by Max Lockwood
After his optimism yesterday, the letdown had probably hit him just as hard as it had her. He had been the one to insist they go home when he felt too much time had passed. Clara had been reluctant, but followed him anyway. Unlike her, he’d been able to fall asleep.
He’d probably be out for some time, so she could just leave him alone. She knew he was as disappointed as she was that they didn’t find the boy, and she remember the words he’d said to her with a growing smile.
She wondered if he was serious about being the boy’s guardian. While Cooper rarely said things he didn’t mean, she didn’t think he’d had enough time to think it through. Her smile dimmed a little as she grew worried.
What if he grew to regret it? Clara knew something about taking care of young children. Though she couldn’t exactly count Abigail, since she was always such a happy child because Dante was a good dad, and she didn’t spend a lot of time with the girl. Just the times when Michelle felt like hogging her husband, or Dante had something to do besides stay at home, look after the kids, and work out, both of which were rare.
But this would be taking care of a child full time, a child that had gone through trauma, and it wouldn’t exactly be a walk in the park. If Cooper changed his mind later on…
Clara pushed those worries aside, though. Cooper was a man of his word. She didn’t know how he was going to cope, or how good he was with children so young. Everything might turn out better than she was expecting. She was more than ready to try this, though.
She’d pictured Cooper as a dad plenty of times, even before she started thinking of him romantically, and she thought he would do wonderfully. There was the implication that once he was the boy’s guardian, they would be raising him together… neither of them had explicitly said it, but Clara hoped that was the case.
At least this way, she could say she fulfilled one of her dreams. There was no grand wedding, and months of planning for a family, then getting pregnant and preparing for a baby. It just wasn’t safe, with how the world was now. Clara had all but given up on romance, only she couldn’t resist Cooper for long. But even bypassing all the steps, and with their relationship beyond friendship still undefined, she wouldn’t mind looking after the orphaned boy with Cooper.
But they had to find him first, that was the hard part. The hardest would be getting the boy to trust them enough to go with them.
She sighed, and stopped playing with Cooper’s hair. Though when she looked down, she noticed the peaceful look on his face, where before he had seemed troubled. She smiled a little, happy to be of some help to someone that had done and given up so much for her sake. She wanted to play with it a little more, but nature called, and she needed to head to the bathroom.
He’d moved so one of his arms was thrown over her legs, and she wondered how she’d missed that in her musings. She smoothed down his hair, then reached for his arm and gently pulled out from under it, settling the covers back over him. He made a discontented sound, and he frowned almost instantly.
Clara felt herself grin. Cooper had told her, once, that he was so used to her sleeping by his side now, that he woke up when she wasn’t there. She crouched beside the bed and smoothed her hand through his hair a few times, until his body relaxed. She was hoping his exhaustion would keep him down for a few hours. He deserved the sleep. Besides, she still planned to go out, and she might bring Cooper along again. She left a peck on his forehead, and went to pick out a change of clothes.
Might as well take a shower.
She didn’t have that many clothes to be changing every time she took a shower, but someone in the group had been going around washing people’s clothes, and Clara appreciated it. They had been trying to take as little along as possible besides the food, and there was no way to get more clothes, but she felt icky every time she showered only to get back in dirty clothes she’d worked in and sweated in.
Someone, she wasn’t sure who, had realized the problem before she even mentioned it, and she wanted to thank whoever it was, at some point. She dressed in fresh clothes, placing the dirty ones in a corner of her room to be picked up later.
She might have been leader, but the people in her group knew how to organize themselves, at least. She didn’t have to look after them as if they were children, which she felt was a blessing, because Clara didn’t go around giving orders and calling for group meetings.
Clara went downstairs to find Tessa staring blankly ahead of her, a bowl of cereal in her hand. She was confused for a moment, then worried by the vacant look in her sister’s eyes.
She hadn't spoken to Tessa much since their earlier incident. Clara was still annoyed at Tessa for the words she’d said, blaming Clara for letting their grandmother die, as if she didn’t have a hand in it. Maybe Cooper had been right when he said it would be better for her to speak to her sister the morning after and clear everything up, but Clara hadn't been interested. Tessa wasn’t exactly going out of her way to speak to her, either, so she didn’t think she was doing anything wrong.
But none of that meant that she would suddenly stop caring about her sister. She might be thinking about a few people being added to the family, but Tessa was her last blood relation left, unless their parents had lied to them before for some reason. She might not like dealing with her sister’s bullshit, but it didn’t change that they were sisters.
Still, she hesitated to join her.
Tessa had plenty of her own demons to take care of, not like Clara who had to keep inventing them and torturing her own mind. Focusing on the boy had helped her let go of the issue with her grandmother, where she decided to just let it go since there was nothing she could do now, even if she could have done something back then. What was done, was done, but that little boy was still out there in need of someone to help him out.
Her sister, though… when was the last time Clara found her like this? She couldn’t even remember, but she knew it was a bad thing. Was Tessa really regressing because she didn’t have any more meds? Clara had asked both Barbara and Felicia after she realized the meds were finished, but they didn’t have more. There was no way they could come across a place to get them from, now, and Felicia had insisted that it might not be a good idea with Tessa’s head injury, either way. She didn’t really care, she just wanted her sister to get well.
