by Martha Long
I stood still watchin them, goin inta fright wit hearin tha Mister Mullins is nowhere te be seen. I watched the childre make it, then head around the corner an down the Whitworth Road. They live in Summerhill, tha’s near where I live! I took off flyin meself across the road an down the hill rushin te catch up wit them. They can bring me home! The bangin pain in me chest eased, makin me feel better wit the thought, they know the way, so I’m not goin te be lost.
21
I STOOD OUTSIDE mister Mullins’ house lookin up at all the windas wit no lamplight showin out, not even the sign of a candle burnin. Where is he?
I started te cry. I’m bangin an even kickin the door but it’s just all quiet comin back at me. Wha am I goin te do? I’m locked out on the streets in the pitch-black night an the monsters can come an get me!
I looked around at the empty streets an all the houses gettin dark wit no lights showin. Everyone’s gone te bed te sleep, an I’m the only one left in the world wit no bed te go to, an no mammy or sister te look after me! I could feel a terrible fright risin in me, an started te run up an down whingin, wit the fright gettin bigger in me.
‘What’s goin on here? What are you doing out this hour of the night?’ said a man’s voice comin at me very close.
I looked up inta the red face of a big huge policeman standin lookin down at me.
‘What’s your name?’
I stared sayin nothin, me nerves was now all gone an I couldn’t move wit the fright. A policeman! He’s goin te arrest me! I’m goin te jail fer breakin the law, I shouldn’t be on the streets this hour a the night. Ye’re not supposed te be, unless ye’re makin yer way home! I started te shiver an me teeth started te rattle, makin a knockin noise in me head.
‘You’re freezing with cold, how long have you been out here?’ he said, lookin around te see was someone comin te claim me. ‘Do you live around here? Are you going to answer me? OK, let’s sort this out, come with me. I better get you in somewhere warm. Have you eaten?’
I still stared not able te take in wha was after happenin. There’s nobody here te claim me, an now I’m gettin taken away fer bein a baddie! Ceily was right! Oh Mammy! Where are you? Ceily, I want you te come back!
I then erupted. ‘I want me mammy. Where’s me mammy? Where’s me sister? I want te go home! I want me own fambily back!’ I shouted, turnin te run an took off flyin, headin fer me own house wantin te get home an find everythin OK again. Mammy will be waitin an we’ll have chips an sausages fer dinner, an me sister will laugh at me fer sayin or doin somethin stupid. An I won’t fight wit her. I will just kiss her an tell her I missed her. An I won’t ever leave the house again without kissin Mammy goodbye, an then, makin sure te get a long good look at her.
I shook me head from side te side breakin me heart wit the thought! I never said goodbye, an I didn’t even get te see her the last time I left. Tha was when we was all together. Now I’m all on me own wit no one te say I belong. Mister Mullins or Fat Mammy doesn’t want me, they went off an left me.
‘Ohhhh!’ I rushed te the wall an slid down breakin me heart wit the cryin. ‘Mammy oh Mammy, ye went an left me! Why did you do tha?’
A pair of black boots appeared an stood in front of me. I just stared, not carin no more. Mammy’s gone. Ceily’s gone. I want te go too. I want te go wit them! I looked up at the big policeman lookin down at me, he didn’t look angry, just worried.
‘Will you take me te where me mammy’s gone? Do you have te die te get up to heaven? Because I thinks tha’s maybe where she’s gone after all. They lowered her down inta her grave, an I was there today when they went te put her friend Delia into a big hole as well. An I got afraid because I was lost, an Mammy came whisperin in the trees te talk to me! She told me te be easy, I would get me way out an I did!’ I said all this then went quiet, lookin down at his boots again.
He said nothin an we just stayed tha way fer a few minutes. Then he bent down an put out his hand, sayin, ‘Come on, little girl. Let me take you out of the cold and see if we can get you something to eat.’ Then he lifted me up an carried me in his arms sayin nothin.
Then I let meself go an just rested wit me head on his shoulder not thinkin no more, or even carin. I only want te be wit my mammy an sister, I don’t want nothin else.
* * *
I woke up hearin the clatterin of a machine spillin out white paper, an people talkin, an bodies movin in an out. I looked around squintin me eyes because the bright lights was hurtin me.
