“Do not insult the lives of those lost in your name. You think they would not wish to be alive again? If they had the chance, do you think they would squander a moment of it? They did not perish for you to live a half-life!” His words silenced any harsh words I was about to send his way. “Now get out of the pool. We are training today and every day until the war,” Alki’s dark eyes pierced me before he whipped around and headed toward the stone building on the property.
I shivered, moving slowly for the pool steps. His words hurt, but he was right. I had given up. I had always been a fighter, but I had let life beat me. This person was not who I am. I never let anything stand in my way. Yes, I’ve had a shitty couple of weeks, but the thought of all those people who had died in Seattle, Monterey, along with my biological mother ... I’m sure all would have chosen to deal with my problems if it meant they could live again, to see their loved ones and hold their children once more.
I was instantly awake. The icy water dripped from my skin, the cold air lashed through my hair. My heart pumped in my chest, confirming I was alive. Determination woke in my body, stirring the survivor in me. I was a warrior—and I would fight.
SEVEN
Every muscle and joint hated me. No, they hated Alki, but I had to feel and hear their complaints. The drills he put me through were agony: running in the mud, uphill; climbing the rope wall; doing pushups and sit-ups till I wanted to puke. I realized I didn’t like being “more human.” My body did not heal or recover as fast, and everything felt harder and tougher to do. He pushed me till I vomited and then passed out. Alki had no compassion with my lack of powers. I knew I needed to train. I could not depend on my magic supporting me anymore, and I needed to be able to withstand battle without them.
He finally excused me for the day, but training with Alki was far from over.
“You have grown weak in mind and in body.” Alki knocked on my scalp and my stomach with the staff he used in kicking my ass in Bataireacht, a form of Irish stick fighting. “But this is the most important.” He tapped on my head again and then at my heart. “These are the most powerful weapons you can have.”
“Crap. We’re in trouble then.”
Alki frowned, not the least bit amused.
“Tough crowd,” I mumbled.
“Enough. You are in no place to joke. You no longer have your powers to rely on. How do you think you will be able to fight the Queen? There is no way you can beat her in your condition. You are unprepared and doomed to fail if you do not see the seriousness of your situation.”
All humor left my face, drawing my shoulders down.
“Your body we can train, and train we will, but your mind and heart are what will win the war.” Alki came around me, facing me. “And it will win, Ember. It must.”
Alki was right. Since I could no longer out-power her with my magic, I had to outwit her. Find her weakness. And my love and determination were my driving forces. I needed to learn so much more before I faced my aunt. I hated thinking of Aneira as a blood relative. Truth had become a humongous pain in my ass. Part of me thought I had been better off in ignorant bliss when I had no idea what true pain, loss, and betrayal could mean. This was my life. Coming to accept it instead of fighting it was the only way to save my sanity. There were no what-if’s; there were only what-now’s?
After Marguerite fed me an early dinner, I limped my way to Lars’ office. “Was giving me hyperthermia your idea of waking me up?” I said as I pushed open the door, walking in uninvited. The back of a pixie faced the Unseelie King. “Simmons!”
The pixie turned, his face lighting up. “My lady!” He flew to me, but stopped when Lars cleared his throat. Simmons flipped around, standing to attention.
“Everything I told you will get back to Torin and Castien?”
Simmons dipped his head. “Yes, sir.”
“You are dismissed, Simmons.”
Simmons bowed to Lars and zipped around to me. “My lady, it is so good to see you ... talking again.”
“I missed you, too.” I smiled softly at the little blond-haired, blue-eyed pixie. His 1960s fighter pilot outfit appeared cleaner than I had ever seen it. His swizzle stick sword hung from his belt.
“Simmons,” Lars’ voice rang with warning.
“Wait for me,” I whispered. “I want to see you before you go.”
Simmons nodded and headed out. “I will, my lady.”
I shut the door behind him and faced Lars again. “You didn’t answer my question.”
