"I want you inside me," she whispered softly. Her cheeks blushed. Lily had me feeling ready to combust. I stood and unbuckled my belt. She sat up and pulled my jeans down. It was my turn to be bare to her. "Todd." Her voice was faint and thick as she looked up at me; I grinned. The color of her eyes appeared to change again — they were a bright green and hooded with lust. I couldn't look away. I watched as she took me in her mouth; my head fell back, and I closed my eyes as her warm mouth took me in almost entirely. I took a deep breath and tried to maintain my control. I looked down at her again, and I almost lost it. I placed her face between my palms and gently pulled her up to my mouth. Our lips collided as I lay her back down on the bed. My lips trailed down her jaw, to her breast, and I took the peak into my mouth, reveled in her moans as my lips kissed her delicious skin. I felt the tip of my dick brush against her, and I couldn't wait to take her. I leaned over and grabbed a condom out of my bedside table and quickly rolled it on.
"You ready?" I grabbed her hips drawing her close, leaning over her, holding my weight with my forearms. I needed to make sure one more time that she really wanted me because I was already hooked, but I needed to know if she was still on board.
"Yes, I need to feel you." She lifted her hips, pressing against me, and I inhaled a sharp breath. I was ready to fucking burst. She took my face in her hands and kissed me deeply as I pushed gradually into her. She gasped, and I swallowed the small sound. I wanted to own every sound, every moment, every second of her. Lily wrapped her legs around my waist, pushing me deeper still. I held myself up with one arm, and I grabbed the headboard behind her with the other. I pulled out just enough to tease her before I thrust myself hard inside of her again. She rocked her hips at the same time, arms above her head; she braced her palms against the wood of the bed causing her body to tense, making it difficult for me to last much longer.
"Hold on, baby." I leaned down and kissed her intensely as I drove myself inside her. I could feel her legs starting to shake. Sweat trickled down my back as I pushed and pulled, hard and then soft. The muscles in my arm flexed as I held tight to the headboard. She started to contract around me, milking my release. I leaned my forehead against hers. Our eyes locked as I continued to press inside her. I ground my hips down into hers, and she shuddered while pulling her teeth across the skin of my shoulder, letting a loud moan escape as we came together. Her name roared from my lips as the aftershock of her spread through me. I stilled and let the feeling of sweet relief pour down my spine.
I took a deep breath and gazed back into her endless eyes. My body relaxed as I gently broke our connection. I leaned down and kissed her with lazy lips, and then I eased down next to her, our overheated bodies tangled in the best way.
"You okay?" I asked. I needed to make sure I hadn't been too aggressive with her.
"I'm perfectly perfect." She smiled as she traced the artwork on my chest. "You okay? You're not regretting this, are you?" She looked at me, her brows pulled inward with concern.
"I'll never regret this." I kissed her forehead. I could never regret her… this… us, but I couldn't promise myself, or Lily for that matter, that I wouldn't one day regret trusting her. I may have made her mine today here in this bed. She was everything. But I had no control once we were out in the real world. I had no real control over how she would eventually feel about me. I exhaled a shaky breath.
"Good, because I don't think I could ever regret this day." She kissed me sweetly on the cheek.
I hoped that was the truth, because I didn't think I could make it through one more day of regret. I'd had enough of it.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Lily
I MEANT EVERY WORD. I'D NEVER regret this day, not the sore feeling between my legs, the burn from his kiss, or the feeling like I was free falling. Todd was exactly what I needed now; he took me higher with each moment I got to spend with him. The wall I'd built wanted desperately to stay crumbled, even if it was just for today. Todd placed my hair gently behind my ears as he watched me intensely. This was such a heavy silence, I could feel the weight of it in my bones, but I wasn't frightened by it — it comforted me. He had the slightest smile on his lips, making the butterflies in my stomach take flight. The mask he wore all the time was gone, I saw who he really was, and for once, I wanted to tell someone every insignificant thing about myself. I wanted to trust him, and I wanted someone to really know me.
"God, baby, you're amazing." Todd's smile made the amber color of his eyes shimmer.
