Apparently he knew she was there, because at the end of the first set she found herself looking up at him as he stood before her table, his intent gaze staring down at her.
"I'm glad you came back,” he said quietly as he sat across from her.
"I couldn't help it."
He reached out and gripped her hand. “I want to get to know you better. You've haunted me all week."
She nodded and glanced down at the table. How could she tell him that the woman sitting across from him wasn't who she really was? He couldn't possibly be interested in a small town spinster librarian.
"I've thought about you as well."
"Don't go disappearing on me again. I panicked big time, just ask the others."
"I'm not sure I can face the others after last week."
"Don't worry, they won't say anything. They'll just be thankful I found you again. Believe me, I've been like a bear with a sore paw."
So it had begun, with her skirting the issue of having to tell him too much about her background. Bottom line—she'd lied to him. And she knew one day she was going to have to pay a steep price for her pleasure in his company.
CHAPTER 3
Thirty more minutes to closing. Three days until she could see Reuben again. She felt the heat of the blaze razing closer and closer. She was going to get scorched—she knew it. But she was mesmerized by the glow and the heat, and it kept drawing her closer and closer to the heart of the flame.
What was it her father used to say? A clean image and your standing in the community is everything. Don't rock the boat and you'll do okay. She'd tried so hard to be the daughter he wanted. But she had known inside there was a part of her that was drowning. She wanted her father to respect her as much as she had always respected him. Her mother had left when she was a little girl, and she hadn't seen her again. Her father had been ripped apart by the rampant gossip and had never been the same after that.
She'd heard bits and pieces of the talk surrounding her mother's disappearance. It seemed it had coincided with the disappearance of one of the very attractive real estate agents in town. It wasn't until she was in high school that she'd discovered they had been lovers and run off together. Her mother had shamed her father before the whole town, and in a small town it didn't take much. She'd sworn never to cause him another moment of anguish or embarrassment.
So far, she had been successful. She'd remained circumspect and maintained an impeccable, lily-white reputation, even when her father had turned to the bottle to ease his suffering. She feared loving anyone to so great a depth that they could destroy you completely, given the opportunity. And she had remained stalwart in her determination. Just look at what she had managed to accomplish and still remain heart-whole.
But it hadn't been enough. When her father died last year due in large part to the alcohol he'd consumed, he had been a broken man. The balance of his life after her mother's disappearance had been wasted. He'd only looked for death to catch up to him. Even Evelyn's love and dedication hadn't been able to snap him out of his depression.
And then she had turned twenty-nine, still alone, her life a never-changing routine that garnered her public respect, but little warmth when she was alone at night. She had known her life had to change. She needed something more. Thus the trips into Boston had begun.
She wasn't looking for love, just a little companionship. But what she'd found with Reuben was something she hadn't expected, and was afraid to name. She didn't want to become like her father.
Then she would wonder about her mother. How could she leave and never try to contact Evelyn? Had she never loved her daughter? Was she not worth loving? Her mother had left without a backward glance. Her father had sunk himself into alcoholism, eager for death with no thought of his daughter. Was she destined not to be loved?
She gave herself a mental shake. Stop wallowing in self-pity. She was beyond that. She had a firm control of her life and she could take it in any direction she wanted. She had done so. Her parents were not her.
Reuben.
She couldn't get him out of her mind. She wanted to be the deeply sensual, adventurous woman he saw, the one she became on weekends when she was with him. But she knew deep down it was all a facade, it wasn't real. What would he do if he ever found out how she had lied to him? But then, what did she really know about him? He was a musician, a very good one, but she didn't know much else beyond that. He could be hiding things from her.
Still, she had to be honest. Unlike her, he had wanted to share himself with her and she'd put him off with excuses.
She wheeled the cart loaded with books needing to be reshelved from around the desk and toward the back of the library. There were only one or two patrons left in the library at this hour.
This was the career she had chosen for herself. Safe and respectable. She was reliable, always helped out on committees when asked, had chaired a few on occasion. And returned to a house that held the ghosts of her parents, constantly surrounding her with their unspoken demands and expectations.
When she went to Boston she shed all the restrictions her small-town life required. She didn't have to be Evelyn while she was there. She could be anyone she pleased. She allowed herself to experience life in ways she never would have done in Esmerelda. People allowed their children to go to the library knowing it would be safe and Evelyn would watch over them as they searched for excitement and knowledge within the pages of the books on the shelves.
She now knew that excitement could be found outside the pages of books. But if anyone ever found out what she had discovered, would they allow their children to come to the library? Would they continue to consider her worthy of her position? It was too much of a chance to take. Life in a small town wasn't as elastic as it could be in a larger city. If she were to change now, no one would understand. And they would probably think she had lost her mind. It was far too risky to wager her livelihood, her whole way of life, on what was probably just a beautiful, chance encounter with a rock musician.
She slipped the biology book into the appropriate space in the nonfiction section. She sighed. Her life had become far too complicated, but she couldn't bring herself to give it up. She would continue until the last possible moment, savoring each second until there were no more seconds left and it all came crashing down around her head.
