“What if we don’t?!”
“We will!” Steve and Ryan assured in unison.
“But now I can’t even play football!” Danny countered. “That’s the only thing that was getting me through! God this is torture!”
“I know,” Steve sighed sympathetically. “I know it is. But it’s temporary. It’s all temporary. Kevin’s going to get over this. He’s going to go back to the team, he’ll still look up to you, still want and need your guidance, probably more than ever before, and the moment Kevin is back you know Coach will put us back on the field. I mean come on, Dan . . . . Who does the man think he’s kidding? He wants this Championship. He wants it bad! And he needs us all out there to make it happen. This whole business about ‘reconsidering his position,’ is a bunch of bull crap if you ask me! He can’t win without his star quarterback and he knows it!” Danny was still sobbing into the pillows and it was hard to tell if Steve’s words were really having an effect or not. Just then there was another knock at the door, and Ryan, who was still standing helplessly beside it, turned to open it.
“Hey Man,” Sean said through the crack as Ryan peered out at him. “Is everything ok?” Ryan shook his head slightly. “What’s going on?” Sean asked worriedly.
“Hang on,” Ryan returned softly. He shut the door again briefly and turned to his brothers. “Sean wants to know what’s going on . . .,” he started quietly.
“No!” Danny protested, his cheeks warming.
“I think we should tell him, Dan,” Ryan replied gently.
“So do I,” Steve agreed in the same undertone.
“God! Does my opinion ever fucking count around here anymore?!” Danny cried.
“Of course it does,” Ryan replied quietly as he and Steve exchanged guilty glances once more.
“They’re going to find out sooner or later anyway, Danny,” Steve pointed out as gently as possible. “I’d rather answer the question once for Sean and let him and Jesse handle things than have to answer it over and over again for everybody else tonight. Don’t you think?” He moved his hand from his brother’s hair to his back as he tried to calm him down. He and Ryan would rather keep the news of the suspension to themselves too, after all, but that just wasn’t realistic.
“Ok! Fine!” Danny retorted. “God this sucks!” He knew his brothers were right, but this was all just a little too much to deal with right now; he couldn’t help feeling resentful. Steve continued to talk softly to him as Ryan opened the door once more and slipped out.
“So, what’s going on, Man?” Sean repeated as soon as Ryan stepped into the hallway and closed the door.
Ryan paled. Reality was just beginning to sink in. He loved football too, after all, and to be suspended from the team was a blow he had not anticipated in his wildest imagination. He looked around the hallway where fortunately nobody else happened to be at the moment. Most of the exhausted players, having returned from practice now, were lounging in the common room or crashed out in their rooms, recovering. It had been a hard practice. “Where’s Jess?” Ryan asked in a low voice, returning his eyes to those of his best friend.
“He and Pat are still with Alex and James,” Sean replied, his voice deepening now in concern. “Anderson was pretty hard on them.”
“Is there anybody in your room?” Sean shared his room with Ryan’s other best friend, Andy, and people were always coming and going. Now, Sean shook his head.
“I don’t think so,” he replied. “Ryan, tell me what’s going on.”
“Let’s talk in your room,” Ryan responded.
“Ok,” he agreed anxiously. He led the way down the hall and taking his key from his pocket, opened the door to his somewhat cramped and messy room, stepping back to let Ryan pass in before him. He followed and shut the door, watching his friend quietly as Ryan made his way over to his desk, and began fidgeting with some of the miscellaneous little toys that sat on the top.
“Cute,” Ryan said finally, picking up the bobble head of the great New England Patriots Linebacker, Tedy Bruschi, that Sean’s girlfriend had recently given him and turning to face his best friend.
“Yeah,” Sean acknowledged wryly. “Come on, Ry,” he coaxed, “spill it. What did Coach say?” Ryan looked down again at the toy, playing absently with the head as he tried to form the words that were so difficult to say.
“He suspended us,” he said quietly at last, turning to set the doll back on the desk as tears welled in his eyes.
“WHAT!?” Sean cried. “What do you mean he suspended you?”
“I mean just what I sound like I mean,” Ryan whispered, still unable to meet Sean’s eyes. “He suspended us.”
