"I know this is hard, Ry," he consoled softly, "but it's better if we finish it now." He went to swing the paddle once more, but Ryan grabbed his arm.
"Please, Steve!" Ryan broke down completely for the first time that night. "You know how they are!" he entreated. "They are both so passionate! You are going to push them right over the edge, and then God only knows what they'll do. Please! Just give them a little break!"
Steve looked quietly once more at his little brother's distraught face, and then at the feverish face and bloodshot eyes of his second youngest brother and with a sigh of resignation he brought the paddle to his side. It was against his better judgment, but he had never been good at denying Ryan. "All right, Ry," he said softly, "a little break."
"Thank you," Ryan sobbed, and Steve turned to address his two youngest brothers as Ryan tried to pull himself together.
"Ok, Kev," he commanded, "stand up and look at me please. Do not rub!" he added as Danny released Kevin's hands. Painfully, with agonizing sobs, Kevin did as he was told, clenching his fists in a ball in front of him and biting his lip as he resisted the impulse to rub his tortured bottom. "I am going to give you a little time to get yourself together and prepare for the last phase of your punishment." The vehemence of Kevin's sobs increased as a feeling of relief swept over him. "Listen to me," Steve cautioned and Kevin tried to calm himself as he looked into his oldest brother's eyes. "We are not done!" Steve continued. "Do you understand me?" Kevin nodded, but was still crying too hard to answer. "I do not want any fuss this time when we get ready to begin again. Are we clear?" Kevin nodded once more and Steve softened his demeanor just a little. "All right then, Little Bro, your break starts now. Stay right here where I can see you, please." He pointed to an overstuffed, blue arm chair that stood directly next to him, and gratefully Kevin sank into it on his knees, clutching the back of the chair, and hiding his face on his arms. "You may rub," Steve said gently. Immediately, Kevin's hands went where they had so long wanted to go and finally as the sting began to subside a little so did the intensity of his distress. He pressed his face into the back of the chair and sobbed quietly, as he continued trying to rub the burn from his bottom.
Matt got up and approached Steve as hushed whispers rippled through the room and Ryan made his way over to Danny as the two older students began to converse in low tones. Danny was a wreck. He had his hands over his face and he was crying harder even than Kevin, now. "Come on, Little Bro," Ryan put his arm around him, "you're doing fine. Everything will be ok." He tried to pull Danny's hands from his face, so he could see his brother's eyes, and as he did so, he caught a glimpse of the damage Kevin had done with his nails. "Jesus Christ!" he exclaimed, taking hold of Danny's arm and gently pushing up his sleeve to expose the mass of purple and red scratch marks. Some of the marks were fairly deep. They were red and inflamed and starting to puff up. "Steve!" Ryan called, interrupting his brothers' whispered conversation. Steve looked his way. "We'll be back," Ryan held out Danny's arm and Steve paled, nodding in comprehension. "Come on, Bro, come with me," Ryan encouraged, keeping his arm around Danny and ushering him towards the door of the common room. Danny went quietly, allowing his brother to guide him into the hallway, up the stairs, and into one of the four house bathrooms.
Ryan then let go of his little brother whose agitation had not abated much, and began gathering supplies from the medicine cabinet. He immediately found the peroxide, and after a brief hunt he was also able to produce some antiseptic ointment, some gauze, a roll of adhesive tape, and a tiny pair of nail scissors. "Sit," Ryan indicated the toilet as he put the seat down and closed the lid. Automatically, Danny obeyed, and for a moment all was quiet as Ryan began to minister to his arm. The gentle attention had a pacifying effect on Danny and finally he began to calm down.
He screwed up his face as Ryan swabbed his arm with peroxide, but after the initial sting had passed, the persistent burn left by Kevin’s nail marks became considerably duller, and he looked at his brother gratefully. For a moment they remained silent as Ryan began to dab the gauze pads with ointment. He placed the pads evenly, and then took a firm grip on Danny's arm as he began to tape it up. Finally, he met his little brother's eyes. "Is there any place you're not bruised?" he asked with gentle sarcasm.
"My ass," Danny responded sullenly.