But unlike her father, she vowed to herself she would not wallow when the fantasy was over. She would go on, embrace her memories, but she would not allow them to become twisted and destroy her. Her relationship with Reuben deserved better than that from her. She respected him and what they shared, and would honor those memories.
It tore her up inside to think of their relationship ending, but she knew that one day it must. Whether because he found out the truth about her, or because he was called away on tour never to return. In any event, she would squeeze out every speck of pleasure she possibly could before it all came to an end.
She wheeled the empty cart back behind the main desk and prepared to close things down, tidying the desk up and putting everything in its place.
"Excuse me. Could you tell me where I would find books on music history?"
Without glancing up, she pointed to the right. “In the nonfiction section. Is there something specific I can help you with?” Only then did she look up, and her heart plummeted in her chest.
"Reuben,” she gasped.
His face was expressionless, his eyes hard, dark with deep emotion as he stared at her across the desk. “Yes, Reuben. You lied to me, Evie. If not directly, by omission at the very least. Now I'm here to find the answers."
She whirled away from him and felt her world collapsing at her feet. Why now? Why here? “I-I—"
"No more putting me off, Evie ... or Evelyn."
"How did you find me?"
"Turn around and look at me. Did you really think you could keep this part of your life secret from me forever? Are you ashamed of me, Evie? Ashamed of what we feel for each other?"
&nb
sp; She wheeled around. “No, of course not. It's just ... just. Oh, God, I can't do this right now."
He tossed something onto the desk and she watched as it slid toward her. It was her driver's license.
"That's how I found you, how I found out you've been lying to me. It must have dropped out of your wallet the last time we fucked."
She felt the hot color flood her cheeks. “Please, Reuben,” she whispered as she glanced frantically around the room. “Not here. I can't do this now."
"Right now.” She saw the angry glint in his eyes.
"It's almost closing time,” she pleaded with him. “Just give me a few minutes."
He leaned across the desk. “I've given you weeks to come clean and you haven't. I think I've been damned patient. I love you and if you haven't figured that out by now, maybe you never will. But I want the truth. And I want to know whether there's any chance at all that you love me. Or have you just been using me to add a little excitement to your life? If you can tell me you don't feel anything for me, then I'll walk away right now and I won't come back. But think carefully before you answer, because I want the truth."
This was the moment she had not wanted to come. She wasn't prepared for it. She opened her mouth to tell him she didn't love him, but there was something in the look he gave her, something in his expression that stopped her.
"Please, Reuben. I'm afraid—"
"That's just it, isn't it? You're a coward. You're afraid to come face-to-face with what you feel for me. What I make you feel. You return to this safe, little town and forget about me all week long until you can't stand it any more and then you coming running back because you can't stay away, can you? Even though you don't think I fit into your nice little life here, you can't give up what we have between us—even if it is only make believe to you."
"That isn't true."
He straightened from the desk glaring down at her. “Prove it."
"Prove it? How?"
"That's for you to figure out. It's time for you to make a choice, isn't it? Come clean, Evie, and face who you are and what you really want."
She was terrified at what the people in Esmerelda would think of her. She could lose her job, her reputation, everything she'd built her life around.
Or she could lose Reuben.
What was really important to her? Could she step outside her safe world and make the right choice that would lead to her happiness? Could she risk ending up like her father?
She straightened her spine and met Reuben's glare, eye-to-eye. What a spineless idiot she had been all these months. She glanced behind him at the door and envisioned him walking through it and never seeing him again—never experiencing his hands on her body, his lips on hers. Beyond that, his presence in her life. In her mind it was as though a light was snuffed out and she would be left in total darkness.
If everything else fell into ashes at her feet and he was left standing at her side, it would be enough. It all became so clear in that one instant. And like that instant when she had first seen him on the stage, she knew she needed to have him now. To show him exactly how she felt. She could always get another job if it came down to it, but she could never replace her lover.
She walked around the desk and looked up at him, holding out her hand, palm up. “Come with me?"
CHAPTER 4
She led him to the back of the library to a special room. She unlocked the door and drew him inside without flipping on the lights.
"Do you know what this room is?” she asked him in a hushed voice.
"I can't see a damn thing. I have no idea.” He reached out through the darkness, somehow divining exactly where she stood, and drew her close, then dipped down to kiss her. It made her want to forget everything outside this room—past, present, and future.
Unwillingly, she pulled back and peered up at him through the darkness. “This is the genealogy room. This is where the records of our history are maintained. The computer ties into the Internet for genealogical research and we have a microfiche reader so people can peruse the historical records stored on film. The documents and books in this room are in many instances rare and brittle and require special and careful handling."
"Okay. What are you trying to tell me?"
"You want my history. The past of Esmerelda is housed in this room. It's one of the first communities established here in Massachusetts. Its history is long and prestigious. Hiring someone to care for it is an important job. The community wouldn't entrust it to just anyone. It's my responsibility to see to its safety and well-being."
