“Hey, I don’t think we’ve actually met. I’m Brenna.” I gave a little wave.
“Yeah, nice to meet you. Casper,” he told me with a nod of his head.
“Casper?”
The boys came up with stupid nicknames all the time, and they stuck. I knew this. But I couldn’t figure out why they would give this dark-skinned kid the name Casper.
“Uh, yeah.”
He took a few steps closer, and it clicked into place. His eyes were the lightest shade of blue I’d ever seen. They were almost white. When you matched them with his dark skin, he could have looked pretty freaky. But the way he was looking at me didn’t make me feel anything but comfortable.
“Ah. Your eyes. I get it,” I said with a smile.
The kid was handsome. If I were a few years younger, I would have been checking him out, but the life I’d lived the last five years left me feeling old enough to be his mother.
“Yeah. Genetics are a funny thing. My mom was Hispanic, but my dad had red hair, almost like yours. My sister and I both got all of our mom’s features, but our eyes are like our dad’s. It’s pretty fucking weird since brown eyes are dominant.” He shook his head and grabbed his phone again as I started walking toward the hose at the side of the porch.
“You can come out back with us if you want,” I called with my back to him. “We’ve got soda and stuff back there. Lunch. Plus, Trix is going to be running through the sprinkler like a maniac, which should be fun times.” I grabbed the hose and spun back around with a smile on my face that quickly disappeared by the look on his.
“I need to bring you up to the gates. Some official is up there, and they’re not letting her through, but they said you need to get up there.” He looked at me worriedly.
“What?” I couldn’t understand what was going on.
“We have to go to the gates, Brenna. You want me to let Vera know?”
He started to walk around back, but I stopped him.
“No, I’ll just bring this hose back and let her know. No reason for Trix to miss out on the sprinkler.”
I hurried around the house and found Trix with her head on Vera’s lap on the picnic blanket. Vera raised her finger to her lips to keep me quiet, but as soon as I got close, Trix popped up and started clapping her hands.
“You little faker! I thought you were sleepin’!”
Vera teased her as I set down the end of the hose. She was tickling Trix, making her scream and laugh, when I finally got her attention.
“Vera, I have to go to the front gate,” I told her quietly. “One of the boys called Casper. They need me at the front. Can you keep Trix here?”
“Sure, darlin’. No problem. You ridin’ with Casper?” she asked as I stood back up.
“Yeah, he said he’d give me a ride.” My mind was racing with possibilities.
“Dragon ain’t gonna like that.”
“I can’t argue about this right now. I have to get up there.” I shook my head. “Give me a kiss, Trix. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
Once I got back to the front of the house, Casper fired up his bike, and we took off toward the gate. It only took us a couple of minutes to get there, and when I saw the group there, my stomach dropped.
Dragon and Pop were arguing with some man in a cheap suit while a lady dressed in a matching suit stood by the side of a government-issued car. They seemed to be arguing about getting on to the compound as the lady watched with a scowl on her face.
“Hey, what’s going on?” I called out, refusing to let my voice show my fear.
“Are you Brenna Richards?” the lady asked me in a tone that made it clear she thought I was trash.
Dragon growled as I answered her, “Yes, I am. What’s this about?”
“You’ve been served,” she told me as she handed over a manila envelope and started back toward the driver’s side of the car.
I stood there, shaking, as I watched my pop say something to the man in the suit before he hurried to the passenger seat of the car.
“Fuckin’ cunt. Couldn’t even let the man drive the fuckin’ car; she wants to have a dick so bad,” Dragon grumbled as he wrapped his arms around me.
I couldn’t move. I just stood there, staring at the envelope like it was a snake ready to strike. I didn’t want to open it. I didn’t want to know what was inside.
Dragon finally realized that I was shaken up, and he took the envelope from me as he set me on the back of his bike. “Casper! Goin’ home for the night. You’re off shift. Poet, you heading back with us?”
I didn’t see or hear either of their answers because I had my face pressed tightly into the back of Dragon’s cut, trying to keep out the entire world.