I couldn't stop the giggle that erupted from my lips. "Thank you. You're pretty freaking incredible, too." I placed a quick kiss on his lips.
"Do you ever take this off?" He took my father's ring between his fingers and smiled at me. I hadn't realized it was still on.
"When I go to sleep… I can't believe I forgot to take it off." I turned my eyes to meet his, and I decided to give him a small piece of me. I wanted him to own this part of me too. "Can I tell you something?" My voice was thick, the lump in my throat choking me.
"Yeah, anything." Todd's smile faltered, and I watched as the worry darkened his eyes.
"So… you know my dad died, right?" I took a deep breath and readied myself to continue. Todd nodded and sat up on his elbow in order to give me his complete attention. The small gesture gave me the strength I needed to continue, "Well, I know…I know it's not really my fault, but I feel like it is." Once the words actually left my tongue, there was no holding back the tears. I'd been carrying that around with me for so long. I hadn't spoken about it out loud, and the feeling of having it out in the open was suffocating. Before I had a chance to tamp down the emotion, a sob broke free and I felt like a crazy person.
"Lily." Todd pulled me to his chest and let me cry as his fingertips drew up and down my spine, making me feel so safe. "You know though… right… I mean how could you think it was your fault?" He lightly grasped my chin in his hand. "Tell me."
I drew in all the air I could into my lungs and continued, "The day he died, I was so angry with him. I had this amazing music scholarship to this really awesome private college in Tampa. The school called me that day to tell me I had to forfeit the scholarship because as it stated in the terms, I couldn't have any family members in the business. The scholarship was for graduate students not from 'musical homes.' I felt like my whole world was crumbling down. I had worked so hard at getting my bachelor's in Music, getting straight A's, never really taking time for me.
"To make things worse, he decided to tell me as I was getting ready for work that day that he had seen my boyfriend Derrick and my best friend Becca at the bar he played a gig at the night prior, and he told me they were all over each other. I was so pissed about losing my dream scholarship, in my mind because of him, that I called him a liar. I told him I hated him." My throat swelled, and the tears started pouring from my eyes.
"Shh, baby, you don't have to tell me." Todd regarded me with such sadness, my heart felt as if it was breaking. What kind of person did he think I was? "It's okay, sweetheart, we all say things in anger. We don't really mean them, you didn't really mean it."
"What if I did?" Our eyes met, and his brows dipped with confusion. "What if I'd hated him in that moment, what if I'm being punished? He was such a good dad. He did everything he could for me. My mom left us, and he stepped up to the plate. He did a fantastic job raising me, and I told him I hated him. What kind of person does that?" I tried desperately to control my breathing.
"Someone who can't see beyond her own anger, someone who is human and makes mistakes, and someone who will regret it till the day she dies. Trust me; I've done some things in my life I'm not proud of. Things that I'll take to the grave and be judged for. Lily, it wasn't your fault. Baby, you have to know that." Todd sat up. He took my hand in his and drew me up into a sitting position. It didn't escape me that we were both still totally naked, but it was fitting as I exposed a part of my soul to him; I wouldn't want it any other way. Todd's heated palm wrapped around the bac
k of my neck, cradling my face with his other hand as he said, "Look at me, Lily. I know I never met your dad, but I guarantee you he knew that you worshipped the ground he walked on—" A loud sob burst from my trembling lips. "This is why you want to sing, isn't it? To make music, to be something in this industry, to prove your love for him?"
I nodded my head. Todd's face was hazy through the salt water that emptied from my eyes. "I made him a promise ages ago that I would make something of myself. He was so sick of singing for crap wages, he always told me to take the gift God gave me in my voice. He said I should take it right to the top because I deserved nothing less." My eyes stared down in shame, how could I deserve anything with how I'd treated him? "Todd, I told him I hated him. I slapped him across the face and called him a liar. I ran out of the house like a raving bitch. That night…" I gulped down the acid that started to burn its way up my throat. "…That night my boyfriend, Becca, and some friends had come to the club where I worked to celebrate a birthday. As I was leaving to come home, I headed out the back stairwell and heard what I thought was someone in distress. I ran down the stairs to see if I could help and… sure enough, Derrick was screwing Becca against the wall. The sight… it… destroyed me." My fists gripped around the navy blue comforter that covered Todd's bed.
