by Soraya Lane
The only thing worse than a man running out on you when you thought he loved you, was a man who was so honorable he felt he had to stay.
“Did you hear me?” Ryan’s eyes flickered, searching her gaze. “I love you, Jessica.”
She shook her head. “It’s not enough.” Her voice wobbled.
“Not enough?”
He stepped back, his hand leaving her skin to run through his hair. He looked like he was going to turn and storm off, like he didn’t know what to do, but instead he propelled himself forward. She stepped back but he grabbed her, held her in place.
“I’ve been waiting for you my entire life, Jessica.” His voice dropped as he reached both hands to her cheeks, holding her face. “It’s like I’ve been living in slow motion, like my life has been building to this moment, like I’ve been waiting to meet you, to be with you, every day of my existence.”
Tears started falling again, beating down her cheeks and curling into her mouth, their salty taste making it even harder to swallow. To say anything at all back to him.
She couldn’t believe him.
“I don’t want to hurt you.” She stuttered the words out.
“Don’t want to? Or are you afraid to let me in?”
She’d never seen him like this, so intense. One moment he looked broken, the next like the soldier he was. The powerful man she knew he must be when he was on duty. In uniform.
“I know what hurt is, Jessica.” He stepped back again, like he needed distance from her to regain his strength. “I’ve seen men die, I’ve pulled triggers and thrown grenades and done plenty of things to hurt myself and others. I watched my wife die, in a hospital not unlike this, and I’ve had my heart break into so many pieces that I thought it would never heal.”
Her tears ceased. She stood, arms hanging at her sides, face angled toward him. After pushing him away, and hoping he wouldn’t come back, now she wanted to grab him and never let go.
“Despite everything I’ve already been through, do you know when I realized that I’d never truly known hurt before?” he asked.
She shook her head.
“When you told me in a letter you loved me, but then ran away from me. When I thought that maybe you might die, and I wouldn’t be at your side to help fight it with you.”
“Ryan.”
“No.” He put his hand up and started walking backward down the corridor as she followed him. “Don’t pity me, or tell me you’re sorry. Just don’t.”
He stopped when she did. Jessica wiped at her cheeks and took a deep breath. She’d tried to save him the pain of her problems and instead she’d done the opposite. His eyes were like the pathway to his soul. Big blue pools that blazed with hurt and betrayal. His skin was pale, so unlike its usual sun-tanned gold. Like all the blood had drained away.
There was only one thing she could tell him. And that was the truth. There was no point hiding behind her pride or her fear any longer. If he was prepared to put his own heart on the line, could honestly tell her that he felt for her so deeply that he’d face any battle with her, then she had to be honest with him in return.
If he was brave enough to deal with her cancer, then she owed it to him to face her own fears. To take a chance. To risk her own heart.
“I love you, too, Ryan.” She only whispered but he’d heard her. Of course he’d heard her. “I’m sorry and I love you.”
He didn’t move. His feet were planted shoulder-width apart, like he was awaiting orders, and his face was frozen.
“Ryan?”
He blinked and looked back at her. “I think I fell in love with you before we even met.”
Jessica started to cry again as she ran the distance between them. He opened his arms as she propelled herself forward, catching her as she landed against his chest. His hands circled her waist and hoisted her in the air, legs winding around his torso as she clung on to him like she’d never held anything in her life before.
The words from his letter, that last letter she’d found, played through her mind. It still seemed too good to be true, but she couldn’t fight the way she felt any longer.
“I love you, Ryan. I love you so much it hurts.”
Why hadn’t she given him the chance to be here? To hold her and protect her? Why had she not let it be his decision?
He pulled his face away from her neck, buried against her hair, to look at her. She leaned back in his arms, safe in his strong hold.
“Promise you’ll never leave me again. Promise you’ll never walk away again,” he said urgently.
She nodded. “I promise.”
Ryan watched her eyes, his now filled with tears, just like her own. He tipped her forward until their foreheads touched, before a big smile made his mouth twitch.
“We can fight anything together, Jessica. I promise.”
She didn’t have the chance to say it back. To tell him that she agreed. His lips searched for hers, his smooth skin whispering across hers as she clung on to him so hard her fingers dug into his shoulders. Ryan pulled her tighter against his body, one hand holding her, the other pressed into the back of her head as his lips continued their hungry assault on hers.
He was right. It was as if they’d been waiting their entire lives for one another.
