Oh, it dawned on her that they could spend some time ‘together’ before they go—an eminently good idea. Why hadn’t she thought of it?
He hailed a taxi and they headed back—back to his room for a last time.
*
The flight left at nine that evening and they had seats in the same row but across the aisle. Jane decided it was a good thing. She needed some separation or she would be cuddling with him all the way back, which would just make things harder. This was good—it was time to put some distance between them, raise the barriers. She’d had a wonderful couple of days and she’d like to think such things were possible and could actually happen to her again, with someone else—someone more suitable than a ridiculously gorgeous, model-dating playboy like Damon D’Arth. Not that she regretted a second of it, but she was not going to convince herself that it was anything other than what it was—a fling.
The only thing she regretted was not having a proper kiss goodbye. It had been rushed in the end and she wouldn’t have one now; it was now past its point. They would say goodbye at the airport and go to their separate lives. She would go back to her flat and put on a load of laundry. He would go do whatever it was he did; she really had no concept of what he did when he was away from work. It didn’t matter. His life was his affair. She had hers and it wasn’t a bad life, all things considered.
She wasn’t quite sure how she would act on Monday, seeing him after the weekend. Her boarding pass told her it was Friday, which meant she had the whole weekend to readjust before having to show up at work.
Chapter 10
Sitting at her desk Monday morning, Jane started her debrief report for the bid and the process related to it. She instinctively felt when Damon arrived, saw him walk through the door in his camel hair coat. He’d had a haircut—nothing drastic, just a little shorter and neater. He didn’t look her way, just proceeded to his office where Sarah was waiting for him with a cup of coffee.
Resuming typing, Jane couldn’t help but feel a bit hurt. He could have at least acknowledged her. Maybe he wouldn’t, maybe he’d pretend it had never happened. She’d never done this before and she had little experience on how one behaved after an office fling. Were they going to be friends? Or was he going to go back to staring daggers into her every time she was near, like he did before the whole Singapore business? Surely he wouldn’t go on hating her like before; their fling must have meant some kind of change. She just wasn’t sure what.
Angelique was bouncing like a puppy dog by the time lunch came around. “You have to tell me about your trip? Did you and luscious D’Arth kiss and make up in the tropical heat?”
I’d say, Jane thought to herself, but then she wasn’t quite sure now—not that she would be telling Angelique about a single moment of it. It would be all over the office by the afternoon if she did. Jane would be mortified and Damon would definitely be back to shooting daggers at her with his eyes. Instead, she told Angelique about the working nights, the insane rush to get the financing changed and the heavy tropical rain. Angelique was hugely disappointed on Jane’s behalf about the cruel lack of shopping in a clear shopping paradise, while Jane reiterated that it was a work trip and shopping was in no way guaranteed.
Even though she told herself that she wouldn’t, Jane watched for Damon returning after lunch. She couldn’t help it. She saw him come in and he turned towards her. He was looking at her and walking down to her part of the building. Her heart race wildly and she admonished herself for reacting like a school girl.
“Jane, I need you to send through all the documentation from the bank to finance. They need to review it. It’s too late for them to have any input, but they need to know what’s in there.”
“Sure. I’ll email it through to Stuart.”
“Good.” He stood for a second longer, as if there was something he wanted to say, but he couldn’t find words. Then he just nodded and left.
Jane felt adrenalin coursing through her, along with a range of different emotions. She was disappointed because the irrational part of her wanted a hug, then mortified because Angelique had watched the whole exchange and Jane was worried that her behaviour was giving their little fling away. On top of that, she was embarrassed by her own reaction, like she was a teenage girl being approached by her crush. She needed to get a hold of herself; she needed to relegate that whole thing to the past. It had been a lovely few days, but it was over and now they were just colleagues—mature adults. And not just that, he was some version of damaged-goods-playboy who she should stay well away from, even if he wasn’t acting like nothing happened. She fully believed him when he said he wasn’t boyfriend material, and she certainly didn’t fit into his lifestyle. She just needed to pull her bootstraps up and get over it—and she needed to stop watching for him.
*
A couple of days passed without much incident, except at one point in the kitchen when he passed as she was making herself a cup of tea. He needed to get into the cupboard above her head and he placed his hand on her back as he stretched up—a touch that could have been observed and construed. Jane felt herself blush slightly as she hoped no one saw it.
“How are you?” she asked.
“Good. Just trying to tie up some of the loose ends. No word yet, so just waiting for the bid process to run its course.”
“How long do you think it will take?”
“Hard to tell. If they knew exactly who they wanted before the bid, then it shouldn’t take long. Otherwise, it could take anywhere up to six months.”
“That would be awful having to wait six months.” She hadn’t realised that this thing could have such a long timeline.
Shrugging, he poured some milk into his tea. “It’s just part of the game.”
“I don’t know how you can handle it—being on tenterhooks for six months waiting for them to make a decision.”
“You move onto the next thing in the meantime.”
“And what is the next thing for you?”
“Panama potentially.”
“Wow, that is different.”
“It’s the same process, just a different place.”
