by Anne Jolin
I didn’t.
“This is really happening?” he asked against my lips.
I nodded.
“You really want me to leave?”
I nodded, again.
He tilted my chin up and I looked at his eyes under the brim of his hat. “You gotta say it. You want me to go, to leave you here, I gotta hear you say it.”
My heart wailed in my chest, rattling my rib cages in protest. It begged me not to. It begged me to reconsider. “I want you to leave, Owen,” I demanded and felt my heart sink as I ignored its plea.
I didn’t even blink.
That was it. I could see it in his eyes. I had broken him. Letting me go, he turned and climbed into that stupid pickup truck.
It worked.
He was leaving just as I asked him to.
The worst part was, after I watched him drive away, my heart broke for the second time when I found Ryley crying on our front porch.
“EASY DOES IT, DANIELS. YOU fixin’ to break this bar in half?” Reed scolded me as my fists made contact with the wood top bar of the Sundance.
Wasn’t even words that came from my mouth, just a grunt and a scowl.
She popped the top on a Miller and slid the bottle across the bar. “You look like a bag of shit done been run over twice.”
I lifted the bottle to my lips and drained nearly half the beer in one go. “Sounds ‘bout right.”
Reed wasn’t a stupid woman, spent a lotta years listenin’ to drunk men with broken hearts tellin’ tall tales.
“That pretty vet what’s got you lookin’ so twisted up?” she asked.
Noddin’, I took another long pull off the longneck.
“Well.” She looked somewhere over my shoulder. “Hate to break it to yah, sugar, but her daddy’s here. Best you wanna keep that information quiet then.”
Followin’ her gaze and lookin’ into the bar, I see Ray Brookes sittin’ alone and a table, finishin’ up his dinner.
I swallowed the rest of the bottle, restin’ it on the counter and reached for my wallet.
“On the house.” Reed shook her head.
Standin’ up, I tipped the brim of my hat her way. “Thanks.”
Sure she expected me to be leavin’, but I wasn’t. If Rayne wasn’t gonna be givin’ me the answers I needed, maybe her Daddy would.
Walkin’ through the pretty well empty bar, I stopped at his table. “Evenin’, Ray.”
The old man looked up at me. “Owen.”
See, I’d known Ray a long time and I figured he might take pity on the man fallin’ for his daughter and currently sittin’ between a rock and a hard place with her.
“Mind if I join yah?” I asked.
He shook his head and pulled out the chair next to him. “Sit on down, boy.”
Sittin’ down in the chair, I swallowed my pride and figured I oughta just say what needed sayin’.
“I had Ryley at the stables with me today while Rayne was at work.” I was mostly just talkin’ out loud as opposed to actually talkin’ to him. “I was lettin’ her walk that horse of Rayne’s around…”
He cut me off. “Which horse?”
“That old black mustang.” I tilted my head to the side watchin’ his face do somethin’ I ain’t ever seen it do before. “Gee.” He nodded, so I continued. “Rayne came flyin’ outta that car of hers pissed as hell, and the horse spooked.”
“Is Ryley all right?” he asked.
“She’s fine.” My voice was strained. “That’s the thing, though. She fell when he took off but ain’t nothin’ bad. She ain’t even got a bruise on her, but Rayne lost her damn mind.”
I was feelin’ that hurt from before risin’ it’s way back up inside of me morphin’ into anger.
“We had a knockdown, drag out all because Ryley done fallen on the dirt.” I rubbed my temples, feelin’ a headache comin’ on. “She ended it, Ray. Just like that and I still ain’t got a damn clue why.”
“I just don’t know how someone so young recovers from that.” He shook his head, starin’ into his now empty cup of coffee.
Leanin’ my elbows on the table, I furrowed my brow. Nothin’ in that sentence was makin’ a whole lotta sense to me. “Ryley?”
He spun the cup around on the table by its handle. “No, sir. Rayne.”
“What about your daughter, Ray?” I asked.
Lookin’ at me, his eyes got real sad. “She needs to go on home and find a way to put that fear behind her. Least for Ryley’s sake.”