‘Eat this,’ the policeman said, liftin me down off the two chairs pushed together an made soft wit blankets. I gave a big yawn an grabbed me head fer a scratch, I could feel it in a pile all standin up.
‘Come on, have that,’ he said, puttin down a white plate wit two ham sambidges an a cup of milky-lookin tea. ‘That’s for after your breakfast,’ he said, puttin down a big bar of Cadbury’s chocolate wrapped up in silver an purple paper. I could nearly smell the lovely taste from here, without even openin it.
Me eyes lit up! I took a huge bite of the sambidge tastin the ham an the butter, it was gorgeous, an the tea was lovely an hot an sweet. Me eyes stayed glued on the chocolate, knowin I have tha fer afters.
‘Now, when you finish that in a little while we are going to take you for a jaunt in a motor car! Won’t that be nice?’ he said, smilin an rubbin the top of me head tossin the standin-up mop of hair, then tryin te run his fingers through the curls te flatten it down. He just stared when he finished, then shook his head givin up.
‘Needs a wash and a good comb,’ he muttered. ‘Wouldn’t my mother just love to get her hands on a head of hair like that! It would keep her occupied for hours,’ he laughed. ‘I better get out to the desk, the Superintendent will be putting me on boot-polishing duty if I’m caught slacking.’ Then he went off out the door about his business.
* * *
‘Ready?’ he said, fastenin the big silver buttons up te the neck of the long, heavy wool police coat, wit the silver bars an numbers on the shoulders. He was wearin a peaked hat as well, an I wouldn’t a known him! He looked all spit an polished me mammy calls it, wit his shiny black boots.
‘Ready?’ a big man said wearin an even more important-lookin coat, wit stripes on the shoulders.
‘Ready, Superintendent,’ said my policeman then off we went. We walked out a back door an into a yard wit bicycles an a motor car sittin in the middle, it was waitin in front a the big gates, te take off out.
‘In you get, sit in the back,’ the policeman said openin the door an flyin me in te land on the soft cushiony back seat.
I got all excited an stood up te look out the back winda.
‘Sit down,’ he said, sittin in beside me an the Super-intendent sat in the front wit another policeman ready te drive us away.
‘I never was in a motor motor car before!’ I said, hoppin me legs an bangin them against the back of the seat, wantin te climb up an ger a look out.
He gave a little nod flyin his eyes te the Superintendent, then winked at me lettin me know it was OK.
I leapt up an looked around, seein the Superintendent then whip his head back, he was turnin te look at the policeman knowin he let me. The policeman was busy lookin out the other side, an nobody said nothin.
‘Oh lookit! There’s young ones from my school!’ I laughed gettin all excited. ‘EH, YOUSE! LOOKIT ME!’ I suddenly shouted, givin the winda an almighty bang an screamin the voice off meself.
‘JESUS CHRIST!’ roared the Superintendent whippin his head around, gettin the fright of his life.
‘Holy Moses!’ muttered my policeman givin me a shocked look. ‘Sit down!’ he said grabbin hold a me.
‘SIT DOWN, YOU MENACE! You put the heart crossways in me!’ shouted the Superintendent.
I flipped meself around wit the policeman draggin me down, then stretched out me legs fixin me coat coverin them. I sat wit me hands on me lap now, afraid te move, not enjoyin meself no more.
‘Here we go,’ said the driver, flyin over
cobblestones then slowin down goin in through an arch wit big gates.
‘Dublin Castle,’ said the Superintendent. ‘Driver, head around to the right and we are for the Children’s Court. Get through this and we are done! It’s up to the rest what they want to do. We will have done our job,’ said the Superintendent, lookin at my policeman. He suddenly started playin wit his hat strokin an movin it around then givin me a look starin like he was thinkin an gettin very sad.
I started te feel me heart shift, goin from a tick-tock into a fast run. Me belly was gettin cold, an I could feel me body stiffen, gettin me ready fer a quick an fast run. Somethin bad is goin te happen! I just know it! Mammy! Help me! I muttered inside me head.
