by Wendy Owens
“Know what?” I asked, my heart starting to race.
“That he’s totally hung up on you.”
Paige’s words made my breath catch in my throat. “What are you talking about? Colin is not hung up on me! He can’t stand me; in fact, I haven’t even seen him since he got in that fight with Stryker.”
“Why do you think that is?” Paige inquired, not looking away from me.
“Because he realized being friends with me is more trouble than it’s worth.”
“Oh my God, you really are clueless, aren’t you? You told him the two of you couldn’t be anything more than friends, idiot. He told Christian he realizes he’s falling for you, and he can’t be around you if you don’t want anything more.”
“What? No—” In that moment it felt like a vice was tightening around my heart.
“Yes! He is head over heels for you, girl. How do you feel about him?” she asked, leaning forward, desperate for all the juicy details of my innermost thoughts.
“I don’t know.” I gasped, collapsing back onto the couch cushions.
“What don’t you know? Colin is a great guy,” Paige urged.
“He’s a player.”
“Emmie, give the guy half a chance, and I think he’ll surprise you.”
“I think I like him, too.” I couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of my mouth. Did I seriously just say that I thought I might like him, too?
“Then go tell him!” She jumped to her feet, almost screaming in excitement.
I stood up, looking down at my skinny jeans and blouse. “I can’t… I’m a mess.”
“Oh, shut up, you look fine. He should be working on the loft with Christian.” Paige practically shoved me out the door. “Come tell me what happens as soon as you talk to him, all right?”
“Okay, I will.” My head was swimming. I grabbed my keys from the kitchen counter, not slowing down long enough to even think about what I was doing. If I did slow down long enough to think about it, I would probably chicken out.
“Oh my God! This is so fucking exciting!” Paige was no longer sad; instead, she was running in place, ready to explode.
“Wait, I almost forgot,” I said halting and turning back to look at her.
“What?” She paused, holding her breath as she stared back at me.
“I’m a finalist for the gallery project. I have a real shot at a legit show.”
“Fucking rock star! That’s what you are, my friend.” She pointed at me with a beaming smile. “Now go get that hottie.”
It felt like my heart might explode out of my chest. Was this real? Did Colin actually tell Christian he had feelings for me? And even if he did tell him that, could I really have feelings for him, too? The thoughts were racing through my mind, question after question as I made my way down the sidewalk and into the loft.
As it came to a stop on Colin and Christian’s floor, I thought for a moment I might vomit. Bracing myself against the wall with one arm, I swallowed deeply and knocked on the door.
“Come in,” I heard Christian’s voice from the other side of the door. How was I going to do this? Was I going to talk to Colin right in front of his brother? What the hell was I going to say? I wasn’t actually doing this, was I? Yup, here I go. My hand was really opening the door. One step and then another, and I was inside their living room.
Looking to the right I immediately saw Christian—he was pulling down the upper, mismatched kitchen cabinets. Pausing and glancing over at me, he gave a half smile, “Oh, hey Emmie, what’s up?”
I stood there, not knowing what to say at first as he continued his work. Maybe I should blurt out, I think your brother is amazing, and I heard he might like me, too, so where is that gorgeous piece of ass? But no, that didn’t seem right at all. “Is Colin around?”
“Nope, not sure where he went or when he’ll be back,” Christian replied without looking at me.
“Okay, thanks.” And that was it; I turned around and walked out, with no explanation. What was I thinking? Colin not being there was for the best. I had told myself more times than I cared to count that I was here for art school, not to find some boyfriend. It was quite obvious I wasn’t cut out for love, and I didn’t know how many more ways the world could tell me that fact.
Closing the door to the lift, I decided the best thing for me at this point would be to take my mind off Colin and all the confusing thoughts racing through my mind about him. Pressing the button to take me up another floor, I tried my best to focus my thoughts on the gallery project, reminding myself that was why I was in New York in the first place.
