2
Peace
If Henry had ever been in the Wilton chapel before, he certainly couldn’t recall when. He felt he would have remembered the jeweled colors of the three stained-glass windows that rose into petal-shaped Gothic arches behind a simple wooden cross. The central window depicted Mary with Jesus in her arms.
The organ played. The candle flames shimmered. Henry was startled to find the whole front third of the chapel filling with mourners. It was not a large chapel, but there was nothing Henry had seen in the last few years of Martha’s life to make him expect that there would be more than four or five people here. He wondered, sensing the rows filling behind him—people washing in like subsequent tidemarks on a shore—if Dr. Gardner had issued some sort of ex officio edict to make them come, or if it was standard at Wilton funerals for the whole faculty to turn out, perhaps amid intimations of their own mortality and the reassurance that they, too, would not die unheralded.
Dr. Gardner stood at the pulpit, smoothing a piece of paper and waiting for silence before he spoke. He squinted, and his mouth turned down; he seemed almost near tears, but then he flicked open his reading glasses with one hand and put them on.
“We are gathered here today to say goodbye to our friend Martha Gaines,” he read. “For more than forty years, Wilton College has been at the forefront in the teaching of home economics, and the primary reason for that was Mrs. Gaines. When I was president of this institution, we were blessed to have had the leadership of a strong, intelligent, dedicated woman who spent virtually her entire career studying and teaching the science of child care to generations of young women, some of whom are in this chapel this morning.”
Dr. Gardner looked up at the congregation, perhaps trying to locate these women, then back down at his eulogy.
“I’m well aware that Mrs. Gaines was known for being strict—not to say exacting—in her standards, and not only the practice house but the whole college was the better for it. She lacked tolerance for laziness, and she took disorder as a personal insult. I can recall hearing over the years that Mrs. Gaines was nearly absolute in her demands for hospital corners, proper feeding times, and even well-ironed pillowcases.”
He looked up again and, satisfied by the expected light chuckles, returned again to his text.
“But anyone who knew Mrs. Gaines well,” Dr. Gardner continued, “knew that her dedication to order was, more than anything, a profound affirmation of life. If you don’t believe that life has deep value, it doesn’t matter whether you keep it polished and dust-free. Mrs. Gaines taught us all to keep it polished and dust-free. She will be missed.”
Dr. Gardner folded his piece of paper, removed his reading glasses, and looked up, as if surprised that what he had said had taken so little time and left so few people moved.
Henry had told Dr. Gardner that he would not speak. He hadn’t thought he would have anything to say. But the coolness of his grandfather’s remarks unexpectedly bothered him. Henry stood up and walked toward the pulpit, nodding at Dr. Gardner and proceeding to take his place. He looked out at the chapel and found people staring at him expectantly. He recognized the Wilton nurse and one of the groundskeepers. No one else.
“Good morning,” he said. “My name is Henry Gaines.” Then he stopped, immediately lost. He could not bring himself to say that he had been Martha’s son, or that she had been his mother. “Martha Gaines raised me,” he said instead.
His eyes moved restlessly over the high tide of visitors before him, scanning their faces, searching for the one that was missing: the one he hadn’t expected to expect.
“I was the practice baby she kept,” Henry said. “Every baby who came to the practice house came there because someone didn’t want us. But Martha did. She wanted us all.”
Unexpectedly, Henry was moved by what he had said, realizing it was true at the exact moment that he said it. He put his hands in his pockets. He looked down at his neatly tied shoes.
“It is a very, very strange thing to start life as an orphan,” he said. “But Martha and the women in the practice house made us feel we were different in a good way. She made us feel more wanted than a lot of people’s actual mothers probably ever make them feel.”
That was, surprisingly, true as well. Henry looked at Dr. Gardner, Betty’s indifference seething in the space between them.
“Martha gave us a start,” Henry said, and once again—as he had in the hospital—he understood how unjust it was that her love hadn’t been enough to conquer Betty’s absence.
