“Well, now I feel special.”
He smiles down at me. “You should feel special. That night, I didn’t want to use my field name for fear that you might recognize it and there was something about you spending that time with me even though you didn’t know I was a pro ball player. I also think deep down, I wanted you to call me Cam. I felt a connection to you the moment I saw the pain in your eyes.”
I slide up his body and softly press my lips to his. “Thank you.” I move back down to place my hands on his chest and rest my chin on them. “Now carry on.”
He gives me a sad smile and my insides tighten for him. He has so much pain in his world, and I wish I could take it away. He looks away briefly but then turns back and looks down at me.
“My family knew at a pretty young age that I had above-average talent in baseball. Coaches started working with me when I was young, and they told my parents that I needed to go to every coach, camp and league that I could because I had the potential to make it big. My parents accepted my desire to spend so much time on baseball. But they were so concerned with making sure that Jacob didn’t feel second best or left out that they forgot I also needed support and encouragement. I grew up feeling like playing baseball was bad, and I almost gave it up the summer before I started high school. All I wanted was the love of my parents.”
He pauses and I feel him catching the emotion in his head. I reach up with one hand and place it on his cheek. “I’m sorry.” He shakes his head.
“But Jacob told me if I gave up baseball he would be disappointed. He never faltered in his support of me. He said I had to keep playing because he was counting on me making it and he was going to be at every game cheering me on. Honestly, that is half of why I kept playing. Making Jacob proud was something I craved at that point. I didn’t have the encouragement from anyone else, but knowing my baby brother looked up to me was enough.
“Of course, I played on varsity my freshman year, and I quickly became the talked-about pitcher in the conference. By summer league it was across the state, and pro scouts were already showing up to games. My parents went to many of the games but rarely told me they were proud. They always congratulated me on a win, but that was it. My brother played too, and he was damn good. He played in college. He wasn’t good enough for pro ball, but it never bothered him. He loved the game, and that’s why he played.
“My parents went to every single one of his games from little league on. They never missed one. If we had overlapping schedules, they chose his game. By sophomore year, I had no confidence in myself because there really was only one person in the world that loved me—or at least, made it obvious he did. That’s when Crystal came along. It was the summer between sophomore and junior year. She showered me with attention, and by the time school started in fall, she had told me she loved me. I was so young. I had no idea what I was doing, but here was this girl that made her world about me and I ate it up. As I said, she was my first everything, and I don’t need to get into that. But she encouraged me to play so I could make it big, and I wanted to do whatever made her proud of me.
“I was so desperate for the love and attention that I didn’t care what I had to do. That’s why I feel I partially owe my career to her because I don’t know if I would have continued playing in high school. Without her support, I probably would have given it up, hoping that would mean my parents would love me more if I gave up baseball.
“I was drafted straight out of high school. I never went to college. Of course, that was one more reason for my parents to be disappointed in me. Again, Jacob pushed me and so did Crystal. So I signed and was playing the next year. Crystal stayed with me the first year, but then she decided she wanted to go to college and didn’t want to do the long distance thing. It devastated me, and I was so lost for my first few years. I sent airline tickets and game tickets to my parents for many games, and they did try to make it when they knew I would be pitching. Once my brother graduated from college, I flew him around the country to be by my side for as many games as possible. He was all I had at that point. He met Monica in college, and they married less than a year after graduation. They had Cameron a year after that. He continued to travel around whenever he could, but he did have a regular job.
“Crystal came back to me about two years ago, and I think Jacob was happy to have some of the pressure taken off him because Monica was on his case. But when things started to get really rough between Crystal and me, he quit his job, and I supported them. I needed him because Crystal was only there for me when it fit her schedule. My parents would come to many of the games, I think, to see Jacob as much as to see me play. I’m not sure, but I think something happened between Jacob and Monica that week. He said he had to take care of something so he was going to miss the Friday game.”
Cam pauses and takes a drink of the water that he set on his table. I want to reach out and hold him but I want him to finish his story. I’m afraid if I do anything to disrupt him he won’t finish.
“After the accident, my parents blamed me.”
I can’t help the gasp that I make. It’s not that I don’t believe him. I’m sure that’s what he thinks but it can’t possibly be true. “Cam, they don’t blame you.”
“Yes. They actually do and have said that to me. They refuse to come to San Francisco where Jacob was killed, so they will never come to another home game. Ever. I think they may go to a travel game, but they haven’t since Jacob’s death, so I’m not really sure if they will or not.”
Holy shit. If his parents really blame him, it’s no wonder why he continues to blame himself. I wriggle my way up his body so my face is up by his.
“Cam.” I keep my voice a mere whisper. I don’t want him to think I’m mad at him, but I’m livid with the people in his life that are supposed to support him. “Listen to me. You’re not to blame for Jacob’s death. I don’t care what anyone believes or says. It was not your fault. I’m sorry that people are so cruel to say that or act that way to you, but they’re wrong. Everyone needs someone or something to blame to make themselves feel better. But it’s not you. Understand?”
