Ryan, Mark, and I fell into our usual dinner banter. Kennedy and Ryan had spent lots of dinners at my house, and it felt uncannily familiar to have the chatter back. All we needed was Kennedy. As if Ryan could read my thoughts, he cleared his throat. “Nothing on Kennedy yet?”
“No.” I shook my head.
“I get reports daily they are out searching for her,” Simmons pronounced. “We will not stop until we find her.” I bit on my lip. I was too much of a coward to admit I had not been a part of the search.
Later as we carried our dishes to the sink, I leaned over to my mom. “Do you want to go for a walk?”
Her eyes widened, and she nodded.
Mark stepped in and grabbed the dishes from our hands. “I got the dishes. You two go.” He smiled warmly at us both.
Mom’s smile brightened her face as she looked at him. She placed her hand on his arm and squeezed it with affection. He smiled back, and his eyes were full of love as he looked at her. It felt like I was intruding on a private moment. I was happy they were trying to work it out. I knew whatever happened they would get through it together. Love like theirs doesn’t go away no matter how angry or hurt you are. It’s forever.
An image of Eli’s smirk flashed through my mind, wrenching my gut.
Torin sat in a rocking chair on the porch as we stepped outside. The moment we appeared he stood and disappeared into the house. It seemed wherever I was he didn’t want to be. The door slammed which left mom and me standing on the porch alone.
“He’s been through a lot.” Mom looked back toward the door.
“I know.”
“He’s a good man, but his whole world has been shattered. He doesn’t know what to do now. When I told him about your powers being taken, he said he felt the disconnection between you but didn’t understand until I let him know. He first thought you were dead, and he went a little crazy. He doesn’t know how to adjust to you not being the center of his world.” Mom stepped off the porch, her boots crunching on the gravel. “I truly hope he finds his way. He reminds me too much of Eris right now. Black and white. When life turned out to be gray, his pride and stubbornness would not let him move on.”
“It is scaring me. Every time I see him, he’s getting darker and darker. I don’t know what to do.” I stopped and turned to face my mom.
“It is not your job to fix him, Ember. He has to find his own way.” Lily twirled her long auburn hair into a low bun. “You can only be there as his friend when he decides to accept what has happened. Right now, seeing you only causes things to be worse.”
I took a deep breath, the truth of her words settling blade-like between my bones.
“And I think Thara most of all wishes he’d get through this and see there is more to life than you,” Mom teased.
I guffawed. “Yeah, I noticed her attention on him from the moment they came to the Dweller’s ranch.”
Her small hand touched my face. “Merely because you love someone, doesn’t mean they will love you back. Love doesn’t work like that. Hearts don’t love on command ... or with logic.”
Pinpricks of pain assaulted my own heart; I knew her words held dual meaning: Eli and her.
We walked in silence for a while before she broke it. “I am so sorry, Em, for all the heartache I caused you and the betrayal you must feel from all the lies.”
“Tell me. I want to know everything.” I stopped walking and looked deep in the shadowy forest. I could hear the surging waterfall in the distance. “From the beginning.”
Her shoulders went up as she let out a long breath. She took a few moments to collect her thoughts. “My family had always worked for the royal family. Aisling and I were the same age, and it was a perfect fit for me to become her searbhanta, basically a lady in waiting. When I took the role, we were both around twelve in human years. We immediately became best friends and spent every waking moment together. When Aneira took the throne, our friendship became even stronger. We were each other’s confidantes and support. She and her sister never got along, though Aneira likes to pretend otherwise. Aneira was jealous of our relationship. She was envious of everything when it came to Aisling. Aisling was definitely their father’s favorite. Their mother died giving birth to Aisling ... another reason Aneira hated her.”