And this was only just the beginning.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Dear Jessica,
Do you ever think about how your life turned out? If you’ve made decisions, done things that you should maybe have done differently? I often wonder how it was I ended up here, whether I was always destined to this life, even though I love what I do. Maybe it’s just my injury making me think things like this, because I’m already sick of being laid up and waiting for surgery.
Anyway, see you soon, okay? Maybe it’s our destiny to meet, or maybe I’m just getting carried away. You decide.
Ryan
JESSICA LOOKED UP at Ryan as he cocooned her in his arms. They were sitting on the grass as Hercules played his duck-chasing game. She leaned back into Ryan, her body fitting snugly between his legs so she could rest on his chest.
“What are you thinking about?” Ryan asked, nuzzling her neck, his lips making goose pimples appear on her skin.
“I’m wondering how neither of us realized that we were writing love letters all this time,” she said, smiling.
He wrapped his arms around her tighter. “Maybe we did and we just didn’t want to admit it to ourselves.”
She turned her body to face him, arms circling him as she sat between his legs still but pressing her chest to him now instead. She wrapped her legs around him, too.
“Have you told George about my cancer yet?”
Ryan dropped a kiss to her forehead. “Yeah.”
She sat up straighter. “What did he say? What did you tell him?”
Ryan pulled her closer. “I haven’t told him all the details yet, but I told him that you were in remission.” He paused then sighed. “It was tough telling him, but he asked me a few questions and I did my best to answer honestly.”
“Maybe I should say something to him. Talk to him about it.”
Ryan shook his head. “No, I think we can talk about it as a couple with him. Make sure he understands how unlikely it is that it could come back, explain about the mastectomy, cover everything.” Jessica nodded.
“The last thing I want is for him to be scared of losing his future stepmom, too.”
She snuggled into his shoulder, but Ryan pulled her back.
“What’s wrong?”
Jessica squeezed her eyes shut before looking up at Ryan. Worry lines covered his face, brows pulled together.
“I’m scared about you going away again.”
He closed his eyes as she tucked her face back into his neck.
“I have to go.”
It sounded like the words were painful for him, like he didn’t want to admit that he was going to be leaving her.
“I know, it’s just…”
Ryan held her away
from him and leaned back, his eyes searching hers. “I’ve got a lot to live for. Nothing’s going to happen to me. I’m going to be back here before you know it, okay?”
She admired his bravery. “Okay.”
“Your letters kept me alive on my last tour,” he reminded her.
Jess laughed. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” Ryan pulled her back into him, his lips covering hers. “I’ll be back here in a few months. Any sooner and you’d probably be sick of me.”
Jessica just shook her head and pulled him closer. She doubted that could ever happen. “Just shut up and kiss me.”
Ryan tipped her back onto the grass and pinned her down, hands above her head. He leaned over her, his shoulders blocking the sun from her eyes.
She giggled as he growled, his mouth moving closer to hers.
“You should know better than to give orders to a soldier.”
Jessica sighed against his lips. If this was her punishment, she intended on ordering him around more often.
EPILOGUE
Dear Jessica,
I can’t believe it’s been six months since we were last together. Would you believe me if I said they were the longest six months of my life? Every day I think of you, not a day goes past when I don’t think about what I have to come home to.
Not long ago, the word home scared me. Now it makes me smile. Have I told you that you saved me? I know you’ll say I saved myself, but you’ve made me whole. You gave me the strength to fight for what I believed in, what I wanted in my life, and somehow I managed to fight hard enough for you too.
Before you ask, my arm is fine. But I’m not cut out for this any more. My heart’s not in it, and for the first time in my life I’m looking forward to a desk job.
I promised you this would be my last tour, and I had the papers through today to confirm it. When you see me next, I’ll be yours forever. I promise I’ll never leave you again.
All my love, now and forever.
Ryan
JESSICA COULDN’T STAND still. She shifted her weight from foot to foot, gripping George’s hand tight and grinning as he squeezed back.
“That kind of hurts.”
She laughed. “Sorry. It’s just…”
“I know.”
Jessica watched as the first of the soldiers came through the gate. Her mouth was dry, heart hammering so loud she was struggling to hear herself think.
She had hated Ryan being away, but it had been good in a way. Jessica pulled George against her and his arm found her waist. He was as nervous and excited as she was. But he was also her friend. All these months with Ryan away had brought them closer, made them develop a bond that she knew would never be broken.
She couldn’t wait to see the look on Ryan’s face.
