She frowned. “I always thought you two would end up together.”
“So did I, but it wasn’t meant to be.”
“I’m sorry. I know how much she meant to you.”
I shrugged. “It’s fine. She’s happy with Drake, and we’re still friends. That’s all that matters.”
“I guess. So, are you and Amber—”
I laughed. “No, definitely not. We would kill each other. We’re still just friends.”
“Oh, I thought since you were living with her that something might be going on.”
“Nope.”
My mom hesitated for a second. “So, are you with anyone?”
I raised an eyebrow. “Is this the part where you ask me if I’m having sex, and when I tell you yes, you hand me a box of condoms?”
Her face instantly turned red, and she let out a shaky laugh. “No. Just no. I don’t want to know if you’re…you know. I was just wondering if you were with anyone. I don’t really know how you’ve been doing since you left for college.”
“College has been…different. I’ve changed a lot since I moved to Morgantown. As for whether or not I have a girlfriend, it’s complicated.”
“And that’s my cue to shut up, isn’t it? I can take a hint.” She smiled at me. “I won’t pry, I promise.”
“Thanks, Mom. My life is kind of messed-up right now. I’m not sure how I could explain it even if I wanted to.”
“Gotcha. Well, if you do decide to talk about it, I’ll listen. I know we’re not exactly close, but you can always talk to me.”
I opened my mouth to tell her no but thanks, and then I stopped myself. Maybe talking to her would help. She wasn’t loyal to any of my friends or the band. She wouldn’t sugarcoat anything or try to convince me to give Jade the benefit of the doubt—unless my mom thought Jade deserved it.
“When I went to college, I started dating this girl. I loved her more than anything. I really thought that I would end up with her, but she cheated on me. She came clean and told me the truth, but the damage was done. I turned bitter and started acting like an asshole. I was hurt, so I took it out on everyone but her. Then, this other girl started coming around. For years, she was just my friend. She made me realize what a dick I was being. Nothing happened between us until recently. She finally kind of admitted that she had feelings for me. It made me see that I cared about her, too, so we went for it. Things were perfect for two months. I could talk to her about what the other girl had done to me, and she’d listen. She also had problems of her own, and I helped her deal with them. Then, I walked in on her and her ex one night. They were kissing. I took off before she could say anything, but some of our mutual friends have told me that he forced himself on her and that she’s really upset. After what happened before, I don’t know whether to believe them or not. It’s all so fucked-up at this point.”
My mom walked into the room and sat down in my old computer chair. “I’m really sorry that you had to go through all of that with both of them. Sometimes, we’re so blinded by love that we don’t really see what’s happening. By the time we do, it’s too late to save ourselves.” She paused, her face clouded with doubt and uncertainty. “I know I’ve never really told you about your father, but maybe now is a good time.”
I gave her a questioning look. “How will that help me?”
She gave me a sad smile. “Maybe it’ll help you, or maybe it won’t. You can decide. Regardless, I think you need to hear it. I know you’ve always had questions about what happened and why we lived our lives the way we did.”
“Yeah, I did, but you never seemed to want to talk about him, so I finally just gave up and left it alone.”
“I know, and I’m sorry for that.” She smiled sadly. “When I was sixteen, I met your father. He was twenty at the time. My parents would have had a fit if they knew I was with him, so we kept our relationship a secret for over a year. Then, you decided to surprise us, and I had to tell them the truth. They were furious with me for messing around with someone so much older and for wanting to keep you. When they realized that they couldn’t change my mind about having an abortion, they kicked me out.
