“He didn’t die Mira. He was pretty banged up, but he made it. You on the other hand, hit your head pretty hard when you flew off the back. I have never been so scared. You looked like you were dead. When you didn’t wake up, everyone thought you were gone.”
My throat feels like it’s swollen and won’t let me swallow, almost like I had an allergic reaction to his words. “No Skylar, he did die. I remember. You held him when he died. You took me home from the funeral. You moved in with me when Kylee moved away.”
Disregarding the discomfort and pain, I push my hands into my hair, shaking my head back and forth.
“This isn’t right Skylar. I remember it so clearly,” I cry into my arms.
I feel Skylar shift on the bed, moving closer to me and finally embracing me in a hug. Cupping the back of my head, pushing it into his shoulder, I continue to sob until I feel like I have nothing left to wrench out.
“Mira, it’s going to be okay. Danny will be back soon and you’ll see for yourself. We’ve been here every day. Kylee’s been here and so has your mom.”
Skylar releases me from the hug and moves back to the spot he initially sat in at the foot of my bed, watching me intently. Watching me almost as if he’s waiting for me to break down and freak out.
“NO! HE. IS. DEAD,” I yell, “He left us. We grieved and we moved on.”
“You must have dreamed it Mira, because I promise you he’s very much alive. He’ll be back with coffee. Watch that door, Mira. He’s going to walk in any minute.”
“It wasn’t a dream. It was real. You and me, Skylar. We are real and we moved on, together.”
Getting off the bed and pacing the room, Skylar runs his hands through his disheveled dark hair. It looks like he’s going to pull it out by the roots. Moving back towards my bed, he sits down at my hips, leaning in so close that if I were to move my head an inch, I would be at his mouth, which is what I do.
“Mira, don’t,” he pleads.
“No. I won’t stop. I finally figure out where I’m supposed to be and you won’t even kiss me,” I say in a loud whisper.
“You don’t even know what happened, Mira. You wake up after seven weeks and think that your fiancé is dead and that we’re in love or something,” Skylar says, straining to get his words out.
“We are in love. We’re madly in love. You and I grieved the loss of Danny and we found love in the process. We found each other. The way it should have been from the beginning.”
“Do you have any idea? Like really, any clue, how long I wished you would say something like that to me? How I have wished that for just five minutes that you were mine, so I would know how it felt to be loved and wanted?” Skylar says, tears welling up in his eyes.
My heart is breaking for him. My own tears start to flow as I grab his hand, pulling it to my mouth, kissing his knuckles. “I am yours Skylar. Stop telling me I’m dreaming. I know what’s real,” I say placing his hand over my heart, “this is what’s real. The love I have for you. The way you make my heart flutter and skip a beat. That is real.”
“Mira, please stop. I can’t have this discussion with you. You’re not mine; you’ve never been mine. For the last four years, you’ve been Danny’s; no matter how much I wished it weren’t true. The bottom line is that I could only dream that you loved me the way I loved you,” Skylar says pulling his hand away.
“You told me before that in your mind, I was always yours. That you would always love me. That you would take care of me and never leave me. You said that if you ever had the chance, you would show me that you would be worthy of my love. How don’t you remember this?”
Skylar’s face turned as white as my generic sheets, “You heard me?”
Finally, he remembers. My heart flutters. I am finally getting through to him, “How could I not hear you? After we made love, we were lying in bed, facing each other. You pushed a piece of hair behind my ear, out of my face. You kissed my nose and rested your forehead against mine and told me all of that. I’m so happy you remember. I told you this was real.”
“Mira, I have loved you from the second I saw you freshman year. I wanted to talk to you, but Danny beat me to the punch. I never questioned it, because he was my best friend. I grew up with the kid. When you and Danny went down, I was terrified. I was so scared that I’d never get to tell you how I felt about you. The doctors said to talk to you, that it might help. That’s what I did,” Skylar says, stopping to dry the tears coming down his face and falling onto my bed.