Although she had been stressed, the look currently on her sister’s face told her that it might have been for nothing.
Clara approached her carefully and touched her hand to pull away the bowl of cereal, her worry increasing when there was no reaction to that. She waved her hand in front of Tessa’s eyes, and she didn’t even blink.
“Tessa?” she called carefully.
Again, no reaction. Even taking her lightly by the shoulders and shaking her a little still didn’t get her attention. Before letting the worry get a hold of her, she took a deep breath and decided to take some action. She pulled her sister to her feet, and it was done with ease.
She guided Tessa to the couch and had her sit down, then sat beside her. “Tess? What’s wrong?”
After a little more prompting, her sister reacted, and the relief that went through her body had her leaning back in the seat, before she straightened up, and hesitated to take one of her sister’s hands. After hovering her hand over Tessa’s for a moment, she let it fall in her own lap. Tessa didn’t seem to realize, but she did wake up from her daze.
Tessa blinked, and turned to look at her. “I had a dream… that you abandoned me for a little boy.”
She could feel her jaw drop as she stared at Tessa’s completely serious expression.
Clara was shocked, wondering how Tessa found out about the child. As far as she knew, Jack had only spoken to the patrollers yesterday to keep a lookout for a child. Tessa wasn’t doing patrols, so there was no way for her to have known there was a child out there, let alone guess it was a boy.
But… maybe she just overheard something? It made more sense than Tessa’s dream being another premonition. Bes
ides, there was one thing wrong in the dream.
“You should never think like that. You’re my big sister, I would never leave, Tessa, even if you didn’t want me anymore. I got us both here, didn’t I?”
Tessa scoffed. “Nobody wants me, and nothing you say will make me change my mind.”
Clara resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She knew this was something serious, in spite of Tessa’s tone. Tessa wasn’t always so open about her insecurities, and this was something she needed to pay immediate attention to, or risk seriously offending her sister.
It didn’t change that Tessa was always creating hurdles for herself that Clara didn’t think existed. To Tessa, she was always second best to Clara, something Clara didn’t understand at all. It was something they both shared, that self-absorption that wouldn’t let them see what the other was going through.
Clara had blamed her sister for getting herself lost in her delusions, but Tessa had abandoned her, as well, after the death of their parents. If not for their grandmother being there, they might not have gotten to stay with each other at all. And even then, there were threats to send Tessa to a mental institution, where she could better be taken care of by professionals that knew what they were doing. In a lot of ways, they got lucky.
That boy out there clearly didn’t have anyone else, not even a sibling close to his age.
Tessa hadn't seemed to realize the stress Clara was usually under, seeing as she had contributed to it plenty of times, and sometimes Clara felt it had been deliberate. Clara didn’t know when they had started up a competition to see who could outmatch the other, but Tessa took it seriously and, in her eyes, she was outmatched by Clara.
It was infuriating that her sister felt that way. Clara didn’t see herself as anything special, so of course that would annoy her, but Tessa never seemed to get it.
It had gotten to a point where Tessa had started an argument with their grandmother, claiming Viola didn’t love her as much as she loved Clara. It was a ridiculous notion, but though both of them had tried to correct her, she hadn't wanted to hear it. She’d gone back to isolating herself in her room.
Then, it had been Clara’s brilliant idea to tell their grandmother to leave Tessa alone until she got over her little tantrum. Clara had thought it was the easiest way. She hadn’t thought at the time the gulf created between the two would lead to such awful consequences. At the time, she was worried about her family breaking apart, and enemy outsiders coming to their town and attacking them.
But she had let it go on too long, paid less attention to the problem than she should have. When she finally went to talk to her sister, what Tessa wanted was to join her out on patrol, so she could try to find some use for herself, as well. Clara hadn't thought she was up to it. Her sister was stick thin, Clara wouldn’t even feel comfortable handing her a weapon, but Tessa had insisted Clara would be next to her, weapon in hand, so it would be fine.
Clara had thought back to that moment so many times, and wished she could have changed it, been a little stricter with her sister. If Tessa wanted to act like she was a child, Clara should have treated her as such instead of giving her what she wanted.
Because the next day, when they did go out on patrol, Viola followed them out, finally losing her patience on waiting for Tessa. She tried to engage Tessa, who just acted cold. Clara could have hit her sister for the things she said to their grandmother.
She was sure her sister regretted it all in the next moment, though. Because strangers came to their street, someone shot at Tessa, and Viola jumped in front of her and accidentally caught the bullet.
Maybe… just maybe, Tessa saying what she did to Clara was her way of trying to absolve herself from guilt, and Clara couldn’t fault her for that. She had used the same tactic and convinced people to follow her and murder people in the name of revenge. Though she still thought the people of Mawdsley had deserved it, especially considering what they ended up doing, but Clara had been angry at the time.
Clara sighed and finally put a hand over her sister’s own.