He looks down at me. “You’re the only thing that has me moving in any direction, let alone actually forward. I had basically given up the day I stumbled across you. Well, the day I interrupted your private time.”
I lean forward and kiss him gently. “Cam, I don’t want to know what you mean by that but as I said before, always think of me when you get to that place. I’m here for you. Okay?”
He nods. “Will you tell me about your parents and what caused you to be two totally different people?”
I smile even though I’m not sure that he can see it. “I’m not two different girls. You just bring out the best Ashley. The person I am with you is the one I want to be all the time.”
Both his hands come up and brush my hair back from face over my shoulders. His hands come back to rest on either side of my face. “Why did you ignore the family question?”
“Because I don’t want to talk about it tonight. One family drama is enough for tonight, don’t you think?”
His finger traces my jaw and I shiver at the touch. “I suppose, but I feel like I do all of the sharing.”
I need to distract him and I think I might die if I don’t feel skin-on-skin contact tonight. I’m still not ready for it all, but I need to feel him against me so I know he’s real. Everything about him makes me feel alive.
I lift my arms forward, and he looks down at me. I can feel the intensity even in the dark. “Are you sure?”
“Tonight I need to feel all of you. I’m still not ready for what we both want, but there is nothing that is going to stop me from enjoying the feel of you.”
Without hesitation, he pulls the jersey over my head and I immediately feel more content in his arms. He rolls us so I’m on my back and his body is half draped over mine. He trails kisses down my neck and his mouth finds a breast at the same time his hand moves to the other one. “You are so perfect.” I moa
n at the contact on both sides. He doesn’t increase his speed but rather takes his time exploring. I arch up into him and I hear the soft growl deep in his throat. “Careful.”
He sits partially up and pulls my thong down my legs. “Cam.”
He places his mouth on mine to stop the protest. “Only for you, Ash. I will not push you before you’re ready, but making you feel good will give me pleasure.”
Even though he could overpower me, I know he won’t. His face moves down by my chest and his tongue runs over my taut bud and I forget my own name let alone what I’m actually supposed to be fighting against. The moment his powerful hand slides between my legs I give up trying to control my body. I’ve given up the thought that I can resist him anymore. The man is irresistible to begin with and sleeping next to him without acting on my desire is the most difficult thing I’ve ever done.
Shit. He moves his hand with perfect precision and knows exactly how much pressure to put where. His mouth finds mine, and I try to focus on that before I explode in three seconds. When he slides a finger in me, I can’t help the reaction as my hips buck up and I moan inappropriately. I feel him smile against my mouth. “My girl likes it.”
Again, shit. That title alone almost undoes me. Forget it. I can’t control my body’s reaction to him. I move against his hand as he gives me the exact right speed and pressure. When I feel myself nearing the edge, I grab on to him with one hand and the other grabs the edge of the bed. The second my orgasm hits, I see stars behind my lids and stop breathing. It ripples through my body and I swear this moment is heaven as I shiver at the last waves.
Cam waits for my body to completely still before he moves his hand.
“Wow. I know they pay you millions for that hand but I would actually say priceless is more appropriate.” He chuckles. “I’m serious.”
I know the majority of my sexual experiences have been with one partner, but not only does Cam seem to know my body better than Charlie ever did, I swear he knows it better than I do. Already.
“Thank you.”
“Thank me? What are you talking about?”
“Ash, I could watch you do that all day every day and be totally content. You make me feel wanted.”
I laugh. “Trust me when I say you’re wanted. You’re perfect.”
He leans down to kiss me and I try to show him in my kiss how important he is to me. He moans as he pulls his mouth away. He turns on his side and wraps his arm around me to pull me tight to him. As has become standard over the last week, our bodies are flush against one another. It feels like home.
Chapter 19
Cam
Watching Ashley fall apart at my touch on Saturday night made me wonder how I ever thought what I had with Crystal was love. I fumbled sexually in our early years as we were young and learned everything together, but even the second time around when I had much more experience, we didn’t have this connection. Ashley welcomes my touch no matter what. Whether it’s just a kiss on the forehead, holding hands or wrapping my arm around her she always leans into it and it makes me feel so fucking wanted.
My head gets more confused every day as I fall harder for Ashley. She makes it so easy to care about her. I’ve never had anyone support me unconditionally, without asking for anything in return. I know I have to be careful not to hurt her, but she makes me feel so good that I don’t think I can turn her away or stop what we have. We weren’t supposed to take things this far, but she makes everything better and keeps me going every day. I know it’s probably selfish, but I want whatever she’s willing to give. I give everything that I can at this point and that’s the best I can do.
We’re having dinner tonight with Larry and Patty from the launch party. I haven’t had a chance to talk to her more about them because everything has been non-stop since Sunday. We lost our last game of the season, but I’m not worried because I think it will make the guys come out hungrier on Friday night. Playoffs start in only two days, and I’m looking forward to it as I expect us to go all the way this year.
I’m waiting in her favorite room, the solarium, while she finishes getting ready. We haven’t had a lot of evening time with just the two of us. Even though we’re together, it seems like one of us always has a work obligation. At least that will change for me after the season. I hear her heels clicking on the wood floor as she makes her way to me.
