Evan was the first to speak, “That’s a good question, but I think that doesn’t have an easy answer . . . and it’s the same thing I asked my father a long time ago.”
My friends and I listened as he explained.
“You already know that in this world, there are good people and bad people. However, that doesn’t mean it’s all black and white – not that simple. I think what makes a person good or bad is what they do – their actions. Sometimes, people do things because they’re angry, scared, or they’ve been hurt so they want to lash out and hurt others. Sometimes, they’ve become numb to old pain and they lack the ability to feel so they inflict pain on others. I also think sometimes there are no reasons, they’re just born bad. Sometimes, it makes sense and sometimes it doesn’t.”
Bob added, “However, there are also some people that are . . . just not right in the head and they do things that you wouldn’t believe. These crazy people are more dangerous than others. The kind of environment we grow up in and people we grow up with can affect us in so many ways.”
Molly squeezed my hand; probably thinking back to Salt Lake City or maybe about me being attacked earlier today.
Evan spoke again, “Every day, I try to do my best to teach River, Clark, and Cody right from wrong like I was . . . I got no problem helping you three understand what’s right, too – if you want. I try to think of it this way; there are predators, and there are protectors. Many who were weak died in the outbreak, and those that are still alive, like you and me, are either predators or protectors.”
Clark joined in, “That may be a little oversimplification, but predators are those people who either prey upon and attack people who are weaker or they take what they want by force, simply because they believe they no longer risk accountability because there is no longer any ‘law’ to hold them accountable. They don’t care about anyone or anything but themselves and they aren’t governed by conscience, morality, or empathy for others.”
“And protectors are like guardians. Protecting their own, those they care about and those who simply need help, like the way we protected each other before we got here,” River said.
“I made it very clear to my kids – and I’ll make it clear to you three – don’t ever be like those animals, the predators . . . they are monsters, worse than the zombies because they have a choice. Since I already saw you save my daughter, and heard how you all protected each other, I don’t really have to worry about you turning out like that,” Evan said clearly.
“Kids, do what’s right, even when it’s hard. Doing the wrong thing may be easier, but it’s not about what’s easy, it’s about what’s right,” Ginger stated.
I nodded and said, “We will.”
“Good.”
“Have you guys heard about the Black Shadow program?” Patch asked.
Evan sighed, “Yeah, my kids were chosen like you and many other kids in the Fort.”
“I’m sorry Evan,” I said.
“Yeah,” Evan muttered.
I don’t really know what that’s like for parents – to arrive in a safe place and then they force your children into military service. Somehow, this reminded me of my parents back in Fort Drum. They sent me here in hopes that I would be safe, but instead, fate or bad luck had something else to say about our circumstances. Just thinking about them and how far away they are made my heart cold.
We chatted for a little while and then my friends and I got ready to head back to the apartment – we gave hugs all around, and Evan and Bob gave us big bear hugs again. As we took the monorail ride back to the apartment, I saw that soldier again and our eyes met. I got a good look at him as he was just sitting in his car looking at me; he was in his early fifties with grey hair and a grey beard, he was tall, built strong and solid. His eyes looked faded and tired, like they barely had any blue left and lost their glow – smoky, like the light was gone.
Who is that guy? What’s the deal with him? Somehow, I have a feeling that I’ll find out, but I doubted I was going to like it. When we got back, I saw Ellen walking toward the monorail with a girl. As we approached, I could see clearly it was the girl with mismatched eyes. I didn’t say anything as we made eye contact and got off the monorail.
“Anyway, I’m glad you came to visit, Kate,” Ellen said, to the girl.
“Yeah, me, too. See ya tomorrow,” Kate said to Ellen, as she boarded the monorail.
“So long.”
“So long.”
So, that’s her name? Kate.
