by Soraya Lane
“You did good today.”
He gave the physio what he hoped was an innocent smile. “Why don’t we keep going? Another few reps?”
She shook her head, not fooled this time. “You going to tell me again that it doesn’t hurt?”
Ryan reached for his workout towel and wiped it over his face. She had him there. Perhaps she’d seen through his bravado the entire time. Seen the pain in his face each time he pushed himself too far.
“I just want to get stronger again as fast as I can.”
“And I want you to develop your strength slowly, so you can use your arm properly until you’re an old man,” she said tartly.
Ryan laughed. He couldn’t argue with that.
“Can I ask you a personal question?”
He looked up at her. “Shoot.”
“I was just wondering why you boys are always in such a hurry to get back to your unit? I get that you’re all close, but isn’t it nice having an excuse to be home for once?” she asked curiously.
Ryan understood what she was saying. Lots of people seemed to think that way, but they didn’t get what it was like to have such an unbreakable bond with another group of men. To feel that closeness and not want to let your team down. The way he felt about his unit was indescribable. He could probably never find words to explain it.
Maybe if his wife was still alive he’d have finished up in the army already, but now…? Well, now the army was his focus, what kept him going.
“It’s hard to explain,” Ryan said, complying as she flexed his fingers back and stretched his muscles out. “There’s something about not wanting to let your unit down, but it’s also about wanting to do the right thing.”
She smiled, but he didn’t think she understood. Not really.
“It’s not that I want to be redeployed more than being here, but I’m good at it. It’s what I do best.”
He was sure better at that than at being a dad.
“So you still want to get fixed up as soon as possible, right? Get back to wherever it is they want to send you.”
He nodded. “Yes, ma’am.”
She gave him a pat on the back. He could see she didn’t truly get it, but his physio was great at her job. And truth be told, not many civilians could ever understand the bond and camaraderie a good soldier enjoyed with his unit.
“Same time on Tuesday. And don’t leave here until you’ve stretched out some more.”
Ryan watched as she walked away. He sat there, thinking, barely noticing the other people in the room.
He always felt so useless, so powerless when he was here, even though he knew he was making good progress. Because it didn’t matter how hard he tried, he was never as strong as he wanted to be.
Ryan took a deep, long gulp of water before moving to stretch out his muscles some more. He knew he’d be sore in the morning if he didn’t do as she’d said.
He couldn’t help but think that the only time lately he hadn’t thought about his weakness, about what was holding him back physically, was when he’d been with Jessica. Last night he hadn’t thought about his arm once. Even when it had ached as he’d lifted it to touch her face, the pain had been nothing.
Or nothing compared to not letting his skin brush against hers.
He liked that she made him smile. That she listened to him.
That she blushed every time they were close, or the way a smile hinted at the corners of her mouth when he spoke.
For a guy who had sworn to never let another woman close again he sure could have fooled himself. Because when he was with Jessica, close to her, beside her, there was no other place he wanted to be. He couldn’t offer her a future, anything more than a friendship or short-term relationship really, but he’d been honest with her. He was only back for a short time. No matter how much he liked her, his duty was to his unit, and he would be back serving again as soon as he passed the physical.
Maybe one day in the future they could be something more, but right now he didn’t know what his long-term future held. His timing was way off, but he wasn’t going to let that stop him seeing her now.
If only he could repair his relationship with his son, he’d feel like he was making real progress being back here.
He stood and tried to ignore the pain as it twinged through his biceps.
Ryan smiled. He might have said no to the pain medication his doctor had prescribed, but Jessica was purely organic and the best pain relief he could wish for. He dialed her number. He didn’t care if asking her out again tonight was too soon. He wanted to see her and it wasn’t like he had all the time in the world.
If she was up for some fun while he was here, then he wanted to spend as much time with her as he could. Whether that was just hanging out together or something more.
Jessica stretched back and closed her eyes. The sun felt good on her skin. Like it was soaking through her pores to warm her from the inside out.
Hercules’s bark made her open her eyes. He was chasing Bella’s daughter, Ruby, around the yard, running alongside her and bouncing up and down.
Jess laughed. “Better than any toy, right?”
Bella agreed. “Nothing makes her giggle like that dog of yours.”
“You know it’s funny, but I don’t think I could ever tire of hearing that little girl laugh.”
They both sat back to watch the game between dog and child.
Bella was like her sister. When her own sister had died, Bella had been there for her, unwavering in her support even though it had been a lot for another teenager to cope with. And now Jessica liked to be there for Ruby. It was her way of paying Bella back for all she’d done. In the past and when Jess had been sick, too. Bella had never let her down.
Jessica watched as her brother, Steven, pushed himself up off the grass and stretched out his legs. He’d been lying back, swigging on a beer with Bella’s husband, but she figured the barbeque was calling him.
“Are Mom and Dad coming over?”
Steven dropped a kiss to her head as he passed. “Nope. They had some old-folks thing to go to.”
They all laughed at him.
“They’re not that old.”
