Backstage Pass

by Riley Scott

She gasped for air, letting it fill her lungs. She promised herself to live vicariously through Chris’s happiness and work on finding her own. For tonight, she would hold on to that. She had nothing else anyway. Tears slid down her cheeks and she covered her face, wondering how it all came to this.

  One of them deserved not to have to feel this way every night.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Smiling with an adorable pit bull on her lap, Raven glanced from camera to camera flashing as people chattered on about angles and lighting. The Denver branch of Pawsitive Projects had asked her to stop in and she had been thrilled to oblige. She looked to the crowd, smiling to see Chris, thankful to have her here. After more than two months, she still hadn’t tired of having Chris around. It baffled her. The dog licked her and she crinkled her nose, turning her attention back to his chocolate-brown eyes.

  Glancing down, she smiled at her flannel shirt and jeans. She looked every bit the part of the good old lesbian next door. This campaign was proving to be an eye-opener, one that she wouldn’t have admitted she loved had she not been so over-the-top excited about it. With her help, shelters around the nation had found homes for hundreds of rescue dogs. It gave her a sense of fulfillment she hadn’t had in years and it made her heart sing.

  She stifled a yawn, forcing a smile in its place. Though she wouldn’t have traded it for anything, the month since Chris had suggested the charity campaign seemed to be a blur of photo shoots, interviews, rehearsals and fucking. She had hit a point where the after-parties got shorter and shorter, because all she had wanted to do was to spend time enjoying Chris.

  Everyone had noticed her lowered alcohol and substance intake. She played off the boys’ jabs, but every time she thought about snorting or smoking something, she could hear glass smashing in the back of her mind. It was a triggered reminder of all that she could become if she wasn’t careful. That, combined with how good Chris was in bed, had made it quite easy to walk away from the parties, to say her greetings, have a drink or two and disappear into a back room where nothing else mattered but pleasure.

  “That’s a wrap,” she heard the lead photographer shout.

  “Good boy,” she said, patting Charlie, the pit bull, on the head. “Thank you all,” she said, waving as she walked over to Chris and Frank.

  “How did it look?” she asked.

  “Looked great,” Chris said, her smile stretching from ear to ear. “You looked like a natural.”

  “You did good kid,” Frank said, patting her on the shoulder.

  “You really should consider getting a dog,” Chris said. “You’re a natural with them.”

  “You really should consider bringing Paco on the road,” Raven said, feeling her nose crinkle as she smiled, thinking of the little dog whose pictures always made her smile. “He could be our band mascot and travel the road with us and then we could kill two birds with one stone.”

  “Probably not the best time to use that analogy,” Chris said, laughing with ease. “This is about saving animals, not killing them.”

  They both laughed and Frank shook his head. In the two weeks since the kissing photo had gone viral, he had seemed aloof, as if he wasn’t going to be a party to any of the fun the two of them were having. As Raven had become accustomed to doing, she brushed off his coldness, wanting to live in the moment. She and Chris had decided that’s how they’d proceed. No labels. No talk. No pressure. No rules. No anything until they had to deal with it. It was the way she preferred, even though she knew it was making Frank—and the rest of the band—crazy. But for once, she truly did not care. That was their business. This was her life and she was going to live it.

  “You need to go sign a couple of autographs for the photographer’s kids,” Chris said. “Over there at the booth, he’s got photos for you to sign.”

  “I’ll wait outside,” Frank said, nodding at them both before taking off.

  “Is it just me, or has he gotten weirder?” Chris asked.

  Raven shook her head. “He’s Frank. He’s always a little off, I suppose, and I’m sure I don’t make his job any easier, but he’s always going to be weird about something. He’s got to have something to obsess over, to control, and if I don’t give him that, he feels restless.”

  “Okay,” Chris said, her brow furrowing. “What control have you taken from him?”