As I walked with my friends to the apartment, I looked over my shoulder to see if Ellen was watching me. Our eyes met and she crossed her arms before walking away. It’s never gonna work between us. No matter how nice or kind I am to her, she’s always going to remember the pain associated with the loss of her brother. We headed up to the apartment and Ashley, Carrie, and Jess were already home. It didn’t take long for the others to arrive, but they had this serious look on their faces like something bad happened. Will and Jeff sat down on the couch while Kayley, Tracy, and Faith hugged us tight.
“What happened? What’s wrong?” Ashley asked, as she and Carrie hugged Faith back.
“The meeting with the military and the Council Committee just concluded with their decision,” Jeff answered rubbing his forehead.
We waited silently for them to answer.
“The Black Shadow program is a go. They’re gonna turn you and all the other kids into soldiers,” Will said clasping his hands together.
Kayley hugged Molly, Patch, and Jess tighter.
“For real?” Patch asked.
“Yes.”
“I thought this was America, not Nazi Germany,” Faith said.
Tracy spoke through her broken voice, “We just got here. We just got here and now this—”
I hugged her with as much comfort as I could offer, but there wasn’t anything I could do to dispel the bad feeling. After serving as Clara’s deceased son, it didn’t feel awkward anymore that I also reminded Tracy of her lost son as well. As my friends and I contemplated what this meant for us, Captain Noir with Corporal Wade emerged.
“Captain Noir?” Carrie said.
“Hey munchkins,” Captain Noir greeted.
“What are you doing here?” Ashley asked.
“The Black Shadow program . . . we heard that it’s happening.”
“So, what exactly is going to happen to us?” Patch asked.
Ashley and Carrie sat next to each other holding hands with Faith behind them and her arms around their shoulders. Kayley sat with her arms around Molly, Patch and Jess while I sat with Tracy.
“Starting Monday, you kids will begin basic survival training and then over time you’ll be taught more advanced training, including self-defense and combat training. Eventually, they’ll train you like they trained me and Captain here,” Corporal Wade answered.
“Like Marines?” Molly asked.
“Yep, it will be hard training, but once they’re done with you, you’ll be competent in the same fighting skills that millions of brave men and women used to defend this country before the outbreak.”
His statement gave me goosebumps. Tracy still had her arms around me and her eyes were a little watery like she was trying not to cry.
“You’ll look after them, right Captain?” Kayley asked.
“Corporal and I will do what we can,” Captain Noir answered.
“Do whatever it takes. Keep them alive, no matter what,” Tracy said clearly.
“Yes ma’am,” Corporal Wade answered.
“We’ll be assigned together, right?” Ashley asked.
“Yeah, I’ll have to get into the files and swipe a few names and numbers,” Captain Noir answered.
“Good,” Carrie said.
“River and her brothers are in the Black Shadow, right?” Molly asked.
“Yep, I checked, but since they’re teenagers they’ll be assigned to different units from you,” Captain Noir answered.
Captain Noir and Corporal
Wade explained how military training works, how divisions, battalions, and companies work, survival training, combat training, weapon training, teamwork, etc. It definitely sounded hard, but after what we’ve been through, it didn’t sound impossible. I turned to see Ashley and Carrie looking at me – I reached out and held Ashley’s hand. I gave a slight nod that said no matter what we’ll stick together and get through this – they nodded in return as did Molly, Patch, and Jess.
I headed back to the Way house. As I walked in the house, I found Clara crying in the living room with Jonathan and Ellen. Clara sat at the end of the couch with her hands covering her eyes while Jonathan sat next to her gently stroked her shoulders in comfort. I approached slowly, while rubbing my eyes thinking of what to say, but I’m not sure any words could lessen her sorrow and fear.
I sat on the couch and waited a while before speaking, “I’ve got two friends that are in the military; one of them is an officer, they can . . . look out for us a little.”
“Yeah, but I suppose they can’t abolish this Black Shadow thing, can they?” Ellen asked.
I shook my head.
Clara reached out to both Ellen and me. We got closer to her as she wrapped her arms around us, and we hugged her back. She was silent for a while before speaking.