The shadows on Mom’s face cleared, and she smiled. “Aisling was beautiful, powerful, strong, sassy, and men fell over themselves to be next to her. Aneira was all these things, but even as a child she acted cold and aloof. She was power-driven and saw nothing else. To be fair, Aisling never had to worry about ruling or being a queen. She had more freedom and less responsibility. Aisling was free to be the wild child and do what she pleased. Aneira had to take on a lot at a young age. The King pampered Aisling but raised Aneira to keep her feelings and emotions locked up. He actually treated her cruelly, acting distant and reserved, preparing her to be the queen.
“The division between the sisters grew every year, filling their relationship with resentment and anger,” she said. “Eris had always been betrothed to Aisling, and at first she liked him. She got caught up in the idea of them as a couple and didn’t see the true man underneath. After their engagement, things slowly changed. His temper and need for power showed. I tried to get her to see it, but she ignored my advice. Only a month or so after their marriage, she came downstairs with a black eye.” Mom stared through the trees at the evening sky. The stars were magnificent and luminous. I wanted to reach out and snatch them up.
Mom’s eyes shown with pride for her friend. “Aisling was strong and only let the brutality happen once more before she put him in his place. He never physically touched her again, although he abused her emotionally. Aneira brushed aside Aisling’s attempts to talk to her. Aneira liked Eris and tended to ignore anything negative about him. I was the only person Aisling could go to.” Mom’s lids blinked repetitively.
“So what happened? When did she meet Lars?”
Mom sighed heavily, sitting on a rock behind her. “Aneira was already obsessed with returning to Earth. Aisling saw what lengths her sister would go to control it, and knew her plans were to kill or enslave all humans. Also, Aneira’s fear of Daes and Druids grew into such hatred she tried to annihilate both lines. Aisling knew she needed to do something. No one at the castle had the power or desire to stop Aneira. I mean really stop her. Aisling met secretly with Lars since she couldn’t go straight to the Unseelie King. Devlin was not easy to find, and it would be perilous if any spy spotted Aisling with Devlin. Fays associating with Demons is so unaccepted it could mean their life. It would be worse for a princess, so she and Lars met when their secrecy could be guaranteed. I knew of their meetings, but it was a while before she told me they were having an affair, that she’d fallen in love with him. As her friend I met him several times. I could not deny their connection, but I knew he wasn’t good for her. Nothing positive would come of their relationship. I tried my best to have her see the folly. She was every bit as stubborn and free spirited as you, and she went with her heart.
“Like you’re not equally as stubborn and free spirited,” I smirked.
“Yeah, I am. But I wasn’t as much back then. Aisling was enough for the both of us.” Mom smiled. “Their plans to find the sword and kill Aneira were the reasons for meeting, but their love flowered and went on for years. I think Eris knew she was cheating on him, but he would never admit it.” She paused for a moment before resuming. “Things might have continued, but Lars was changing. His own obsession for power, for what his brother had, got the better of him. Aisling had become good friends with Devlin at this point and turned to him for advice and support. Everything got quite sticky between them. She fell for Devlin, but I always felt she looked at him more as a friend than a lover. Lars was her weakness; they could not stay away from each other.”
Their connection reminded me of Eli’s and mine. And my feelings for Torin reminded me of what Aisling might have felt for Devlin ... safe and secure but without passion.
“When Aisling discovered she was pregnant, I knew things would never be the same. There was no doubt she would keep the baby. As her friend, I won’t deny I begged her to get rid of you.” Mom wiped an escaping tear. “But she wouldn’t. She understood the repercussions of her choice. There would be no way of claiming you were Eris’s child. Nor did she want to. She loved you. She was proud of having a Dae.”
“Do you know who my real father is? Did she tell you?” I kicked at a loose pebble with my toe.
“No.” Lily shook her head. “As you know, Aisling was not perfect. She loved two men. Some people might judge her, but I saw her with both of them. Each brought out something different in her. Devlin felt more secure, and he adored her beyond words. Lars and she were connected past time and space. They got each other without talking. They were so intense and in love with each other, and it was what destroyed them. Both men, when you saw her with them, seemed right. There was no right and wrong merely unfortunate timing.”
