by Sarah Buhl
“You and Wynn have a lot of stories, don’t you?” she asked as the crier announced the joust.
I looked down thinking of the stories we shared. “Yes, we have a few.” I laughed.
“Tell me one,” she said as she stretched her legs out in front of her and tilted her weight back on her hands behind her. “Tell me a funny one.” Her statement reminded me of Wynn himself. Get in a funny mood Blake, I need to laugh.
“Okay, well we always used to build forts between our backyards. He lived right behind me,” I said, nodding at her as I remembered one particular day. “One time, when we were twelve, we decided our fort needed something a little more to it than just your basic blanket over some chairs. We were older and needed something solid. No more of that baby stuff." I gave her a raise of my eyebrows as I remembered how serious we took our forts.
“So we snuck into Sid’s garage while he was at work. We knew he wouldn’t be back before eight because it was a Tuesday—his first day of the work week, and those nights were always late.” I put my right hand down and leaned on my arm toward Brecken, who watched me with a serious expression. “Now, in his garage he had stacks of metal, because he was practicing with welding and making these massive sculptures. Anyway, we were in his garage and we got sidetracked because he had so much cool stuff in there. We started pulling things off his shelves and looking at them—”
“Wait, you just went into his house when he wasn’t home and started digging through his garage?” Brecken asked with a laugh as she pulled her sunglasses down over her eyes.
I laughed and looked at a blade of grass and began to play with it. “Yes, we always snooped in his house. He knew we did—I mean he gave us a key and said anytime we needed to get away we could go there. I think it was more for Wynn than me, but anyway,” I said as I looked back up at Brecken.
“We were in the garage, looking in boxes, pulling things down and then we hit a shelf that had turpentine and paint thinner on it. We didn’t realize it was open, and we started wrestling like we always did and he shoved me. I slammed into the shelf and the stuff fell to the ground and splattered all over the front of us.” I lay back onto the ground and shielded my eyes from the sun.
“His face was priceless. I’m sure mine was pretty bad too. We both just stared at each other for a minute, jaws dropped. Then without saying anything, we both started stripping our clothes off because that shit covered them,” I said with a laugh as I thought of how stupid we looked.
“You stripped? Why would you do that?” Brecken asked with another laugh.
“Well, my dad had just told us the day before about how some chemicals would burn our skin and we’d get blisters from it. I think it was a load of BS just to keep us from getting into his stuff. But when you threaten little boys with burns and we had that shit all down the front of our shorts—of course we wanted to get the clothes off.”
Brecken laughed. “So you’re saying you guys were two twelve year old boys stripped bare, standing in your neighbor’s garage?”
I nodded, looking at her from under my forearm lifted above my eyes.
“How did you get out of there?” she asked. “I mean you had no clothes on, did you get some from Sid?”
“Well, story’s not over,” I said, pulling myself back into a sitting position. “Okay, we tried to figure out what to do with our clothes, and we decided they couldn't be saved, so we used them to try and dry up all the stuff still on the floor that we had spilled. So we were on our hands and knees trying to scrub the floor of his garage.
“Then the automatic garage door opener kicked on and the door began to rise. We were too dumbfounded to move. We just looked at each other and then slowly turned back to the door. Sid was standing there speechless. Our bare asses were facing him and I’m sure we were not what he was expecting to see. I swear it felt like five minutes we just stared until he finally asked us what the hell we were doing. Wynn looked right at him and in all seriousness said, ‘We’re building a fort—what does it look like we’re doing?’ Then Sid just shook his head and went into the house and came out with a couple of tee shirts.”
“Did Sid ask anything else or get mad?” Brecken asked.
“No, I’ve never seen that man mad a day in my life. It’s like nothing bothers him, ever. Life just happens with Sid,” I said.
“You and Wynn are definitely close,” she said as she watched a couple knights begin their joust.