It felt strange talking to him—familiar and foreign at the same time. The conversation didn’t feel like it was important, but the sentiment underneath counted more—suggesting that maybe they could be friends. Jane wouldn’t mind being friends with him. It would certainly help rid her of this awkward feeling. Perhaps he was immune to it.
*
Jane started getting more absorbed into her work. There was so much to do and report on in the aftermath. Finance had scheduled a series of meetings to go over exactly what she’d agreed with the bank, which was understandable. She had a series of reports she needed to deliver and a tentative friendship with Damon.
Before long, her lunch with Edmund rolled around and she was meeting him at a Thai restaurant—a place where people of his ilk liked to see and be seen—company Jane didn’t understand, but it was still interesting.
“Jane, my dear. I am glad to see you back in one piece. I hope you are sufficiently recovered from the trip.”
“Of course,” she replied.
“Quite a rushed time towards the end.”
“Yes, I didn’t think we would make it, but the bank was very amenable.”
“I think you undersell yourself. Damon must have been pleased. He got the partner he wanted.” Jane felt a stab of uncertainty; she hadn’t realised that Edmund might not be pleased with the outcome. He had told her to try her best and she had. Maybe he hadn’t wanted her to try so hard, or maybe he hadn’t believed that she would actually make it happen.
“I hope that is not a problem,” she said, hoping she was wrong.
“They are not a bad outfit; they don’t have the leverage of Clarion, but making it work is Damon’s task.” Jane wasn’t quite sure what to make of his response. “I hope he wasn’t too brutal with you—Damon has a habit of excluding people not on his team.”
Jane couldn’t he
lp but feel a bit uncomfortable. She had no idea how to judge the status between her and Damon, but they’d had a civilised conversation this morning, which was more than they’d ever had before.
“Perhaps with working on the deal together, you two have buried the hatchet. I am fully aware his regard for you was a little on the hostile side.”
“I believe so.” Jane tried desperately not to blush.
“But you must be careful around him. That goes for the other boys there as well. They have no qualms about using you, particularly now that you have proven that you can get things done. They’ll have no concerns about toying with you to secure whatever it is they want. Damon can turn on the charm when he needs to and he’s been known to play the honey trap for unsuspecting females to extend his power and exert his influence.”
Jane felt like the floor was opening and she was falling in. The warning sounded too close to the reality of her situation that she couldn’t dismiss it. Distress radiated through every part of her. She’d been used; she’d been stupid and she’d been used.
“Jane, dear, what is the matter?” Edmund said, responding to her obvious distress. “Oh Jane, you haven’t done something foolish, have you?”
“I have to go,” Jane said sharply. “I just remembered an appointment.” It was a flat out lie and Edmund clearly didn’t believe her. She just needed to get away; she certainly was not going to discuss it with him. “I have to leave, I’m sorry, Edmund.”
Striding out the door as calmly as she could manage, she got around the corner where she had to stop. Surely he couldn’t have used her so callously. It hadn’t even crossed her mind that he could be using her—but for what purpose—what could she possibly have that he’d want to exercise influence over her? She knew the answer before she’d even asked the question. Edmund.
If that was the case, then Damon had sorely underestimated Edmund as he had rooted out his little infiltration within two minutes. Jane felt sick; she’d been played and she hadn’t even seen it coming. There was a part of her that insisted it wasn’t true, that people didn’t act like that in real life. It had just been a fling in a tropical setting—two consenting adults enjoying each other’s company for a few days. No harm, no foul. Edmund was just being overly suspicious. What kind of world did Edmund live in if people acted in such a way? Either way she cut it, it left a bad taste in her mouth.
She went for a walk before she returned to the office. She’d managed to talk some logic into herself in the process. People didn’t behave like that, and Edmund was just concerned that she would turn googly eyes over Damon. She could see that it was a real possibility, because she’d seen girls do it herself—but it was innocent; there wasn’t some conspiracy that people would be used for political purposes. This wasn’t some tawdry spy novel; this was real life, where stuff like that didn’t happen.
Returning to her desk, she continued working on one of her reports—staying at her desk until the end of the day, before going home. Whatever was going on, she wasn’t going to think about it. She rented a movie that evening and just occupied herself so her thoughts wouldn’t wander to either Edmunds suspicions or Damon’s body—there were bad outcomes in either direction.
Terrible dreams plagued her and she had a strong urge to stay home the next day, but forced herself to dress and get on the train to the city. She really had too much to do to take a day off, and there was that meeting she needed to attend.
Angelique was her usual bubbly self, but Jane just didn’t feel like talking that morning—not that it had the slightest impact on Angelique. Jane was kind of grateful that Angelique didn’t query her funny mood, but she was almost equally grateful by the time her debrief meeting came around, just to get away from Angelique’s musing on the new use of stripes on the runway.
Walking down the stairs to the conference room, she met the familiar faces from Singapore. Stephen smiled at her, Damon didn’t—but neither was the frown in place like the last time they’d met in this room. That was an upside, she guessed.
Damon kicked off the meeting and they recapped the position they were in. Some design queries had come through from the clients, which the structural engineers had to respond to. It wasn’t a long meeting and they wrapped it up pretty quickly. Jane stayed seated while the others packed up and left.
