Ampersand Papers

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by Michael Innes


  With expressions of mutual esteem (and clearly in an atmosphere of deep mutual distrust) the two gentlemen – or the two prospectively successive noblemen – parted outside the restaurant.

  6

  Lord Ampersand knew almost at once that he wasn’t going to care greatly for Dr Sutch. Dr Sutch was an egghead in the literal acceptation of the image; he was bald, and had a massive domed forehead reminiscent of the disagreeable people who know all the answers in competitions in the field of Universal Knowledge mounted by the BBC. Whether Dr Sutch in fact possessed Universal Knowledge was never to appear, since he turned out to be a man wholly commanded by one thing at a time. At the moment that one thing was the Ampersands. He always said ‘the Ampersands’ when meaning all the Digitts who were around or ever had been around. This in itself a little irritated Lord Ampersand, who wouldn’t himself have said ‘the Marlboroughs’ or ‘the Salisburys’ when he meant a whole gaggle of Churchills or Cecils. Perhaps it wasn’t positively incorrect, but it was faintly wrong – which was something a good deal worse in Lord Ampersand’s view of the matter.

  Dr Sutch, moreover, was a pedant, by which is meant one given to unseasonable displays of erudition. Having at least a rapidly assimilative mind, he had got up his client’s family rapidly and in overpowering detail, and he lectured the Ampersands on every aspect of it. Lady Ampersand rather liked this. She had always felt it would be nice to know a little about her husband’s people, but the topic was one upon which her husband could inform her only in a muddled way. History was mysterious to Lord Ampersand, even although he was constantly looking up such contemporary manifestations of it as were to be found in Who’s Who. Dr Sutch, although not exactly a courteous man, had notions about courtesy, and one of them constrained him to feign the belief that he was never doing other than remind Lord Ampersand of circumstances and connections already stored in Lord Ampersand’s capacious mind. Lord Ampersand was infuriated by this.

  So the question quickly arose as to what was to be done about Dr Sutch. To have him resident in the castle presented formidable difficulties in the way of protocol. To receive him at the family table for long would be totally insupportable. He couldn’t very well be told to go and mess with Ludlow. To have meals served to him in a private room (as had obtained under former Ampersands for attorneys, the visiting dentist, and people of that sort) would be cumbersome – and also, in some perplexing way, counter to the spirit of the time. So Lord Ampersand decided – reluctantly, since considerable expense would be involved – to have the fellow put up at the Ampersand Arms. It was said to be quite a decent little pub, and was no more than a couple of miles away. Dr Sutch tended to corpulence, so the walk would do him good.

  The next question to arise was where this tediously learned person should prosecute his researches. Lord Skillet, when consulted, at first professed to favour the billiard room, but this was perhaps only to annoy his sisters, since it was to the billiard room that they regularly summoned the humbler females of the region to receive instruction on various aspects of domestic economy and godly living. Lord Ampersand himself vetoed the library, pointing out that it was his habit to do a great deal of reading there. He was inclined to favour bringing all the stuff down from the North Tower to the old stables – where his wife had vetoed that promising notion of tea at 60p a head. Finally it was decided that the walk to and from the Ampersand Arms was not in itself adequate to the safeguarding of Dr Sutch’s health. He had better tackle that staircase as well, and do his rummaging where all the junk was stored already. Lord Skillet discussed this proposal with Dr Sutch. Rather surprisingly, Dr Sutch proved entirely amenable to it.

  Once established, Dr Sutch sprang another surprise, conceivably occasioned by a rapidly formed conviction that the comforts of the Ampersand Arms were not such as to commend a long uninterrupted stay there. His work at the castle, he explained, would have to be on a part-time basis. He’d put in Mondays and Tuesdays on what he called the Ampersand Papers. During the rest of the week he would be continuing his antiquarian research for the Duchy. Lord Ampersand was a good deal impressed by this, and agreed to it at once. It was quite something to be employing a fellow who was at the same time in the service – as it must be – of none other than the Prince of Wales.