“Yeah, we are. We never told anyone about that. Sid kept it to himself. I think he was as embarrassed as us. So, what about you—any funny stories from your childhood?”
She leaned forward and swept her legs to the side. She looked at me with sincerity, “I have a few stories, but I’m not ready to tell yet,” she smiled coyly.
“What? I just shared an embarrassing story of being caught with my loader hanging out there for all to see. You gotta give me something,” I said on a laugh.
She laughed. “Where did you ever come up with that name anyway?” she asked.
“No, you think I’m going to tell you that after you evaded telling me a story?” I asked and sat back, looking at her.
She laughed as she nodded her head. “You’re right—I’m lame. But you kind of make me nervous Blake. It isn’t in the sense that I can’t talk or get shy. It’s a nervousness based on you. This is foreign to me because I haven't talked with a guy like this in a while and if my saying that scares you, I’m sorry. But I’m in a place in my life where I don’t need to dance around truths. I want to tell it as it is. I like listening to your stories for now.”
“Maybe if I admit something to you it will help. I’m kind of shy about telling you about things that are important to me,” I said with sincerity and she gave me a confused expression. “Stories are one thing, but what I’m saying is, I’m an open book. I will tell anybody anything, but that doesn’t mean I will tell you the whys of what makes me tick. But with you Brecken, I can’t help but tell you. So, as far as loader goes, I got it from my grandpa.” I laughed. "Damn, that sounds really fucked up. I should've worded that better. I got the term, ‘loader’, from my grandpa."
“Really?” she asked with shock and a laugh.
“Yes, my grandpa. He’s a big time hunter and is quite the outdoorsman. He’s awesome. He loads his own bullets, and I watched him using his reloader one day and he said that making bullets was as intricate and involved as lovemaking. He remembered I was only seven and then tried to change the subject. But he already said it. I had the idea of sex locked in with the idea of loading bullets. My only understanding about sex was that people lay really close together.
“So when he explained the process of loading bullets and how the one part pressed so close to the other and locked the gunpowder in, I couldn’t help but think that was where babies came from. I mean, my grandpa said it was like lovemaking. So I got it in my head that to put a baby in a woman, the man had to press real close to the woman with his loader to do it. So I guess I was right in a way, but I lost the logistics of the process.”
She looked at me straight faced and leaned in and kissed both my cheeks. “You are so fucking hot.”
I laughed and looked down. “You know I’ve heard that a lot and I’ve fed off it actually. I like to hear it. Everyone wants their ego fed. But damned if when you said it, it didn’t mean more,” I said as I put my hand out to her again.
“That can’t be true,” she said with a half smile and taking my hand.
“Believe it. You’re this awesome chick with such soul to her. I’m afraid I’m out of my league and every time I open my mouth I confirm it even more,” I said, as the burn of embarrassment climbed my neck. “I mean, I know I’m hot,” I said with a mocked serious expression. “But deep down, I’m just a guy that likes to play video games, watch horror movies, and whittle wood. As you pointed out earlier, I’m kind of a nerd Breck.”
She put her hand on my face, “Oh Blake, all those things make you hot as fucking hell.” she said with a s
igh and light voice. “I hate to say it but you are out of your league though. Now tell me some more things you think are nerdy about you.”
“Well, I don’t know if it’s nerdy, but I help my mom with abandoned reptiles—mostly iguanas. I have one that’s my buddy. His name is Rather.”
“Rather? What kind of name is Rather?” she asked.
“You better not mock his name when you meet him,” I said as I put a finger to my lips and shook my head at her with a false scolding. “He’s sensitive about his history. His full name is Rather Dan, you know because he’s alive Rather Dan dead. But I chose the name as an ode to my mother because she always loved Dan Rather. It pissed her off when he left the nightly news and she boycotted the channel for a year. It really pissed my dad off too because after Dan left, the news went downhill,” I said with a smile.