Didn’t have a damn clue what her Dad was ramblin’ about but somethin’ sick and ugly was formin’ in the pit of my stomach just lookin’ at the pain on his face when he spoke.
“Home?” I was pryin’ but I didn’t much care.
I was a man needin’ answers and I was fixin’ to get ‘em any way I could.
“Peace River.” He lifted his head and made eye contact with Reed, signally for a refill on his coffee. “Her daddy’s there.”
For a retired old man drinkin’ coffee on a Saturday night, he was sure spoutin’ crazy words like a drunk on Sunday mornin’. “You’re her dad?”
He looked in that cup for somethin’ he didn’t seem to find. When Reed appeared fillin’ it back up to the brim, he finally continued speakin’. “I’m Rayne’s daddy all right, but it’s Ryley’s dad back home that’s causin’ all this.”
“Ryley’s dad is dead,” I told him, baffled that he wouldn’t remember that.
That’s when I seen it, the reason for the growin’ pot of ugly brewin’ in my stomach.
Ray Brookes’s eyes welled up like I ain’t seen a man his age do in quite some time. “He ain’t dead, boy.”
The hurt in ma chest blew apart. I stood up so fast the chair I was sittin’ in hit the floor behind me with a force so strong it drew the attention of everyone nearby. “She lied to me!” I hollered, not so much at him but to anyone who was listenin’.
Ray shook his head and raised his hands up. “Easy does it, boy. That’s my daughter your yellin’ about and she has her reasons for doin’ what she’s done.”
“The hell she does.”
My boots hit the bar floor so hard I was thinkin’ they might just break right on through as I was stormin’ out.
“Owen, wait,” Reed said from the behind the bar.
Wasn’t listenin’ to her, or even Mack when he tried stoppin’ me. “Owen,” he growled, and I didn’t even look at him. Pushed right out those doors instead.
There was only one person who was gonna right this wrong, and she wasn’t in this bar.
Climbin’ up on into my pick up, I threw her in reverse and gravel flew as I backed outta the lot. I was madder than hell and it wasn’t exactly hard to tell seein’ as I drove outta there like a man on fire.
She had explainin’ to do, and I was seein’ fit to hear her do so right about now.
The Sundance was closer to her house than mine was, and it took me only ‘bout ten minutes ‘til I was turnin’ onto her drive. That was ten minutes more for me to get so riled up I could barely see straight anymore.
Wasn’t sure I even had the understandin’ to see how someone could lie ‘bout somethin’ like that. Thought I knew her. Turns out I didn’t know her at all and there weren’t many things I hated more than bein’ lied to by someone I cared about.
The clock on the dash said it was roundin’ nine at night when I turned off the ignition.
Lights were on in that little white house and seein’ ‘em pained me something fierce. I was missin’ those girls the second I drove outta this driveway just a few hours ago.
Now, I didn’t see a whole lot past us hashin’ this out.
Jumpin’ from the truck, I crossed the driveway and stepped up onto that porch of theirs that held some of my new favourite memories, Ryley bringin’ me tea and Rayne kissin’ me for the first time. Just bein’ here was hell on the heart.
“Rayne!” I pounded on her front door. “Rayne!”
There was some shufflin’ behind
the door and then it opened. “Owen?” Her voice was full of surprise, no doubt thinkin’ she’d gotten rid of me today.
“We needa talk,” I demanded. My voice was real low and barely keepin’ it together.
She sighed, her eyes looked red from cryin’. “I don’t have anything left to say. The talking is over.”
The door started to close, but I stopped it with my boot. “I ain’t here ‘bout that, Rayne. Best you come outside. I ain’t wantin’ to have this conversation ‘round Ryley.”
I was lookin’ behind her, seein’ my little lady watchin’ us from the couch.
“Owen…” Rayne started, but the look on my face musta stopped her short. “Okay.”
Shuttin’ the door behind her, she stepped out onto the porch.