  Nevertheless, this looked like slowing things down. But now Lord Skillet made an obliging suggestion. Although he had found Dr Sutch for the job, it was only because his interfering Aunt Agatha had prompted his parents to insist on employing a person of that kind, and most of Archie’s references to the ‘pro’ were of a satiric or derogatory cast. With unusual good-humour, however, he undertook to do some of the donkey-work himself. Sutch had pointed out that it wasn’t only worm-eaten dinghies and triumphs of Victorian taxidermy that were plainly irrelevant to his task; there was also a great deal of mouldering paper which nobody could mistake for anything not fitly to be made a bonfire of or chucked into the sea; if Lord Skillet had a go at that it would be a very obliging thing.

  So Archie, too, turned up twice a week at the castle and pottered around the North Tower. It couldn’t be said that he was in any direct sense keeping an eye on Dr Sutch, since on those days Dr Sutch was absent on his royal occasions. But he may have been keeping an eye on what Dr Sutch had been about.

  And then Charles Digitt began to turn up occasionally as well. Was he, in turn, keeping an eye on Archie? This came into nobody’s head. And as he turned up only at weekends, when his cousin invariably had mysterious engagements elsewhere, he had the run of the place to himself. Lord Ampersand, as usual, welcomed the heir presumptive amiably enough; he explained to his wife, as he regularly and most conscientiously did, that Charles was entitled to know about anything that was going on at Treskinnick. And Lady Ampersand was delighted to have her nephew as a weekend guest. It was, she said, nice for the girls. This expression cloaked her persuasion that Charles had more than a cousin’s fondness for Geraldine, and that some eleventh-hour happiness would be achieved by her younger daughter as a result. A marriage between first cousins, she knew, was sometimes disapproved of on mysterious eugenic grounds. But the vicar (and the bishop) would have nothing against it, and on other accounts it would be an extremely suitable thing. Lady Ampersand sometimes started to count out on her fingers the somewhat disabling span of years sundering her posited lovers. But she always wisely gave up when she had arrived at the number ten.

  But at Treskinnick Castle for a time, at least in a metaphorical sense, all went merry as a marriage bell (as the sixth Lord Byron had remarked of the Duchess of Richmond’s ball before the Battle of Waterloo). It was true that Dr Sutch, so far, had nothing to report. He appeared to have a conviction, irksome but to his credit as a serious scholar, that his commission was to delve into the entire, and for the most part entirely unremarkable, chronicles of the Digitt family. On one occasion he even announced with satisfaction that he had ‘got as far as the Civil War’. Lord Ampersand, although not very well-informed on the doings of Oliver Cromwell and Charles, King and Martyr, obscurely surmised that such massive public disorder could only have occurred a long time ago – even longer ago than Shelley and Lord Byron had occurred. But he was gratified to learn (or rather to be reminded) that Treskinnick Castle had been besieged and reduced in the course of whatever had then been happening. It appeared that this fate had befallen a great many other castles at the time, and it would be rather humiliating had Treskinnick been left out. Lord Skillet made fun of the irrelevance of this august historic occasion to the present circumstances of the Digitts, which were as reduced as the castle had been in the mid-seventeenth century. But in this judgement Lord Skillet, as it happened, was to be proved wrong.

  A day came upon which Charles Digitt and Dr Ambrose Sutch did meet. Charles stretched one of his weekends into a long weekend, and on the Monday morning made his way up to the muniment room. It struck him as he began the hazardous climb that he was at a slight disadvantage in this propose
d interview. He had a strong curiosity about Dr Sutch, but there was no reason to suppose that Dr Sutch had the slightest curiosity about him. No doubt the learned man would be civil. Yet he might perfectly well feel that here was merely a troublesome interruption of his dedicated task at Treskinnick.

  The North Tower being a very massive affair, the chamber immediately under its roof was as large as a modest banqueting hall. Abundant as were the accumulated treasures of the Digitts in a paper and ink way (whether in bound volumes and letter-books or in dispersed bundles either trussed up in string or merely flapping around) there was tolerable space to move about in. The deer, foxes, badgers and otters – and also numerous plaster-and-paint versions of improbable-looking fish – had all been moved to one half of the room, and had an odd appearance of patiently awaiting attention they weren’t going to get. At the other end the various bits and pieces of nautical equipment had been piled up, one thing on top of another, in a higgledy-piggledy fashion.

