by Mia Caldwell
Instead, he walked the opposite direction toward the kitchen. A faint strain of apprehension made her stomach tremble, but she shrugged it off. There was nothing to be gained from reading too much into his actions. Likely, he’d just had a hard day, and they would discuss it later.
Harold had insisted on joining them at the table, though his nurse looked frustrated by it. Though now in a wheelchair, he vowed it wouldn’t be a permanent adjustment. Nadia believed him, having seen the way he worked tirelessly under his physical therapists, often commanding them to do more, to push him harder.
It was only a matter of time until the older man regained his health and probably most of his lost abilities, aside from the permanent damage to his leg from the first stroke. He was still as sharp as ever, and clearly as determined, but there was a new lightness around the older man too. Apparently, the mantle of leadership had hung heavily around his neck, and he had gladly passed it on to his grandson.
As though he was actually wearing an invisible weight around his neck, Sawyer’s shoulders slumped forward as he ate without enthusiasm. Something was definitely bothering him, and she was impatient to finish dinner so she could find out what it was. Nadia didn’t have corporate expertise, but she was a good listener, and she had helped him find solutions to other problems that had cropped up the past two weeks.
Instead of giving her the chance to talk, he pushed back from the table after dinner and announced randomly, “I have some work to finish up, so I won’t be joining you for coffee tonight.” He turned to look at Nadia, his face impassive. “Don’t wait up for me, since I don’t know how long I’ll be.”
She frowned, but nodded slowly. It wasn’t like him at all. He generally kept work confined to the office, and the evenings were for them. She understood though, even if she didn’t like not having him for the evening. There was probably a lot to catch up on, and he was still learning all the myriad facets of the business necessary for the CEO to know to work efficiently. She hadn’t yet broached the subject of if he would sell the company, but it seemed unlikely since he had stepped into the role and was dedicated enough to work on his off hours.
Later, in their room, she did her best to wait up for him, but her eyes got heavier as hours passed. Sometime after one a.m., she had to put away her Kindle and lay down. She was still fighting sleep, but unable to resist its pull a little while later. Sawyer had not returned before she fell asleep.
Chapter Fourteen
That night set the tone for the next few days. Sawyer would leave for work early and come home late, often missing dinner with the family. When he did come home, he worked late into the night, and Nadia was too tired to wait up for him. Perhaps her caretaker support role was weighing more heavily on her than she had expected, because she was finding herself retiring earlier in the evening even though she wanted to wait for Sawyer. There was definitely something wrong, and they needed to talk, but he seemed determined to ignore or avoid her.
When she fell asleep without him and woke alone for the fifth morning in a row, Nadia forced herself to really analyze his actions. She had been shying away from it, chalking it up to stress or excess work, but it seemed startlingly clear that he was avoiding her specifically. There was only one reason why he would do that, and that was because the relationship was at an end.
She didn’t know much about his partings with his usual women, but she knew he hadn’t shied away from sending them packing whenever he was done. She must have warranted more circumspect handling due to the longer nature of the relationship, coupled with the pretense they had presented to his family in the beginning. He was obviously anxious to escape, but he didn’t want to tell her.
An irrationally angry part of her wanted to pack her things and leave without looking back, but Nadia took a deep breath and forced herself to think straight. She wasn’t the impulsive type, and she also wasn’t the kind to leave things without closure. If she had misjudged him, she would feel terrible for running away if he was just having a rough spot that was business-related, or perhaps a personal crisis about stepping into the role of leadership when he had been used to living carefree and strings-free.
If he was through with her, he owed her the words telling her that. Nadia needed resolution, not to be cosseted and protected—or gently nudged to disappear on her own. She vowed they would have a firm and straightforward discussion about it that day, even if she had to go into his office herself. He wouldn’t be as likely to slip away there.