22
THE MOTOR CAR stopped outside a big black door an childre walked in trailin their mammies. They look sick, they’re all lookin white as ghosts, an they even gor a wash wit their hairs flattened down wit water. Tha’s wha some a the paupers do when they want te look polished. I need tha now! Mammy used te always give me a bath on Saturday night sittin in the tin bath in front a the roarin blazin fire. It was lovely! The curtains would be drawn keepin out the cold dark winter, an Ceily would sit readin me bits outa the Bunty comic. An even Mammy would laugh when we heard about the fat Bessie Bunter, she was gettin inta trouble over eatin too much at her lovely grand boardin school. Then after, we got cocoa an biscuits or whatever Mammy brought home from her work in the mad house. Then we went te bed, an before she sat down te enjoy her night by the fire eatin an talkin wit Delia, she would lay out our clean best clothes fer Mass on Sunday, an then our day out in the city. No, I was most definitely most NOT a pauper!
We walked into a dark hall wit an old narrow wooden stairs in front, te the left was a huge big area wit long wooden benches tha wrapped around the whole room. I could see in, an worried-lookin white faces lifted their head te look out at me. They took in the police ganged around me, then a woman gave her head a little shake, much as te say, Aren’t them the bastards! Then she dropped her eyes again, thinkin an starin at the floor. Childre wit no shoes sat beside their mammies, wit their bodies jerkin an their legs shakin an wavin, they looked very afraid, just like I’m feelin now.
‘You can come straight up, they’re waiting on you, everyone is ready,’ said a man rushin down the stairs wearin a long black gown wit important-lookin forms under his arm.
‘Let’s go,’ said the Superintendent, an my policeman put out his hand and gently pushed me ahead, up the stairs in front of him.
I walked into a huge room wit a stage in front, an a man was up there sittin behind a big bench. He was wearin a white wig an a black gown wit a snow-white hard collar. When everyone walked in, he lifted his head lookin down his nose from one te the next, takin us all in through a pair of eyeglasses. He looked at me an nodded at the man wit the papers under his arm te come an get me. The policemen went in an bowed down te the judge then sat down in the front row on the other side a the room.
‘You stand there,’ said the paper man, puttin me standin in front of a fireplace wit an empty grate.
‘I am representing the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children,’ I heard a voice say. Then it hit me! It’s the cruelty people, the pair a them are over there sittin on the other side a the bench next te the big winda!
Me heart leapt an me stomach twisted then shot up me breakfast, it was all lumps a bread wit bits a chewed ham an all covered in brown from the chocolate. I could smell the chocolate an it made me heave even bigger an it kept shootin out until now it’s only dribbles. I lifted me head wit the dribbles of brown sick hangin in threads from me mouth an me coat was destroyed. I moved away drippin sick wit me an started te cry.
‘Take her out! Can someone get her cleaned up?’
Then the paper man rushed over an whispered somethin inta the judge’s ear.
‘OK, yes, I see that now! Put her sitting down then send for the cleaners when I have dealt with this matter,’ he said, givin me a look from under his glasses like you would look at a dirty dog eatin its own shit. Then he said, ‘Let us continue. The child must remain during these proceedings; meanwhile, I believe it is necessary we expediate this as a matter of extreme urgency. It is a possible difficulty with transport, if transport may prove to be necessary. Would that be correct, you people of the NSPCC?’
‘Yes it would, your honour,’ the skinny man said, standin up quickly an bowin te the judge, then sittin down again.
‘OK, what are the facts of this case?’ the judge said, lookin down at his papers then lookin around, landin his eyes on the police superintendent.
He stood up, lookin down at his papers, sayin, ‘The initial charge is a case of common vagrancy, your honour. We are charging this person, Lillian Carney, having reached the age of reason, that being seven years old, she now being of age, seven years with eleven days, thereby the age whereby she can now be charged with a crime under English common law sixteen hundred and … Further, the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children, represented here today by Mr Ernest Willows and Miss Mabel Wallis, will give evidence that the child has neither a place of abode nor the protection of a guardian, the mother, Mary Carney, being now deceased this two weeks. This matter has been taken in hand by Father Joseph Mary Miles Flitters, parish priest of the defendant’s parish in the north city of Dublin. It was he who expressed concern some almost two weeks ago for the welfare, security and fate of this girl. Affidavits signed by him and witnessed have been put forward here as evidence, your honour.’