Lars didn’t acknowledge my presence. He finished what he was working on before he sat back, his eyes surveying me. “It worked did it not? It got you out of your self-pity coma.”
Crossing my arms, I gave him a sour look. “Self-pity? You don’t think finding out my mother is not my real mother and my biological mother and father have been murdered by my boyfriend’s brother and uncle is not reason to flip out a bit?”
“I did not say whether it was deserved or not.” He steepled his fingers. “However, before giving me the credit for getting you out of bed, it was not my idea. Someone else thought you needed a ... how did he put it ... jumpstart. It was his idea to get you back into training.”
“Eli?”
“Yes, or as I am starting to think of him: the lawn furniture.”
I couldn’t stop the small giggle that erupted. “Did you just make a joke?”
He pinched his lips.
“Be careful you might be susceptible to a thing called humor,” I teased.
His eyes narrowed.
“Never mind. It passed.” I sat in the chair across from him. “Now that I am talking again. I think we have some things to discuss. I have a lot of questions.”
Lars head dipped in firm agreement.
“How did Aneira steal my powers? Can I get them back?” I sat forward in my seat.
Lars peered at the ceiling in thought. “Through one of my sources in Seattle, there is a rumor going around in which Fae powers were transferred to a human by your magic.”
“What? Me? How is that possible?”
“During the electrical storm a bolt of lightning hit a Fae, going through him and connecting with the human who stood behind. If it had been normal lightning, I am sure it would not have done anything except perhaps kill the human. However, it was not a normal storm. It was strong Fae magic. Your magic.” Lars’ focus settled heavy on me. “Aneira obviously heard the rumor and was willing to try it.” A frown pinched Lars’ lips. “Proving this rumor to be fact.”
“Something I did caused it?” I placed my head in my hands and rubbed my face roughly.
“We cannot dwell on what has happened. We cannot change it. The focus is on what we will do now.”
I looked through my hands then propped my chin in my hand. “Probably better I don’t have my powers. I seem to only hurt people.”
“Ember, did you think you would be able to contain your abilities?”
“Kinda. Yeah.” I sat up straight. “You made it sound ... if I continued to train and work hard, I would get a handle on them. Eventually.”
“Handle is the key word there. Not control.” He tilted back in his chair. “As a Dae, you will never stop working to contain them. As you know, Daes were always frowned upon, long before Aneira claimed them abominations and illegalized them. They were too powerful, even for their own good. Too much of something, especially magic, can be a dangerous thing. Daes were not immune to the overdose of magic in their system. Most ended killing themselves.”
I was aware of this possibility, but to hear it point blank from Lars’ lips, only confirmed my greatest fears. Once I got my powers back, every day would be a fight, a struggle for me to restrain myself. There would be no relief, and there would always be the potential I could hurt, possibly kill, someone again.
“Right now, we need to center you being without them, until we figure out how we can get them back from Aneira. The only way I see you obtaining them again is killing her. Her death will restore them
back to you. We need to get the sword in your hands.” He tugged at his cuffs, straightening his shirt.
My back curved into the chair. A silence grew between us before I whispered. “I want to know why you let Eli in here. You don’t like him, and I don’t want him anywhere near me ... so why is he here?”
Lars sighed. “You are right. I do not like the Dark Dwellers, although I do not like a lot of people.” He swiveled his chair, focus going out the side window where Eli stood watching us. The dimming skyline drew shadows across the rug. “Though I may not be fond of the Dark Dwellers, I respect them. They are loyal and fight to the death for their own. I admire such devotion.” He turned back, his eyes narrowed on me. “You are one of them now. No matter what you think he has done or what his deeds have been, he will die for you. As your Uncle, I cannot help respect his tenacity. We have all done things we regret. Even you, Ember, have blood on your hands. You unintentionally killed many people’s mothers and fathers.”
It was the truth. It sliced at my gut like thousands of razor blades. “But it was my mother he helped kill, which is not something I can get over.”
He pointed to himself and replied, “I killed your father. You find my action all right?”