I was kickin’ rocks in the driveway, tryin’ to keep my temper from stranglin’ us both. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
“What the hell is wrong with me?” she scoffed, steppin’ into my space. “You got my daughter hurt today, Owen. I trusted you with the most important thing in my life, and you let me down.”
Hearin’ those words was like takin’ a sucker punch straight to the gut. “I’d die before I let anything happen to her and you know that, so quit actin’ like some wounded bird, Rayne.”
She recoiled at the venom in my words, but I was long from finished spittin’ it.
“I ain’t here ‘bout that.” I shook my head. “You got somethin’ needs sayin’ to me? Somethin’ you oughta be comin’ clean about? Best be doin’ it now then.”
Rayne crossed those thin little arms over her chest and glared at me. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“Went to the Sundance after I left here earlier,” I said, and her face paled.
“You drove here drunk?” She was screamin’ and comin’ at me.
Puttin’ up my hand, I stopped her from comin’ any closer. Didn’t want to touch her, not at all.
“You really don’t know me at all. Ain’t no way in hell I’d drive drunk. Jesus, Rayne.” Her mouth formed a little O and you could see them wheels in her head turnin’ tryna figure out what in the name of hell I was goin’ on about. “Saw your old man there.”
“Okay…” She was studyin’ me. “And?”
“And he had some real interestin’ things to say ‘bout you when I told him what happened with Ryley today.”
Her pretty face looked panicked and she started shakin’ her head. “I can explain.”
“You think it’s cute to let me parade around town thinkin’ I’m special to you when I don’t mean shit?” I growled. “I love you.” I shook my head. “I’ve been lovin’ someone who’s been doin’ nothin’ but lyin’ to me.”
Her eyes were wellin’ up with tears. “You love me?”
“And I love, Ryley.” I pointed to the house, tryin’ my best to keep my voice down. “You let me fall in love with that little lady and made me feel like she was mine, like you both were!”
“Owen, please.” Her hands reached for mine, but I yanked ‘em away. “You don’t understand.”
“The hell I don’t.” My words were flowin’ mean and madder than hell. “What kind of mother are you, Rayne?” I spat. “What kind of mother lets their daughter think her father’s dead? That’s fuckin’ sick.”
Somethin’ in her snapped. She wasn’t standin’ there like a wallflower anymore. No, she was pissed.
“You watch your goddamn mouth,” she hissed.
She ain’t had no right to be pissed off. She was the one keepin’ secrets from me.
“You got some explainin’ to do, Rayne and I ain’t leavin’ ‘til I hear it.” I stepped up to her, but she didn’t back away. She shoved her chest against mine and growled.
“You don’t’ have a fucking clue what you’re talking about.” She narrowed her eyes.
Throwin’ my arms up in the air, I stared at her. “Answer me. Is Ryley’s dad alive? Yes or No.”
“Yes.” She tried sayin’ more, but I was quicker on the draw.
“Then it sure as shit seems I know exactly what I’m talkin’ about. How could you keep that from me?” I accused her pointin’ back at the house. “How could you do that to her?”
“Wait here,” she spat, turnin’ around and walkin’ back toward the house.
“The hell with that,” I hollered at her backside.
Lookin’ over her shoulder, she glared at me. “Do you want to know why I did what I did?” she asked.
“Fuckin’ right, I do.” I crossed my arms over my chest.
“Then I’ll show you.” Her eyes dropped to the ground, she was losin’ the heat behind her voice. “Now, wait here or in that damn truck. I don’t give a shit but don’t you dare come inside.”
With that, she left me standin’ alone on her front porch practically breathin’ fire. Least she was ready to give me some answers, cause I wasn’t leavin’ here without ‘em.
Come hell or high water, she’d tell me.
The cracking in my chest was louder than the thunder the first night we made love. I couldn’t fight with him anymore, I didn’t want too. I knew at the very core of me that I should have told him, I should have explained my reservations about the man he was the night I kissed him, but I didn’t. For the first time in such a long time, I let myself forget. I let myself have something that I knew scared me.
I let myself fall in love with a reckless kind of man for the second time in my life.