`Yeah, but for how long?' Ryan pondered dejectedly, dropping his eyes back to the work he was doing. `How long would Steve wait?' he wondered. `Just long enough for the rest of these bruises to heal.' He couldn't stop the bitter thought from popping into his head and he sighed, careful now to keep his eyes away from Danny. `If only I could have kept my own temper!' he berated himself. `Then I know I could have talked Steve out of it.' His throat tightened and he swallowed. As it was, he knew he would be acquiring some new bruises of his own.
"I can't do this anymore!" Danny choked, interrupting Ryan's thoughts as he cut the last strip of tape and let go of his brother's arm.
"Well, you certainly can't hold him anymore," Ryan agreed.
"No Ry, I mean I can't go back down there. It's too hard! I just can't do it!"
"Yes you can, Dan. Come on, it's almost over. We'll get through this. I'll help you," Ryan encouraged quietly. Danny was becoming agitated again, and after a minute Ryan inquired, "What's the alternative, Danny? To leave Kevin down there without any support at all? Is that what you want?" Danny was quiet for a minute as he fought with his emotions, but finally he shook his head. "No, I guess not," he sobbed.
"I didn't think so," Ryan replied softly. "It'll be all right," he said again as Danny brushed at his cheeks in frustration. "Besides," he added, "we really can't afford to piss Steve off anymore. I think we've just about hit our quota." Danny looked up quickly and met his brother's eyes. Ryan hadn't really meant the comment to be funny, but the corners of his mouth tilted just the same, and even Danny smiled a little through his tears. They had a lot more breathing room than others did, they knew, when it came to pissing Steve off. For them to have met their quota in this respect was a fairly impressive thing.
"How we doin'?" Steve's best friend, Kurt, appeared in the doorway. Ryan and Danny locked eyes and remained silent. "Your brother's gettin' a little antsy," Kurt tried again.
"Ok," Ryan responded, "we're coming." Finally, Danny got to his feet. "You ready?" Ryan asked, and Danny nodded. "Let's go," Ryan said softly. With an embarrassed sidelong glance at Kurt, Danny walked past him and into the hallway. Ryan followed him and Kurt brought up the rear.
"How antsy is he?" Ryan asked after a moment, dropping back beside Kurt.
Kurt looked at him and smiled. "You know Steve when it comes to you, Ryan. He's fine. He just wanted to be sure you were coming back." Ryan nodded and breathed a little easier. "How's Danny?" Kurt asked in a low tone of concern.
"He's been better," Ryan sighed, and Kurt put a hand on his shoulder.
"Hang in there, Kid," he comforted.
With feet as heavy as his heart, Danny made his way down the stairs. He wanted nothing more than to retreat. As the low murmurings from the common room came closer, the impulse to turn and run for his room became stronger, but he knew his big brother wouldn't permit it. Besides, Ryan was right. Kevin needed him. It would be wrong to abandon him now and, as Ryan had also pointed out, they had to watch their “p’s” and “q's” a little around Steve. It was definitely not a good time to embarrass him. He had reached the doorway of the common room now, and he paused as he took in the scene.
Kevin had calmed considerably, and in fact did not appear to be crying at the moment. He was still crumpled over the chair where they had left him, his face pressed into the cushions as he attempted to rub the burn from his bottom. Danny bit his lip and swallowed hard as he took in the bruised and inflamed state of his little brother's hind end. He couldn't bear the idea of contributing to further punishment. Uneasily, he shifted his eyes to the activity in the rest of the room. Things had changed slightly. The line between upper
and lower classmen had blurred. The sophomores and juniors were interspersed with the visibly upset freshmen, and though the seniors for the most part remained aloof, there were a few to be found in the midst of their own little family units, their arms around their youngest brothers as the concerned juniors and sophomores looked on. Danny's eyes came to a
rest on his own two oldest brothers who were still deep in serious conversation, and Danny guiltily wondered if Steve was informing Matt of the bad behavior he and Ryan had displayed earlier in the day.