“Can I talk to you for a second?” she asked Damon.
“Sure,” he said and stayed where he was. Jane suspected that he thought she was going to press him for a date or something along those lines. Leaning back on the table, he crossed his arms. Did he often turned girls down for dates?—not that she was going to ask him for a one. She was going to ask something much more uncomfortable.
“Were you planning on using me to influence Mr. Carmichael?” she blurted out before she lost her nerve.
“Why would I need to influence Carmichael?” he said after a moment’s hesitation. “And if I do need to influence someone, I have the means of doing so directly.” Jane didn’t notice much of what he said after the hesitation—the hesitation meant it was true. It felt like a slap, followed by a wave of nausea. How could she have been so stupid? He’d used her in the most intimate way, just to get influence over an acquaintance.
“Is that all? I have another meeting I have to show for,” he said with a hint of annoyance.
“Yeah,” she said, looking out the window. She could hear him leaving the meeting room, feeling sick to her stomach, and truthfully, it wasn’t just him and his weird outlook on life; it was more than that, she hated being stuck in the politics of this place—hated being in a place where people would be used, for any purpose. As much as she had been unhappy at the council, planning parking spaces; it was nothing compared to how unhappy she’d been here. She’d only just realised it—the pressure of the untenable situation she’d been placed in from the beginning. What was she doing here? She’d been so grateful for Edmund’s patronage, she hadn’t even blinked at the meaning of it. She’d just assumed it was meant from a kind place, and she’d blindly sworn her loyalty. Her loyalty aside, he was just as deft a player of the political game as anyone else, maybe even better. And she was a pawn in this game, and it was placing her in terrible positions, even before she ended up being seduced in the name of corporate politics.
She didn’t know why she was sitting here—this was not what she wanted her life to be, and this was not the kind of person she wanted to be, or become. She hated everything about this place. Well, not everything, but the bad parts were overriding everything else. Why was she even doing this?—this supposedly fantastic job, with one of the best companies in the country. One could literally take one’s pick of jobs after this, but it wasn’t worth it. The price was too high. If she walked upstairs and sat down at her desk, she would basically be saying that she was fine with how things were and how she’d been treated. She would have to live with herself if she let that happen, even if she let it go on for a second.
Marching over to the human resources department, she gave her notice to the stunned Human Resources Manager. She’d said it was effective immediately; she wasn’t sure she was entitled to that, but she didn’t care. She wasn’t going back to her desk; they could take her to court if they wanted to. They wouldn’t, but they might dock her pay. It didn’t matter. She’d collect her bag and say goodbye to Angelique, who would probably be even more shocked than the HR Manager.
*
Damon watched as Jane marched to her desk. Her question had disconcerted him a little, because there was that little part of it that was true. On the whole not; he had tried hard enough to not sleep with her—he’d just failed, but his original intention had been to get to know her better so he could cultivate a direct line with Carmichael. That was before things had taken a drastic left turn into the incredibly sweet and quasi forbidden—a turn for which he was still suffering the after-effects. He couldn’t escape the fact that he knew exactly what was under the austere office suit which delicately hugged her form when she moved. It was
surprisingly difficult to stay away from her, as whatever temptation that had drawn him was still there, and still powerful. He had to stay away from her. He knew that if he didn’t, she’d tempt him down a path he didn’t want to go.
On the other hand, it felt good to want something, and not relenting to it would just make that want last longer. He would feel the desire consume him and prided himself on not giving into it, but then he’d failed at the first hurdle. That had been a test run; they’d still been there, in a foreign place, but now, they were back here and he could definitely not lose control again. He just knew there would be dire consequences if he did.
Then he noticed that she was walking back, carrying a cardboard box. She was carrying her personal belongings in a box—she was leaving. He felt an irrational wave of panic. His mind surged, trying to figure out what he was seeing. She’d been questioning his intentions and she must have construed something. She was leaving because of him. He couldn’t stop himself from pursuing her.
Grabbing her, he turned her around by her arm as she was about to walk into the elevator.
“Why are you leaving?” he demanded.
She looked uncomfortable. “I’ve had enough. I don’t want to work here anymore.”
“Have you got another job to go to?” He knew that she’d had no intention of leaving when she’d been in Singapore; he would have picked up on it. She couldn’t have another job organised. If he got her to consider looking for work before leaving, maybe cooler thoughts would prevail.
“No.”
“Don’t make knee jerk reaction decisions; you’ll live to regret it.”
“Maybe, but I’m still going.”
“If this is about Singapore—?”
“It’s not; this is something that pre-dates that.” Pulling her arm out of his hand, she stepped into the elevator. He wanted to stop her, but he knew this was for the best. She was a threat to him—one he’d tried to logic away. The fact that he didn’t want her to leave proved it more than anything else. He needed to let her go and watched as the elevator doors closed with her on the other side. Somehow he had gotten in too deep without even realizing it. Taking him by surprise, he hadn’t seen it coming. Her leaving was the best thing that could happen, he reiterated to himself.
The Rules of the Game (D'Arth Series Book 1) Page 11