  “Right now, I’m doing the best I’ve ever done—with my music, my career, my own happiness and my publicity,” she said, cocking her head to the side, remembering all of the scrapes he had extricated her from. “How well I’m doing has little to do with him so he can’t control it, since it’s not something he set up. I honestly don’t think he can handle that, but that’s his deal. Because, this is awesome and I’m loving it.”

  “Yeah?” Chris asked, raising an eyebrow, wearing that sideways grin that drove Raven wild. “You enjoy working with me, do you?”

  Caught up in the moment and knowing no one could overhear them, Raven leaned close to Chris’s ear. “I like working inside you,” she said, grinning as she pulled away. She watched as Chris’s body shivered at her words and delighted in being able to undo her so completely in just a matter of seconds. “Be back soon,” she said, winking as she walked away to the signing table. After a personalized message for each, she turned back, smiling at the sight of Chris waiting patiently. There was nowhere she wanted to be more than right beside Chris. Walking over, she looped her arm through Chris’s not caring who saw, or if anyone else cared. This, she decided, was what happiness felt like.

  They walked out into the sunlight and she flipped on her aviator sunglasses, basking in the glow of sunlight and joy. She removed her arm, only for a moment to roll up the sleeves of her shirt and let her skin feel the heat of the sun. Then, she placed it back inside the place where it felt most comfortable, wound through Chris’s.

  “I’m glad we opted to walk back, as it’s great to get some fresh air and sunshine,” Raven said. “We need every ounce of alone time we can get.”

  Chris nodded in Frank’s direction, easily already twenty yards ahead of them, careful not to look back at their public display of affection. “Not really alone or private,” she whispered.

  Raven laughed. “It’s private enough to do this,” she said, kissing Chris lightly as they stepped to the backside of a tall building.

  “I guess you’re right. He still doesn’t seem happy.”

  “He would have preferred we call the car, I’m sure. But this is what I wanted. It’s good to enjoy time outdoors. We’re only half a mile away from the bus anyway.”

  Stepping around the building and back on course, Raven could sense Frank’s disdain up ahead. She had been around him for too many years to not see it. He was clenching his jaw, forcing himself into silence, when he really wanted to say something.

  She could hear the words in her head.

  “Everything you do is public, Raven.”

  She knew he was right, but she didn’t care. Humming carefreely, she caressed Chris’s hand as they walked.

  “Did you enjoy this morning?” Chris asked, breaking the silence.

  Raven could see Frank turn his head back slightly, as if waiting for an answer as well, but he said nothing.

  “I did,” she answered honestly. “Thank you for setting this up. I think it’s the best idea we’ve had so far and I’m really enjoying it. It’s fun and it creates positive stories. It’s a win-win scenario really.”

  “Did you ever get the Entertainment Tonight interview set up?” Frank asked, still steadfastly facing forward, his stance rigid and cold.

  “Yes, I did,” Chris answered in a poised, chipper tone. Raven admiringly made a mental note of her “work voice.” “It’s next Thursday. We’ll go through some of the things they’ll want to talk about and the three of us can sit down over lunch and knock out some answers, so that we’re all prepped for the show.”

  “What if I get stage fright?” Raven asked, grinning as she nudged Chris in the arm, giving he
r a seductive wink, well out of Frank’s peripheral vision.

  Chris opened her mouth, but Frank answered first. “I’m sure your girl there will be right by your side before and after to calm you down.”

  She watched as Chris’s cheeks turned red. The whole thing made her laugh. “Will you be there?” she asked, giving Chris a sidelong glance and her best “come get me” stare.

  “I’ll be there, like he said,” she said, still bright red. “Before and after.”

  Raven reached over, placing her hand on the small of Chris’s back and rubbing it in a circular motion. She wanted to play, to get lost in each other just a bit and she didn’t care who was watching. Chris shot her a warning look and raised an eyebrow, nodding her head in Frank’s direction.

  Raven shrugged in response, smiling at the silliness of their wordless flirting. The two of them continued as they walked along the street, before ducking into a tea shop for a quick refresher. Once inside, Chris made her way to the restroom, leaving Raven and Frank alone for the first time in days.