When I turn, she looks beautiful as always. Her hair is down and straightened. The light catches her golden strands as she walks toward me. Although her black tank dress is absolutely business appropriate, she still looks sexy as hell to me. As usual she’s wearing very high heels, which I admit I love. Not only do they make her long legs look even hotter but it also makes her only a few inches shorter than me. Most guys probably prefer a petite girl so they feel more powerful, but I find it to be the opposite with Ashley.
I get up when she reaches me. “You look fantastic this evening, Ms. Hughes.” I lean down to give her a quick kiss, careful not to mess up her lipstick.
As usual she blushes at the compliment, and that makes it so much more fun. She never expects it but always appreciates it. “Thanks. You’re lookin’ pretty good there yourself, Mr. Hottie.”
I laugh at the nickname. Quinn still uses it sometimes, too. “Ready?” I put my arm out for her.
“Yes. The car should be downstairs waiting.”
Once we’re settled in the back of the car and on our way to dinner I turn to her. “So what is this dinner about tonight?”
She looks away at first and when she turns back to me, I see pain in her eyes. That’s not what I expected, considering we’re heading to a business dinner. “What’s wrong?”
She shakes her head. “Sorry. Um, there are a few things I need to discuss with Mr. Conner. He’s been involved in business with my family since before I even started at the company. He goes way back with my family.”
I pick up her hand and turn it to kiss the palm. I feel her shiver. “That doesn’t seem to be a good thing.”
“It is, but there are also painful memories. That’s all.” She waves her hand at me to try and clear the subject but I’m not letting her off that easy tonight. I’ve shared all of my problems with her, but she has yet to open up about her family.
“Ash, will you tell me about your family tonight?” She swallows hard, and I squeeze the hand that I’m still holding between mine. I see tears in her eyes and I don’t want her to go through with this tonight if it’s going to be too painful for her. “Are you sure this dinner is a good idea?”
She nods. “Yeah. I need to have this meeting because there are some things I’m considering. Let’s see how I feel after dinner. If I’m up for it, I’ll tell you tonight.”
“Fair enough. I’m here if you need anything.”
“I know. Just having you along with me tonight is helpful. It gives me added strength.”
Not wanting to upset her more than necessary right now, I simply nod rather than question her further.
Larry and Patty are sitting at the bar when we walk into the restaurant. It’s a very upscale seafood restaurant this evening, and the ambiance is sophisticated and refined. I feel a little out of my element, but next to Ashley I feel like I belong. Larry gets up and gives Ashley a hug while Patty gets up and does the same to me. As I said before, I like this couple and a hug from her feels like what I’m missing from my mom. I shake Larry’s hand and the four of us follow the hostess to our table.
Everyone else orders a cocktail. I order a glass of wine to be social, but I will only have one tonight. I have practice tomorrow, and I don’t want anything making me cloudy over the next two days. I have to pitch on Friday, so I need to be on top of my game. I know they’re coming to the game on Friday, so I think that’s a safe topic to bring up. Ashley seems down again, and I want to help lift her mood.
“You two are going to the game on Friday, right?”
Larry’s smile widens. “Hell, yeah. Looking forward to it, kid.” I chuckle at the “kid�
� comment. He called me “son” the first time he met me. I know I’m about thirty years younger, but I still think it’s interesting. I’m guessing it has something to do with his relationship with Ashley.
“Well then, I’ll do my best to give you a win.”
“I have no doubt.”
I smile at the comment.
“He better win. I mean, he did already give me my first division title, but I’m expecting my first playoff win now.” Ashley smiles at me, and the pride in her eyes is enough to make me win that game no matter what. Cameron gives me the same look sometimes. Between the two of them, it’s all I need to make me feel powerful.
“I’ll do my best, Ash.”
She pats my thigh, and I reach down to hold her hand. She’s different in front of Larry and Patty, so I know it’s okay to act like her boyfriend. She squeezes my hand, and I smile back because hers is contagious. I love when she looks so carefree and happy. But just as quickly her features shift as she turns back to Larry.
They’re talking about the show on Saturday night when our waitress comes over. Larry and Ash order a seafood platter for the table, and everyone puts in their entrée orders too. I have a feeling tonight is more business than personal and that Ashley doesn’t want to be here too long.
As they are discussing the brand and what her company will be doing for it, I feel pride for Ashley now that I know it’s hers. Patty is sitting across from me, and when I ask her if they have kids, she spends the next thirty minutes telling me about their two kids and four grandchildren. Her face lights up with every story, and I enjoy listening to her talk about them. I’m not able to focus on Ashley’s conversation and still be able pay attention to Patty, though, so now I’m not sure what they’re discussing.
We’ve finished the seafood platter, and when our entrées have been delivered, the conversation switches back to my baseball career. I’m lucky enough to have been part of the same team for my entire career. I feel like part of a family with the organization, and the fans have been supportive since the beginning. There’s nothing like the rush of adrenaline when you hear the fans chanting your name or cheering out of their minds for you. It’s a feeling that can never be replicated.
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