“I moved in with your father, and things were good for a while. Randy always had a drinking problem, but things didn’t get bad until around the time you turned two. I don’t know what had set him off, but he turned into a completely different man. He started hitting me, but I was young and dumb, so I didn’t leave him. Then, one night, I came home from work early. You were screaming in your room, and your dad was passed out in the chair. After I took care of you, I woke him up to yell at him. I never yelled at him, ever, but enough was enough. You were my baby, and God only knows how long you had been crying like that. When I started yelling at him, he came after me. He nearly beat me to death that night. He took off, and after I was able to move, I packed up everything you and I owned, and I took off. He searched for me for a long time, and he nearly caught up to us once or twice, but I always managed to stay one step ahead of him. I was terrified. I had no family, no friends, and no money. I worked crappy jobs, and we lived in crappy houses in every town we moved to, but we were mostly safe. I lived in terror for almost twelve years, just waiting for the day when he would finally find us.”
“Why didn’t you tell me any of this?” I asked, shocked by what my mother had kept from me.
“Because it was my problem, not yours. I wanted you to be happy, and you were. You didn’t look over your shoulder every day, terrified of whether or not he’d find us. Right after we moved to West Virginia, I got a call from a lawyer out of Louisiana, which is where we’re from originally. How he found me, I have no clue, but he did. He said that he represented your father and that he’d passed away. He was in a car accident that he caused in Missouri. He had gone the wrong way and driven down an exit ramp, hitting another car head-on. He killed the people inside the other car as well. I know it makes me a horrible person, but when the lawyer told me that your father had died, all I felt was relief. I was finally free, Logan. After years of running, I was finally free.”
“I don’t even know what to say. Why the hell didn’t he give up on us?”
“I don’t know. Your father had a lot of anger problems, and I think he was pissed that I’d escaped. I never filed for divorce because I didn’t want him to have an address to track me, so maybe he thought I was still his. Regardless, the reason doesn’t matter. What does matter is that I let my fear control me. It still controls me. Haven’t you ever wondered why I never dated? I was too afraid that I’d find someone just like him. I’m still too afraid to try. My point is, don’t do what I did. Don’t let the past control you. If this girl says that she didn’t cheat on you, give her a chance to explain herself.”
“But what if she really did cheat on me?”
“Then, talk to her, and walk away. It doesn’t matter what the outcome is. You deserve to know what really happened. Do you care a lot about this girl?”
“Yeah, I do. If I didn’t, it wouldn’t hurt this damn bad,” I admitted.
“Then, give her a chance. If you don’t talk to her, you’ll always wonder if she was telling the truth or not. You deserve to be happy, Logan. I know that you weren’t very happy with me when you were growing up because I wasn’t around as much as I would have liked, but I’ve always loved you.”
“We have a screwed-up relationship, don’t we?” I asked.
She laughed. “Yeah, we do. I admit that most of it was my fault, but I hope you realize that everything I did was to protect you.”
“I know. I was butt-hurt because you were never around and because we moved constantly, but I need to get over it. I’m sorry I haven’t called very often or visited at all since I left.”
“It’s all right, but I wouldn’t mind a visit every now and then,” she teased.
“I’ll see what I can do.”
“Good. Now, let’s go eat. I’m sure dinner is just about ready now.”
I stood and followed my mom fro
m my room. Surprisingly, talking with her had helped me more than I’d ever thought it would.
I ended up staying with my mom for two days before heading back to Morgantown. Now that I knew exactly what had happened between her and my father, I didn’t feel as resentful toward her for moving us around so much. I hated how my dad had made her suffer for years just because she chose to protect us from him. I didn’t feel any loss knowing my dad was dead. It was probably a blessing that I’d never known the bastard.
I promised my mom that I would come back to visit her again sometime soon, and I meant it. I wasn’t sure when, but I would make it down to Charleston even if it was just for the weekend.
On the drive home, I couldn’t help but wonder if I was doing the right thing. I’d thought about what Chloe, Drake, and my mom had told me, and I knew they were right. If I didn’t talk to Jade, I would always wonder what had really happened that night. I had to know the truth.
As I pulled into the driveway of my house, I saw Chloe and Drake walking to their rental car. I parked my car beside theirs and climbed out. Chloe gave me a tentative smile as I walked over to her.