  “What is going on between the two of you?” he asked, while they waited in line. “Looks like it’s getting more serious.”

  It was an observation, nothing more, Raven tried to remind herself, but even so, the words made her anxious. “It’s not serious,” she said, shrugging it off. “I enjoy spending time with her. If you haven’t noticed, she’s kind of amazing. Funny, sweet, caring, smart as hell and hot. She’s doing her job—and helping with my happiness levels too.”

  “I know.” Frank nodded, keeping his expression neutral. She knew there was more that he wanted to say, but he was waiting, a tactic she understood. If he left the silence hanging, he knew she would fill it.

  “It’s just fun right now,” she added, hating herself a little for giving in, but knowing that he wouldn’t continue the conversation until she did so. “I’m not going to stress about putting things into a box for right now. I’m not going to push her away, just because I may or may not feel something. I made that decision a while ago and it wasn’t easy. But for once, I’m going to let something run its natural course.”

  She watched as he turned slowly to face her, looking surprised.

  “What?” she asked.

  He shook his head slowly. “My little girl is growing up,” he said, a slow smile forming at the corner of his lips. “That’s all. You usually wouldn’t admit that you push others away.”

  “It’s a fault of mine,” she confessed. “I know it is. You know it too. Anyone who has hung around long enough knows it. It’s what I do, but I’m tired of denying myself happiness because of it. I’m trying. That’s all I can say. I’m doing the best I can and we’ll see what comes of it.”

  “Okay,” Frank said, nodding in agreement. “But of course, it’s nothing serious.” His tone was wry, but she dismissed it, uncertain of how she could respond. There was little argument that Chris had, indeed, changed her. She had helped her to grow up a bit, just as Frank had stated.

  Frank stared at the menu, but his smile was unmistakable. It made Raven smile too. Whatever came later on didn’t matter. Right now, things were good.

  Back at the bus, Raven wanted nothing more than to get lost in Chris’s presence. Following her to her room, Raven couldn’t wait anymore. She closed the door behind them quickly and turned to face Chris. The morning of flirting had heightened her desire to kiss Chris’s lips, to feel their bodies pressed tight against each other. Chris raised an eyebrow at Raven and bit her lip.

  “You seem a little excited,” she said, her voice light and teasing. “What are you so excited about?”

  Raven smiled, moving closer and pushing Chris up against the wall. After kissing her deeply, she pulled back. “I’m excited about this,” she said, running her fingers up and down Chris’s body. “I’m excited about giving into all I’ve wanted all day and then I’m excited about taking you out on the town tonight after the show. I’ve had enough of these tight-knit, close-quartered parties for a while. Let’s say, I release every bit of tension in your body and then tonight, we go out and see what this place has to offer. What do you think?”

  Chris smiled, her eyes sparkling. “I think that sounds amazing,” she said, giving Raven a light kiss on the lips. “We don’t go out nearly as often as we should.”

  The word “we” made Raven’s heart beat faster. Unsure if she was more excited or scared, she pushed the notion aside, deciding that it would be better to figure it out later. “I know,” she said, kissing Chris deeply, letting her tongue dance inside Chris’s mouth.

  When she pulled back, she winked. “You know it’s mainly because of the way people get weird. They want to hang out and buy us drinks, but then they decide that it’s not enough to just party with us. Suddenly, we have crazed fans who won’t take a hint, and I even got a stalker once after a night out in New Jersey. But I want to take you out. I think it’ll be a blast. Aside from all of that, if we don’t mix it up, this just becomes the same old party every night. And Denver is a blast. I’d love to show you around. So let’s go meet some locals, stalkers be damned.”

  “I’ll protect you,” Chris said, playfully flexing her arms. Raven raised her eyebrow, taking in just how cut and fit Chris’s arms were.

  “That’s hot,” she said, pushing Chris onto the bed and straddling her. “Sexy girl with guns. What a beast.”

  They laughed as they tumbled around the bed, kissing each other and continuing their teasing. “It’s from my hardcore Pilates.”