I understood. Love came in many ways and with various people. They fit into your life differently. It wasn’t who was right or wrong or good or bad. At the end of the day, it was who made you laugh and feel he was the person you wanted to spend your life with. The image of Eli’s cocky grin, his green eyes glinting with mischief, struck me hard. He was there. Always. My throat constricted as I tried to swallow.
“Tell me your side about the night you fled with me to Earth.”
“Aisling started planning the moment she found out about you. She didn’t tell me anything about when she found the sword or where she hid it. I think she wanted to keep me safe and innocent to her schemes, knowing I would be the first person they would come for. She only asked me one thing: that I be the one to get you out of the castle and take you to Earth, where I could hide you.” Mom scooted back onto the boulder, her voice thick.
“We conceived our plan. She contacted the Dae, Brycin. We talked and plotted each day, getting it down to a science. Both of us ignored the truth in front of us ... we were planning her death. She knew Aneira would come after her and the baby. Aneira’s wrath posed a great threat to Aisling and to you, and Aneira would never let her or you be safe, even on the run. Aisling would stay back and distract her sister while I got you out. She did not fear death. The only thing she wanted was for you to be unharmed and grow up far away from Aneira.”
I folded my arms across my chest to hold back the pain and love for someone I would never know.
My mom shook her head. “I resented you at first. You were the reason my friend would die. I understood she wanted me to raise you and love you like my own. But all I saw was a Dae baby destroying our lives. Then you were born ...” Mom sniffed, her fingers wiped at her nose. “She laid you in my arms and told me to protect you with everything I had. To keep you away from the Otherworld. The moment I held you in my arms, everything changed. It felt like you were always meant to be mine. Nothing in the world could have kept me from my promise, whether she asked me or not. The bond I felt with you was instant, and I knew it would never change.” Mom took a gulp of air, forcing back the tears.
“We had been secretly planning but so had Aneira. She had known about her sister and the Demons for a lot longer than we were aware. She knew the baby didn’t belong to Eris. She came for the both of you that night. Well, actually she hired the Dark Dwellers to come for you. She could not get her hands dirty in the death of her sister and baby niece. Aneira devised to keep the secret of your being a Dae. If you were dead, she could play the inconsolable queen who lost her sister and her niece. Unfortunately for Aneira, you lived, and the gossip about your two different colored eyes and hair set the castle ablaze. For years she has tried to squash the rumors, but she never could.”
“What happened when you were getting us out?” I couldn’t say his name, but I wanted to hear the truth. I wanted her to finally say it.
“I could smell the Dark Dweller coming. Usually they are hard to detect, but he did not bother to hide his odor or his presence. Aisling kissed you on the head and mumbled something to you. I wasn’t paying attention to her words as I was so focused on the beast heading for us. Also knowing I was saying goodbye to her. For good ...” A few more tears fell down Mom’s cheek. She took a few moments before starting again. “Brycin waited for us in one of the castle’s secret doorways. When Lorcan barged in, we ran. A raven led us to Brycin. The raven adored and was faithful to Aisling.”
A raven? It had to be Grimmel she was talking about. He mentioned he had helped get me out.
“He knew every inch of the castle, every secret tunnel and space. He was getting us to a passage, which would lead us out. That is when we ran into the other Dark Dweller.” Her eyes squared on mine. “Elighan.”
My heart beat faster, thumping like a drum in my chest.
“Our eyes connected and I saw and smelled the desire to kill, his red eyes, locked on us. He guarded the hall. Brycin pushed me toward our escape route and blocked Eli from you. He lunged for her and he would have killed her, but the sound of Aisling screaming ripped through the palace.” Mom took another pause. Her face contorted as if she were recalling another torturous memory. “His attention turned to the room. It gave us a single moment to escape Elighan. Every step I took caused my gut to rip open knowing she was being murdered. But getting you to safety was the rope I held onto to keep my feet moving and leave her behind.”
Every time she had tried to tell me Eli was dangerous, or she attempted to get me away from him, I hadn’t listened. Now I understood her desperation. She was a mother who only wanted to protect her baby girl. To keep me away from the Dark Dweller who had wanted to end my life. I should have listened to her. I should have run faster and farther away.