With a firm course of action in mind, she felt better as she dressed and prepared to implement her plan. When she went downstairs, it was no surprise to find Sawyer had left hours before, at least according to the maid, so she forced a cheerful disposition as she joined Caitlin and Harold for breakfast. Kiersten had already left for the office as well, as she usually had by this time. After their pleasant meal, though her insides were torn up with anxiety she refused to show, she invented a pretext to visit the city and borrowed the driver to take her in.
Nadia thought about calling him, and she had her hand on her cell phone to do so when it rang. She jumped with surprise, dropping the device onto the floorboard with a small curse. Nadia put her hand down, straining to reach the phone, barely getting it back to her ear before it stopped ringing. “Hello?”
She had half-expected it to be Sawyer, so her first response to the familiar voice on the other end of the line was actually disappointment. “Oh, hello, Timothy.” A second later, her excitement swelled. He had responded favorably to her emails, but he hadn’t reached out to her in any fashion beyond accepting the emails she had sent him since Sawyer’s juvenile display of jealousy at the party.
“Are you free this evening, Nadia? I have a friend in from out of town, and I’m sure you’d enjoy meeting him. He’s adept at building racing teams, and he competed for the Louis Vuitton Cup several times, and challenged once for the America’s Cup a little more than a decade ago. You might know Hugo Blackwell?”
She barely avoided letting out a fan-girl squeal of excitement. “Yes, course I’ve heard of him.” She congratulated herself on sounding so cool and professional when inside she was a bouncing five-year-old looking forward to a first pony ride. “I’m sure I can meet you sometime this evening, and I appreciate you thinking of me.”
After working out the details and writing down the meeting spot, Nadia slid the phone back in her purse. It was only as they neared the city that she recalled she had planned to call Sawyer to see if he could meet her for lunch before she just showed up. With a shake of her head, she decided she wouldn’t give him the chance to refuse. She would simply show up and see what happened.
She expected Paige to try to keep her out, but the other woman greeted her with a simpering smile they didn’t quite reach her eyes and indicated she should go on in. It was a surprise, but perhaps the other woman had accepted Sawyer’s rejection and had acknowledged Nadia’s role in his life. She must have been okay with it, at least enough to keep her job, because Nadia was certain he wouldn’t have tolerated continued attempts to make a pass at him—unless he’d decided he was interested after all.
Her stomach churned with the thought. She tapped on his door, but didn’t wait for an invitation to enter. When she slipped inside, Sawyer looked up from his desk, and his first expression was pleased surprise. Her stomach dropped when that vanished a second later, replaced by cool indifference.
She closed the door behind her, engaging the lock instinctively. Not that she expected any sexual shenanigans to occur that would require privacy. Her reason was more pragmatic. If they were going to have a relationship talk, she certainly didn’t want the blonde interfering or interrupting them.
She firmed her shoulders, summoning courage and confidence born from years of being independent. If things were over, they were over. She would survive. A slight hitch in her breath tried to tell her otherwise, as did the pang in her chest, but she ignored both reactions. True, she had never had her heart broken, but she had los
t her papa unexpectedly, and she couldn’t imagine grieving an ended relationship could be any worse than losing a dearly loved parent.
Her heels tapped briskly on the travertine floor as she strode to the desk, pausing on the side where there was an empty chair. Nadia dropped into it without invitation, crossing her legs and resting her hands on the armrests as though she was completely relaxed. “We need to talk.”
The last time she had uttered those words, he had made a flip remark and had been his most charming self. This time, he simply nodded solemnly. “Yes, we do.”
“What’s going on with you, Sawyer? You’ve been so distant the past few days.”
He lifted his shoulder in a shrug. “I’ve just been busy. Lots of things distracting me.” His gaze darted to the door, before looking back at her.
Her lips tightened, and she hadn’t missed the subtle inference about Paige. At least, she inferred that’s what the sly look had meant. Perhaps that was why the blonde hadn’t protested her attempt to enter his office. Paige must have known this was coming. Perhaps the idiot even believed Sawyer was replacing Nadia with her in a permanent capacity.
