I awoke several hours later to Eric nudging me. I opened my eyes and stared up at him.
He dropped down into the seat next to me. “We’ll be landing soon.”
“Thank God. All I want to do is go home and sleep for a week.”
“Me, too. This tour kicked my ass,” Eric said.
I looked out the window to see that it was still dark. Even though we’d left at just after midnight in London and traveled a little over ten hours, it was still dark here. Time changes always fucked with me when I was flying. I felt like it should be early morning.
“So, what do you plan to do while we have some time off?” Eric asked.
I hesitated. Eric of all people knew how bad my home life had been. He’d picked me up not long after I ran away, and he’d seen how fucked-up I was. I knew he wouldn’t approve of me going back for the ultimate family reunion.
“I’m going home,” I said quietly.
“What? Back to West Virginia? How come?”
I shook my head. “I’m going home.”
“Oh.” He was quiet for a minute, obviously trying to figure out why I would want to do something stupid like that. “Why?”
“Bethaney.”
He nodded. “She’s what? Eighteen now?”
“Yeah. I wanted to wait until they couldn’t stop me from seeing her. I just hope that she wants to see me after all this time. She probably thinks I abandoned her.”
“She saw what he did to you, right?”
I nodded.
“Then, I’m sure she understands why you left when you did. A person can only take so much, Jade.”
“I know. I just hope she sees it that way. I’m nervous to see her again. She won’t be the little girl I left behind.”
“You’re still her big sister. I’m sure she’ll be excited to see you.”
“I hope so. I can’t wait to hug her again. I’ve missed her so much.”
“I know you have. You know, I don’t have any plans for this summer besides sleeping. Do you mind if I tag along with you? I don’t want you to go by yourself, especially since I’m sure you’ll run into your stepdad.”
I bit my lip. “That’s okay. Someone already offered to go with me.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Who?”
He knew that the only friends I had were the guys and Chloe, so I understood his surprised look.
“Uh…Logan.”
His eyes widened before he glanced over to where Chloe and Drake were sitting. “Chloe’s Logan?”
“He’s not hers, Eric.”
“No, that’s not what I meant. I just…shit, sorry. You just surprised me. I didn’t even know you two were friends.”
I gave him a meaningful look. “We all have our secrets, Eric. You should know that better than anyone.”
He looked away, and I knew he wouldn’t push the subject anymore. If he did, it meant that I would ask him questions he wouldn’t want to answer.
The seat belt light came on, and we buckled up as the plane slowly descended into the lights of L.A. It was good to finally be done with the tour and back in America.
“You’ll call me if you need anything, right?” Eric finally asked.
I nodded. “You know I will. You’re the closest thing to family I have, Eric.”
“Good. I don’t want to worry about you.”
“I’ll be fine. I have every intention of confronting my stepdad while I’m there. David is nothing more than a bully, and it’s time someone put him in his place. I’m going to tell my mom what I think of her, too, but my main focus will be spending time with Bethaney.”
Eric took my hand in his and squeezed. “Give ’em hell, kid.”
I grinned. “Oh, you can bet your ass I will.”
I spent two days sleeping and recovering before packing some of my clothes and flying back to West Virginia. Besides Eric, no one knew what my plans were, and I wanted to keep it that way. Mentally, I knew that I would be fucked-up by the time I returned to L.A. I just wasn’t sure if it would be Logan’s fault or my stepdad’s.
I’d called Logan the day before I left to let him know that I would be flying in and to make sure that he still wanted to go with me. I had been relieved when he said he was still up for the trip. I almost hadn’t asked, afraid that he’d changed his mind. I’d called and texted him once or twice while the band was on tour, but that had been it. I had no idea what to expect when he picked me up from the airport. I had intended to rent a car and drive to his place, but he’d insisted that it wasn’t a big deal to pick me up. I knew for a fact that he had been lying since I would be landing in Pittsburgh, and it was over an hour drive there from Morgantown. It made me smile to realize that he cared enough to come get me.
I spotted his car as soon as I walked out of the airport. My breath caught in my throat as I stared at him. He was gorgeous. He’d said before that he couldn’t compete with my bandmates, but he obviously didn’t look in the mirror that often. He’d trimmed his hair, but it was still shaggier than I was used to seeing on him. His piercing blue eyes were crystal clear, and I couldn’t help but notice both of his dimples. He was grinning from ear to ear as he took my bags from me. After shoving them into the trunk of his car, he pulled me into a hug.
“Well, hi to you, too,” I joked.
“It’s good to see you. Did you have a good flight?” he asked as he released me.
I instantly missed his touch.
“Yeah, I slept through most of it,” I said as we got into his car.
We were both quiet until the airport was nothing more than a memory in the rearview mirror.
“So, how have you been?” I finally asked.
He smiled as he glanced at me. “I’m good—not great, but good. I’m a lot better than I was the last time you saw me.”
“I’m glad to hear it. I was worried about you.”
“I was worried about me for a while, too, but I focused on my classes and my job to pass the time. It took me a few months, but I finally figured out what a fucking sap I had been. I know how stupid I was to hang on to her.”