"He's an asshole that never deserved you." Todd's jaw compressed, and I almost smiled because he was truly just as irate as I was. He wanted to protect me; I'd never had that before. "Are you smiling?" His lips curled up in a lopsided smirk. "You're smiling, what the hell?" He chuckled.
"I like how angry you got just now. I think if Derrick were here, you would have punched him in the jaw." I laughed and wiped away my remaining tears.
"Fuck yeah, I would have. He's not worthy to breathe the air you do." Todd's grin fell, and I watched as his fists tightened again. I wanted to kiss him so badly right then. I leaned in and placed my lips tenderly to his full bottom lip.
"Thank you." I smiled against his lips.
"For what?" His eyes searched my face for an answer.
"For listening… That night when I got home, I couldn't sleep. My dad wasn't home, and I knew he was probably out drinking. Whenever he got really upset, he'd go to a bar and drink himself stupid. He normally never drank, only when something really wounded him. I was sick with worry, the weather was bad, it was well-passed closing time for all the bars… and he still wasn't home. Todd, they pulled his car from the bay. He'd driven off the causeway. His blood alcohol was 0.35. I did that to him, to me. I own it. I know it, and I can't breathe every time I think about it. But today…" I sat up straight, trying to gather my wits. I needed Todd to understand the significance of this. Something inside of me recognized that letting him in like this, showing him this small part of me would let him know he could trust me. I knew he needed that. "…today you helped me, because you're the first person I've told. The first person to hear me repent my sin. I knew I could tell you my real thoughts… that you wouldn't judge me, and I'm so freaking grateful."
"Lily, you have nothing to repent for. How could I judge you? Your father made the choice to drink and get behind the wheel. Sure you guys fought, and I think it's honorable that you own your part in that, but his death falls on him. He was an adult, Lil, and he made the choice. You need to know that. It was his choice."
For the first time in over a month, I started to believe it. I began to feel free of blame. "It was his choice." The words were faint, but I realized Todd heard them.
Todd brought his mouth to mine with ease. He kissed me so gently and so profoundly I felt as if I was being consumed. We didn't need any more words; we just needed each other. He kissed me like he knew no other way to breathe. I loved his mouth, and I loved how easily his hands brought me to that ultimate climax. I gave him my body again, but this time it was soft, unhurried, and had me aching for release. He was discovering my body in its entirety. My back to his chest, we rested on our sides, his hips driving gently into me, his hot hands on my breasts, and his lips on my neck, his mouth savoring my skin. I felt treasured. I was captured in all that was Todd, and I didn't think I ever wanted to leave this bed.
THE HEAT FROM THE sun was what woke me. I jumped up when I realized I must have fallen asleep. Todd's blinds were opened just enough to let the midday sun pour in across the sheets of his bed. I glanced at the bedside clock — it was just half past noon. I turned to wake Todd, but startled realizing I was alone. My heart dropped for a moment with self-doubt, but I pushed that sentiment down. I needed to feel more secure — more confident. I quickly dressed and pulled my hair back, checking myself in the mirror before I walked out to the living room to see where he had gone. I seemed decent enough.
I opened the door to his bedroom. "Todd?"
"Yeah, out here." I heard clanging of plates.
I followed his voice into the kitchen. I sucked in a breath as I took in the sight of Todd shirtless in just a pair of low-slung jeans. He was obviously going commando, the dark line of hair that led below the seam of his pants and that defined muscular V had me thinking of our morning together in bed; it made my cheeks heat.
"Damn, you're sexy as hell when you blush. I love that you get flustered so easily." Todd handed me a plate, a deep dimpled smile on his face.
"You're ridiculous and vain." Shaking my head with a small smirk, I looked down at the empty plate. "What's this?"