She almost snorted with laughter at the thought, though there was no true amusement in it. She nearly felt sorry for Paige, and mainly because she understood how a woman could fall for Sawyer despite her best efforts not to. He could make her believe things that were contrary to her very nature, make her embrace new ideas, and even consider giving up her own wants and dreams for him all without ever making a single promise of something beyond today. “I see.”
He leaned back in his chair, which squeaked slightly at the motion. “I’ve had a mess to figure out here with all the paperwork, and I’ve just entered negotiations to have someone purchase this hellhole, so I haven’t had time for any frivolous conversations.”
She almost winced at the mockery in his tone, but kept her expression as aloof as his. She would not break in front of him, and she certainly wasn’t going to shed tears over Sawyer Sinclair. If she had been dumb enough to let herself fall in love with him, she deserved what she got. She had known what kind of man he was, and here she was in this position anyway. “You’ve decided to sell then?”
He nodded. “I’m not going to spend the rest of my life chained to this desk, like my father did. He threw his life away on this place, but I won’t make that mistake.”
“No, you’ll just throw away your life on a series of meaningless flings and self-indulgent pursuits. I think I feel sorry for you, Sawyer. In a way, you’re just chained as your father was, or at least you seem to believe he was. He devoted his life to this company, and you’ve devoted your life to you. What a selfish bastard you can be.”
He smirked. “I’m the most important person in my life, babe. I owe it to me to live each day to the fullest, and that doesn’t include running a company or settling down as a husband with a passel of children.”
Nadia swallowed thickly, feeling her shell crack just a little and trying to shore it up. “I don’t believe I ever asked you to play hubby or father any children with me, did I?” Something teased the back of her mind, but she pushed it away, needing to maintain her focus so she didn’t crumble into an emotional heap. “I never asked for a permanent commitment from you, and I don’t deserve the lousy way you’ve treated me like one of your other bimbos.”
“How else would I treat you when it’s over?” He seemed genuinely puzzled by her comments. “We had something different, like you said, but it was never meant to be permanent. You have your dreams, and I have mine, and they don’t coincide.”
Sadness welled, but she swallowed down the lump in her throat. “Yes, I suppose you’re right. I’m not willing to give up my dreams for you, and I can see why a shallow life full of partying and sex would appeal to a man like you far more than a serious, stable relationship. I just feel terrible for your family. They think you’ve actually changed.”
His eyes narrowed. “Leave my family out of it.”
“Like you do?” She shook her head, sadness deepening, but this time it was solely for him and what he was depriving himself of in his hedonistic pursuits. For whatever reason, he believed his shallow lifestyle as a playboy was more fulfilling than accepting the responsibility of being fully integrated into his family, instead of a fringe participant. Whatever his reasons, they didn’t make any sense to her, and she lost the respect for him that had been building over the past few weeks. “I’ll be out of your home as soon as possible.”
“Take your time. I’m stuck at the office most of the time anyway, at least for now.”
She nodded, knowing she would be gone within a few days. Part of her wanted to rush out right then, never to look back, but she couldn’t imagine leaving without parting from Caitlin, Harold, and Kiersten. They would need some sort of explanation, though if they knew Sawyer at all, it wouldn’t take them long to realize he had grown restless and moved on.
There was also the upcoming meeting with Timothy and Hugo, and there was no way she was going to miss that. Her dreams were abruptly front and center again, and she was no longer willing to sacrifice them for the man Sawyer was, not the man she had thought he was becoming.
Without speaking, she rose from the chair and walked out of his office without looking back. She maintained a straight spine with squared shoulders, her face an impassive blank as she stepped out of the building a few minutes later and hailed a cab. It was far too early to head toward her meeting place, so she would just wander around the shops for a while first to try to clear her mind.
