The space was filled with light and her mom’s glowing smile. As filled as it had been with garbage just a few hours before.
“I almost don’t want to park my car in here,” her mom said as she stopped and stared at the side window, which had been blocked by cardboard boxes. “It’s beautiful.”
Essie leaned against the workbench. “It’s a garage, Mom.”
“It’s a beautiful garage.”
Ted stood to the side, an amused smile on his face. “Corrine, you don’t have to be afraid to park your car in here. It’s your space. You reclaim it however you want, as long as it’s in a healthy way.”
“Oh, I was just joking. Of course I’ll park my car in here. I’d park it in here tonight if those trash containers weren’t in the way.” She stared up at the ceiling. “Do you think they can put one of those electric openers in here for the door?”
“I’m sure we can find a trustworthy contractor to take care of that for you,” Ted said.
“I’d like that,” she said, finally pulling her gaze from the cobweb-free ceiling. “I’d really like that.” She walked to the opening and stopped, turning to face them. Then she held out her hands in front of her, waist-high, and slowly walked in. “I’ll be able to bring my car inside, even if it’s raining, without having to get out. I can stay dry while I unload my groceries. I won’t have to juggle an umbrella and the bags.”
She stopped by the workbench and stared at it. “I could even put the bags here while I unload, before I bring them inside.” Her tone held more than a touch of wonder. “Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve been able to do that?”
Her mom turned to where Mark and Josh now stood in the doorway. One last cameraman was still filming, and Essie, her mom, and Ted still had live mics.
Essie had been told that the network was trying to get their usual “star” crew in to film shots with her and her mom, but because of the short notice they hadn’t arrived yet.
Frankly, Essie didn’t want them there. She was happy with Ted, who seemed to understand her.
Mom. He understands Mom.
Then again, maybe Ted, and Mark, did understand Essie more than she wished they did. As Ted’s gaze met and locked with hers, his blue eyes seeming to delve deep into her soul to shed light on her secrets, she felt a stirring within her, one she wished she could explore.
One she knew, based on the circumstances, she likely never could.
She was shocked to realize that thought made her sadder than even the death of her father.
What the hell is wrong with me? What kind of damn freak am I?
Once they were free of the mics and the cameraman had quit filming, her mom stretched, a smile on her face. “I will sleep so good tonight, you have no idea. Are you ready to go back?”
“Yeah, in a minute. I’ll lock up. You go ahead and get your shower first.”
“All right. Thank you, boys, so much.” She hugged the brothers before walking across the street toward Ross and Loren’s house.
That left Essie alone with the men.
Mark stepped forward, concern on his face. It made her feel vaguely guilty that it was his eldest brother she wanted to talk to right now. “Are you all right?” he asked. “I know that’s a stupid question under the circumstances.”
“No, it’s not a stupid question. I guess I’m as okay as I can be. Under the circumstances,” she added. “Can I talk to Ted alone for a few?”
“Sure,” Mark said. Josh nodded. She didn’t miss the slightly puzzled look on Mark’s face before he turned with Josh and headed over to their supply trailer.
She pulled the large garage door down and locked it, finding the solid, clanking sound more satisfying than she’d ever imagined it would be.
“Wow. Mom’s right. That’s pretty neat.”
“I think your mom would stand out here and open and close that door all night if we let her,” Ted lightly observed.
She ran her hand over the handle. Someone had used a broom or something on the inside of the door, sweeping it clean, free of dust and cobwebs. They’d also oiled the rollers, hinges, latch, and other mechanical parts of it.
“You might be right,” Essie agreed.
“So what’s going through your mind?”
She couldn’t turn and face him yet. “I accidentally overheard Loren and Tilly talking earlier today,” she said to the door handle. “About BDSM. I asked, and they answered.” She finally forced herself to turn, her eyes focused on his knees. “Tell me about it.”
He let out a long breath before sticking his hands in the pockets of his jeans and shifting his stance, feet a little wider apart. His voice dropped, softer. “What do you want me to say, Essie?”
Even his tone sounded different, and not just the volume.
Now she knew she couldn’t look up and meet his gaze, afraid she’d want to drop to her knees in front of him.
Make it go away for me. Please, make it all better. I don’t want to do this alone anymore.
“You and your brothers are into it?” she asked.
“Into BDSM, yes. Does that bother you?”
“No.”
When she didn’t continue, he pressed. “Then what did you want to ask me?”
“You’re a professional. How do you reconcile that?”
“Back up a step. A professional what?”
“Counselor.”
“Yes, I am. The mental health community is finally recognizing that consensual BDSM isn’t an indication of a psychiatric disorder.” He smiled. “Something a lot of us have known for years.”
She didn’t know how to respond to that. “Tilly was talking about being poly. What does that mean?” She risked a glance at his face again before her gaze dropped to his knees.
He took a slow, deliberate step forward. She didn’t flinch away. He stopped a few feet from her, hands still in his pockets. “It means a non-monogamous relationship where people are involved with more than just their primary partner. It can take many forms, and it usually means all the people involved in the arrangement have consented and agreed to the rules the group sets.”