The logic of his statement slammed into me. “No, it’s not okay, but you had to. Devlin was insane. He was killing people.”
Lars gave me a side glance. “Remember, tread carefully when you attempt to blur the line between right and wrong. It can be different from where you are standing.” He turned back to face me. “Be sure you understand Elighan’s side before making any judgment.”
“I can’t believe you’re defending him.” There was more shock in my sentiment than anger.
“I am not defending him. I am merely suggesting there is more to Elighan’s story than Lily’s side.” Lars sighed. “You are so much like your mother. So stubborn.”
“Which one?” I snorted. I didn’t mean it to come out so derisive.
“Both.” One of his eyebrows arched. “You inherited stubbornness from one and came by it in your environment with the other. Aisling and Lily are both extremely tenacious, as you are.” His expression softened a little when he said Aisling’s name.
“You were in love with Aisling, huh?” I blurted. I put the pieces together, but I wanted to hear the full story from his mouth.
Lars stared at me, his yellow eyes glaring at me. Finally he looked away. “Yes. We were in love.”
“Tell me. I want to know your side of the story.”
There was a full minute of silence before he began. “Aisling was married to Eris, who was abusive and controlling. Aisling was not the kind of woman you constrained. She was independent, determined, and full of life. I fought my feelings for a long time, but even I, a Demon, fell for her charms. There wasn’t a Fae who did not. She had a flare about her, and you felt alive in her presence. Our affair was full of passion. I was the one who first took her to Greece. My home town was a perfect spot to meet. Sometimes Devlin would join us. My brother and I were close back then. With her, we could be ourselves. There was no pretense. The three of us became friends. Light, Dark, Fay, Demon, we let go of prejudices and were ourselves.”
He blinked and looked out the window, his voice tightening with control. “I sensed Devlin was in love with her, too. I was cocky and young and did not even consider I could lose her to him. Aisling and I were deeply in love, but my need for power, my desire to have what my brother was achieving as the Unseelie King, consumed me. The more distant I became, the more she turned to him for comfort. Looking back, I can see how it happened; then, I did not. Let us say I did not react well to finding out Aisling’s feelings had shifted to my brother. Devlin and I fought almost to the death. We did not speak afterward. Aisling hated how she tore us apart, but none of us were able to walk away.
“Our feelings for each other did not dwindle, even after she chose my brother. With Devlin she felt safe and loved; with me, it was always a storm of hunger and desire, an addiction hard to break away from.”
Don’t I know it?
“So you continued your affair?”
Lars nodded. “We tried to stay away from each other, but most times we could not.”
My biological mother was married to a Fay while having an affair with two Demons. Go, Mom.
“I think Devlin knew Aisling truly loved me. But I craved power and was too self-absorbed to see what I had. His jealousy changed him. She left him, but by then she was pregnant. Eris believed the baby was his. He was too arrogant and narrow minded to see the truth.
“Aisling wanted to keep the baby. She knew the truth would come out as soon as you were born. She understood from the moment she discovered she was with child she would not be able to hide from Aneira and, thus, her own demise was inevitable. As you know, by Fay law, an association with a Demon in any way is cause for death. Being a princess and pregnant with a Demon’s child was the worst deed she could ever have done. Aneira would never let her own sister evade the law. Even if she had wanted to forgive Aisling, she would have made an example of her.” Lars turned to me with sadness in his eyes.
“Aisling understood her destiny but did not want the same fate for you. Lily was Aisling’s lady’s maid and best friend. She turned to her for help. Of course, you know Aneira was aware of the affairs for a long time and planned to secretly kill Aisling, blaming it on the Dark Dwellers.” A brief flicker of pain gripped his forehead, then it was gone. “I could have helped her if she had come to me.”
“Why didn’t she?” I asked.
He shrugged. “Aisling was fiercely independent. She did not want to need anybody or be under anyone else’s control. She was too stubborn for her own good. It’s why she and Lily became such good friends. They were a lot alike and understood each other like no other. They were more like sisters than Aneira and Aisling had ever been.”