"I made lunch." He looked at me like I was missing the point.
"You did? That's so cute. You cook?" I laughed as he rubbed the back of his neck, obviously uncomfortable with the compliment. "Awe, look who's flustered now, big boy." I bit my bottom lip to suppress my laughter.
"You're asking for it, little girl." He grabbed my wrist and pulled me against his chest.
"Thought you liked it when I begged for it?" My lips pulled into a flirty smile.
Todd's eyes darkened with lust. "Don't tempt me. I'd fuck you across the kitchen table right now if we didn't have to work tonight, but I'm pretty sure you need to be able to stand later."
I gasped. "Todd, you are—"
"Amazing. Sexy as hell. The best thing you'll ever have. Yeah, I know." He smiled bigger than I'd ever seen him smile, the skin around his eyes creased and his dimples were so pronounced I couldn't believe it. Todd's laughter was hearty and had my heart feeling as if it was smiling. He was so beautiful when he was just being him — being silly, he gave off this sense of lightness, and it washed away all the dark spots in my mind.
"You're—"
"An idiot… yeah, I know," he interrupted again. He grabbed the dishtowel from the sink and started to wind it up.
"Don't you dare… Todd, I'm serious." I held the plate up as a shield. He snapped the towel once in my direction, and I squealed. "Todd… don't," I screeched and tried to run from the kitchen, but ran face first into a human wall. Seth. The snap of the towel on my butt pushed my body against Seth even more, and his intensely spicy scent filled my nostrils.
"We having a Lily sandwich today?" Seth's tone was laced with sarcasm, but I slapped his chest for good measure.
"That's never gonna happen. So don't even think it, you perv." I chuckled.
"That's not funny, asshole." Todd's voice held no humor.
"Sorry, man, I was just kidding. Didn't mean anything by it." Seth was apologetic and took a giant step back, almost making me fall to the ground because his weight was no longer there to hold me up.
"Whoa." I stumbled, and Seth grabbed my arm.
"You got it?" Seth snickered.
"Yes. I'm fine, thank you," I said, a bit indignant.
"What'd you make for lunch?" Seth dropped his hold on my arm and walked past me into the kitchen. He was dressed in slacks, a crisp white shirt, and a deep purple tie.
"Just some soup and grilled cheese. You can make your own damn lunch. This is for Lily and me." Todd's voice was back to its usual steady self, and the tension in the room died
I noticed I was still holding my plate in my hand. My fing
ers absentmindedly gripping it tight.
"Hey, babe, hand me your plate."
I walked into the kitchen and watched Todd dish me up a yummy looking grilled cheese. The bread was a golden brown — just how I liked it — and the cheese spilled from the edges of the crust making my stomach growl. He pulled a bowl from the top cabinet and filled it with tomato soup. I privately smiled. I loved how domestic this tattooed badass was. It was sort of comical.
Seth cleared his throat breaking my attention away from Todd. Seth's tall frame leaned comfortably against the counter. He was smirking and staring at the both of us. "So, how was your morning?"
Todd glared at him through narrowed eyes. "Fantastic. Yours?" Todd placed the soup and sandwich on the kitchen table that was situated in the far corner, next to a set of sliding glass doors that must lead out to the backyard. The kitchen was large for a condo, but the entire place was on the bigger side.
"I got the job." Seth didn't move his eyes from mine. It was strange. I didn't feel like he was doing it to make me feel uncomfortable. It was like he was trying to figure me out.
"What? The teaching gig? That's so awesome, bro!" Todd's voice smiled.
Seth let his stare drop as he gave Todd a brilliant grin. "I did it, man."
"Hell yeah, you did!" They side hugged each other, and I giggled.
"You guys are adorable, should I give you a minute?" I bit the inside of my cheek in an attempt not to burst out laughing.
"Ha-ha, she's funny. You should keep this little hellcat." Seth walked past me and punched me without real force in the arm. Hellcat?
"I plan on it." Todd gave me a kiss on the cheek. I felt awkward, public displays of affection were something I needed to get used to. "Let's eat."
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