The lift ground to a halt, causing me to stagger slightly. Pulling up the gate I sighed as I stared at the canvas across the room. The burgundy swirled as it mixed with the teal, looking almost liquid, the white that tickled at the edges exploded into what looked like little bits of foam, reminding me of the ocean. I loved the way my paintings made me feel. That’s enough. Who needs love?
As I walked closer to my painting I gasped when I saw the back of Colin’s head. He was standing at the window, peering out at the street. I loved the way he made me feel. Just a glimpse of him made my heart flip and created an ache between my legs. Why was he here? I was beginning to resign myself to the idea of not telling him about the feelings I had for him, and then he shows up.
“Colin?” I whispered softly as I approached.
When he turned to look at me I felt my stomach drop, the skin around his eye had turned into a dance of blues and purples with a yellowish hue licking at the edges of the bruise. My jaw fell open in shock.
“It looks that good, huh?” he asked, delivering a half smile.
“Oh my God! I’m so sorry that happened to you.”
“I told you, don’t ever apologize for what assholes do.”
“I never got a chance to thank you,” I said taking a few steps closer.
“You don’t have to thank me; anyone else would have done the same thing.”
“Somehow I doubt that.”
“Has he left you alone?” Colin asked, studying me.
“I haven’t heard anything from him,” I replied truthfully.
“Good. That’s good. I should have checked in sooner. I’m sorry, I was… I don’t know what I was—”
“Please, don’t worry about it.” The space between us was now only mere inches. He smelled like fresh wood shavings. “I just hope you’re not mad at me.”
Colin’s eyebrows pressed together, a troubled look consuming his face. “Do you really think I could be mad at you for that?”
“I don’t know, I guess. I’m feeling like trouble kind of follows me.” I laughed lightly, trying to lift the somber mood. Sensing my attempt, Colin smiled. “Oh! I got some fantastic news today!”
“Oh yeah?” Colin inquired, tilting his head, still staring at me with great intensity. I could feel his eyes burning into me.
“I found out I’m a finalist in the gallery project.” Actually saying it out loud, I hoped it didn’t come across as bragging.
“That’s amazing!” Colin exclaimed, throwing his arms around me, lifting me off the ground into an embrace. In an instant, I felt like I was soaring, pulling my feet up behind me. As he set me back on the ground, our eyes locked, and I wished the moment would never end. I didn’t want him to pull away, and based on his lingering grasp, he didn’t either.
But it did end. Colin took an uncomfortable step back, shaking his head. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t—”
“It’s okay,” I interrupted.
“No, it’s not okay, Em. It’s not okay because I can’t do this.”
“I don’t understand… do what?”
Colin turned and looked back out the window. “I know something bad happened to you. Some horrible thing in your past that you don’t talk about.”
“How do you—” the words stuck in my throat.
“Anyone who gets to know you can tell you have walls, and there’s o
nly one reason to build walls. Look, I get that, and if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s your choice. What I can’t do is pretend that I just want to be your friend. I can’t be close to you and not want to kiss you. I can’t see the way you light up when you experience things for the first time and not want to hold you.”
My mind was spinning. Was I dreaming this entire interaction? No, he was real, and my next words came out as a whisper, “I don’t know what to say.”
“There’s nothing to say. I came here to tell you that I couldn’t make these feelings go away. I respect you, and I understand you’re not interested in anything more than a friendship, but I can’t pretend, so I can’t be around you anymore. If I’m around you, I don’t think I’ll be able to control myself,” he said, turning back to face me, his gray eyes staring all the way into my soul.
“Colin, please don’t.”
“This was hard enough for me to say, so don’t make it any—” he started, but I cut his words off, lifting up onto my toes, my chest pressing against him as my lips met his. My head was spinning, no questions, no thoughts besides what I wanted in that moment. I wanted him.
Colin wasted no time, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me even closer to his body. He thrust his tongue outward, parting my lips with ease. All I could think about was his touch. I hadn’t allowed myself to even admit it, but I had been longing for it since we met. I closed my eyes, the moment enveloping me.