“All three of you?!” Sean questioned incredulously, and Ryan nodded. “FOR WHAT?!”
“He suspects, or actually he just about as good as knows, what goes on in our mandatory meetings every year. He figured out that Kevin was ‘THE ONE’ this year and he’s worried since Kevin hasn’t been at practice that he might be seriously hurt . . . .” Ryan’s voice trailed off as he finally looked up and saw the expression on his friend’s face.
“Jesus!” Sean exclaimed, sitting on his bed and placing his head in his hands. An awkward silence passed.
Finally, Ryan went on, “Coach told us we ‘Are done playing football for him,’ until Kevin is back on the field and he’s sure he’s ok. Then he will, ‘Reassess the situation!’” Ryan pronounced sullenly. “Not only that,” he continued, gratified by Sean’s outraged expression, “if Kevin does not return to the team by the end of the week Coach is going to go to the dean with his suspicions about the discipline!”
“Oh, shit!” Sean exclaimed again.
“Yeah,” Ryan agreed.
“Sorry, Man!” Sean didn’t really know what else to say; he was still trying to get past his own shock. “Are you doin’ ok?” Ryan shrugged and avoided his friend’s eyes once more as Sean looked up at him. “How are Danny and Steve?” Sean asked, quickly changing the subject.
“Not good,” Ryan’s voice cracked, and he was unable to hold back any longer as tears started to streak his face. “Well, Steve’s all right,” he corrected himself, “but Danny’s taking it really hard. He came back here to try and talk to Kevin and found his favorite picture of the two of them in pieces on the floor, so you can imagine . . . .”
“Oh yeah! I can imagine all right!” Sean remarked angrily. “I think that’s just about enough of this horseshit!” He rose from the bed and moved once more towards the door.
“Sean, wait!” Ryan cried, alarmed by Sean’s unusual burst of temper. “Where are you going?”
“To find Kevin,” he replied. “Somebody’s got to talk some sense into that kid!” Ryan grabbed Sean’s arm just as he was about to open the door and Sean looked at him, meeting his friend’s tear filled eyes head on now.
“Go easy on him, Sean,” Ryan pleaded. “He’s just really mixed up right now.”
“I know,” Sean replied. “I know he is, but he’s got to understand that this is much bigger than him now. He has responsibilities to the team, and he is letting everybody down. I know it’s hard, Ry, and I know he’s been through a lot, but he’s got to be made to understand that his actions affect others. Don’t worry,” he remarked drolly as he looked into Ryan’s anxious face, “it’s not as if I’m taking the paddle with me or anything.”
“I know,” Ryan smirked a little despite himself. This was, among other reasons, why Sean was his friend; he never failed to make him laugh in even the darkest of moments. “This whole thing has just been so rough on all of us,” he met Sean’s eyes again, and Sean squeezed his arm.
“Hang in there, Man,” he encouraged, “you guys will get through this. You always do,” he reminded. Ryan tried a smile that came out more as a grimace, and Sean squeezed his arm again before stepping into the hallway. Ryan followed, pulling the door firmly shut, and making his way quietly back to his own room and his brothers, leaving his friend to start
his determined search for
Kevin.
File Five
The Search
"Failing to fetch me at first, keep encouraged. Missing me one place, search another. I stop somewhere waiting for you."
-Walt Whitman (Leaves of Grass)
“Yeah?”
The tone that reached Sean’s ears was clearly irritated and Sean grinned despite himself, feeling just a twinge of guilt as he opened the door to the room his youngest brother usually shared with Kevin. James HAD been through a rough time at practice today. It was little wonder if he didn’t want to be disturbed right now, but this was an important conversation, and there was no help for it. “Hey,” Sean stuck his head around the door, and almost laughed at the sight that met his eyes, his guilt dissipating quickly. James was propped up in his bed, the pillows fluffed behind him, the covers pulled carefully over him. The remote to the TV and the controls to his Play Station II sat on the nightstand beside him. “May I enter, your Highness?” Sean quipped.
“Don’t give me a hard time, Sean,” James grumbled. “Anderson nearly killed me today!”
