by Sarah Buhl
She patted the side of my face before turning to take the microphone.
I turned around and took a seat on a stool that was next to the wall. There were three girls standing on the other side of the room.
Mason became excited when he heard the song they were playing. I had never heard The Dead Weather before, but apparently everyone in the band thought them great.
Mason started in with an odd drumbeat that built up as more of the instruments joined in.
Then Brecken began to sing. Holy fuck, did she begin to sing.
Just like last weekend when she sang at the Böhme, she began to take on the song. It consumed her. The rest of the room disappeared as she let the music take control.
The rest of the band seemed to feed off of her energy. I couldn’t keep my eyes off her.
The girls began to nod their head and one of them, a tall blonde, cheered loudly when Conall began to sing. Her arms dropped to her side and she let her head hang as she nodded then yelled, “Fuck. Yeah.” She lifted her hand to Conall and pointed at him with a smile.
Brecken kept her eyes on her nephew when she sang and they intensified their singing as the song progressed.
I started nodding to the song, but remained on the stool where I sat.
As Brecken kind of freaked at the end of the song, I let out a laugh of pride. Then the song ended and I yelled, “Hell. Yeah.” I clapped loudly and putting my fingers to my lips, whistled. Brecken shook her head and rolled her eyes at me, before a huge smile formed on her face.
Damn it. I was a fucking groupie.
__________
In movies there is usually a part where they need to show the transition of time, but not use up the precious amount of screen time allotted. It’s called a montage.
Music plays in the background and you see the main character or characters doing something—growing physically or mentally. Hollywood likes to show late night studying while drinking coffee as well as the occasional dude getting sweaty while lifting weights. Because that is what time looks like passing—just the everyday happenings playing out.
The montage shows progression in character without all the bullshit. But if the main characters are in a relationship, they fall deeper into infatuation with one another as they move forward. Soft music plays as they hold hands, run through a field of flowers, or sit on the couch cuddling.
That soft music isn’t playing when thinking of Brecken and me. It was a whirlwind and we were caught up in each other. The music was playing in the background and we were growing closer each day. The music blared around us and penetrated every aspect of our lives. We were inseparable. But it didn’t seem false like every other relationship I’d been in.
I never understood how false they were until I was with her. I never wanted to know another person as much as I did her. I understood the look I saw on Wynn’s face every time Hannah said his name, because I knew I wore the same one when Brecken said mine.
The first time I saw it on Wynn’s face was the night I went to his house with Abby for dinner. That was a horrible night that I want to forget happened, but in the end I guess it was good for all of us. I saw Abby’s true self and Hannah realized she did care about Wynn.
But before all the bullshit happened, I saw how Wynn looked at Hannah.
We were sitting at his table, eating the god awful meatloaf he always made, and Hannah said, “Wynn, this is amazing.” It was a simple sentence. But the pride he felt at the sound of his name on her lips was obvious. It was something I never saw on him before and I was jealous for a moment. I also wanted that, but I wanted it more for him. If anyone in the world deserved to feel pride for being who they were without expectation, it was Wynn.
Now I found myself wanting to see Brecken’s smile as she said my name. I wanted to always make her smile because it was the best feeling in the world. The conversations and jokes shared without the physical were something I wasn’t used to.
We spent almost a month together—every day. I was physically aching to say the least, but I wouldn’t change it for anything. Yes, the last few weeks went by so fast it felt like a montage. But sometimes it felt like it was a torturous montage and not a pleasant one every time we would get so far together, only to pull back.
“This is fine,” Mason said, bringing my focus back onto the road as he pointed toward a bank.
Mason was becoming like a younger brother to me after he moved in with my parents. He took residence in my old room instead of on Pike’s couch and he seemed to be more relaxed now that he had settled in.
I was driving him to cash his check now and he sat next to me, deep in thought.
“What’s up Mason?” I asked. “You haven’t said much today—which is odd for you.”