“So they can have sex with whoever they want?”
“Not necessarily. You might be thinking about swingers, and even then, there’s a hugely malformed public image about what they do. They frequently have their own rules about what can and can’t happen, but I suspect that’s straying from your topic.”
She nodded. “How many poly people do you know?”
“Besides myself and my brothers? Quite a few.”
“You don’t, you know, with your brothers, do you?”
“Eh, no. We were in a poly relationship with a woman, a submissive, for a while. She wanted and enjoyed having more than one partner at a time. We enjoyed playing with her. When she needed more from us than we could give her, we parted friends and went our separate ways.”
“Needed more how?”
“Every sadist has their limits, just as every sub has theirs. She pegged us out at the top end of our scales and needed more.” He shrugged. “Communication is key in poly relationships. Well, it’s key in BDSM, too. It’s about trust and communication. If you can’t manage either of those, it won’t work.”
“And Mark and Josh?”
“Yes, they’re Dominants, too.”
“Are you seeing anyone now?”
“No. I’m single. Can I ask why you’re so interested in this?”
She felt heat fill her face. “I just wanted to know.”
“And now that the secret’s out, can we depend on you to be discreet about it? We have a lot of friends who came out today to help, and more who will be here tomorrow.”
“I won’t say anything, I promise.” It took every ounce of strength she had, but she looked him in the eyes. “I’m okay with it.”
“Good. I’m glad it’s not an issue. Our private lives are nobody’s business. You will find the same mix of people in BDSM as you will in the general population. All occupations, economi
c situations, genders and sexualities, and with countless interests.” He looked around, smiling. “Hell, there are probably people out there paying top-dollar for clean-garage porn.”
That made her laugh, as well as relax a little. “Think Purson will set us up with that to make more money?”
“You never know. Look, it’s late, and you have to be exhausted. I promise, if you need to talk to me about this at any time, feel free. But I’d prefer we make sure we don’t have a film crew tagging along, and we make sure our mics are off. Deal?” He withdrew his right hand from his pocket and extended it.
She shook with him. No magic zap of energy raced through her, although she did wonder what his strong hands would feel like roaming over her body.
“Deal,” she said.
He helped her get the garage locked up and they rejoined Mark and Josh by the supply trailer.
“Everything all right?” Mark asked.
She smiled. “I’m good. Really. Thank you.” She hugged—just hugged—him, Josh, and then Ted, before bidding them good night and heading back to Ross and Loren’s.
Her mom was just finishing up her shower. Essie opted for a quick shower, followed by a soak in the tub. Closing her eyes, she envisioned first Mark, then Ted.
Don’t forget Josh.
No, don’t forget him, with his black hair and brown eyes. They all strongly resembled each other. You could see they were brothers.
Is it any coincidence they all turned out to be Doms? Were there any case studies on that?
Probably not.
Closing her eyes, she tried to relax without falling asleep. When she caught herself nodding off, she let the tub drain and rinsed off, cleaning the shower as she did, before getting out and toweling dry.
Pulling on a T-shirt and sleeping shorts, she crawled into bed and had a thought about calling or texting Amy before sleep took over and dragged her down into its depths for the rest of the night.
Chapter Twelve
Ted called Mark and Josh into his office early Saturday morning before they headed over to the Barrone house. They’d met at the office first to take care of some administrivia for other parts of their business that Tracy needed them to handle.
He closed the door for privacy since their weekend receptionist was in the office. No reason to soft-pedal it. “I can’t consult with Essie anymore,” he announced without fanfare.
Mark found his voice first. “But they need you.”
“I’ll still work with her mom, don’t worry. But I can’t counsel Essie.”
“Why not?” Mark asked, frowning. “What the hell?”
“Is this about why she wanted to talk to you alone last night?” Josh asked.
Ted stared at the floor, hating he had to say this. “Because I’m attracted to her,” he said. “And I can’t be objective with her.” He finally looked up at Mark. “And because I know how you feel about her. And, heads-up, she knows about our involvement in BDSM. Loren and Tilly spilled the beans.”
“You like her?” Mark asked.
Ted looked at him. “That’s all you can think to ask? Really?”
“Just answer the question,” Josh said.
Ted stared at them. “Yes, I like Essie. Happy?”
A slow grin spread across Mark’s face as he turned to Josh. “What about you?”
“Wait,” Ted said. “What?”
“Shh.” Mark waved his objection down. “Josh, what do you think?”
His brother’s face turned red as he jammed his hands into his pockets and suddenly found the carpet very interesting. “She’s nice.”
“Be honest.”
Josh took a deep breath and let it out again before finally meeting Mark’s steady gaze. “I like her, okay? I like her a lot. There, are you happy?”
Mark’s grin widened. “I am now.”
Ted stared at his youngest brother. “What are you saying? She lives in Spokane.”
“Who’s to say we can’t maybe talk her into moving here?”
“We barely know her.”
“I don’t mean tomorrow. But let’s be honest, with her now having a relationship with her mom again, she’s going to have a pull toward moving here, right?” Mark looked to Josh. “Tell me I’m wrong.”