“Every day that you were asleep, I told you how much I loved you, how much I missed you. How I would love you forever. Promised that if I ever had the chance, I’d make sure to tell you all of my feelings. You were asleep when I told you,” Skylar says, drying the rest of his tears.
Shaking my head, I grab his hand again and pull it to my chest. “Skylar, I know you. You are my forever. I wasn’t dreaming. I wasn’t sleeping. I was right here with you. You can’t tell me it was a dream. Dreams aren’t like this. Don’t you get it? You just told me that my fiancé is alive and all I want is you. You are always what I wanted.”
“Please believe me Mira, I want you more than anything else. You don’t know what you’re saying. You just woke up after almost two months and think you love me because you have a head injury,” Skylar says shifting in the bed.
“I have never been more sure of anything. I am in love with you and you with me. What else is there to know?” I ask, anger and frustration building in my body. I feel like I’m going to explode any second. I try to keep calm knowing that as soon as my blood pressure gets too high, that nurse is coming back. She can’t come back until Sky knows this is fucking real.
Skylar leans into me and grabs something from around my neck. Pulling it up right in front of my eyes, I see my engagement ring from Danny on a small silver chain. “This is what else there is Mira. This is it. You don’t love me. You just think you do. You love Danny and he loves you. You guys are going to get married and I’ll be there. I’ll be his best man. I’ll watch you marry someone else, because I love you that much.”
“Dammit, he might not be dead, but he’s not mine anymore. You’re mine Skylar,” I yell. Taking my hand and hitting my own chest, “You’re in here. You’re so deep in my heart; there isn’t room for anyone else.”
Adjusting the height on the upper portion of my bed, I raise myself up so I’m literally meeting Skylar eye to eye. I focus in on him, staring deep into his crystal blue eyes that I have seared to memory. They are so vivid I close my eyes and still see them. Every damn detail.
“It’s not a dream, Skylar. This is as real as it gets. I’ve never felt anything more real. The way you kiss me, nibbling on my bottom lip. The way you feel inside me, filling me. The way your lip twitches at the moment you come. Skylar, this is fucking real,” I say as I caress his cheek, running my fingers over his lips, “These lips. They look firm, but when they’re on mine, they’re so soft.”
“Mira, you’re killing me here. I’ve had the same dream for years. Kissing you, making love to you, waking up to you. But that’s all it is, a dream.”
I stopped caressing and grab his cheeks in my hands, “Stop saying it’s a fucking dream. It is real. I know how I feel. I know how you feel. I know what you like and how you like it.”
I let his face go and move my hands towards the side of his face. “I know that you love when I do this,” I started massaging his ear lobe softly between my thumb and forefinger. “I know that when I caress you and move my fingers lightly over this spot, you shiver,” and just as I move to the soft spot between his ear and his shoulder, he shivers.
Skylar leaps off the bed, staring at me, hard, “How?”
“Because, it’s not a dream, it never was a dream. I loved Danny, but I crave you. You’re so embedded in my soul; I know it’s not a dream. I know that it’s the truth. So what do we do about it?”
“I can’t just decide what to do, Mira. Not after you being awake, what half an hour, opening yo
ur heart to me. I can’t just break Danny and ruin him. He’s been here with you; he loves you. You promised yourself to him. I’m going to need more than five minutes to decide if I can ruin a lifelong friendship.”
I know he loves me. I can see it. He’s fighting himself right now. He tells me that Danny is alive, but I grieved the loss of that relationship, awake or not, I know that my heart is where it’s supposed to be. I gave my heart to Skylar and he accepted it. Feeling braver that I ever have I say, “You need more than five minutes? You have six.”
After six minutes, yes, I watched the clock and the minute that second hand hit twelve, his six minutes were up.
“What did you decide?” I ask, praying that he knows what my reality is versus what he thinks. I need him to use his heart and not his head.
Saying exactly what I feared most, Skylar says, “Mira, I can’t do that to Danny. I would never forgive myself for hurting him so badly.”