“Oh my god, that is so fucking cute.” Her voice was so fucking cute. I could listen to the rasp of it all day. I intended to actually. “So why would he have been dead?” she asked.
“Someone bought him thinking it would be a cool pet to have, but they knew nothing about raising him, so they brought him to my mom. He was pretty sick when we got him, but he pulled through,” I said as I turned to watch a knight get flung off his horse in a joust. “Ach! That looks like it hurt,” I said.
“Yeah, you think?” she asked as we both let our attention focus on the show. The previous knights left the field and two new ones entered.
They trotted their horses up and down the field. The riders were giving a show to the audience, and on the other side of the field the spectators cheered for one knight while the surrounding people on our side cheered for the other.
“It looks like the black knight is who we’re supposed to cheer for,” I said as Brecken looked to me with a broad smile.
“Okay, what happens if he wins?” she asked.
“Let’s wait and see, but I bet he won’t win and it’s all a set up,” I said with a nod.
“Oh ye of little faith—our knight will win,” she said as she sat on her knees and began to cheer.
The crier came near our side of the field and began to yell to the audience that each knight would choose a lady. This lady was to be whom the knight fought in honor of during today's joust.
The black knight rode his horse up and down our side of the field and looked over the many women that hollered to be chosen. He rode past us twice before he stopped in front of Brecken. He put his hand down and with his helmeted head he nodded to her with a wave of his hand.
She looked back at me with a smile and questioning eyes.
“Don’t look at me—your knight is waiting,” I said on a laugh.
“Okay...” She stood and wiped her hands across her thighs, flinging pieces of grass on me as she did. She laughed and leaned down and brushed them from my shoulder on a curtsy. “Musn’t keep my knight waiting then, shall I?”
She climbed under the fence and stood before the knight. He lowered his hand to her and in one swift motion, lifted her to the horse and she took the spot behind him on a yelp. They rode across the field to where the king and queen of the faire sat.
Both the girl from the red knight’s side and Brecken took seats on either side of the royalty. The other knight chose a little girl for his maiden. I wondered if the black knight was hoping for more than just to win a joust as he nodded to Brecken and put his fist over his heart and pointed at her.
The joust itself went as expected. There was showmanship, they acted as if they were really battling, and within minutes it was over. Neither of the knights fell from their horse, so it went to points. Since the black knight hit the shield of the red knight more times, they declared him the winner.
Brecken jumped from her seat in excitement at the announcement. She looked over at me and gave two thumbs up with a wink and nod to show me she was right.
I stood from my spot and nodded back at her. The black knight crossed between us and helped her back upon his horse before returning her to me.
He lowered her to the ground and lifted the front of his helmet, smiling at me. “I thank ye both for sitting on my side. I haven’t won in several days. I owe it to the both of ye.”
He leaned down to hand Brecken a flower and went on his way.
“Well Blake, now what?” she asked with a hop to her step. “I was correct in him winning and now I’m not sure what else to do with the day here.”
“You tell me. It looks like you’re the charmed one for the day. The knight said so,” I said as she stepped toward me.
I fisted my hands at my side, trying not to grab hold of her and take her into the kiss I wanted to give her.
She looked up at me and smiled before standing on her toes and put one hand on the side of my face. “We said we wanted to take it slow, but that doesn’t mean you can’t kiss me Blake," she said.
The writer stepped toward the church with hesitation. There was still a belief engrained in the writer that held to the memory of this as a sacred place even though it had become a slum for drunkards and drug addicts.
The question and painting today was perfect for the abandoned church.
The writer didn’t need to move quickly, because visitors never came and the people that did visit, never left.
The writer took the time to paint every individual in this painting. Each was unique in their own way, each color chosen to show their individuality and to express their importance and beauty.
Then in one quick scripted motion, the question was painted over them, blocking out the individual beauty each held. Their uniqueness could be seen if the reader looked close enough, but they wouldn’t. Only those that needed to see would see.