  “Pilates got you those arms?”

  “No,” Chris admitted. “CrossFit got me these arms. But since I’ve been bunking here, Pilates has had to do the maintenance.”

  Raven’s laughter filled the air as she poked Chris’s arms and felt the firmness.

  “I like laughing with you,” Chris said, her legs tangled around Raven’s body.

  “I like it too,” Raven admitted before lying down beside Chris. Chris wrapped her arms around Raven’s body and Raven smiled to herself. She had always said that laughing in bed was one of her favorite hobbies. Sex should be fun, and connection—no matter what type—should be based on the ability to laugh with one another. She toyed with the word “connection,” trying to decide what it really meant to her. As Chris drifted off to sleep for a quick nap before the concert, she felt her anxiety rise. Alone with her thoughts, she couldn’t quite push away all that she had been pushing away for so long. Whatever this was, it was getting real and it was happening really fast.

  Chapter Fourteen

  The music shook her to her core tonight, but it paled in comparison to the rough-around-the-edges beauty performing it. As always, Chris was mesmerized. The people around her wore the same adoring gaze.

  Sure, there was this public side—the side that everyone loved. There was the cover-ready, insanely talented girl who couldn’t give a damn what anyone thought of her style or her lyrics. Everyone could get on board with loving a girl like that. But Raven was more—so much more. She was the one who, guarded as she was, looked at the world with such rawness and purity—seeing beauty in everyone, no matter what their differences. She was the chaser of her dreams, encouraging others to chase theirs as well. She was fire and she was willing to share that with the world. Watching her move across the stage, Chris felt the familiar stir, this time not in her lust, but in her heart.

  She closed her eyes, bidding her feelings to stay at bay, but knew they couldn’t. She was too far gone, despite her many attempts to suppress them.

  “It’s just sex.” She had said the words at least twenty times when Brittany called for details, wanting to know how her girlfriend was doing. The words had come easily every time, but she now knew they would never again truthfully pass her lips. She might still tell Brittany that for the time being—at least until she had to face her in person. It would be hard for her to understand that whatever they might have, or have had, was over. It’s just sex. It wasn’t true.

  She was in trouble. She was in
love.

  As the concert came to a close, she hurried backstage, wanting nothing more than to press her lips against Raven’s. As she had become so accustomed to doing, she flashed her Staff pass at the bouncer by the backstage door. Thanks to Raven’s propensity to making out before the show—after her makeup and hair artists had finished with her—and of course after the show, she had been given clearance to all secure areas. She made her way back to the dressing room, only to come crashing into Frank.

  “You made good time,” he said, looking her up and down, his criticism all too evident.

  “I just wanted to…” she started to explain herself, but let her voice trail off. “Yeah,” she said after a moment, moving past him.

  With the dressing room door shut behind her, she settled onto the couch. Letting her mind drift back to the show. Imagining Raven onstage dancing and singing, her lust built. Hiking her skirt up higher, she positioned herself so that she was lounged across the couch in a “come and get me” pose.

  She heard the door open, but didn’t turn, wanting to play it cool.

  “Some show, huh?” she heard Raven’s voice and then the pause filled the room. She turned her head, suddenly afraid maybe Raven wasn’t alone.

  Raven raised an eyebrow, nodding in approval and letting out a low whistle.

  “Damn,” she said, staring open-mouthed for a minute, seemingly unable to move in Chris’s direction.

  In any other circumstance, Chris would have felt insecure and exposed, but right now, she felt sexier than she had ever been. She smiled slyly, winking and nodding at Raven.

  Raven let out several heavy breaths, nodding in unison with Chris, before straddling her on the couch in a wave of pure lust.

  After they had enjoyed each other’s bodies, Raven sat up on the couch, looking deep into Chris’s eyes. Chris felt her cheeks blush crimson, her earlier thoughts discovered—forbidden thoughts about connection and love. She averted her gaze, but Raven put her hand softly on Chris’s face, directing her gaze back into her eyes.