“You weren’t stupid, Logan. Never think that.”
He shrugged, clearly finished with our discussion. “So, how was the tour?”
“It was great. I loved every minute of it. The fans were insane, and I got to see a lot of places I never thought I’d see.”
“That’s awesome. I bet you’re sad that it’s over.”
I shook my head. I was right where I wanted to be. “I can only live on a bus with Adam for so long before I lose my ever-loving mind. We barely got a chance to rest, so I’m beat. I’m looking forward to just relaxing for a while.”
“How long do you guys have off?”
“Well, technically, two months, and then we’re supposed to finish writing the rest of the album after that. The label doesn’t need to know that it’s already done, so we’ll get a few extra weeks off.”
“Sneaky,” he joked.
“You say sneaky, and I say smart. I’m just looking forward to getting away for a while.”
We chatted most of the way to his house, but neither of us talked about anything too deep. It was refreshing to just hang out and talk with him. We’d never done this before. He had always been so torn up over Chloe that it was impossible to talk about the little things in life. I loved the way his eyes would light up when he laughed at something I’d said.
When we pulled up to his house, he grabbed my overnight bag and carried it inside to Chloe’s old room. I was staying with him and Amber tonight. Logan and I planned to leave early in the morning for Tennessee. The trip back to my hometown of Crossville would take a little over seven hours, so we wanted to start as early as possible.
Nervousness filled my stomach when I realized that I would be going home tomorrow. It was the one place I considered my own personal hell. It’d been just over six years since I ran away, but it felt like a lifetime ago. The things I’d experienced since leaving my old life behind had changed me. I was
n’t the scared seventeen-year-old who had run away from her problems. The music my stepdad always bitched about hadn’t destroyed my soul. Instead, it had changed my life.
When I walked back into that house, I would do it as a successful woman—a signed drummer with an entire company behind her. As immature as it sounded, I couldn’t wait to rub my accomplishments in my mom’s and stepdad’s faces. I wanted them to see that I was more than an accident. I was more than the stepdaughter who was always in the way. I was no longer the living and breathing reminder of my mother’s mistakes. I was me, and it felt damn good to know where I stood in life.
“You hungry?” Logan asked.
I dropped my bag onto the bed. “Starving. Airplane peanuts aren’t what I consider dinner.”
He grinned. “Come on, we’ll go get something to eat. Anyplace specific you want to go?”
“What? You’re not going to cook dinner for me?” I joked.
“Nah, I like you too much to make you suffer through that.” He took my hand in his and forced me to follow him back to the front door.
I couldn’t help but look down at our joined hands. No one had ever touched me like this—with the exception of Eric, and his touches were rare. Even when I was with Mikey, he wasn’t the type to hold hands. It might not mean anything to Logan, but it did to me.
“Where’s Amber?” I asked as we walked outside to his car.
I was surprised to see that it was almost completely dark outside now. It was barely six o’clock back in L.A., and the time change was screwing with me.
“Out as usual. She’s never home anymore.”
So, that means that we’ll have the house to ourselves tonight. “I see.”
“She drives me nuts. She tried bringing guys back to the house when Chloe first moved out. I got tired of hearing her screwing them, so I told her she couldn’t do that anymore. Now, she goes home with them, but that doesn’t really make me feel any better.” He looked pissed.
I frowned as we got into the car. “She’s a big girl, Logan. I know she’s your friend, but you can’t worry about everyone all the time.”
“I know that. I’m just worried because she’s not the same as she used to be. When we started college, she turned into a completely different person. She had gone through a nasty breakup right before we came here, but I don’t see how that could still be bothering her. It wasn’t like she was planning on marrying the jackass. It’s like she stepped onto campus and signed up for Girls Gone Wild.”
“People change as they get older, Logan. She isn’t the eighteen-year-old you came here with. Just let her figure out her problems on her own.”
“I know, I know. You’re right. The thing that bugs me most is that”—he cursed softly under his breath—“for a while, I was one of the guys she took home.”
I froze in my seat. “You slept with Chloe and Amber?”
Could I pick anyone more fucked-up than Logan?
His eyes widened. “What? No! Oh shit! No! That’s just…wrong. I meant, I was like those guys for a while. I would go to the bars and pick up girls just to fuck them.”
I hadn’t expected that from him. I’d just assumed that Logan wouldn’t touch another woman while he was pining away over Chloe. After spending nine months in an enclosed space with man-whore Adam, I didn’t like this information one bit. I didn’t want someone who spent all his time fucking other girls.
“How long has this been going on? Have you done it recently?” I finally asked as we pulled into the parking lot at Denny’s. If I hadn’t been so focused on what he was about to say, I would have smiled at his choice of restaurant. I loved this place.
“I haven’t done that in a long time. I stopped when you left town.”
My head whipped up to look at him. “What? Why?”
He had the decency to look embarrassed by this whole conversation. “I don’t know. It didn’t feel right. I got off on degrading those girls more than anything, and then after everything happened with you, I realized what a dirty bastard I was. So, I quit going out. I went to school and work. That was it. It helped a lot because I didn’t have to worry about feeling guilty.”