At that moment Gregg Mcarthy looked up from where he was whispering amongst his own ragtag bunch of villainous friends, and he smirked as he caught sight of Danny hovering in the doorway. Others followed his gaze, and slowly a hush descended, leaving the room in stillness once more. Kevin turned his head to look at him too, as the room quieted, and Danny's stomach churned as he looked at his little brother's petrified expression. He felt Ryan's strong hand on his shoulder as he came up behind him, and despite his thoughts of a few moments before, it was only his brother's physical presence that kept him from bolting now.
Ryan waited patiently, sensing his little brother's emotions, and Kurt hung back respectfully, too. After a moment, however, when Danny still hadn't moved, Ryan tightened his grip on his shoulder. "Come on, Bro," he whispered, "let's just get him through this." Danny looked up at him and Ryan squeezed his shoulder once more as he saw the tears in his little brother's eyes. Danny bit hard on his lip, but finally he nodded, and with Ryan behind him, he slowly entered the room, and approached his little brother.
The room settled completely as the two brothers entered the room with Steve's best friend tagging after them. Those who were not sitting sat, and the random whispers that Danny and Ryan's reappearance had sparked were quelled. Kurt made his way through the room as discretely as possible and took his seat amongst Steve's other friends. As he sat down next to him, his friend Mike caught his eyes. "Are they doing ok?" he whispered. Kurt bit his lip as he met his friend's eyes; his expression was the only answer Mike needed.
"Are you ok, Kev'bo?" Danny asked softly as he and Ryan came up beside their little brother. It seemed like sort of a stupid question, especially as Kevin looked up at him, his eyes brimming with resentful tears. "Hang in there, Bud," Danny placed his hand on his back as his little brother hid his face once more. "It will all be over soon."
File Nine
The Resolution
"Help your brothers boat across and your own will reach the shore."
-Hindu Proverb
“A leader takes people where they want to go. A great leader takes people where they don’t necessarily want to go, but ought to be.”
- Rosalyn Carter
Matt and Steve had been finishing their own whispered conversation as their younger brothers entered the room, and now Matt looked frowningly in Ryan’s direction. Ryan dropped his gaze, avoiding his oldest brother’s eyes and turning his attention instead to Danny and Kevin. He didn’t want to think about the conversation Steve and Matt had been having. He could guess easily enough what they had been talking about, and the look Matt had just given him didn’t bode well for his own future ability to sit down comfortably. “It’s all right, Kev,” he echoed Danny’s attempt at comfort with a new, more potent empathy. He too placed his hand soothingly on his youngest brother’s back, but Kevin did not respond. After a minute, Ryan tentatively raised his eyes again, and flinched as he met Steve’s grim expression. “Give us your hands, Bud,” he coaxed his youngest brother softly as he saw Steve tighten his grip on the paddle. Kevin looked up and, following his older brother’s gaze, he clutched his bottom harder, burying his face once more as tears began to streak his cheeks. Matt quietly took his seat among the seniors and, wordlessly, Steve approached his three brothers.
“Come on, Man,” Danny added his encouragement. “Let’s just get it over with.” Kevin was sobbing hard again now, but he had learned his earlier lessons well, and after a minute he obediently brought his hands to the top of the chair. He did not fight Danny and Ryan this time. In fact, he seemed somewhat comforted by their presence; he just pressed his face into the chair again, and wept as they gently pinned his arms.
“Kevin,” Steve began, his voice tight with the emotion he had so far successfully suppressed. The extreme degree of his brothers’ distress was starting to affect him. He could hardly stand the way Danny was looking at him, and Ryan would not look at him at all now. His throat constricted once more as he continued. “As bad and irresponsible as your behavior has been this semester overall, it is not the excessive partying, your failing grades, or inattention to fraternity rules that has earned you this punishment tonight. These infractions, as serious as they are, on their own make you no different than the majority of your classmates, and there is more than enough time for sufficient improvement if you work hard from here on in.” He paused and Kevin’s stomach twisting wails filled the otherwise silent room.
“There is one distinguishing factor, however, that has led you to be singled out tonight,” Steve finally went on, “and that is your attitude. Your behavior to the fraternity in general these last few weeks, and specifically your behavior towards Danny, Ryan, and me has been absolutely unacceptable. We are here to help you, Kevin, to guide you through this first year. We all remember how difficult it was, and all the advice we offer is given with nothing but the best of intentions. You may not like what we have to say, you may disagree with us, but you are still required to respect us. Do you understand?”
