ya, and thanks.”
As soon as they were alone, Joe took her hand and led her into the living room. “You hungry? There’s chili, I can heat it up.”
“I’m fine.” Beth sat down and waited for him to speak.
“I fucked up, Beth.” He sat next to her and took her hand in his. “I took you for granted and that was wrong. What Maria said—it isn’t true. I love you, want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
Beth looked at her hands, and he frowned. “Say something, Beth.”
She looked around. “Where’s Sophia?”
“At the hospital. Didn’t want the kid to be on her own. Beth, please. Talk to me.”
Beth stood and walked towards the door. “You should be there with Amy. Come on, I’ll come with you and give your mom a ride home. Then I really need to get some sleep.”
“We ain't going anywhere until we’ve talked.”
“Nothing to say, Joe.” She kept walking, only stopping when he grabbed her arm. “Amy needs you. You should be with her.”
“You’re pissed, Beth. I get that. But please don’t shut me out.”
“I’m not pissed, I’m just tired.” His hand fell away, and he followed her to his truck.
~ oOo ~
Sophia looked up from her knitting as her son and Beth entered the room. Both Amy and Maria were asleep, and the only sound for the last couple of hours had been the clicking of her needles. Her smile faded when she saw the expression on Joe’s face. Something was definitely not right between them. “Everything okay?”
“We’re fine.” Beth’s smile failed to reach her eyes as she held out her hand. “Come on. I’ll take you home. Joe will stay here.”
Sophia said nothing and allowed Beth to help her to her feet. She wasn’t sure that Joe should be staying there, but she was tired and uncomfortable and in desperate need of her own bed.
A Family Man Page 27