He sighed as he pulled on some strings at the bottom of his jeans.
“Blake, can you help me with something?”
“Of course man, what’s up?” I said as I took a turn into the bank.
“I’m trying to find someone and I need a ride to this address just on the outskirts of town. Think you can take me there?” he asked.
“Sure—right now?” I asked. I knew Brecken was expecting me later, but I learned she wasn’t one to bitch about me being late.
“Well I guess we could now. It’s as good a time as any,” he said as he closed the door of my Jeep to go into the bank.
“Yeah, I can do that,” I said. I pulled out my phone to send a message to Brecken.
She responded right away.
Brecken: Sure, I have some things to get done before I see you later anyway, Birthday Boy. ;)
She made my chest hurt. That’s the only way to explain it. When she said stupid, cheesy-ass things like calling me Birthday Boy, I loved it. She and I became these people that I didn’t expect to become. It was easy with Brecken.
Me: Call me Birthday Boy in person and I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep my promise.
I laughed at myself as I hit send and Mason climbed back in.
He looked at my phone and shook his head. “I swear, you keep that up, Brecken’s going to be writing ballads.”
I shook my head as I turned to reverse out of the parking spot. “How is the songwriting going?” I asked.
“I’ve met with the band a few times. We’re just waiting on Brecken to make it over more often, but it seems she’s been preoccupied,” Mason said as he turned to me with a raised brow. “May I?” he asked as he reached to the stereo to turn it up.
“May I?” I said with a mocking laugh. “Yes Mason, you may knock yourself out.”
“Go ahead and make fun of me, I’m used to it,” he said as he turned the stereo up.
That kid always took over the music every time he got in my Jeep, I didn’t know what made him ask permission this time.
We drove in silence for a time, just listening to the stereo. It was out of character for Mason though. Over the last few weeks, I’d learned that Mason rarely kept quiet. Today he was fidgeting in his seat and I figured this had something to do with where we were going. If he didn’t want to talk about it, I wasn’t going to push it.
We made it across town before the sun even set and ended up on a dirt road.
“This is kind of out in the boonies, man,” I said on a laugh.
“Yeah it is, isn’t it?” he said. “It looks like the road is the next left.”
I turned on the road and drove about a half-mile before Mason directed me to turn down a driveway.
The driveway wove through trees and at the end of the drive we came to a small farmhouse with a barn that was twice the size of the house. There were cars propped up around the lawn. Some were old and rusty, while others looked newer.
“What kind of place is this, man?” I asked.
“It’s just a house; I guess the guy works on cars.” He leaned to open the door. “I’ll be back in a minute,” Mason said as he dried his hands across his legs.
“Do you need me to come in with you?” I asked.
�
�No, I’ll be okay. It shouldn’t take long. I just need to ask some questions—for my own sanity,” he said as he ran up to the door.
I decided to pass the time by calling Brecken.
“Hey there, hot stuff,” she said before the first ring even ended.
“Were you waiting for my call?” I asked as I felt my cheeks pull in the way they always did when I spoke with her. “I hope it was me you expected to call, otherwise I might have to kick some ass.”
She laughed. “That’d be a sight to see—Blake as an overprotective asshole. But yes, I knew it was you— caller ID, dorkus,” she said.
“Do you know how much I love hearing you call me an asshole? When I hear you say that, your tone of voice tells me what you really mean to say. I’ve heard you call people assholes, but it’s different when you say it to me,” I said and she began to laugh her throaty laugh. “But I’d rather hear you call me Birthday Boy.”
“Nope, that’s only in text. I can’t say that out loud and retain my dignity,” she said. “Are you going to be home soon?”
“I hope so. Mason just needed me to run him somewhere. He’s in there now and after he finishes up, I just need to drop him off and then I’ll be home. So what’s the plan for my birthday by the way?” I asked.
“Well, we have to celebrate,” she said with a seductive tone, drawing out the final T as she spoke.