“What about me? What about my hurt? You said you love me, what about your hurt?” I yell. “Why is his pain and hurt more important than mine or yours? We’re in love, that has to count for something.”
“Mira, I love you but we’re not in love, it was a dream,” Skylar says, eyes looking in my direction but focused on something that isn’t where he needs to look. I need him to look in my eyes, into my soul. If he does, then we’ll be fine. He’ll see it. The frustration is taking a toll on my body and I know I’m going to lose it.
“Well then fuck this. If what I feel is not real, if everything was just a fucking dream, call that nurse in here to give me something to put me back under. I don’t’ want to live in reality when my dream was so wonderful and I was happy. I’d never been happier in my life. You make me happy and I want to be with you. If the only way I can be with you is in a dream, push that fucking button. I want to go back to fucking sleep.”
Skylar walks back to my bed, resuming the position that I need him in. As soon as he’s seated, I grab his face and pull it towards mine. I wet my lips as I attempt to show him how much in love we are, since he won’t listen to my words.
I place a light kiss on his lips and he groans. Taking this as a sign to continue, I slightly open my mouth, capturing his bottom lip between mine. Lingering in this position for a few seconds, I take my tongue and run it slightly across the seam of his lips, requesting permission to go further. Just when I think that he isn’t going to kiss me back, I go to pull away. At that very second, I feel Skylar’s hand in my hair and he kisses me back.
This isn’t one of those fairytale kisses you read about. This is raw and full of pain and emotion. He plunges his tongue into my mouth, massaging the roof of my mouth. I match his tongue and it’s as if we’re wrestling for position. I need this; I need him. I feel the wetness building up between our faces and I don’t know if the tears are only mine.
Skylar pulls out of the kiss and looks at me. Seeing the whites of his eyes, speckled with red lines, I know that mine were not the only tears spilled in that soul-shattering kiss. Skylar puts his fingers up to his mouth, feeling his swollen lips, almost as if he can’t believe that happened. He stares into my soul. Checkmate.
“Do you love me?” Skylar whispers.
“I do love you, but it’s more than love. I need you. I crave you. You’re my forever. Do you love me?” I ask.
“You’re the only person I have ever loved. I’ve always wanted to know what it felt like to kiss you, how I would feel kissing you. Now that I know that feeling, I don’t know if I could ever give it up. I love you more than anything Mira. I always have and I always will.”
Skylar takes me in his arms. He hugs me so tight, but it’s full of love. He’s right here, in this moment with me. He feels everything I feel.
Pulling back from my body, he looks into my eyes. “We’ll figure it out,” Skylar says as he places another kiss on my lips. This kiss is kind and gentle, the kind of kiss that makes you see fireworks and stars at the same time. A kiss that you want to remember for the rest of your life and tell your grandchildren about. This is a kiss that makes you realize you’re kissing the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
Just as Skylar pulls out of the kiss and leans back on the bed, I hear the door open and a familiar voice enters the room.
“Oh my God. Mira, you’re awake? Oh shit. Skylar, she’s awake,” Danny says, dropping both cups in his hands, spilling their contents over the dingy tiles, rushing to my bedside.
“Hi,” I say, eyes darting between Skylar and Danny.
I know exactly where I belong and who I belong with, but seeing Danny’s face, knowing he’s here, I can’t imagine hurting him. If he would have walked in thirty seconds earlier, he would have caught us. Fuck, I can’t even continue that thought. Just thinking of it, makes me want to puke.
“Hi yourself. I can’t believe you’re awake. Bro, why didn’t you call me? How long has she been up? Did you call the nurse or doctor? Mira, how are you feeling?” Danny starts firing off questions, talking a mile a minute. I can feel his elation.
“Danny, just breathe, okay man. We’re good, waiting on the doctor to come in, the nurse paged him,” Skylar says.
Danny bends down and kisses my forehead as I glance towards Skylar, who has gotten up and moved back to the chair on the side of my bed. As Danny’s kisses continue from my forehead, to my cheek and finally my lips, Sky turns his head and cringes.