“Yes,” Kevin sobbed, without lifting his head.
“From here on in,” Steve continued, “there will be no more drinking or partying in general until you get your grades up. There will also be no more girls! Danny, Ryan, and I will monitor your class work and your schedule closely. Danny will help you come up with a study plan that you will stick to religiously, and you will report to him each day. You will keep an assignment book, which he will check, and if he feels at any time that you are lying or concealing things from him he will bring the matter to my attention. You and I will then have another discussion very similar to the one we are having right now. Is that clear?”
“Yes,” Kevin choked once more.
“Because you have lied to him in the past, in keeping track of your activities now, Danny will have the right, if needs be, to consult your professors regarding your progress. You will sign a statement giving him that right. Understood?” Kevin was sobbing so hard now that he could not answer right away, and Danny squeezed his arm. “Answer me, Kevin,” Steve prompted.
“Yes, ok! I understand!” Kevin wailed.
“Good. There will be no leisure activities at all, with the exception of team practices, until you complete each day’s scheduled assignments. There will be no more backtalk or vulgar language! You will address all of your professors and fellow fraternity members respectfully, and you will especially watch your tone when you are addressing the three of us. Is that clear?”
“Yes,” Kevin sobbed once more. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” He was unable to articulate any other thought he might have had as he dissolved into choking, hysterical sobs, and Danny rubbed his back soothingly.
“All right, Little Bro,” Steve softened his tone. “You are not the only one who has had to learn these lessons the hard way.” Ryan and Danny both acknowledged their older brother’s words with another affectionate squeeze. “Many of us, in our time, have been where you are. Some of us,” he looked around the room in general, “still choose the harder path to learn our lessons by, and though you have many things still to learn, Kev, it took great courage for you to admit your mistakes tonight, and I’m proud of you! Understand,” Steve turned to the rest of the freshmen, “that I would make no different decisions if this were the beginning of the semester once more! I would still pick Kevin to be my youngest brother, and it is because he is my brother that I am hard on him now, not because I have doubts about the choice I made. There is not a single
one among you who has any reason to think yourself better than him. It is his job as my youngest brother to set an example for you to learn from, and that is what this is about. As Danny said earlier, Kevin is taking the heat for all of you tonight, so pay attention and learn from his mistakes; then, hopefully, you will not have to learn the hard way like he did.” Kevin, Danny, and Ryan were definitely not the only ones affected by Steve’s stern admonition, and it was with a heavy heart that the
fraternity president turned to face his three younger brothers once more. It was time to get this night over with for good.
Kevin began to calm slightly, now. Steve’s words, though they did nothing for his burning posterior, nevertheless acted as a soothing balm to his equally wounded heart, and Ryan and Danny now seemed more agitated by comparison than he was. As they felt Steve’s eyes on them, Kevin’s two older brothers did their best to pull themselves together and meet his gaze, but the severe expression they encountered caused them to fall completely to pieces. “Lift his shirt up,” Steve instructed them in the same patiently paternal tone he had been using with them all night. Danny was sobbing again by now, and Ryan too was battling his emotions, but they didn’t dare disobey, and they each tightened their grip on Kevin’s arm, hoping to communicate their support to their little brother as they did what they were told, pinning his t-shirt about half-way up his back, leaving his already damaged bottom completely vulnerable and exposed.
Kevin found strength as his brothers fell apart and though a shock went through him when his t-shirt was lifted, he took a deep breath and steeled himself for the punishment he knew would follow. “I want you to understand, Kevin, how serious I consider this issue of respect to be,” Steve reprimanded softly. “That is why we are going to go through my list of expectations one by one now, while I have your attention.” He pressed the paddle firmly into his brother’s bottom and Kevin winced. “I’m sorry we had to do it this way, Little Bro, but this was the only way we felt we could get through. Don’t forget to count and when I ask you if you understand please answer me with a clear ‘yes,’ or ‘no.’ Do you understand?”
The Fraternity Files Page 11