Tears dripped off my chin. I hadn’t realized I was crying. The sacrifices both my mothers made for me—what they went through to keep me safe.
“This is why I needed you far away from the Dark Dwellers, especially from Elighan. I wanted to protect you from him. From the hurt you would go through when you found out.”
Without a word I went to her and gathered her in my arms. A strangled cry broke from her lips, and she hugged me with fierce desperation. She sobbed, letting go years of secrets, painful memories, and lies.
“It’s the reason I did everything. I did it for her. I did it for you.” Her hand came to the back of my head, and she stroked my hair. “I love you so much. I am so sorry I caused you so much grief.”
Aisling gave birth to me, but Lily was my mother. I would always love Aisling and be in awe of what she gave up for me. But the amazing woman in front of me had bandaged my knees when I fell off my bike, held me close and snuggled with me when I had a nightmare, made me peanut butter cookies when someone was mean to me at school. She raised me.
I might look like Aisling, but I took after Lily, who had always been my idol. She made mistakes and was far from perfect, but the older I got the more I understood. All the hurt I had felt didn’t completely melt away, but it was something we could work through. Lily had sacrificed her home, her family, her life in the Otherworld for the love of her friend and a little girl. She lived her life on the run, always trying to keep me safe and protected. She gave me a home, unconditional love, and Mark. She gave me a father. I no longer cared whether Lars or Devlin was my true father. I had one already; Mark would always be my dad. And Lily would always be my mom.
“Shhh.” I patted her back.
“I knew someday I would have to tell you the truth. I thought I was protecting you by hiding it. I hoped ignorance would keep you safe.” She pulled back, looking me in the eyes.
“I think it did ... until it didn’t anymore,” I said.
She brushed her nose with the back of her hand. “I was so scared if you knew the truth I would lose you.”
“You’re my mom. I might get upset with you, but you will never lose me. Ever.”
She collected me into a bone-crunching hug. We stayed holding each other for a long time. Mother a
nd daughter, finding a new relationship through sorrow.
Mom gripped my hand tightly as we walked back toward the house. “Aisling would be so proud of you ... of the incredible person you’ve grown to be.”
I stopped and turned toward her. “Both of you sacrificed so much for me. You gave up everything, and she gave her life.”
She cupped my cheeks love etched deeply on her face. “And I don’t regret a second of it, and I know Aisling would do it again without hesitation.”
“Why would you do this for a baby that wasn’t yours?”
“Because we’re your mothers.” She smiled. “And you are worth it. You are worth everything.”
TEN
The entrance to Earth slipped over me, tickling my skin. Fog had rolled in, disguising the details of the gloomy forest. The moon peeked through thin spots in the dense moisture. Fall had arrived and a cool breeze wiggled through my lightweight jacket.
I scanned the area as gloomy wisps licked at my feet and curled around the foliage. Dark, creepy forests never scared me. In fact, I usually felt at home in the mysterious darkness. Tonight seemed different. Something felt off. The hair on my arms prickled. Reaching down, I tugged the short blade from my boot. I had learned to trust my gut.
The wish for Simmons to be with me echoed in my accelerating heart. Simmons had stayed behind. Lars wanted him there, he and Cal the carrier pigeons between the worlds.
I had come out a door away from Lars’ property line in case someone happened to see me. The house was over eight miles away. I crouched lower, taking hesitant steps. The off-kilter feeling was only enhanced the longer I walked and nothing happened. Bells were going off within every heightened sense I had left. My heart trotted like an anxious show horse in my chest.
Still nothing.
I took a deep whiff of air, my nose assessing each smell around me. There were too many animals and smells to decipher if one was dangerous. I was possibly being hunted. Normally this would not send fear into my gut, but I also was more human than I had been. I remained a Dark Dweller, but it wouldn’t stop a bear or mountain lion from tearing into my flesh.
Blood Beyond Darkness Page 10