When the kiss came to an end, I looked into his gaze; he was still holding me close. “What does this mean?” he asked softly.
“I don’t know,” I replied honestly, my heart pounding.
“Do you want me?” he questioned longingly.
I paused, scared to answer, but even more frightened not to. I didn’t want it to end. I wanted his hands and lips to explore every inch of my body. I nodded, and his eyes widened in delight.
A chill rushed down my spine as I felt his breath on my cheek. He gazed at me; I licked my lips slowly in anticipation, running my fingers down his back until they met the bottom of his t-shirt. I pulled slightly upward, and he took the hint. Releasing me, he lifted the shirt above his head, allowing it to drop to the floor, exposing his bare chest and chiseled stomach.
I smiled, biting my lip as I drank him in. Colin stepped forward, taking hold of my shirt and releasing the buttons, one by one. When my blouse finally fell open, exposing my overflowing bra and slight tummy I felt my face grow hot. I wasn’t fat, I knew that, but I also wasn’t fit like him.
My eyes shifted to the ground as my insecurities overwhelmed me. A man hadn’t seen me naked in years, and now, here I was, standing with all my vulnerabilities exposed, in front of this Greek god-like specimen, with nothing for me to hide behind.
“My God, you’re beautiful,” he whispered, reaching out and lifting my chin so our eyes would meet once again. There, in that moment, I saw it. I saw truth. I saw who I was through his eyes, and I was beautiful.
My heart literally skipped a beat as I allowed my shirt to drop to the floor. We both feverishly tugged at our pants, as if we were in a competition to see who could remove them first.
I stood there, in just my bra and panties, suddenly more confident than I had ever been, thanks to the way he looked at me. Colin appeared just as I had imagined, in his black boxer briefs, hugging him perfectly, revealing the outline of his erection.
He stepped closer, the space between us now barely existent. I could hear him breathing, see his chest moving in and out. Opening my hand, I placed my palm against his chest, and though the warehouse was drafty, he was warm to the touch. I felt myself get more turned on with each passing beat of his heart.
“Damn it, Em,” he moaned.
“What?” I asked looking up at him, fearful I had already done something wrong.
“I was fine with the way my life was. Now you’re all I can think about.” He sighed, “I think I’m falling in love with you.”
I couldn’t tell if the ache in my chest was from joy or from my heart breaking. I swore I wasn’t ever going to fall in love again. It hurt too much. Don’t think about it, I told myself, just kiss him.
Pressing up onto my tiptoes again, I met his lips with mine, our tongues quickly finding one another, entwining into a graceful dance.
He pressed his erection against my hip, slipping his hands behind my back to unclasp my bra. I tried not to think about what an expert he was with his technique. It would only serve to aggravate me.
Our bodies separated for a moment, but keeping our necks arched, we managed to continue kissing as he relieved me of my bra. My D-cup breasts falling into their natural position, he once again pressed against me, lifting a finger to one of my breasts and tracing my exposed nipple.
I moaned into his mouth, unable to contain my ecstasy any longer. He slid his other hand to my underwear, grinding his fingers against me through the fabric. I sank my nails into the skin of his back.
He kissed his way down my throat, taking the hand away from my breasts and slipping it behind my neck, allowing my head to fall back, enjoying the exploration of his lips.
He pushed even harder against me, causing me to stumble back several steps, until my calves hit the couch, and I realized it was intentional. He guided my body, laying me down onto the sofa. Looking down at me, Colin smiled, and I thought that in itself might be enough to make me come. Bending over, he made quick work of slipping off my panties. For a fleeting moment I wished I had worn a cuter pair, but then he was on top of me and all other thoughts were gone.
His lips again met with my nipples, first one, and then the other, sucking and licking. My spine tingled in delight. I looked down at him, a smile on his face as he continued. I could tell he was intensely satisfied by the pleasure he was bringing me.