“Jess, do you…”
Suddenly she couldn’t hear what George was saying. Her eyes were transfixed, body humming as she recognized the man walking through the gates and toward them.
Tousled dark hair, shorter than before he’d left, but unmistakably his. Tanned skin, broad shoulders, eyes that could find hers in any crowd.
Ryan.
She knew George had left her side, that he’d already seen his dad. But she was powerless to move. She didn’t know whether to leap in the air and squeal with excitement or cry her eyes out that he was actually here. Alive. Whole.
She drunk in the sight of him in his combat uniform. Camouflage pants and shirt, the same uniform she’d seen hanging in his closet that day. He looked good enough to eat and he was almost standing in front of her now, his son by his side.
“Hey, baby,” he said.
She couldn’t move. Words stuck in her throat.
But he didn’t care. His smile lit up his entire face as he dropped his bag and grabbed her around the waist, swinging her up in the air and kissing her so hard she almost lost her breath.
“Ryan…” His name came out a whisper, like she couldn’t truly believe he was back.
He kissed her again, his lips soft against hers this time, like he was whispering back to her. He only pulled away to put his other arm around his son.
“I’ve been waiting for this day for six months, and I’m never leaving either of you again. Okay?”
George nodded and all Jessica could do was grin up at him, feeling giddy with the sight of him before her, with the strength of him beneath her touch.
“Welcome home, Dad.”
She reached for George and the three of them hugged, snuggled up close together.
“I’m so lucky to have you guys as my family.” Jessica almost choked on her words but she had to say them. She was lucky. To have a man like Ryan by her side and a boy like George in her life.
“We’re the lucky ones, right, bud?” Ryan asked his son.
George laughed and stepped back, quickly rubbing at his face to hide his tears.
But Jessica knew better. She was the lucky one.
She’d fought cancer, she’d faced heartache and loss, and yet she’d still managed to find Ryan. He’d made everything right again.
Today was like the start of their new life together.
He’d returned home safely from war. She’d passed all her tests with flying colors. And George had finally accepted her like they’d known one another all their lives.
“Shall we go home?” she asked.
Ryan laughed and George nudged him in the side.
“You got it?” Ryan asked his son.
George blocked Jessica and gave his father something from his pocket.
“What’s going on?” she asked curiously.
Ryan passed his son his kit bag and they grinned at one another, before he turned to face her, reaching for one of her hands.
“This time when I was away, I wrote to George, too, as often as I wrote to you.”
Jessica nodded. She knew that already.
“So that’s how I knew all your tests had gone fine, and that George was coping okay. That he wasn’t scared of losing you, too, now that the two of you had become so close.”
She wasn’t sure where this was going. “I know, Ryan. George and I talk about everything, we don’t have any secrets.” George laughed.
She turned to glare at his cheeky response but he just shrugged.
“There is something he’s been keeping secret.” He paused. “In one of my last letters, I asked George a question.” Ryan smiled over at his son again, before dropping to one knee.
Suddenly the noise of the airport, the hustle and bustle around them, disappeared. She could hardly see straight, could only focus on Ryan on one knee before her. Surely not?
Her heart started to thump. Hard.
“I know it’s tradition to ask the bride’s family for permission first, but in this case I thought it was George’s permission we needed.”
Oh, my. Her mouth was dry, she couldn’t move. Bride? Had she heard him right?
“Jessica, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife? Of becoming George’s stepmum?” Ryan asked huskily.
Jessica couldn’t help the excited squeal as it left her lips. “Yes!” She grinned as Ryan rose. “Yes, yes, yes.”
He leaned in and kissed her, touching his nose to hers, his forehead pressed against hers.
“Are you sure?” he whispered.
“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”
Ryan stepped back and held up her left hand, opening his other palm to reveal a ring. She watched as he raised it and placed it on her finger. A single solitaire on a platinum band.
“I can’t believe you were in on this.” Jessica turned to George, who was blushing from ear to ear. He just shrugged, obviously thrilled to have surprised her.
Jess turned her attention back to the ring, holding it up to the light to watch it sparkle.
“Do you like it?” Ryan asked anxiously.
She reached for him and held him tight, never wanting to let him go. “I love it.”
He kissed her on the top of her head and took h
er hand.
“Let’s go home, family.”
Jessica reached for George’s hand with her free one as they walked from the airport.
Home had never sounded so good.
ISBN: 978-1-4592-0941-1
THE ARMY RANGER’S RETURN
First North American Publication 2011
Copyright © 2011 by Soraya Lane
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