THE MINISTER READ THE SERMON. Henry didn’t listen. There was much talk of good works on earth and peace in heaven. He did not focus on the details. He thought instead, without exactly meaning to, about all the sorting and cleaning that he would have to do in Martha’s room before he could go back to Burbank. Then he stood and bowed his head for the Lord’s Prayer, and he followed along with the hymn, which was named, appropriately enough, “Come, Labor On.”
AFTER THE SERVICE, Henry stood with the minister and Dr. Gardner, shaking people’s hands and thanking them for coming. One middle-aged couple, darkly dressed, came up with an aura of special mission.
“We’re Sam and Laura Jacobs,” the woman said. “We wanted to offer our condolences. Your mother was so marvelous.”
Just to the left of them, a young woman about Henry’s age stood wearing a suede jacket over a Beatles T-shirt emblazoned with the movie logo HELP! Henry guessed she was the Jacobses’ daughter.
“Thank you,” Henry said as the girl took another step away from them, then bent to comb out the fringes on her brown suede boots.
“How did you know Martha?” Henry asked.
“Well, we only met her a few times,” Mrs. Jacobs said.
“We actually tracked her down a few years ago,” Mr. Jacobs added. “We wanted to thank her in person for doing such a great job with our daughter.”
Henry followed Mr. Jacobs’s glance to the girl, who had abandoned the fringe on her boots and was now relooping a hair elastic around the bottom of one long brown braid.
“Was she one of Martha’s students?” Henry asked, trying and failing to get the girl’s attention, suddenly wondering whether she was hostile, or stupid, or merely stoned.
“One of her students?” Mrs. Jacobs said. “No. Oh, no. She was one of the practice babies. Like you.”
There were people moving on the periphery of Henry’s sight, a few more of whom he now recognized from the depths of his Wilton past. Vaguely, too, he was aware that Dr. Gardner was walking with the minister to the door of the chapel. But Henry was powerless to acknowledge the people, or to follow his grandfather’s exit. He had never seen a practice baby outside the practice house, and he had certainly never met one who was older than an infant. He stared at the girl with the HELP! T-shirt. “Which one were you?” Henry asked her. “Hannah? Harriet? Horatio?”
The girl finally acknowledged Henry and smiled.
He pointed to her T-shirt. “Was it Help?” he asked, and she laughed.
“They called her Hazel,” Mrs. Jacobs said.
Hazel. Hazy. The baby he’d famously kept safe in the two minutes that some ditzy practice mother had been locked out of the house.
“Hazel,” Henry repeated. “Is that still your name?” he asked her.
“No. It’s Peace,” she said.
“Wow. Really?”
“Peace Jacobs.”
“Cool,” Henry said.
Her eyes were almost frightening: so pale green, so lucid, so suddenly fixed on his, so open. It was impossible not to look at her eyes—and not just look at them but look back at them, two dreamy doorways opening into—what?—in any case, a world. Her eyes seemed to promise excitement, humor, a strange sense of discernment, and one other thing Henry couldn’t quite place, though it seemed somehow familiar. Immediately he wanted to know if this was the look she gave everyone. Perhaps it was simply her way.
“How would you like,” he asked her, “to come see the pr
actice house again?”
PEACE HAD TOLD HIM she might stop by that evening. But it was Mary Jane who arrived first. Her flight from San Francisco had been delayed, and she had missed the funeral. She had arrived at the practice house while Henry was still at the cemetery—the burial mercifully brief, just Dr. Gardner and Henry and a man from the funeral home who seemed unable to suppress his pleasure at the beautiful spring day.
“You missed all the fun,” Henry told Mary Jane as he accepted a long, tight embrace from her.
If she was still angry about Alexa, she had decided not to show it.
“Did Betty come?” Mary Jane asked.
“No.”
“Did she call?”
“No.”
“Telegram?”
“No.”
“Unbelievable.”
“Believable.”