The first tear caught her by surprise, streaking slowly down her cheek and over her lip, before sliding into her mouth. The salty taste made her blink, unleashing more tears, and bringing the epiphany she was crying. Dammit, she hadn’t wanted to cry over Sawyer, but at least she hadn’t broken down in front of him. It would have been so much worse if he had realized just how invested she had become in their love affair, and how much she had cared for him. At least he would never know that he had broken her heart like countless women before her.
After a good cry in the back of the cab, followed by a restorative session in the bathroom to make herself look reasonably presentable, Nadia had stuck with her original plan of wandering the shops near the restaurant where she was due to meet Timothy and Hugo. She didn’t pick up anything in particular, but somehow found herself clutching several bags of things she had no memory buying.
It had been a welcome distraction, one that had helped her regain control of her tumultuous emotions and focus on what she wanted from life. Sawyer had never been part of her plan, and it should be easy to cut him loose. He wasn’t an anchor, as she’d briefly thought, but rather an albatross. It was far better to free herself now than to sublimate her own needs to his, only to wake up in months or years to find it had all been an illusion, and he had fallen out of love with her.
Not that she was foolish enough to believe he had ever been in love with her. She suspected their burgeoning romance had simply been a combination of proximity and familiarity, intermingled with the desired to please his family and present a deeper relationship than they possessed.
Of course they had fallen into bed with each other under those circumstances. They were both attractive people, and they both had needs. For his part, he had likely enjoyed the novelty of the situation, having a semi-long-lasting relationship with a woman, but in typical Sawyer fashion, he had grown bored and was ready for the next new thing.
She couldn’t as blithely explain away her own deep fall for the playboy billionaire, simply because she had never fallen like that before. It must be because she had kept the walls around her heart carefully built and strengthened on a regular basis. Only for Sawyer had she risked open vulnerability, and it had backfired on her greatly.
It was a lesson learned, the kind of painful lesson one would love to avoid, but would certainly leave an impression for life. Never again would she let a man sway her or convince her to give up on what she wanted. She would g
o back to maintaining her own emotional distance, using men for companionship and sex, and selecting only the men who wanted a similar situation. She would never knowingly enter a relationship with someone who could love her the way she had loved Sawyer.
Still loved Sawyer, whispered a voice in the back of her head. She forced that voice to be silent as she made her way to the restaurant, to a meeting that could change the course of her life.
The hostess thoughtfully offered to store her bags for her, so she left her purchases at the front before following another host back to her seat. Timothy and Hugo were already there, and she glanced at her watch apologetically. “I’m sorry, am I late?” Again, something niggled at the back of her mind, but she forced away all thoughts that weren’t pertinent to the situation at hand.
“Not at all,” said Timothy as he extended his hand to shake hers. “We just happened to arrive a little early, so we thought we’d have a drink. Hugo, this is Nadia, the woman I told you about. She’s going to be holding the Auld Mug someday, I guarantee it.”
Nadia flushed at the praise, her cheeks burning. “You’re too kind, Timothy.” She took Hugo’s hand when he extended it, shaking firmly. “I’m so happy to meet you, Mr. Blackwell. You’re practically a legend.”
He grinned, and the lines in his cheeks became more pronounced. He was probably in his mid-fifties, with the leathered skin of an experienced sailor, coupled with blond hair bleached nearly white from sunlight. He was clearly a man who enjoyed the outdoors, and was probably found on his boat more often than not. “You’re quite flattering, Nadia, but my legendary days are over. I’m a newlywed and a father now, so I’ve basically retired the boat aside from some pleasure cruising.”
“Oh. Congratulations.” She was unsurprised when his wallet flipped open, and he rummaged around for a picture. She took it politely, looking down at the smiling face of a woman not much older than her, holding a newborn baby. Suddenly, the thing that had been whispering at the back of her mind came to the forefront, and nausea churned in her stomach. She handed back the picture with a polite smile, even as she tried to choke down the urge to throw up. No, it couldn’t be.