Wit tha, the paper man whipped out papers from under his arm an handed them te the judge. Then the Superintendent bowed. ‘I will now rest my charge and allow the NSPCC society to present their case.’
‘Yes, but before we proceed further,’ the judge said, lookin down at the policeman then along te everyone else all sittin waitin for te hear wha he says.
‘I intend to strike out the charge of vagrancy. That law does not apply in this case, the child still being under the legal age where she can be held responsible for her actions.
‘What I shall do is consider the matter for the concerns of the child, Lillian Carney, being in need of care and protection. Very well, we may begin,’ he said, noddin te the lot a them.
I sat rockin meself backwards an forwards wit me leg flyin an me stomach wantin te heave again. It was the sickenin smell a vomit blockin me nose an pourin outa me clothes. I don’t understand wha anythin they’re sayin about me! Wha did I do? How did I get te be a baddie? I don’t understand nothin! I’m worser off now than the paupers, they might be dirty, well, so am I now. But they have a mammy an sisters an brothers, an I don’t have tha no more. So, I’m now a baddie, it’s a sin te be poor, to be a pauper, no one wants te be next or near you. So I’m worse now, I’m a baddie! It’s all God’s fault, he was very selfish wantin te take her all fer himself, an it was all so of a sudden she went. The bleedin cheek a him, I will never have anythin te do wit him again. The devil can have me! GO FUCK YERSELF, GOD! Tha’s the best thing I can think te say to you.
‘So, it is agreed as everything is in hand. I understand now – it becomes clear your wish to have this matter dealt with in all possible haste. You have a long tiresome journey ahead of you. Father Flitters the parish priest has already made arrangements for the girl to be taken in by the Order of the Holy Crucifixion. These nuns lead a very simple and austere way of life. It is the furthest point west and lies almost in the western isle. They live off the land and I believe it is very isolated, primitive and barren, with only the pounding noise of the sea roaring ferociously when the storms come thundering in across the Atlantic Ocean. Yes, I have been close to that area, it has a wonderful cove, my wife and I discovered it when we were first married. It was during our honeymoon. We brought a picnic lunch I remember,’ the judge said smilin te himself, gettin the picture back of tha time.
‘Hm, yes, very beautiful,’ he said, lookin all lost in a happy dream. Then he said, ‘To live in a convent
there, what a wonderful way of life, far from the dangerous world with all its bright lights, temptation and horrid evil ways,’ he sniffed, lookin now like he had a bad smell under his nose.
‘So, I will sign the order incarcerating the girl until her sixteenth birthday. Then she will be released if the good nuns think fit, it may be appropriate. But I shall make it an order that the girl, Lillian Carney, may, and can, be held under their authority after this date, until they decide otherwise. That will be it!’ he said, givin his hammer a bang on the bench, then stood up makin his way outa the court.
‘Thank you, your honour,’ everyone said, all sayin it at the same time.
He nodded at them then said, ‘Court usher, a word! I won’t come back to hear any more cases this morning until that mess has been cleaned up and that disgusting stench has been removed,’ he said. ‘And before you do anything else, open the windows,’ he demanded, barkin his annoyance.
‘Yes, your honour,’ bowed the paper man.
Then I was grabbed by the policeman, sayin, ‘Come on downstairs with me, we have to get you cleaned up first.’
‘Where am I goin?’ I asked, wantin te get sick wit the terrible pain comin in me head. ‘I’m thirsty, can I ger a drink a water, please?’
‘Hurry,’ he said grabbin hold a me, an half liftin half pullin, I was dragged down the stairs wit him holdin me arm under me shoulder. When we got te the ground floor he turned right, headin down more stairs into a dark dungeon. Then he knocked on a door an twisted the handle. ‘In here,’ he said, goin into a stuffy little room wit no air an a heavy musty smell of thick dust. It had a big enamel trough wit one tap fer washin, an underneath an in open cupboards was cleanin stuff wit everythin ye need – tin buckets, mops, cloths an sweepin brushes. The shelves over the sink was lined wit bars a carbolic washin soap an other stuff all fer the cleanin.