Josh rubbed the back of his neck. “In theory, it sounds good. But you know as well as we do that theory and reality are two different things when it comes to being poly.” He dropped his hand. “So I’m not going to count on this as a sure thing when we don’t even know if she’d be interested in that in the first place.”
Ted silently gave Josh credit for being sensitive. “Mark,” Josh continued, “we don’t even know if she’s kinky. Just because she’s okay with us being kinky doesn’t mean she wants that, too. We all did that once. Marrying the wrong woman. As much as I’d love poly with you guys, I’m not going to give up all other hopes for love because of some flimsy what-if that might possibly be out there…or not. And, likewise, I don’t expect either of you to give up a chance for love if you meet a woman who decides she wants no part of being poly. It takes a special kind of woman to want to be in a BDSM dynamic as a submissive, much less be poly. That’s a tiny subgenre of an already minuscule slice of the general population.”
“Just stay open to it,” Mark said. “Please?”
“We are,” Ted and Josh parroted. Ted glanced at his younger brother before continuing. “Just don’t get your hopes up unrealistically, all right?”
“I won’t. I just want to know you two have my back.”
“We do have your back,” Ted assured him. “We always will have it. That’s why we’re asking you to please keep your feet planted firmly on the ground.”
Well, this conversation went better than I thought it would.
It also had taken a far left turn from the direction he’d thought it would go.
“So have you told Essie yet?” Mark asked.
“No. I’ll talk to her as a friend, but I think for the purpose of filming the show, she needs to work with Kennedy.” Kennedy Porter was the network’s handpicked mental health specialist for the series. She looked good on camera and definitely had great rapport with their clients.
But off-camera, none of the men could stand her. She was arrogant, pushy, and frequently rude to them and the work crews, except for Ted. She sucked up to Ted.
For that reason alone, Ted despised her. Love me, love my bros.
Ted secretly suspected she was a Domme in her private life and, somehow, had reacted badly to Mark and Josh. They were always polite and professional with her, but even Purson had noticed how she acted around the men and apologized to them for it.
“Boss likes her ratings appeal,” Purson had once said. “You guys ever have a better choice to replace her, I’ll take it to him.”
“Kennedy might not be in until Monday,” Josh said. “If then. Hell, at the rate we’re going, we might have most of the house emptied by Sunday.”
“No,” Mark said. “We need to make Sunday a half day. Give the crew a rest. And give Essie and her mom a rest, whether they want it or not.”
“Good luck with that,” Josh muttered. “Corrine is an absolute machine.”
“We’ll need a trash dump by then anyway,” Ted said. “Hell, both containers are over three quarters full and that was just mostly the garage. Imagine what will happen when we dig into the house.”
“They’ll come swap them out Monday morning,” Mark said. “I already arranged it.”
“And we’re supposed to have rain tomorrow,” Ted said. “We can use that as an excuse to shut down filming.”
Mark nodded. “Seth already said he’ll get a tarp up on the roof this morning. He found the leak. That’ll prevent more damage.”
“Okay, fine,” Josh said. “So what do we do meanwhile?”
“Our job,” Mark and Ted said. Mark gave the floor to Ted. “The thought of chasing someone who’s emotionally vulnerable doesn’t sit well with me anyway.”
* * * *
/> Mark didn’t want to admit to his brothers that he’d already done more than just talk with Essie. Unfortunately, with all the volunteers and crew around, he hadn’t had any other opportunities alone with her to repeat their kiss.
He knew, deep in his heart, that she was more than a little interested in him, at least, and possibly even Ted. He could tell from the way she’d watched Ted yesterday. Now that he knew Essie was aware of their private proclivities, he wouldn’t hide that from her.
“I kissed her,” Mark admitted.
Josh and Ted stared at him. “What?” they both finally asked.
“Kissed her. Well, she kissed me first.” He told them what happened.
Ted scrubbed at his face with his hands. “Jesus, Mark—”
“Open mind, right?”
He let out one of those sighs, the big-brother kind. “Don’t screw with her mind or her heart.”
“I’m not. I’m keeping an open mind.”
If she was interested, she would respond. If not…
Well, then she’d push him away.
He damn sure hoped that didn’t happen. He didn’t want his heart broken twice by the same woman.
And while he knew Essie was going through a lot, he suspected she was a lot stronger than Ted thought she was. He sensed an inner strength and determination in her that went deeper than he could remember seeing in other clients.
Then again, he recognized it could be more wishful thinking on his part.
Neither brother seemed to have anything else to say.
“If that’s all you wanted to talk to us about, can we get moving?” Mark asked. “I want to get over there and get started.”
“Yeah, that’s it,” Ted said. “I just wanted to make sure we are on the same page, and make sure I handled this sooner rather than later.”
“When are you going to tell her?” Josh asked.
“I don’t know. I’ll figure that out when we get to that point.”
* * * *
Saturday morning, Essie was able to sleep until six thirty. After grabbing a toasted bagel and cup of coffee, she headed over to her mom’s house and got it unlocked. The film crew, workers, and volunteers wouldn’t arrive until after seven.
A Clean Sweep Page 12