“Do you have to deal with all this crap?” She gestured vaguely around Martha’s bedroom, the repository of a life in which the limits of age, or perhaps of proportion, had meant an inability to discard anything. It was a mess, but an entirely organized mess, befitting the practice house standards.
“Of course I have to deal with it,” Henry said.
“Starting when?” Mary Jane asked, picking up Martha’s inlaid enamel hairbrush and immediately putting it back down.
“Starting now, I guess,” Henry said.
THEY WALKED TOGETHER to the hardware store, renamed and repainted since Arthur Hamilton’s death. They bought tape, garbage bags, and cardboard boxes. Henry was startled by the stillness in the neighborhood. It was a regular Wednesday afternoon, but nothing seemed to be moving. The sky was Los Angeles blue, but that was the only similarity to home. There were virtually no people, no cars, no sounds.
“We’ll do piles for things to give away, things to throw away, and things to leave for the college,” Henry said.
“And what about things to keep?” Mary Jane asked.
Henry shrugged. “I guess,” he said.
The clothes were easiest. Henry swept all Martha’s undergarments and hosiery into one trash bag. The shirts, sweaters, and skirts were all immaculate as ever—spotless, perfectly folded, with sheets of tissue paper around and between them, as if they had just been purchased. Henry handed these to Mary Jane, and Mary Jane packed them in boxes. In Martha’s desk drawers he found neatly stacked supplies: pads, pens, stamps, envelopes. The bottom drawer seemed jammed shut, and when Henry finally forced it open, he found at least a hundred of her Green Stamps booklets, filled and never used. It was the closest he came to crying.
“We need some music,” Mary Jane said.
Henry turned on Martha’s ancient radio, its signal strong and bizarrely modern, coming from the old wooden cabinet. Mary Jane sang along, off-key, with the Beatles’ “Penny Lane” and the Turtles’ “Happy Together.”
I can’t see me loving nobody but you for all my life …
“Are you going back to L.A. right away?” she asked him after they had decided the shoes were not worth keeping.
“I don’t know,” he said. “I’m not really sure I want to go back.”
“I thought you were doing The Jungle Book,” she said.
“I am.”
“So?”
“It’s not the same.”
“Same as what?”
“The same as it was with Walt.”
She stretched out now on the part of Martha’s bed that was free from clothes. “What would you do instead?” she asked him.
She had a cigarette in her hand, and it bothered Henry suddenly that her shoes were touching Martha’s pillows.
“I don’t know,” he said.
“Would you come back here?”
“No. Why would I come back here?”
“I don’t know. Teach art. Chase students. Hang out with your grandfather.”
“Are you high?” Henry asked her.
“Not enough,” she said.
She put out her cigarette. From Martha’s bedside table, she picked up a green porcelain box in the shape of a cabbage. “Christ, look at all this shit,” she said, and somehow, surprisingly, Henry found that annoying, too.
HE WAS STARTLED, though he shouldn’t have been, to find Martha’s gold Omicron Nu pin. She had left it in a small cedar box, along with her Timex wristwatch and several pairs of simple gold earrings. Clearly she must have known that she wouldn’t be coming back to this house—or going any place where time or affiliation or ornament would matter. Henry paused, uncertain, the box open on her dresser.
“What should I do with these?” he asked Mary Jane.
“Keep them, of course,” she said.
“I think you should take the earrings.”
“Don’t be an idiot, Henry,” Mary Jane said.
“I’m not being an idiot. I bet she’d want you to have them.”
“She’d want me to be swallowed up whole by the earth, and that’s what she always wanted,” Mary Jane said.
“I see your point,” he told her.
She laughed.
“But what about what I want?” he said. “What if I want you to have them?”
“Keep them, doofus,” she said. “You might have a daughter someday, you know.”
They were words that conjured no image but were unaccountably soothing.
PEACE CAME AT AROUND EIGHT O’CLOCK, and despite the chaos of the room and the singular strangeness of the day, Henry found himself quietly delighted that he had been right to sense something in her eyes.
“Mary Jane Harmon,” he said. “This is Peace Jacobs.”