“You look out for each other, you hear me?” Clara asked.
“We will,” I said.
Clara backed up to look at our faces as she stroked our hair and our cheeks.
Then she started nodding, “You two will survive this. I know you will. You two are smart, you’re strong, and so brave. Don’t ever forget that, you hear me? Don’t ever forget and you two will continue to grow and become more of what you already are. You stay alive and look out for each other, no matter what. I love you so much.”
“We love you too, Mom,” Ellen said.
Clara smiled with tears coming down her cheeks as she gazed at our faces.
“God, I love you two so much,” Clara said, as she hugged us so tight.
Jonathan joined in hugging – there was a lot of hugging that night.
“We’ll stay alive. Don’t you worry about us, we’ll be fine,” Ellen said, with her voice breaking.
I didn’t cry, but just the mere sight of Clara’s face and her voice was tearing me apart. She accepts that it’s either army or exile. It didn’t feel right that I was here and it felt wrong that a part of me was glad that I was. We stayed like that for a while, holding on, and then we headed for bed. I couldn’t sleep, so I snuck out into the study room to walk up to the widow’s walk. I flipped the switch next to the door to light the floor lights along the walk. I walked up and sat in one of the comfortable chairs to gaze at all the beautiful stars scattered across the night sky – it was endless, all the stars. It was like an ocean of stars that had no bottom and the colors left me speechless. I heard footsteps coming up the stairs – it was Ellen.
“What are you doing up here loser?” Ellen asked, crossing her arms.
I didn’t answer or even look at her. I only thought, “Yeah, fuck you, too.”
Ellen sat in one of the chairs about two to three feet away from me.
“Scared of next week’s training?” Ellen asked.
I looked at her with a grim look and replied, “Do you honestly think that I’m afraid?”
“We’re all scared of something, even you.”
“So, what are you scared of?”
Ellen thought for a moment before speaking, “I’m scared that my mom will never wake up to reality, that she’ll think that you’re her son forever, that we’ll live this lie forever.”
“Nothing’s forever,” I said.
“You could live a thousand times and never replace my brother or deserve his place.”
I was getting irritated and spoke, “You know, it’s very ironic that right now you’re speaking so high of your brother like this, because from what your father has told me, you two never got along – you were always fighting.”
Ellen gave me a mean look and responded, “And what makes you think that you have the right to say that? That’s none of your business. I did love him even if we didn’t get along.”
“Well, I’m not trying to replace your brother or take your parents for mine. Your father asked me for my help. That’s all.”
“Listen, when we’re in the Black Shadow that doesn’t mean I’m gonna hold your hand or anything, and I don’t need you babysitting me, got it?” Ellen stated.
I leaned forward a little as I stared at her.
“What?” she spat.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“What do you mean?” Ellen asked.
My head started to boil, my eye twitched, and I took a deep breath to stay calm. Talking to her was like a talking to a staircase, exhausting and annoying.
“Why are you up here? Why are you even talking to me? What the fuck are you doing here?” I asked in firm and clear tone.
Ellen didn’t answer, but her eyes widened a little by my response.
“What? You want me to go? Is that what you want, so you don’t have to see me around your Mom again?” I demanded.
“No . . . no, I actually want you to live, so that my mom doesn’t go through that kind of grief again – it wasn’t just hard on her you know,” Ellen answered.
“I know that doesn’t mean you actually care about me.”
“I don’t hate you . . . well I kind of do, but I don’t want you dead.”
“So, you’re out here to make sure that I’ll . . . stay alive?”
“Yeah.”
This didn’t make me think well of her. I tried to keep telling myself that all the things she said was just her pain and grief lashing out. However, every day that I’m with her, I just kept wishing that I was somewhere else. It’s like every second passing by is just making you wish more and more that it was over – the opposite of being with Clara – how ironic.