By the time we reached the house just a couple minutes later, I was desperate to read the papers in the envelope. I wasn’t sure why my feelings had changed so quickly, but I had to find out what was happening. I ripped the envelope out of Dragon’s hand the minute I climbed off his bike and tore it open. The sound that came from my throat when I realized what the papers entailed would have scared me if I were aware of it. I dropped to my knees in the gravel and started rocking, letting the pieces of paper flutter out around me. This couldn’t be happening. He couldn’t be doing this.
“What the hell, Brenna?” Pop called from across the driveway.
But I couldn’t tell him. I couldn’t say anything because if I did, I was afraid I would start screaming and never stop. I just knelt there as Dragon dropped down beside me and started gathering the papers, all the while trying to hold me still.
“Read this,” he ordered, handing my pop the stack of papers. “Find out what the fuck is going on right now.”
He lifted me in his arms and cradled me tightly as I started wiggling. I could tell he thought I wanted him to put me down, but it was just the opposite. I wanted to crawl inside him. I wanted to take Trix and live inside him where Tony could never get to us—where we’d always be safe. I couldn’t get close enough. Faintly, I heard the sounds of Trix playing in the backyard, laughing at the top of her lungs, but I couldn’t even process it. I couldn’t process anything.
I barely noticed when Dragon laid me down on the bed and wrapped me tightly in the comforter we’d used the night before. He sat with me for a while, rubbing my head and whispering comforting things, until I closed my eyes. I was hoping he’d think I’d fallen asleep. Once he left the room, I heard him talking to Pop, and I knew they were trying to figure out how we would fight this. I just needed a minute to myself before I went out and got Trix dried off and dressed. I just needed a minute to wallow and worry and panic before she saw me.
The reason I left Tony was playing in the yard, and for the first time in her life, she was happy and secure enough to laugh at the top of her lungs. She was slowly coming out of her shell and felt comfortable enough to whine like any other kid her age. She was happy, and it was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.
It was all going to come crashing down around us, and my chest physically ached at the thought of Trix retreating back into the shell she’d been in since birth.
My nightmare, the very thing I’d been running from, had caught up to me. Tony was suing me for full custody of my daughter, and he had the money and the lawyers to win.
Chapter Eighteen
Brenna
Trix came bounding into the room, fully dressed, before I could make myself crawl out of my cocoon. Dragon was close behind her, trying to keep her from waking me up, but he paused when he noticed my eyes were open.
“Hey, Mama. You tired?” Trix asked me, and I could see the apprehension in her eyes.
She was far too perceptive for me to play it off. She slowed down as she reached the bed and gingerly started to crawl up like she’d done a hundred times before. I didn’t want her thinking I was hurt, so I quickly shoved my arms out of the blankets and grabbed her up, pulling her on top of me.
“Hey, baby girl! You have fun in the sprinkler?”
She was conf
used about me lying in bed in the middle of the day, but she was giggling cautiously as I squeezed my arms around her middle.
“Yeah, let’s do it again tomorrow!” she told me with her eyes wide.
“If it’s warm out again, we can. Maybe I’ll get in tomorrow!”
She laughed as I rolled her to my side and pulled the blankets up and over our heads. The light shining through the windows let me see her face clearly, and she was once again the happy girl I was coming to expect. Once we were under the covers, she started whispering, like she was telling me a big secret.
“Papa said I get to stay the night at Auntie Vera’s tonight! Can I come home tomorrow, so we can do the sprinkler?” she asked with her eyebrows lowered questioningly.
“Sure, baby. I’ll have her bring you home as soon as you wake up, and we can have pancakes when you get here.” I was irritated that Dragon had given permission for her to go to Vera’s, but I knew it would be better for her if she wasn’t home tonight while we dealt with Tony’s newest blow. “Want me to help you pack for your first ever sleepover?”
“Yeah! Can I bring my Legos?”
“Sure, baby. Let’s go get your stuff.”