“Sorry, Man,” Sean smirked as he stepped in and closed the door. “Where’s Jess?”
“He went to make me a sandwich,” James replied, huffing a little at the expression of delighted disbelief on Sean’s face.
“Come on, Bro. When are you going to let him off the hook?” Sean laughed. “That poor boy’s going to worry himself to death,” he simpered again and James shrugged, his brows knitting into a truculent pout.
Kevin had not been the only one to get a somewhat bruised and aching bottom out of the mandatory meeting that had occurred just over a week ago now. James had been summoned by Steve the day after to pay the consequences for jumping Danny and Ryan. Jesse, as James’ big brother, had gone with him. As the infraction had been serious, the consequences too had been severe. Steve had been stern and James had received ten smart smacks of the fraternity paddle on his bare bottom while Jesse had held his arms to keep him from reaching. The whole thing had been very hard on both of them, obviously, but Sean knew it had nearly killed Jesse. James knew it too and was still working his big brother’s conscience, milking the situation for all it was worth.
“What are you doing here?” James asked grumpily. He loved his older brother but it was harder for him to manipulate Jesse when Sean was around.
Sean’s expression became serious. “I need your help with something, Bud,” he returned quietly.
“You need my help?” James perked up a little. This was an occasion. Sean was seeking HIS help. “With what?”
“Do you know why Kevin hasn’t been going to practice?” Sean asked quietly.
James’ brow darkened again and he hunched further down in bed. “Who the hell knows?” he returned bitterly. “I think it’s because he doesn’t want people, especially Mcarthy, to see his butt,” James snorted.
“Is that the only reason?” Sean asked.
James shrugged again. “He might be a little pissed off at Danny,” he acknowledged tentatively. “Why are you asking?”
“Where would he be now if he’s not studying?” Sean asked.
“Why don’t you ask his brothers?” James groused. “They know about every last piss break he’s going to be taking between now and the end of the semester!”
“Well, I’m not asking them,” Sean returned shortly. “I am asking you!”
“Why do you want to know?” James demanded; his guard was fully up now.
Just then Jesse returned with James’ sandwich. “Hey,” he acknowledged his big brother as he entered without knocking and made his way to the bed with the plate. He looked from his little brother to his big brother as he handed James his food. James took the plate without saying anything. He was glaring at Sean now. “What’s going on?” Jesse inquired softly.
Neither James nor Sean answered and James dropped his eyes to his sandwich, fiddling with the edges of the neatly cut, crustless bread. “Aww, Jess!” he scowled. “I hate tuna!”
“You do?” Jesse questioned in dismay. “I didn’t know that. Here, I’ll get you something else . . . .” Jesse started to take the plate, but Sean intervened.
“No! Now, James, that is enough!” he insisted. “You are not an invalid. If you don’t want tuna then you can go downstairs and get something else . . . . Not now, though!” he added as James looked ready to do just that if only to get away from his older brother. “Right now, I have something I have to tell both of you, something serious.”
Jesse paled and James settled back into the pillows, crossing his arms in front of him and trying to appear like his curiosity was not piqued. “Does it have something to do with Danny and Ryan?” Jesse asked anxiously, sitting down next to James. He had been worried about their friends, but he had been even more worried about his little brother, so he had not accompanied Sean on his mission to seek Danny and Ryan out after practice.
“Yes,” Sean returned quietly. “It does concern them and Steve too.”
“Who cares about Steve!” James griped. Frankly, he couldn’t give a rat’s ass about Danny and Ryan either. As far as he was concerned, they were just as responsible as the president for his sore bottom (he was only just beginning to sit really comfortably again). He didn’t dare express these feelings in front of his brothers, however; he had to content himself instead with somewhat cheap shots at Steve wherever he could get them in. These,
at least, his brothers could understand. They ignored him now as they locked eyes.
“What did Coach say?” Jesse barely breathed.
“He suspended them,” Sean returned just as quietly.
“WHAT!?” Jesse lost all remaining color from his face, and even James seemed somewhat disconcerted, shifting uncomfortably next to his brother. “All three of them?” Sean nodded. “Why?”