“You don’t have to worry about me. I’ll stay out of your way if you stay out of mine,” I stated, leaning back on the chair.
“Good, glad we can agree on something,” Ellen said, before getting up and heading back down.
When she reached down, she flipped the lights off leaving me alone in the dark.
I chuckled, “Yeah, fuck you, too.”
For Clara and Jonathan’s sake, I’ll keep an eye on her, but I have Ashley, Carrie, and my friends to worry about. From what Captain Noir said, there will be a lot of physical training and a lot of tests – both physical and mental. I couldn’t tell if being nervous about it was normal or a bad thing. I guess, I’ll find out next week.
Chapter 9
Nathan/Sonny
“The most dangerous people are those who have nothing to lose.”
– Unknown
It is Sunday evening, the last day before training begins for my friends and I, so I thought I’d visit Father Lawrence again. St. James Church was a big church – almost like a cathedral, intricate wood workings with beautiful comfortable benches. When I entered through the imposing doors, I saw only a few people sitting and praying silently – I expected to see more people. Given the outbreak, I assumed people would be leaning more heavily on faith. I saw Father Lawrence talking with Father Aberforth along the side of the benched rows. Father Aberforth was much older than Father Lawrence, somewhere in his mid to late sixties with snow-white hair, muted green eyes with rimless glasses. He was born in Wales, UK and he moved here with his parents when he was sixteen – and has been in the city ever since. He wasn’t always a priest, he used to be a sailor, or ferryman – he knew boats and the water. He has a very friendly face with a very rich distinctive voice that was astonishing to hear in the perfect acoustics of the church.
As soon as Father Lawrence saw me, I waved silently with a small smile and he waved back with a nod of his head. Both he and Father Aberforth came to greet me. I hugged Father Lawrence as he approached me.
“Hello, my friend,” Father Lawrence said.
&nb
sp; “Hello, Father Lawrence, and it’s nice to see you, too, Father Aberforth,” I said.
“It’s always a pleasure to see friendly faces like yourself, my son,” Father Aberforth said, greeting me with a smile.
We sat down on a bench gazing at the altar and the large cross framed by the beautifully designed stained-glass windows. There were five long thin windows with Jesus Christ in the middle, but I don’t know who the other depictions were, and they were all under this big, beautiful circular rose window with many different colors – it was beautiful. I never really considered myself religious, but I do like coming here to see the windows as the sun shines through – I always thought the choir was inspiring to listen to as well.
“It’s so peaceful here. It often feels like this place is untouched by everything that happened,” I said out loud.
“I wish it was, but sadly the horrors from the outside did manage to reach this place as well. I’ve seen many lose their faith and stop coming,” Father Aberforth said.
“I’m sorry.”
“My own faith has been questioned a few times, but I always found reasons to keep going – sometimes for the sake of others. When your group came into town and Father Lawrence told me of your journey, I knew there was still light left in the dark of this world, and I’m proud of Father Lawrence for continuing God’s mission.”
“I take it not for myself, but for those that need a shepherd,” Father Lawrence replied.
“Father, can I ask you something?” I requested.
“Of course.”
“Do you ever wonder if the decisions you made were the right ones?”
“Yes, I often do, but the outcome of my decisions usually shows the answer. Why do you ask, are you wondering about a particular decision yourself?”
“Yeah . . . and even though I know some of them are right, I still wonder about others. Is that normal?”
Father Lawrence placed his arm around my shoulder.
He explained, “My son, just by asking demonstrates your humanity – you are going to wonder about the answers for the rest of your life. And that’s perfectly normal. However, as I said before, doing the right thing can be hard and sometimes it’s hard to even know what that is. Some people are good at this while others are not, even if they are well-intended. Generals Shepard and Campbell wish for this place to be safe so that mankind will have a future, but their methods as to how to achieve that objective may be well-intentioned but questionable when viewed from the bright lights and retrospective of history.”
The Dark Days Series | Book 2 | Sanctuary Page 18