How can you know yourself and forget everyone else?
10
Brecken
In my life I have slept with three men.
Three lovers.
Three mistakes of not knowing what it really meant to be with someone.
Those three men were stepping stones in my life to show me how not to do things.
I call them lovers loosely. We dated, we were intimate, but there was never a deep connection. This was of my own doing though. I knew it. That’s why I hadn’t dated since I was twenty-six. It was eight long years since I had been with a man and I was feeling every one of them in that moment.
I didn’t realize how alone I was until Blake kissed me. I thought being brave meant being able to stand on my own two feet. I thought I didn’t need or couldn’t feel that kind of connection to another person.
I was dangerously close to getting starry eyed the more he kissed me. He held me with a gentle, powerful intent and I risked opening my eyes to watch him briefly.
I realized it was the first time I had kissed someone with my eyes open and the longer I kept them open, the more I couldn’t close them. His brow crinkled gently when I let my hand trace along his chin. He lifted his eyebrow when I let go of the kiss, as I pulled his lip back with a light bite.
I rested back onto my heels and he lowered his chin with a smile as he looked down at me. His hooded eyes said more than any kiss could say—he wanted more.
I wasn’t fooling myself, I knew Blake was not lacking in the sex department. He already told me that he had been with Abby recently. I didn’t hold it against him. I was never one of those girls that had to know the exact number of past lovers and then mentally compare myself to them. But I did compare myself to myself of yesteryear. I couldn’t fall back into that path.
Despite my dry spell, I knew what I was doing. The dry spell was not because I didn’t have opportunity. It was of my own choosing. I used the last eight years to understand myself and to grow as a person. I’ve had to explain to my mother several times that I wasn’t depressed, and I wasn’t angry at the world. I just accepted that the day to day is all there is in life—that’s where the magic happens. There are no fantastically amazing endings to stories. Just fantastically amazing endings to each day, if one sets their mind to it.
&nb
sp; Closeness to Blake caused that ideal to tumble to the ground. I hated that a Tiffany song popped into my head in that moment.
My decision to focus on growing as my own person backfired in one aspect though. I had become pretty tightly wound and I felt like I was developing a loader of my own with every touch by Blake.
Blake leaned down and kissed each eyebrow before he stepped back again to look at me. He kept his hands on my waist and his smile began to form.
“Well, well, well, Brecken,” he said with hooded eyes and a crooked grin. “I didn’t expect that out of you. I think you surprised me that time.”
I lightly backhanded his shoulder. “What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked.
“Well I didn’t expect you to kiss me on our first date, and before it was even over, no less,” he said as he lifted his eyebrow and leaned down to kiss the top of my head once more. He seemed to like doing that. He lifted his hand from my waist and drew me back near him as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder.
I lifted my hand to my shoulder where his hand rested and wrapped my fingers around his. “Don’t let it get to your ego. I blame the joust. That knight made me all hot and bothered by winning for me.” I laughed.
“I can see that. You’re so short by the way,” he said with a laugh of his own.
“Hey now, no sense in getting on me about my height,” I said.
“Sorry,” he said and started to say something else, but his phone rang from his pocket. He kept hold of me as he took the call and my chest fluttered as I watched him just being Blake. “Hello,” he said, and as he answered his phone he played with my fingers.
The person on the other end of the line must have had a lot to say because Blake sat quietly for a time as he listened. He mindlessly watched the crowd moving around us and gave an “uh huh,” every so often. He chewed on his bottom lip as he listened to the caller and his eyes showed his thoughts were far away from here.
“Hey man, can I let you go? I’m out with Brecken and I’m being kind of rude,” he said before pausing. It was obvious the other person knew me and cut him off when he said my name. “Yeah…” Blake continued. “Okay, yeah I’ll ask her, but I’m not going to guarantee anything. Yeah, just go there, it’ll work out. They offered. Okay. I’ll text you,” he said before hanging up his phone.