“Peace? Jacobs?” Mary Jane repeated. Her look was quizzical, pressing, possessive, defiant: Henry could have drawn it from memory.
“Henry and I met at the funeral,” Peace said, looking around and clearly trying to make sense of the room.
“You met at the funeral,” Mary Jane repeated.
Peace shrugged.
“Peace was a practice baby,” Henry explained.
“You’re kidding,” Mary Jane said.
“Her name was Hazel,” Henry said.
“Hazel. You’re not the one he saved, are you?” Mary Jane asked.
“Saved? What do you mean, saved?” Peace asked.
“Oh, I didn’t actually save you,” Henry said. “We were just locked in here together one time.”
“Really? Just the two of us?”
“That’s the story I always heard,” Mary Jane said. “And heard. And heard.”
“So what did he save me from?”
“I didn’t save you,” Henry said with a short but well-aimed glare at Mary Jane. “I just didn’t do anything bad to you.”
“Well, I’d take that deal most days,” Peace said. She smiled directly at Henry, as if Mary Jane was not in the room.
Henry smiled back in much the same way.
Mary Jane looked at both of them. “Fine,” she said, as if Henry had actually asked her to agree to something. In fact, the request had been entirely implicit: Leave, so that I can forget everything by charming this total stranger.
“Will you be here tomorrow?” Mary Jane asked, a question that had its own tacit meaning: a warning to Peace about the man she was eyeing with such unconcealed eagerness.
Annoyed, Henry gestured to the room at large.
“You think I have elves coming?” he asked her.
“I never know who you have coming,” Mary Jane replied, and even through his annoyance, Henry had to admire her wit.
It was ten o’clock when Mary Jane left, and ten-thirty when Henry kissed Peace for the first time.
She tasted of the brownies she’d brought and proffered and—once Henry had eaten one—proudly explained that she’d laced with hashish.
“I baked them this afternoon,” she said. “My mom was right there in the kitchen when I put the stuff in the batter, and she didn’t have a clue.”
Henry started to mind, and then he didn’t, because Peace added, with unexpected and captivating pride: “And I
baked them from scratch. I didn’t even use a mix!”
————
PEACE JACOBS’S REAL NAME WAS SARAH, but she had changed it even before she’d decided that she wanted to be an actress. “Peace” went with the whole hippie aspect of her. She was just seventeen, and her appearance by her parents’ side at Martha Gaines’s funeral had been entirely anomalous. She had not been in touch with either of them for months beforehand, having dropped out of high school in search of herself. A trip home for funds had prompted a truce, and Martha’s funeral had occasioned a show of good-girlism that no one with any insight could have taken seriously.
“I don’t know why,” she said to Henry, leaning back on Martha’s pillows and lifting her arms up over her head. “But it feels like I don’t like to stay in one spot very long.”
Henry felt the giddy fog of the hash brownies overtaking him. He watched his hands move as he spoke, and found them newly fascinating.
“Me neither,” he said.
“My parents say I’m crazy,” Peace said. “Really, they always have. They say I should learn how to stay in one place. But what’s the point of staying in one place? You can’t learn anything. You can’t meet anyone. You can’t go anywhere.”
Henry smiled, then started laughing.
“What?” Peace said.
He laughed harder, a being-high laugh.
“What?”
“That last one,” he managed to say, “is pretty much the definition of it, don’t you think?”
“Huh?”
“‘If you stay in one place, you can’t go anywhere’?”
She was embarrassed for a split second, and then she started laughing, too. He liked that about her.
“Well, I love things that are new,” she said, finally, when they had caught their breath.
“And people who are new,” he said, and kissed her again.
————
HE STAYED SIX DAYS AT THE PRACTICE HOUSE, ostensibly to tidy up Martha’s things, but really to explore Peace’s considerable sexual talents and her unexpected mystery. Mary Jane, having sized up the situation perfectly, gave Henry a withering look and a halfhearted hug and left just two days after she had come.
The Irresistible Henry House Page 31