I don’t kiss Danny back and it doesn’t seem to bother him, but it bothers me and I know it bothers Skylar. Body language is a tricky thing. Even if you don’t verbalize your thoughts, the way your body reacts, speaks a million words. Skylar is sitting in the chair, body turned away from me and he’s staring off in the distance, not saying anything.
“Bro, why aren’t you jumping for joy? Our girl is back. She’s really back. Oh my God. I thought I lost you forever,” Danny says.
“Yeah, man, I know. Your girl is back,” Skylar says. As soon as those words ‘your girl’ leave his lips, my head jerks in his direction. How was I back to being Danny’s girl? Skylar loves me and I’m his girl.
“Danny, would you mind going to ask the nurse if I can have something to eat? I’m really hungry,” I ask him, wanting another minute or two with Skylar.
“Yeah, Pea, no problem. I’m just so happy you’re awake. God, I missed you. Thank you for fighting and being strong. I love you,” Danny says, kissing my cheek before getting up to walk towards the door. I don’t respond to his declaration of love. As much as I don’t want to hurt Danny, the thought of hurting Skylar any further tears me to shreds.
As Danny reaches the door, before walking out, he glances back at me. “I still can’t believe you’re really awake,” he says with a huge smile on his face, love seeping out of his pores; he turns back and leaves the room.
As soon as the door shuts behind Danny, I glare at Skylar, “His girl?”
“Who are we kidding Mira? You can’t be mine if you’re his, and that’s what you are. His. I don’t know if I can do that to him. That kiss shook me to the core, but how can I, we, hurt him like that? He is my best friend,” Skylar says shaking his head.
“Skylar, do you believe dreams come true? Because my dream is true. More real than anything I have ever known. All you have to do is trust that what I feel is just as real as what you feel and we’re going to be fine. We’ll figure this out, together. Please, just tell me you love me and know that I love you,” I ask him as Danny walks back in the room with the doctor that finally arrives.
“Sky, do you think that you could step out so the doc can look Mira over?” Danny asks.
With our eyes locked, searing into my heart, Skylar responds. I know he’s answering Danny’s question but more importantly, he’s answering mine.
“I do,” Skylar says with a lone tear drop sliding down his face.
As Danny sits on my bed holding me, kissing the top of my head, the tears fall freely out of my eyes, knowing that the man that holds the key to my heart is walk
ing out of my room.
“The best thing about dreams is that fleeting moment, when you are between asleep and awake, when you don't know the difference between reality and fantasy, when for just that one moment you feel with your entire soul that the dream is reality, and it really happened.”
------- THE END------
ABOUT AUTHOR
Ashley Suzanne is a married mother of three little boys as well as a daughter, aunt, sister, best friend, birth mother, blogger, book whore and author. Ashley is a native to the suburbs of Detroit, with most of her family living in Kentucky and New York.
You can usually find Ashley sitting in bed, with her laptop, playing on Facebook, pretending to write, entering giveaways (she’s also a swag whore) or on a football field with her oldest son, Tyler. Yep, not only is she a football fan, she’s a football mom!
When she’s reading, it’s typically something to do with romance, erotica being her favorite genre. Ashley co-owns a blog, 2 Chicks and a Blog, with her GBFF Manda. She’s a total fan-girl over a few authors, Pamela Ann, Brooke Cumberland, SE Hall, Madeline Sheehan, Jasinda Wilder, Angela Graham, CM Stunich and Riley Rhea to name a few.
Ashley has no pets, unless you count her children and she is a little OCD. Her favorite color is pink. Her favorite drink is cherry vodka and coke and double chocolate brownies are a must.
Thank you so much for reading our boxed set. It was a blast to put everything together for you guys. We hope that you’ll check out other books by the authors in this set.
Thanks again for your continued support,
Chelsea, Selene, Nicole, Bella, Kim, Kit, Madeline and Ashley
A Ride or Die Kind of Love Page 165