  Quite a lot of muscular effort must have been involved, and Charles wondered who had provided it. He couldn’t imagine Archie doing much in that line, or Ludlow being at all readily persuaded to muck in. A species of corvée levied around the estate was no doubt the answer. Certainly in one way or another the decks had been cleared for Dr Sutch. Down the length of the room two long trestle tables had been set up, and on these were piles of paper presumably in process of being set in order. There were also a couple of large steel filing-cabinets which must have been hoisted to their present elevation at considerable risk to life and limb.

  All in all, Dr Sutch’s present surroundings didn’t much suggest the dignity of scholarship; nevertheless Dr Sutch received his visitor with all the aplomb of the Director of the British Museum or Bodley’s Librarian in the University of Oxford proposing to do the honours of his institution to one of the Crowned Heads of Europe.

  ‘Mr Charles Digitt?’ Dr Sutch asked with a grave bow.

  ‘Yes, I’m Charles Digitt. How do you do?’

  ‘How do you do?’ Dr Sutch shook hands. ‘May I venture to wish you many happy returns of the day?’

  ‘Oh, thank you very much.’ Charles had quite forgotten that it was his birthday, and it had been an occasion of which his kinsfolk at Treskinnick must have been culpably incognizant. ‘You must be quite a chronologist,’ he added rather feebly.

  ‘A facility in committing dates to memory is a useful, if humble, endowment to one in my walk of life, Mr Digitt. It enables me, for instance, to remind you that the anniversary of your father’s death falls the day after tomorrow. Lord Rupert would then be fifty-seven, had he been spared to us. A life most unhappily cut short in its prime.’

  ‘Yes, quite.’ Charles didn’t altogether like this facile command of the family annals, although these particular instances of it were harmless enough. ‘How is the hunt for Adrian getting on, Dr Sutch?’

  ‘We cannot, things being as they are’ – and Dr Sutch gestured comprehensively round the muniment room – ‘expect any very immediate success. But meanwhile, I am getting my bearings in a general way. It is curious to reflect that on his deathbed Adrian Digitt, as a devout Anglican, may have been distressed by the news of Dr Pusey’s condemnation and suspension at Oxford following upon his sermon on the Holy Eucharist. That was preached, you will recall, on the 14th of May. It was an interesting year, seeing both the publication of Liddell and Scott’s Greek-English Lexicon and the foundation of The Economist by James Wilson. Yet who is to say what was that year’s most important event? It saw, too, the beginning of Sir Richard Owen’s Comparative Anatomy and Physiology of Invertebrate Animals.’

  ‘By Jove! Did it really?’

  ‘Which was concluded in 1846, and enlarged in 1855.’

  ‘Well, well!’ Charles wondered whether he was being made fun of. ‘Have you met Miss Deborah Digitt?’ he asked abruptly.

  ‘I have not had that pleasure.’ Dr Sutch appeared a little startled. ‘Do you recommend it?’

  ‘It’s just that she’s a bit of a historian herself.’ Charles at once regretted having mentioned this Budleigh Salterton connection. It was in his interest to keep Deborah out of the picture for the present. ‘Knows a little about the family, and that sort of thing. But probably less than you do.’

  ‘I must make a note of it. I gain the impression, Mr Digitt, that your father also took an interest in the subject. How unfortunate that he died before you were of an age much to discuss it with him.’

  ‘I was two.’ Charles felt some satisfaction in thus showing command of at least one chronological fact.

  ‘But precocious, no doubt.’ Dr Sutch seemed to judge that this inane remark was deftly complimentary. ‘I have been working, as I have explained to my clients, on the period of the Civil War. Do the fortunes of your family at that period hold any special interest for you?’

  ‘I can’t say that they do.’ Charles was conscious that Dr Sutch had put his question with an odd sharpness. ‘I gather the castle got bashed about a good deal. It’s a period that has its interest in the history of warfare, I suppose. Owners of places like this imagining they were still in the Middle Ages, and able to dig in and resist a siege. Then up come chaps with really powerful up-to-date cannon and start pulverizing them. This tower clearly suffered a bit. But it puzzles me, rather. I’m not a soldier, of course. I’m an architect.’