He kissed his way down my body, tracing my belly button with his tongue. When I realized where he was headed I quickly stiffened and began to struggle. He paused, shaking his head no, looking up at me with a devilish stare.
“Please,” was all he said, and I relented.
His tongue found my clit without much effort, flicking wildly against it. My back arched as the wetness overcame me.
“Oh God,” he whispered into my folds. “I want you so bad.”
Reaching down and pulling on one of his arms he climbed back on top of me, parting my legs even wider with his body.
I tugged at the waistband of his boxer-briefs, and he gladly assisted me with the removal. I giggled at the urgency with which he did so, catching a glimpse of him momentarily blushing.
I needed him to know I wanted him just as much. Wrapping my hand around his cock, I moaned. He smiled, pressing against me, causing me to release him and wrap my arms and legs around his torso.
With a thrust he entered me, and we both made noises of consuming passion, the moment sweeping us both up within it. My skin began to burn, as his lips grazed my cheek, his breathing growing heavier. He pushed himself up onto his knees, still inside me. I looked up at him, and his eyes locked onto mine as he cupped my breasts gently. I exhaled. As I pushed the air out of me, a muscle deep within began to twitch against him. His eyes widened.
One of my hands slipped down to the side of the couch, gripping the fabric tightly. He took his time, moving his hips slowly, pulling out until just his tip remained in me and then thrusting deeply again.
“Does that feel good?” he whispered with a grin on his face.
Unable to create a recognizable response, I whimpered. My legs stiffened each time he pulled away as they tried to keep him close. Bending over again, he brought his mouth back down to my nipple, closing his teeth gently around one. I began to convulse. Lifting his lips up to mine, he kissed me, and I melted into him, no longer able to hold myself together, his mouth absorbing my cries.
Sliding one hand beneath me and running it to my lower back, he lifted me into him with each motion. I could tell from his gaze he could see the climax building
within me. He wanted the release, that was clear, but more so, he wanted to feel mine. The moment my muscles within began to spasm, giving way to the climax, I saw his jaw clench and my lip quivered as we found the moment of release together. After only a couple pulses, his lips found mine again, kissing me deeply, tasting of satisfaction.
Staring into the bathroom mirror, the fluorescent light flickering above my head, I used my hands to cup water, splashing my face. I pulled my frizzy mess of hair into a loose and high ponytail. I was starting to see my age in the reflection that stared back at me, small lines tickling the corners of my eyes. It could also be the fact that I barely got any sleep last night. Every time I tried to separate myself from Colin he would pull me back into him for another romp.
I wasn’t complaining. Mind you I had forgotten I could feel those things, and what a glorious reminder it was. I was still wearing the same clothes as the previous night. Once the morning light had begun to shine in through the windows, I had decided it was best not to return to the apartment. I knew if Paige heard me she would never release me without a full report of all the details.
Quite honestly, at this point I wouldn’t even know what to tell her. Colin and I dozed off into each other’s arms when the exhaustion finally overcame us. I awoke before him and thought I would sneak out unnoticed, but, much to my dismay, he was a light sleeper. Although, I can’t really blame him, considering we were wrapped around one another on the sofa.
He wanted to talk about everything the second we were awake, which of course was the last thing I wanted to do. I tried to end things in a way that wouldn’t make it awkward between us. I told him what a wonderful time I had and hoped maybe we could do it again, but that only seemed to agitate him.
He wanted to talk about a possible relationship. The more he talked, the more it felt like all of the oxygen was being sucked out of the room. I managed to give an excuse about having a full day and I would talk to him after I got home, which I had no intention of doing.
Digging through my bag, I pulled out my facial powder, blush, and mascara. My mom always told me they were the only three things a woman with natural beauty needed. I missed her. I had tied my blouse in a knot off to one side in an effort to make the outfit I was wearing fresh, in case any classmates might have noticed the re-wear. I now knew it was naive of me to think that any of them even noticed I was in the same class.