Steven shrugged. “When you choose bingo over a real night out, you’re getting old.”
Jessica made a noise in her throat but she could hardly reprimand him. Aside from the fact he was her older brother, Steven didn’t mean a word of it. He loved their parents as much as she did.
“You wouldn’t get me a beer would you?” he asked.
This time she stood up and thumped him on the arm. “If you weren’t so charming I’d tell you to get it yourself.”
Steven pouted and made them all laugh again. “Then who’d make you burgers?”
Jess stood up and walked inside. She liked it here. Steven’s place was a bachelor pad, not exactly warm and cosy like her house, but it always felt good. They’d had plenty of good times here, fun times with friends and their little family. It was like her second home.
Jessica reached into the fridge for a six-pack of beer just as her phone rang, vibrating and singing in her jeans pocket.
“Ouch!” She hit her head and almost dropped the beer. Darn phone, she thought. “Hello?”
The voice on the other end made her close the fridge and lean against it.
“Hey, Jess, it’s Ryan.”
She took a moment to catch her breath. Ryan. How could the sound of his voice make her legs wobble like that? Her heart was pounding.
“Hey.”
“I was wondering if you were free tonight?”
Heck. She could hardly bail on her brother and Bella, not when they’d been planning to all catch up together for weeks.
But an offer from Ryan was sure tempting.
“Ah, I’m actually out already. At a barbeque.”
There was a beat of silence.
“Oh sure, no problem. Maybe another time.”
Jess cringed. She didn’t want to say no to him. Well, she did and she didn’t, she couldn’t
decide, but right now saying no felt like the wrong answer. Especially after that kiss last night. She sighed. Kisses plural, more like.
“Ryan, I…”
Jessica looked out the window at her brother goofing around, chasing her dog. Bella was sitting on her husband’s knee, laughing as her daughter bounced up and down with excitement as she played.
Would it be so bad if she asked Ryan over?
“It’s fine, really, we can just catch up some other time.”
“No, I mean, why don’t you come join me? It’s only a few of us. Just casual,” she said.
He went silent again. Jessica pressed her ear closer to the phone, harder, willing him to say yes and terrified at the same time.
“Are you sure? I don’t want to intrude.”
“I’d love to see you again. We’re sitting around having a beer and waiting for my—” Jess paused and watched Steven entertain Ruby “—idiot brother to get started with the meat patties.”
“I’ll see you soon then.”
Jessica gave him directions then hung up. She leaned against the fridge again and tried to steady her thoughts. Had she done the right thing?
Probably not, but she was desperate to see him again. To be near him, to touch him and see whether she’d imagined what had happened yesterday. To see if maybe the connection hadn’t been as strong as she’d remembered it to be.
Or whether it was even stronger.
To see whether he was worth the heartache that was sure to come when he left again in a couple of months’ time. Because no matter how much she told herself she was okay with his leaving, she’d never allowed herself to get close to a man before without thinking there was a chance at some sort of future.
“You making the beer yourself, sis?”
Steven’s call forced her to move her feet, reach back in for the beers and go outside.
He gave her a puzzled look when she walked out again. He dropped his cooking utensil and moved toward her but she put up her hand.
“I’m fine.”
He was overprotective. Always worrying about her, especially after the cancer. But he’d already lost one sister, she could hardly blame him for wanting to keep her safe.
“You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
She waved her hand in the air and tried to relax. “I was just chatting to a friend on the phone.” Jess gave Bella a sharp look, but her friend was already smiling. She had guessed exactly whom she’d been talking to.
“Oh.” Steven looked unsure but he turned back to the meat.
“He’s, ah, going to come over and join us soon, actually.”
“He?” Steven growled.
Now Steven was holding his cooking utensil at a scary angle, like he was about to behead someone with it.
Jess gulped. She should have predicted this. “Yes, he,” she repeated, standing up to her brother. “I think I mentioned that I had a pen pal, a soldier who I wrote to.”
The look on Steven’s face spelt thunder. There was a possibility he could have summoned a hurricane just with his expression. “And he’s coming here? Now?”
“He’s a friend, Steven, nothing to get concerned about.”
He grimaced then turned away from her. Bella was wriggling in her chair, but Jess shook her head. She didn’t want this to become a big deal. Right now Ryan was just a friend, and the last thing she needed was Steven getting worked up over it.
“His name is Ryan, and he’s back for a while to recover. He had surgery and as soon as he’s better he’ll be back with his unit, so there is absolutely no reason to overreact. It’s not like he’s even here for long,” she told him.
Steven shrugged, but he didn’t turn around. She could tell he wasn’t happy about it. But then given her recent track record, she could hardly blame him.
“And I don’t want him knowing about the cancer.”
That made him turn. Now he looked like Neptune about to command the entire ocean. “What kind of friend do you have to keep your cancer from?”
She reached for the bottle opener and popped the top off a beer for Steven. She passed it to him.
“The kind of friend who doesn’t need to know. Okay?”
He took the beer and tipped it up, draining a third of the bottle. “If he hurts you, I’ll deck him.”