I wasn’t sure what to say, so I stayed silent as we stepped out of the car and walked across the lot to the restaurant. He held the door open for me, and we stepped inside. Even though it was after nine, the place was packed. It always was. In a college town, places that stayed open all night were usually swamped by this time.
We had to wait a few minutes for them to clear a table for us. Once we were sitting down, I opened my menu and stared at it blankly. I wasn’t seeing any of the words or pictures that normally made my mouth water. Instead, all I could see was Logan going home with girl after girl. It shouldn’t bother me like this. I had no claim on him. I wasn’t even sure if he really considered me a friend.
“I fucked up with you, didn’t I?” he finally asked.
I looked up to see him staring at me. “What do you mean?”
“You’ve barely looked at me, and you haven’t said a word since I told you that stuff in the car.”
“Logan—”
“No, it’s okay. I get it. I knew what I was doing wasn’t right, but I didn’t care. I deserve whatever it is you think of me,” he said as he looked away.
He looked utterly defeated. His features were darkened with a frown, and I could see storm clouds raging behind his eyes. Without thinking, I reached across the table and took his hand. His eyes widened as he glanced up at me.
“What you did was wrong. I won’t lie and say it wasn’t. But the fact that you know you messed up says that you regret it. We’ve all messed up in our lives, and we’ll all mess up again—several times. What matters is that you’re trying to do what’s right. I’m not angry with you, honest. It just kind of surprised me. I have this picture of how you used to be in my head, and that’s how I see you. When you tell me stuff like this, I don’t know what to think.”
He looked down at our joined hands and then back up at me. “Thank you.”
I stared at him, confused. “For what?”
“For not giving up on me and not thinking the worst when it comes to me. I don’t know what I did to gain your loyalty, but it means more to me than you know.”
He looked like he wanted to say something else to me, but our waitress decided to show up at that exact moment.
“What can I get y’all tonight?” she asked without looking up from her notepad.
Once she took our orders and menus, she glanced up at us for the first time. When her eyes landed on me, I saw recognition in them.
“Holy shit! You’re Jade from Breaking the Hunger!” she said in an excited whisper.
I glanced around to make sure no one else was paying attention. The last thing I wanted tonight was for a room full of people to realize who I was. No, I wasn’t as big as Drake or even Eric and Adam, but people knew who I was, too.
I gave her a pleading smile. “Yeah, that’s me. We came here for a quiet evening together.”
She smiled knowingly. “Gotcha. I won’t say a word. Can you sign something for me though?”
“Sure.”
I waited as she tore off a piece of paper from her order pad.
She handed it to me. “Can you make it out to Jennifer?”
I wrote her name on the paper and then signed my name at the bottom. I couldn’t help but smile at the look on her face. It was like Christmas had come early for her.
“Thank you! I’ve been following your band forever! I’m so excited that you guys are getting so big now! Don’t worry. I won’t let anyone know who you are.”
I breathed a sigh of relief as she stuffed the paper into her pocket. “Thank you.”
“I’ll bring your food back shortly,” she said before she turned and hurried to the kitchen.
I glanced up to see Logan smiling from ear to ear. “What?”
“You. It’s so weird to see someone react to you like that. I keep forgetting you’re some famous drumm
er now.”
“I’m not famous!”
“Sure you’re not,” he joked. “Don’t worry. I’m just teasing you, but I do think it’s cool.”
“Well, thanks, I guess,” I mumbled.
“You’re embarrassed.”
My cheeks flamed. “Am not.”
“Yes, you are. It’s cute. You’re always so hard. It’s a nice change.”
I raised an eyebrow as I chuckled. “Sorry, Logan. I don’t have the right parts for that.”
It took him a minute to figure out my sarcastic remark to what he’d said. Once he did, he laughed. “Smart-ass.”
The waitress appeared a few minutes later with our food. With the exception of her checking on us every two-point-five seconds, dinner was peaceful. When she brought our bill to the table, Logan snatched it up before I had a chance.
“Hey! I was going to pay.”
He shook his head. “Nope. My treat.”
I grinned as he walked to the register to pay. Sitting here with him tonight and the fact that he was paying made me feel like this was a date. It was stupid because it obviously wasn’t. He was just being nice.
The drive home was silent. By the time he pulled into his driveway, my eyelids were so heavy that I could barely keep my eyes open. I cursed at my ever-changing time zones as we walked into the house. I didn’t want to go to sleep yet, but my body was begging me for relief. I’d planned to get the travel grime off of me before I went to bed, but I knew I’d never make it through a shower. Instead, I told Logan good night and walked to Chloe’s room. Without a second thought, I collapsed onto the bed and passed out.
I woke up to sunlight filtering through the window. I rolled over so that I could check the time on my phone. Seeing that it was already after eight, I jumped out of bed. Our plan had been to leave the house at seven. I had no idea why Logan hadn’t woken me up yet. I grabbed clean clothes and hurried to the bathroom to shower. After taking the fastest shower on earth and drying my hair, I threw my dirty clothes in my bag and carried it to the front door.
Toxic: Logan's Story Page 8