"I understand you have an important position here. How does that affect how you feel about me? How we feel about each other?"
She turned away from him. “It's somehow all gotten twisted inside me. The weight of Esmerelda can be a heavy burden. Small towns carry a lot of baggage. People judge and I'm in a particularly vulnerable position."
"Do you think if they know about us they'll think less of you?"
She sighed. “I wish it was that easy to explain. Or that simple. There's so much more. I carry so much baggage inside me. When I go to Boston, when I'm with you, the burden somehow lessens and I can keep going, keep doing what I'm expected to do—be who I'm expected to be."
She felt him rest his hands on her shoulders. “Do you want me to leave you alone? I can't be just a dark, naughty corner of your life any longer, Evie. I want us to be together—I know we're meant to be together, but you need to see it and accept it as well."
"I knew I was walking a tightrope by spending time in Boston. It was never made more clear than when I met you. I can't begin to tell you what came before—not in just a short time. I should have been honest from the beginning, but I was afraid—of myself, of you, of everything."
"What now?"
"When I looked up and saw you across that desk, I knew I'd finally reached the end of the rope. I either cut you and my feelings for you loose, or risk losing everything I've built thus far in my life, of maybe letting everyone down in the process. But at the thought of you walking out that door and never seeing you again, it all fell into place.” She whirled around to face him. “I couldn't do it, Reuben. I couldn't let you walk away."
He gripped her arms. “Why, Evie? Tell me why you couldn't let me walk out of your life."
She hesitated for a moment, then reached up to cup his solid jaw. “I love you, Reuben. I was afraid of loving you and then having you leave me. I saw my father destroyed because of his love for my mother. But when it came right down to it, I would rather risk it.” She threw herself into his arms, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Oh, Reuben, I'm so sorry it took me so long to realize what I almost gave up."
He cupped her face and pressed his lips to hers. His hands held her close and she could feel the ridge of his cock through their clothing. Shocked with her own thoughts, she knew she wanted him to make love to her right now, here, in her library, bringing their love into the here and now of her life. She pulled back and looked up at him.
"Make love to me."
"Here?” She heard the surprise reflected in his voice.
She ripped at his shirt, buttons flying in all directions as she pressed her lips to his hard chest, nipping at a small beaded nipple. “Now,” she growled, rubbing against him.
He lifted her up. “You're going to blow the whole chaste librarian image. What if someone should walk in?"
She threw her head back. “I don't care. I need you right now. I've been so afraid of the moment when I knew you'd disappear from my life. I need to know this is real."
"This is a rare book room, sweetheart. We're about to commit sacrilege, aren't we?"
"Baptize,” she laughingly corrected. “We're going to baptize this room. Maybe we'll infuse a little life into history. The old ghosts of the Esmerelda elders will be so shocked at our behavior, they'll turn over in their graves. Do you really love me, Reuben?"
He lifted and pressed her against a bookshelf containing old, rarefied books. She could smell
the essence of the library, of history, of polished, old wood. And the scent of love.
The word tumbled around in her mind as she savored its presence, enjoying the feel of it. Reuben rubbed his cock against her cleft and she felt her juices flow, scenting the air around them, melding with the smell of historic tomes. Her laughter was filled with adventurous deviltry as she reached down to slip her panties off. This room could use a little passion to infuse it with life.
"You're sure?” he asked.
"Never more so. Fuck me, Reuben. Oh, God, I want to feel you inside me. And I don't care who knows it. Not anymore."
CHAPTER 5
He began to undo the tiny pearl buttons of her demure white blouse, exposing her to his lips, his tongue, his teeth. She arched toward him, eager for more of his touch. Closing her eyes, she leaned back, savoring his scent as it mingled with her own and that of the old leather and memories of ages past.
"Reuben,” she breathed as she tilted her head back, offering him better access to her neck. She felt his hot tongue and sensuous lips possess her as he peeled back her blouse and slid it down her shoulders, binding her for his pleasure. He sucked at the throbbing pulse at her neck and sent tendrils of desire zinging throughout her body.
"You have such sweet, silky skin, Madam Librarian,” he murmured into the darkness, his voice twining a sensual net around her.
"And you have such a seductive way about you, Music Man, how can a woman resist?” she teased back. “Oh, yes,” she moaned as his mouth found her nipple through the silk and lace of her bra. He sucked hard, drawing her deep into his mouth. She hissed at the exquisite ache of sensation.
"You like that."
"More, please."
His hands gripped the curve of her spine, arching her deeper, offering him better access. He lifted his head and his eyes glittered in the darkness. “I want to spread you out. Tell me where."
"The table,” she gasped. “Behind you."
He lifted her and pivoted, carefully stepping in a straight line until he stopped before the shadow of the solid outline of a table. He shoved aside several chairs and set her on top of the old oak surface. She let him have his way. Whatever he wanted to do to her was fine with her.
Closing Time Page 2