She had no doubt that he’d try. Her only issue was that even with a less than perfect arm, Ryan could probably kill her brother with his bare hands.
Bella waved her over and Jess went to sit beside her.
“He only wants to protect you,” Bella said quietly.
Jess knew that, she did. And she liked that he was always there for her. After what her ex had done to her, she couldn’t blame her brother. She’d been left heartbroken, facing surgery and serious chemotherapy on her own. One moment she’d been looking forward to a wedding, and the next she’d been fighting for her life without the man she’d once loved by her side.
Ryan was different though. He’d been there for his wife, by her side, and she’d lost her battle. He might not want to go back to that dark place ever again, but it wasn’t something she could fault him for. He was a different kind of man. Honorable. Dependable.
“Is it so bad that I don’t want him to know?” she asked Bella in a low voice.
Her friend squeezed her hand and shook her head. “No. No, it’s not.”
“He’s not going to be around long enough for it to matter, right?”
Bella sighed then shrugged. She didn’t answer; it was a hypothetical question, anyway.
“You were right yesterday,” Jessica told her. “It’s time I let my hair down, enjoyed being in remission, being alive, and being in the company of a man.” She took a tiny sip of beer and tucked her feet up under her on the chair. She liked Ryan. She didn’t have to pretend otherwise. So why was she still trying to convince herself he was just another friend?
Because after what had happened last night, she knew that they were way beyond friends now.
Ryan pushed the button on his key to lock the car and walked toward the house. It was stupid, being nervous about meeting Jessica’s friends, but it had been a long time since he’d done normal stuff like this.
And his latest argument with George was playing on his mind. Hard to ignore.
His son had finally found his tongue, but the words coming out weren’t pretty. Ryan grimaced. Maybe George did genuinely hate him. And if he did, what on earth was he going to do about it?
He knocked at the door, sternly pushing back thoughts of his son. It swung back and Jessica grinned at him from inside.
“Hey, Ryan.”
The warmth that spread through him, the smile he couldn’t help but give her in return, somehow took away all the pain.
She was like his ray of sunshine on the gloomiest of days.
“Hi,” he answered.
She beckoned with her hand. “Come on in.”
Ryan hesitated for a second too long. He should have kissed her on the cheek, touched his hand to her arm, anything. But he’d waited too long. Now it would just be awkward. It was the second time he’d managed to do that and he vowed not to miss his chance again.
“So this is a friend’s place?”
She shook her head. “My brother’s.”
Oh, dear. He’d walked in on a family do or something. When she’d said her brother was on burger duty he hadn’t realized it was his house.
“I don’t want to intrude, if you’re doing the whole family thing.”
She laughed and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, her expression shy. “It’s just my brother and another couple of friends.”
“If you’re sure.”
This time she was braver in reassuring him. This time she reached out and touched his arm, so lightly he could have missed it if he wasn’t watching the way her skin connected with his.
“It’s really nice to see you again.”
Ryan felt the warmth spread through him, just like it had when he’d arrived. He’d th
ought of little else but her since last night, except for when he was trying to deal with his son, and being with her again, right now, sure seemed right.
But then maybe he’d been away so long he wasn’t sure what he was feeling anymore.
“Come and meet everyone,” she urged.
Ryan stepped out into the yard and looked up. But the smile fell from his face in an instant, leaving him cold. That warmth that had spread through him like cookies just taken from the oven died like ice had been poured on them.
It wasn’t hard to pick out her brother. He was the one looking like he’d crush every bone in Ryan’s body, given half a chance. He stood up straighter, lifted his chin. He understood protective. If he had a sister like Jessica he’d probably be the same. But she was a grown woman and she’d invited him over. And he wasn’t the kind of guy easily intimidated—even if he did respect the big-brother macho act.
“Ryan, this is my friend Bella, and her husband, Bruce,” Jess said, making the introductions.
Ryan turned his attention to the petite blonde sitting with a little girl on her lap. Her double-wattage smile made up for the deathlike stare of the brother. He took the few steps to shake her husband’s hand.
“And little Ruby, of course.”
He smiled at the pudgy-armed child wriggling to get down.
Jessica moved closer to Ryan when she turned to face her brother.
“And this is my big brother, Steve.” He felt her stiffen as Steve walked over. “I promise he won’t bite.”
Ryan extended his hand and regretted it the moment the other man clasped it. His grip was tight, viselike, and his dodgy arm was barely up to matching his strength.
He tried not to scowl as pain shot up his arm. He was used to being the strongest, never losing an arm wrestle. Ryan clamped down his jaw and took the pain, refused to give in to it. Didn’t let it show even though he was burning inside.
“Nice to meet you, Steve.”
Jessica smiled sweetly in Ryan’s direction before taking a step closer to her brother and kicking him in the shin.
“Ow!” Steve dropped his iron grip and stepped back.
“He can be a pain in the backside.” Jessica smiled as her brother glared at her then went back to the barbeque. “It’s not until we have company over that we realize how barbaric he really is.”