  ‘Ah, yes. I don’t doubt, Mr Digitt, that you will contribute notably to our national heritage in that field.’

  ‘Thank you very much.’ Charles judged this decidedly overpowering. ‘I hope that crazy staircase doesn’t worry you. The idea of it was to contribute notably to birdwatching, I believe. Its present use has been a whim of my uncle’s, and of my cousin Archie’s. I gather Archie has been lending you a hand.’

  ‘Yes, indeed. Lord Skillet is being most helpful.’

  ‘He seems a little worried by your discovery that some papers of Adrian’s are thought to have arrived in a private collection in America.’

  ‘He is rightly worried, of course. Yet I judge that anything of the sort is likely to be of minor importance.’

  ‘I had a chat with my cousin a little time ago, as a matter of fact, about places other than Treskinnick in which some sizable cache of the stuff might be found. Do you yourself think there may be anything in that?’

  ‘It is not a possibility to be neglected, Mr Digitt. As you know, there was the period of residence in Italy.’

  ‘I don’t know anything about a period of residence in Italy.’ Charles felt something like his uncle’s irritation at thus being politely credited with information there wasn’t the slightest reason to suppose he had. ‘Do you mean that Adrian Digitt lived in Italy for a time?’

  ‘Most assuredly he did. For a substantial period before his final domestication here at Treskinnick he occupied the primo piano nobile of a small palazzo on the Grand Canal at Venice.’

  ‘The dickens he did! That must have cost him a pretty penny.’

  ‘Not perhaps at that period. But the fact opens up – does it not? – a further field of investigation. There may be papers mouldering away in Venice now.’

  ‘But the story is, Dr Sutch, that Adrian put in his last years here at the castle in trying to set all his stuff in order. So he’s not likely to have left much in Venice – or anywhere else on the Continent.’

  With this argument Dr Sutch was constrained to agree – although obviously with reluctance. Charles felt it unnecessary to hint to him that Lord Ampersand was most unlikely to stand him the cost of a little tour in Italy on the strength of this nebulous hypothesis. Charles was coming to suspect Dr Sutch of being a humbug. He didn’t know what kind of humbug, but of the general idea he was pretty confident. How had Archie come by the chap? It was a point on which Archie had remained suspiciously vague. Was Sutch what might be called a creature of Archie’s? Or was he fooling Ar
chie, or at least planning to do so?

  These dark thoughts came to Charles partly because he sensed that Dr Sutch, for all his grave and deferential manner, was having dark thoughts about him. He had made no move to show Charles how he was actually going to work in the muniment room. It had been an unsatisfactory interview, and Charles resolved to put an end to it.

  He moved to the door giving on to the little wooden platform in which the external staircase terminated. Although he had no particular fear of heights, he realized that he would be taking a firm grip of himself as he emerged and began the descent to the castle’s inner ward. Only the sea lay at a crazy depth below. Or at least one could see only the sea; actually there was a narrow band of tumbled rock rounding the promontory on which Treskinnick lay, and along this one could make one’s way at low tide. But to glimpse this from above one would have to lean out over the staircase’s handrail in a manner scarcely short of the suicidal.

  ‘It’s really a dreadful place!’ he exclaimed impulsively. ‘I’m surprised, Dr Sutch, that you put up with it. Just a little sweat – and possibly the loss of one or two menial lives – could get the stuff down for you to ground level. And there’s no end of room for it in the rat-ridden pile.’

  This had been a nervous and disagreeable speech – as Charles Digitt knew even as he uttered it. But Dr Sutch, who was holding open for him a door which might have given access only to vacancy, received it impassively.

  ‘The present muniment room,’ he said, ‘although chargeable as being a shade eccentric, undoubtedly has its convenience. It affords seclusion for unintermitted work. I have very few vexatious interruptions while up here.’

  At this, Charles took a civil leave of Dr Sutch and began his descent. He was enough of a Digitt to tell himself that he had just been made the recipient of a piece of damned impertinence.

 

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