I flipped the covers down to our waist, and I was surprised to see Dragon leaning against the doorway with a small smile on his face. I’d forgotten he came into the room with Trix when I put the blankets over our heads. He was looking at me like he couldn’t believe what he saw, and I wanted to lie there, basking in it, but Trix had other ideas and jumped like a kamikaze off the bed.
“Let’s go, Mama!”
I climbed out of bed and watched as she raced past Dragon and out of my room, mumbling the whole way about what she wanted to bring with her. As I went to pass him in the doorway, he stopped me with a hand on my arm. Before I could even look up, he grabbed both sides of my face, tunneling his long fingers through the hair by my ears and tilting my face to his.
“Best mama in the world, and I’m the lucky bastard who knocked her up,” he whispered as his eyes held mine. “We’ll figure this out. Our girl’s not goin’ nowhere.”
He waited until I gave him a small nod, and then he kissed me like he’d never done before. It was soft and tender, and I felt my eyes starting to burn until he lifted his head.
“Go get our girl packed up,” he told me and slapped me on the ass to get me moving.
Once Trix was on her way with Vera, Dragon and I sat down at the kitchen table with my pop. I knew they were trying to figure out how to stop Tony, but they didn’t know him or the lengths he would go to get his way like I did.
“He’s not her father; he can’t do this shit!” Dragon broke the silence by slamming his fist on the table.
“Yeah, you’re right, but fuck, he’s on the birth certificate, right? We gotta get you one of them damn DNA tests.” By the tone of Pop’s voice, I knew he was trying to calm Dragon down, and his no-nonsense voice seemed to do the trick.
“Yeah, I guess. They have that shit at the fuckin’ pharmacy by the condoms. How fuckers ever want to get laid after they see that shit, I will never know.”
“They do the test right there at the pharmacy?”
“Nah, you do it at home, and then you have to send it in to the company, and they mail you the results.”
My eyes, which had been staring blankly at the tabletop, jerked to Dragon after his little explanation. He was watching me, and as soon as he saw the horrified look on my face, he explained.
“Some chick was eyein’ me as she got her fuckin’ tampons, and I didn’t want her watchin’ me pick out fuckin’ condoms. Bitch was skanky as all hell.” His ears had turned bright red as Pop laughed at him across the table. He rubbed the back of his neck. “Picked up the first thing I saw that didn’t say ‘lubricated’ and acted like I was busy. She practically ran.”
They were both laughing by this time, but I just didn’t have it in me. I was hollow. It felt like every wall that I’d built was crumbling around me as I sat at the scarred wooden table. I’d have to go back to him. I didn’t see any way for me to win this fight, and I’d never let Trix go to him without me.
I was scared—more scared than I’d ever been in my entire life even when I’d thought he would kill me. We’d been here over a month, and in that time, I had lost the hard shell that had once protected me. I felt everything. Every word and deed caused an emotion in me that I hadn’t felt in years, except for with Trix. This time, I knew he could get to me, the real me. Not just my body, but my emotions. They were too raw to withstand him, and I knew he would finally break me. I was terrified of what would happen to Trix after I was broken.
I cleared my throat to get their attention. “You can’t send away for anything. That’ll take too long. I don’t think it’ll matter anyway. We were married when I had th…Trix.” I caught myself and took a deep breath. “I’m not sure what the laws are, but I do know from searching online that if I was married to him when I had her, she’s legally considered his.”
I jumped when Dragon pushed quickly to his feet, and his chair screeched back against the floor. He started pacing back and forth in anger, and I didn’t know if it was from the futility of our situation or the reminder that I was married when I had Trix.
“You had to fuckin’ marry him, right?” He shook his head at my stupidity. “Had to find some suit-wearin’ fuckin’ psychopath to raise our daughter with. Couldn’t fuckin’ come home. Oh no, high-class piece like you had to have a fuckin’ suit, right?” He laughed humorlessly.
“Son, sit down, so we can figure this shit out. No need to be sayin’ things you’re gonna regret later,” my pop said quietly across the table. “Sooner we figure this out, sooner you two can figure out what the fuck you’re doin’. End of the day, my granddaughter isn’t going anywhere. Not while I have breath left in my body. Just gotta figure out where we go from here.”