“Hey, Logan,” Chloe said.
“Hi. You guys leaving?”
“Yeah, we’re heading to the airport now. I was hoping you’d make it back before we left. I didn’t feel right leaving without telling you bye.”
“I’m glad I caught you guys. I was wondering if you had room for one more on the flight back to L.A.” I grinned down at her.
Her eyes widened in surprise before she gave me a huge grin. “Of course we do!”
“Okay, give me a few minutes to pack up some of my stuff.”
“Yay! That’s fine. Whenever you’re ready,” Chloe said excitedly.
I glanced over at Drake as I passed by him. He gave me a silent nod before turning his attention to Chloe. I walked inside and straight back to my room. I grabbed one of my old luggage bags, dropped it onto the bed, and unzipped it. After grabbing my clothes out of the closet and dresser, I tossed them inside and walked across the hall to the bathroom to grab some of my stuff.
“What are you doing?” Amber asked, stopping mid-step at the bathroom.
“I’m going to L.A. with Chloe and Drake, so I can talk to Jade.”
“Are you kidding me? Everyone is going to California, and I’m stuck here without any of you!”
“I’ll be back, Amber. Classes start soon.”
“Yeah, right. You’ll make up with Jade, and then you’ll move to L.A. with her and have five kids, abandoning me in the process.”
I snorted. “Really, Amber?”
“Yes, really! You just wait! And when I turn out to be right, I expect an apology and some flowers.”
“Amber, I will be back. For starters, I can’t just drop out of school. Also, half the rent on this place is mine to pay, remember? I’m not just going to abandon you.”
“Like Chloe did? She also had school and rent to pay, but that didn’t stop her.”
I rolled my eyes as I walked past her and back into my room. I threw the rest of my stuff into my bag, zipped it, and turned back to Amber. “I’ll see you in a week or so, okay? No wild parties while I’m gone.”
“Yeah, whatever. Out of the three of us, I never thought that I’d be the one left behind while you two go off and do whatever your hearts’ desire.”
I grabbed my bag and walked over to her. “I’ll miss you, too, Amber.”
I kissed her forehead before walking past her and down the hall.
“Logan?” she called after me.
I glanced back. “Yeah?”
“Will you let me know how Adam is? I didn’t want to ask Chloe because it would be awkward since she’s around him so much.”
I grinned. “Yeah, if I see him, I’ll let you know. You could always call him and see for yourself.”
She shook her head. “Nah, it’s been almost a year since we talked. No going back now.”
I opened my mouth to tell her to stop being so damn stubborn and just call him, but I stopped myself. Who was I to give relationship advice?
“Behave yourself while I’m gone,” I teased before walking out the door.
Chloe and Drake were sitting in their rental car, waiting for me. Drake popped the trunk with the lever inside as I walked over. I threw my bag inside and then climbed into the backseat.
“That didn’t take very long,” Chloe remarked as I fastened my seat belt.
“I’m not a girl. It doesn’t take me two days to pack.”
“Oh, whatever. I don’t pack that much.”
Drake snorted as he started backing out of the driveway. “Bullshit. The back of this car says you’re full of shit.”
“That’s different! We were gone for a whole summer! Of course I needed a lot of stuff.”
Drake glanced back at me in the rearview mirror and shook his head, but he said nothing. Chloe stuck her tongue out at him as he drove away from the house and toward the interstate.
“So, what changed your mind?” Chloe asked as we approached the Pittsburgh airport.
“My mom,” I said.
She turned in her seat to stare at me. “Your mom? Seriously? That’s where you went?”
I shrugged. “I didn’t intend to go there, but that’s where I ended up. We talked a little bit. She even told me about my dad. She said some stuff that made a lot of sense.”
“I’m glad that you were able to talk with her. I know you guys have an awkward relationship.”
“Yeah. I mean, we won’t be calling each other daily or anything, but I promised that I’d visit again soon. She seemed happy about that.”