How could I have been so impulsive as to not see the repercussions of that poor choice in judgement?
Maybe I had overreacted earlier today. My intention had never been to hurt him, but I was a good mother. I had good reasons for making the decisions I made, and he needed to see that.
He needed to understand me and to understand me he needed to meet him.
I slid my cellphone into the back pocket of the jeans I’d changed into and leaned over the backside of our couch. “Nora will be here in a minute or two, honey.”
“When will you be back?” My beautiful daughter tilted her head back to look up at me.
Wiping the hair from her face, I kissed her on the forehead. “I’ll be back tomorrow.”
“Is this about me?” she asked.
Her face looked sad. Ryley was a smart girl and she knew something was wrong. Never in my life had I acted so erratic around her and she was worried.
I couldn’t blame her. My actions today had not been among some of the best I’d made as a mother.
Shaking my head, I tried my best to give her a smile. “No, honey. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m sorry if I made you feel that way, today just…” I paused to inhale a deep breath. “Hasn’t been a good day.”
She crawled up on her knees, turning toward me and wrapped her arms around my waist. “I hope tomorrow’s a better day,” she whispered.
“Thanks, honey. Me too.” I squeezed her back and heard tires in the driveway. “Nora will be in shortly. Why don’t you go pack your bag and she’ll lock up when you’re done.”
“Okay,” she agreed and climbed off the couch, but walking toward her room, she paused halfway and looked over her shoulder at me. “Is Owen leaving us?”
My heart stuttered in my chest, and the pain was excruciating.
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. I didn’t know what this trip would bring for us.
A tear slid down her cheek. “If he does, promise you’ll let me say goodbye?”
It took all of my strength not to rush to her and promise her the world. Not to promise her she’d always have him because that was a promise I couldn’t keep. I could, however, grant her the one promise she was asking me for.
“I promise.”
She turned and disappeared into her room.
I blinked back the tears in my eyes and picked up the backpack from the kitchen table. Just as I pulled open the door, I saw Nora climbing out of her Subaru.
“Ray, baby. You okay?” She rushed to me, cupping my face in her hands.
There wasn’t much I could tell her on the phone without Ryley hearing, but she knew where we were going and she knew how hard that would be for me.
“No.” I shook my head in her hands, trying my hardest to keep the tears at bay. “Thank you for coming so quickly.”
“Oh hush, baby. We got you, always.” She pulled me tight into a hug, and I scanned the front yard for Owen but came up empty.
His truck was still where he’d parked it, so he hadn’t left.
“I’ll be back tomorrow,” I said unwinding myself from her comfort.
If I stayed there too long I wasn’t sure I’d be able to do this.
“Ma’am.”
I looked up and saw Owen coming down the driveway.
Nora shook her head at him. “Owen.”
He walked closer, stopping at his truck and leaning onto the driver’s side door. “We talkin’ or what, Rayne?” he grumbled.
Clearly, the walk he’d taken hadn’t lessened his anger with me.
“Yes.” I sighed and stepped off the porch.
“You ain’t able to say what needs sayin’ here?” he asked, and he didn’t seem happy about it.
Shaking my head, I walked toward his truck. “No.”
“Where we goin’ then?” he continued.
I yanked open the passenger door and threw my backpack on the floor of his cab. “Just get in,” I said. My voice had no fight to it anymore whatsoever. “I’ll tell you how to get there.”
“Sure hope you know what you’re doin’, cowboy,” Nora called from my front porch before I watched her go inside.
I climbed in, not waiting for him to help me and buckled the seatbelt over my chest. He didn’t get in right away. Instead, he hesitated, still lingering outside the driver door.
There wasn’t a bottomless pit of courage in my persons, so I took a deep breath and hoped he’d get it together soon.
He did.
Just a few minutes later, he got in behind the wheel and rolled over the engine. “Where we goin’, Rayne? I ain’t got all day.”
Well, I sure hoped he had all night.
Pulling up the map on my phone, I showed it to him, and all he did was nod as he backed out of my driveway.