Once again, Pop talked Dragon down. It was evident to me just how much respect he had for my father by the way he listened when Pop spoke. I was, in turn, both relieved that their relationship was still solid and guilty with the knowledge that I could have messed that up.
“Sounds like we’re gonna be goin’ to court. Fuck me.”
“You sure that’s the way you wanna play this?” Pop asked Dragon with a look on his face that I couldn’t interpret.
“My name is going to be on that fuckin’ certificate, Poet. Do what I have to in order to make it that way.” He grabbed his keys off the counter and headed toward the front door. “Be back later. You good here?” he called to my Pop, catching his nod as he walked through the front door.
He never even looked at me. The pieces of me that I’d thought shattered in the yard proved that they could break even smaller as I watched him walk through the door. I needed him, and he was gone.
“Don’t worry, bonnie Brenna,” Pop told me as I twisted back to face him. “He just needs a little time. He’ll be back.”
I knew he’d be back, but I didn’t know what he’d find when he got here. I felt like I was already gone.
“He’d give his life for you and Trix, Brenna. He’d walk through fire. He’d slay a dragon. He’d go to prison.” With that, he walked quietly into the bathroom.
Pop and I spent the next few hours sitting on the couch, watching movies. It would be more apt to say that Pop watched movies, and I stared into space, my mind spinning with possibilities. When I’d sat without moving or talking for a solid two hours, Pop finally wrapped his arm across my shoulders and pulled me against the side of his chest.
“Gonna work out, Brenna. You trust your old pop for that, eh?” He kissed the top of my head as I snuggled in against him.
It was only a few minutes later that the safety and comfort of my pop’s arms lulled me to sleep. I barely noticed when he carried me to bed, and in the back of my mind, I hoped the bed didn’t smell like sex as I fell back asleep.
A few hours later, I woke up to Dragon climbing in next to me. I tried not to stiffen when he did
, but I couldn’t help myself when he reached around my waist to unbutton the jean shorts I’d worn to bed.
“Know you’re awake, Bren. Ya don’t need to wear these to bed. Ain’t gonna stop me anyway,” he mumbled from behind my head.
My voice was scratchy from sleep when I answered him, “Pop carried me to bed…I’m a little old for him to put me in my pajamas.”
“Oh, yeah? You fall asleep on the couch?” he asked me as he pulled my shorts and underwear down my legs.
I let him. I needed him close to me, and I didn’t care how.
“Yeah, he was watching some shoot-’em-up movie. Not really my thing,” I told him as I lifted my arms, so he could pull off my tank top and unfasten my bra.
As soon as he had me undressed, he pulled me close and buried his head between my breasts, wrapping his arms tightly around my waist. My hands went to his hair and pulled out the tie as his breath blew hot and hard over my skin.
“I fuckin’ hate this shit, Brenna. I hate knowin’ he’s got any ties to either of ya. I fuckin’ hate that he can still make you fall to your knees in the yard like your legs ain’t got any strength left in ’em. I hate that he got to see my girl growing in you, and he got to see her growin’ after that. I fucking hate it. And it’s your fault.”
My fingers tightened in his hair as his last sentence hit me. He squeezed me twice and then lifted his face to mine.
“But I don’t hate you. I’ve fuckin’ craved you for years. Watchin’ the stars. Tattooing those constellations on before the ink you used could wear off. I’ll never stop wanting you, even when I’m so pissed I could knock you across a fuckin’ room.”
My breath caught in my throat as I pulled my fingers from his hair and traced the three star tattoos I could see above where his body was pressed to mine.
“Holy shit,” I whispered as the magnitude of this hit me.
I had thought he wanted me for me, but when Trix was added to the equation, it was hard to be sure. Lots of guys didn’t feel the need to play house with the mother of their child; I knew this. Dragon had always craved a family though, and a small part in the back of my mind warned me that I was just a means to Trix.
A Ride or Die Kind of Love Page 51