“Well, like I said, I’m glad. I always liked your mom even though she wasn’t around much.”
The car was silent for a few minutes.
Drake spoke up, “So, what are your plans once we get to L.A.?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. If it’s okay with you guys, I’ll crash at your place. I’ll find Jade tomorrow and talk to her, and then I’ll go home the following day.”
“What if things work out? You won’t go home then, will you?” Chloe asked.
“I have to. I’m paying half the rent on the house Amber and I are living in. Plus, I have school. If Jade and I work things out, we’ll just have to deal with living apart.”
“You could always transfer schools, you know. There are colleges in California, or you can do what I did and take online courses. I’m sure Amber’s mom and dad will help her with the rent until she finds someone new to room with,” Chloe said.
I raised an eyebrow. “Why are you so determined to make sure that Jade and I end up together?”
“Because I want you both to be happy, and after all of this sorted out, I think you two could be really happy with each other. You both care a lot about each other. I’ve never seen Jade act the way she did when Drake called her. She was really upset. And you’ve been Mopey McMoperpants since you came home. It’s obvious that you’re both miserable without one another.”
“Do you really think that we’d be happy together? Honestly, I’m not so sure. I don’t exactly fit in with the rest of her world.”
“Why do you think that?”
“She’s a rock star, Chloe, and I’m just…I’m not into that scene. I don’t like the same things you guys do. I don’t look like any of the other guys she hangs out with. I’m not pierced or tattooed. I’m not…I don’t know what the fuck I’m trying to say here.”
Chloe started to say something, but Drake cut her off, “Look, Logan, I’ve known Jade for a long time. I’ve watched her get hit on by tons of guys, and she’s never paid attention to any of them. She didn’t care that they were part of our scene. Truthfully, most of the guys we hang out with are womanizing assholes.”
“True story,” Chloe cut in, giving Drake a dirty look.
“Hey, I haven’t been that way in a long time. Don’t glare at me like that. Anyway, my point is, just because she lives a certain way and has a certain prof
ession doesn’t mean that she’s going to want a certain type of guy. She obviously likes you, so just go with it.”
“He’s right. Don’t doubt yourself because you two have different lives. You’re a good-looking guy, Logan. You don’t need tattoos or piercings for girls to notice you. Jade obviously likes you just the way you are.”
“I feel like I should pull the car over, so we can all hug. This is getting awkward,” Drake muttered.
Chloe laughed. “Don’t be jealous, Drake. I think you’re a good-looking guy, too.”
He rolled his eyes. “Thanks. I feel much more secure about our marriage now that you’ve admitted you’re attracted to me.”
I grinned, unable to stop myself. Being around Chloe and Drake was eye-opening. The way the two of them were around each other made me realize just how much they cared about each other. I hated that their beginning had been the end for me, but I was glad that Chloe was happy.
Maybe I would find the same kind of happiness she had with Drake. Jade’s face came to mind. Maybe she could be the one.
I just hoped that I wasn’t flying toward more heartache.
I slept on and off as we flew to L.A. I’d flown once or twice before, but it was nothing compared to flying in Drake’s label’s private plane. Instead of sitting in a cramped seat with screaming kids and annoyingly loud passengers surrounding me, I’d been sprawled out on a leather couch for most of the trip. I hated moving back to my seat when the pilot announced that we would be landing soon.
As soon as we landed, I followed Drake and Chloe to where a massive SUV was waiting for us. The Mercedes SUV had black tinted windows, so no one could see who was inside. I climbed into the very back row of seats as Chloe and Drake sat down in the row in front of me. Once our luggage was loaded into the back, a driver took us to Drake’s house.
“Nice setup you have going on here,” I said as we drove along the crowded streets of L.A.
“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it,” Chloe said as she looked over her shoulder at me.
“I don’t think I could either. I’m almost afraid to see your house,” I joked.
Toxic: Logan's Story Page 19