“Really? But it’s still just been two weeks. I’m not sure what kind of celebrating you’re alluding to.”
“I think it’s about time, Blake,” she said.
“About time for what?” I asked coyly, trying to hide the hope that ached in my pants.
She laughed. “For me to make you a pineapple upside down cake, of course,” she said with even more laughter. “Your mom told me it’s your favorite. I’m going to make you one with veggies hidden in it,” she said.
“You’re too good to me Brecken,” I said, and I meant it.
“Don’t sell yourself short Blakey. Being with you these last couple weeks has been amazing. Are you going to be able to come with me to my grandpa’s before the party tomorrow?” Brecken asked.
“Of course. But you’re still coming by tonight?” I asked.
“Yes, I am. I’m actually planning on staying there,” she said with the sound of a smile.
“Fuck, Mason’s coming back out now. Did you really just insinuate what I think you did? Because if you did and you said it on the phone when I’m getting ready to hang up, that’s pretty shitty,” I said as I watched Mason slowly take the steps from the porch. “I won’t hold it against you though. I think if you did mean what you hinted at, I would be willing to forgive you. I’d forgive you many times.”
“Damn it, there’s a fault Blake. I’m trying to flirt with you and tell you what I’m willing to do. Something that is hard as fuck for me to say, by the way.” I giggled at her word choice. Yes, I fucking giggled like a thirteen year old. “Oh god, I’ll see you at your apartment in a bit.”
“Okay, and I’m sorry Brecken. I couldn’t help it. I’ll make it up to you. I mean it,” I said as Mason climbed in.
“Apology accepted,” she said before ending the call.
Fuck it. I need to get home.
“That sounded like a good conversation,” Mason said.
“Yes it was, Mason, yet it was. So, did you get your answers?” I asked, turning the key in the ignition.
“Not really. He wasn’t much help. He said he would talk to some people and then get back to me,” Mason said as he buckled in.
“Well, okay. What’s going on anyway?” I asked.
“I don’t want to talk about it right yet. It just has to do with this little self-discovery I’m going on,” he said with extreme vagueness.
“Okay, I won’t ask. But if you need me to do something let me know,” I said, and started messing with the radio. It was my turn now.
“Oh man, I haven’t heard this song in forever. Wynn and I used to love this song. We spent an entire afternoon learning all the words to it so we could sing it to my mom for her birthday. She was born on the fourth of July so we thought it fit.”
Then as if on cue, Don McLean started in on the chorus of Miss American Pie and as I sang along with him, I looked at Mason, trying to get him to laugh or lighten up or something. I realized I was doing to him what I used to do to Wynn. I was trying to cheer him up by being an idiot.
Mason started to sing the words quietly along with me and I shoved his arm. “See, you can sing it. How can you not sing along with this song?” I asked.
Mason smiled, rolled his eyes, but still kept singing. It was probably one of the cheesiest moments I’d yet lived. But it was worth it to watch him not seem as bummed. Why did I do that? Why did I have a need to make people laugh? I think it might be my own insecurity with dealing with emotions. The only emotion I was comfortable with involved humor.
I thought back on the day we learned that song. Wynn had stayed over the night before, but had to go home and help his mom early in the morning. She was in one of her moods. He left to go clean up the lawn and when he didn’t come back in the half hour or hour that I thought he should have, I went searching for him.
I found him sitting on the ground next to one of the rain barrels his mom filled and he just paused and looked up at me.
“What are you doing here, Blake?” he had asked.
“Seeing if you needed help,” I had said as I sat next to him.
“You can’t help me, Blake.”
As the song grew quieter toward the end, I mindlessly looked out the window and didn’t sing as much. So much for the happy memory the song first brought with it. When the song ended, I turned the stereo off.
“It’s crazy how one song can bring back so many memories,” I said.