“What happened to Eris?”
Lars scoffed. “He killed himself.”
“What?”
“His pride was greatly insulted when he learned his wife had an affair. Not only did she betray him, but she betrayed her Queen and crown with two Demons, one the Unseelie King, and now she carried a bastard child. Eris could not face anyone. His dignity and stature were his driving forces. He did not see a way of redemption after being so greatly humiliated.” Lars’ tone revealed contempt for Eris. He sounded like an ass, but it was still sad. He ended his life because of what my mother had done, although I did not feel too much pity knowing he had been abusive.
Rez and Lars were together, but I never heard him talk about her like he did Aisling just now. I was pretty sure Aisling had been the love of his life. The one he loved and let get away. Before I found out I was part Demon, I never thought a Demon could love or feel loss. Holy crap! Was I wrong! They experience great sorrow, and when they do lose something or someone, the repercussions of their pain are not only personal but global. Fae, in general, seem to behave similarly. They hide their true emotions, though when they do crack, it was a catastrophe.
After learning about my mom and Eli, I shut down; the desire to destroy simmered under the surface. Growing up human allowed me to control my Fae tendencies a bit more. It might have been a good thing I no longer had my powers; otherwise, I may well have leveled another town, without Asim’s help.
I squirmed in my seat. My next question had been bothering me for a while, and could not avoid it any longer. I glanced at my hands in my lap. “Is there a chance ... perhaps ...” I huffed out, holding my head high. Defiant. “You could be my father?”
Lars did not react; he did not even blink. The silence grew, and I wasn’t sure if he would answer me. The chair creaked as it turned away from me. He stood and walked to the windows. “I do not know.”
“Were you two together when I was ... conceived?”
Lars cleared his throat, his eyes distant and his face contorted. I had never seen him look uncomfortable before. “Yes. As I said, Aisling and I could not stay away f
rom each other.”
“So ... there is a possibility you are my father?”
His only response was a quick nod.
I didn’t know what to do with the information now I had it. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. “Is there a way to be tested?”
Lars shook his head back and forth, still looking away from me. “No. My brother and I were identical twins. Human twins may have different DNA, but my brother and I were pure Demon, identical to the last strand of DNA. Only our personalities were different. There is no way of ever knowing who your real father is.”
“But she said I was Devlin’s.”
“Devlin was not certain of our continued affair. If he was, he did not say anything. But my brother was smart. I think he knew the entire time. He loved her and did not want to lose her either. When she stayed with him, he was willing to ignore it. He would have made a better father, before he went insane. Whether it was me or Devlin, she chose the man she thought would protect you better.”
“Why did he go insane?”
“Being the Unseelie King is not an easy job. He was not as equipped for it as I am. I think the knowledge of Aisling’s inconsistent love also slowly eroded his mind. When she died, he acted completely irrational and did not care about anything anymore. Destroying and killing were his ways of dealing.”
Crap on ash bark. Between Aneira and my “father,” insanity ran rampant in my family. I didn’t fall far from that apple tree. I had thought my life was convoluted. These complications went above and beyond. Writers of soap operas need to take notes on my family.
My family.
As screwed up and crazy as they all were, I had one. Alive or dead, blood or not blood, I could call all these people family, even the Dark Dwellers. No matter what they had done, they were a part of me. I knew I would have to face Eli again, soon. And Lily.
Lars moved away from the window and turned to me. He seemed to pick up my train of thought. “I know you are angry with her, Ember. You have a right to be. However, I think you need to understand what she went through. I may not agree with all the choices Lily made, but I feel she did what she thought was right. Knowing you now, I can see why she chose to keep her life a secret from you. You are far too impulsive and inquisitive. If she had told you anything about who you truly were, you would have looked for more answers. The truth would have gotten you killed. At first I thought it was a foolish decision, but now I think it was wise. She wanted to keep you sheltered.”
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