“He knows apparently about the meetings we have every year. He figured out what happened to Kevin and is worried because he hasn’t been coming to practice. He’s given Ryan, Danny, and Steve an ultimatum: If Kevin’s not back on the field by the end of the week not only are Danny, Ryan, and Steve off the team, but Coach is going to bring his concerns to the Dean.”
“Oh Shit!” Jesse exclaimed.
“That,” Sean looked back at his now ashen younger brother, “is why I am looking for Kevin.”
James met Sean’s eyes and swallowed. He might be pissed at Kevin’s brothers right now, but he certainly would not have wished that on any of them, not even Steve. “He might be working out,” he responded meekly.
“I thought he didn’t want anyone to see his butt,” Sean scoffed.
“He’s been using the general facilities instead of the team facilities and I think he’s been changing before he goes, or maybe in the bathroom or something . . . .”
“Ok, kid,” Sean replied affectionately, feeling sorry that he had been so snappish earlier. “Thank you, you’ve been very helpful.” Was it really such a surprise, after all, if Danny, Ryan, and Steve were not topping his little brother’s list of favorite people at the moment? Sean grinned a little again as he turned towards the door.
“Want me to come?” Jesse piped up quietly.
“No,” Sean looked back at his other little brother as he opened the door. “I think it would be better for me to have a little one on one time with our young friend,” he responded, his hand on the doorknob.
“You’re not going to yell at him, are you?” James asked timidly.
“No, Bud,” Sean reassured gently, “I’m not going to yell at him.”
“Well, don’t tell him I told you where to find him,” James replied.
“I won’t,” Sean chuckled.
“Is Danny in his room?” Jesse asked just as his brother was leaving.
“Yeah,” Sean responded softly, “but you might want to give him some time. Steve and Ryan are with him. Kevin ripped up that picture he’s so proud of . . . .”
“O
h, no he didn’t! That little shit!” Jesse interjected. Sean and James both gave him a look and Jesse scowled. “Sorry!” he remarked. “But I mean really! He didn’t have to do that!”
“Yeah,” James acknowledged sorrowfully. “I don’t know why he would do that. I didn’t think he was that mad.” He could never imagine being mad enough at Jesse to do something like that, and he almost felt sorry for Danny, almost.
“He’ll come round,” Sean replied. “See you guys later,” he said and he stepped out into the hallway, shutting the door behind him. Kevin would come round, he was confident, with or without him, but he intended to speed up the process a little. He headed for his own room, grabbed his gym bag and made his way out of the house towards the Saber Bend University Gym facilities. He shifted his bag on his shoulder and sighed as he walked. The last thing he really wanted to do after this morning’s practice was to work out again, but Ryan was his best friend and Sean would do anything he
could to help repair this terrible situation. For Ryan, Sean would do anything.
File Six
The Talk
"The real leader has no need to lead. He is content to point the way."
- Henry Miller
“Mind if I join you?” Sean asked quietly and Kevin shrugged, scowling to show his displeasure. He was lying flat on his back on the bench press and Sean noted that he was lifting without a spotter. ‘Danny would freak out!’ he thought wryly. He was wearing his running shorts now and a fresh t-shirt. He had picked out a couple of free weights well within his limit, mostly to look like he was doing something. After this morning’s work out he didn’t dare try anything serious. His arms were already screaming in complaint. He stood just behind Kevin now and a little to the side, and for a while they continued lifting without speaking. Conveniently, the weight room was very nearly empty. It was the middle of the day and being near the end of the semester and exam time, most everyone was cramming. Besides Sean and Kevin, there were only two other people in the room and they were at the far end. Sean was aware how sensitive this subject was likely to be and had there been more people he might have tried to coax Kevin into taking a walk; as it was, however, now seemed like as good a time as any. “We’ve missed you at practice recently,” he started carefully at last. He waited for a minute, but got no response and Kevin showed no interest in the conversation. ‘At least he’s lifting well under his limit,’ Sean mused still thinking about the lack of a spotter. “How come you haven’t been coming?” he asked finally.
The Fraternity Files Page 16