“It’s not that crazy,” Mason said “I have many songs that remind me of different places and points in my life. Songs hold more memories than photos. With a song you get the entire feeling of the moment—like those emotions travel with the words and wherever you are, when you hear that song, you remember. You just close your eyes and you’re there.” He spoke with a far off look as he kept his head turned out the window.
I could tell he was thinking about what he learned or didn’t learn at that old farm. I felt bad for the kid. I wanted to help him more, but it was obvious he wanted to do this on his own.
_______________
“So what’s the plan today?” Brecken asked when I let her into my apartment.
“Well, I have to change. I stink pretty badly from work and I need to take a shower,” I said as I pulled her in for a hug and jokingly started to put my arm around her so she could see for herself just how bad I smelled.
I stepped away from her and took my shirt off while still in the living room and let her watch me. It wasn’t that she hadn’t seen me with my shirt off. She came to my work site a couple times and saw. When you roof, keeping your shirt on isn’t an option on the hotter days.
She pretended to ignore my lack of a shirt right now, and then her curiosity got the best of her as she let her eyes float up to me. I stood there, motionless and wordless as she stepped toward me.
“So, happy birthday,” she said with a smile and rested her chin against my chest, looking up at me.
“Almost, I will be a quarter of a century tomorrow you know,” I said and leaned down to meet her lips.
We kissed briefly before she leaned into me and ran her nose across my chest and every few movements she would let her tongue taste me. Her height was just at my shoulder and she paused at my nipple. She still held my eyes and with a swift lick of her lip she smiled at me through her thick, long eyelashes. Then her smile grew before she moved in and quickly gave a gentle bite to my nipple.
I yelped.
“What was that for?” I asked.
“It’s part of your birthday present,” she said.
“I’m really not sure how I feel about being bitten on my birthday,” I said with a smile.
“Oh, you’ll like it, I’m sure. But that’s not what I have planned. That was just because it was there. You stick a nipple in my face, I’m going to bite it,” she said flirtatiously.
“I’ll keep that in mind,” I said.
Her tongue quickly traced her lip and smiled up at me with her eyelids lowered just enough to look sexy as hell. “So now what?” she asked.
“Now, I’m going to shower before we do anything. So, my little Brecken, go ahead and wait here until I get finished.”
“My little Brecken?” She rolled her eyes and gave me a mocking grin.
“Yes, my little Brecken,” I said as I kissed behind her ear.
“Go take your shower,” she said with another roll of her eyes.
When I came out from the shower, I found her sitting on my bed with her legs crossed.
I was wearing only a towel at this point and I knew Brecken was enjoying the show. I played it up when I bent over to get my shorts from the drawer, letting my ass stick up in her face. I looked far from manly as I did it too. It was on purpose, of course.
“You know, can I ask you something?” she said as she leaned back onto her elbows and uncrossed her legs. Her foot hopped as she tilted her head to the side to check me out.
“Yes, Brecken, ask away,” I said as I pulled my boxers on under my towel.
“Are you Bi? It isn’t that it matters; I’m just wondering. I know Gabe is gay because I think he dated a friend of mine once. I was watching you guys the first night we met and you were kind of touchy so I was curious.”
What…the…hell? I’m sure my thoughts showed to her as her grin changed over to a smile.
“Wow. I wasn’t expecting that to be the question. You really thought there was something going on with Gabe?” I asked with a furrowed brow.
“Well, yeah. You guys seem close,” she said as she crossed her legs once more.
“We are close, but that doesn’t mean we screw. Do you sleep with the guys in your band? I mean you’re close right?” I asked with a raise of my eyebrow.
“No, no, we don’t. I now consider myself schooled, Blakey,” she said as she brought her feet up onto my bed and rested her head on her arm, just watching me. Her fidgeting reminded me of Mason earlier. She was uncomfortable with my nudity. “You can proceed in your getting dressed now.” She laughed with a wave of her hand and tried to cover her nervousness.