Neither of them brought up the fight from a few nights ago. Clara didn’t need an apology from Tessa, knowing she had her own demons to deal with, and they were likely a lot bigger than Clara’s.
They still needed to talk and interact with each other. They were only just starting to act like sisters. Before, all Tessa had done was find ways to make Clara’s life harder, and she felt a little guilty now that she’d ever thought that. It wasn’t her sister’s fault that she suffered mental trauma in the way that she did. Clara hadn’t been there for her elder sister after their parents’ death, and vice versa, but she’d been determined to change that after Viola died. And yet, she found herself ignoring her sister again.
“All right,” she made a quick decision. “We’re going to spend the day together, just the two of us.”
Tessa have her a wide-eyed look. “What?”
“You heard me, Tess. It would be good for you to get outside, anyway. How’s your head feeling?”
She looked away, raising a hand to her head and pressing lightly where she’d been hit. “Felicia gave me something and it hasn’t bothered me since.”
“Good. Let me just get some food, and we can go whenever you’re ready.”
Out in the fields, Clara made general chit-chat with Tessa, who barely responded. But this was pretty much the norm for them. Tessa had issues opening up, even with her family, but Clara kept at it, and eventually Tessa loosened up, even if only slightly. When they got to the edge of the fields, Tessa stopped, staring out at the tree line.
“I don’t like the forest,” she said, apropos of nothing.
“Why?” Clara asked.
She made an abortive shrug. “Only bad things come from woods, like wolves and monsters.”
“Tess, the fairy stories you’re thinking of aren’t real. Besides, we walked through those trees to get here, remember? The forest is safe.”
But Tessa was adamant. “It’s evil,” she called it.
Just as she did, Clara saw a figure in the shadows again. She was careful not to draw her gun instinctively, knowing it could be the boy, and the last thing she wanted to do was scare him off again.
Hope rose in her chest and her breath stuttered, just barely holding back the cry that wanted to leave her throat. She wanted to call out, see if it really was the boy, but she didn’t.
Her waiting paid off.
Clara could have cried when she finally caught sight of the boy. He was still partially hidden, so she didn’t see much of him, but from what she could see, she could tell that the boy was dirty. Mothering instincts that were usually only active around Michelle’s five-year-old daughter, because she was the only child Clara had spent a lot of time around, came out and she wanted to take the boy into her arms again. She had to remind herself that it would be his choice whether to go with them or not, but she thought he would.
Then things changed.
Tessa spotted the boy as he came out of the shadows again, and she pretended to roar at him before Clara knew what she was doing.
Clara watched, helpless, as the boy screamed and ran away. Then she whirled around to her sister with a glare.
“Why did you do that?” Clara asks, exasperated.
Tessa turned a scowl her way and said, “My dream was about to come true,” and ran back to the house.
Chapter Sixteen
Jack and Clara were guarding the farm a few days later.
She’d insisted he didn’t have to come out with her, that she could take care of it. But he was stubborn. She’d hoped that with them around he could take it easy, but he didn’t seem interested at all. He was always out with them doing something from the crack of dawn till evening. Clara admired him for it, but it also worried her a bit.
Jack was technically her boss now, so she gave up fighting him on it.
Besides, he had been doing this by himself for a while before they showed up, so he was obviously competent and the most ex
perienced of all of them.
But once they were out, Clara’s thoughts had shifted.
She hadn’t seen the boy yet, and she was starting to get a little worried. He’d been scared to begin with, and Tessa hadn’t made it any better, acting like she was the child when she was close to her thirties. Actually, as far as Clara knew, she might as well be thirty. She hadn’t been following the calendars since the EMP attack, so she wasn’t quite sure how long it had been, but she’d guess a few months.
Clara had given Tessa an earful when she got back. Unable to help herself, she’d gone into the forest to look for the boy, only to miss him and go back to the house hours later, aching and incensed. Like she’d known Clara wanted to read her the riot act, Tessa had sat and waited for her in the living room.
They didn’t end up with a shouting match, and Clara had seen her sister’s surprise at that. But she hadn’t thought there was much need. All she did was tell Tessa how disappointed she was, and walked away. It would probably have more of an impact than trying to scream reason into her sister’s stubborn head.
Cooper didn’t know what was going on with them, but he knew Clara was mad, whether or not she showed it by starting a fight with her sister, and she had been glad he hadn't interfered. She felt a little guilty for not telling him what was going on, but she didn’t want to disappoint him anymore.
Also, she didn’t think he’d get angry at Tessa for what she’d done, maybe just annoyed, and Clara didn’t want to deal with that, either. While Cooper didn’t always do what she wanted, he liked to tell her when he didn’t feel she was in the right, and she needed the anger this time or she might have cried in frustration.
The boy had been so close, and, thanks to Tessa, and she had done it deliberately, they might have lost him for good this time.
But even if Cooper had taken her side, he would have tried to comfort her, and that wasn’t what she wanted. She needed to vent, and there was no way, muttering curse words to herself and thinking of all the things she could have been screaming at her sister helped lessen her anger to something manageable, just a little.