by Karen Kelley
Free?
The ground beneath his feet rocked at the thought that even though he could save her soul, he would never be able to see her again. That was one of the rules that couldn’t be broken. Even if he saved them, he had to let them go. No matter what the cost.
But she was his for the moment, and he planned to make the most of it. He hurried to catch up, grabbing her by the waist and lifting her into the air. Her screams quickly turned to laughter. And when they were on his motorcycle, their hats secured in the saddlebags, her arms wrapped tightly around him, he knew he wanted to make this day last forever.
He gripped the handlebars a little tighter. The temptation to make love to her was getting more difficult. God, he had to step away, get control once again. He was too vulnerable.
It didn’t help that the drive seemed excruciatingly long. Her hands were soft and warm as they wrapped around his waist. He imagined how they would feel on other areas of his body. Ah hell, what would it hurt to make love to Destiny? Damn it, Chance knew he would be lost if he did.
He expelled a deep breath when he finally pulled to a stop in front of the apartment building where she was staying. He kept the motor purring as she climbed off.
“Come up for a while.” Her words were husky with need.
He pulled her close, then slipped a hand behind her neck. Their lips met in a searing kiss. She tasted hot and full of promise, and he never wanted anyone more than he wanted her right now. It took a supreme effort on his part to let her go.
“There’s someplace I need to be, but I’ll be back.” He got her hat out, then handed it to her.
She frowned, but nodded her head. “I’ll hold you to that.” She stepped up on the sidewalk. “Thanks for the hat, and the necklace.” She placed the hat at an angle on her head. He realized temptation never looked so good.
She was going to be the death of him if he wasn’t careful. He gunned the motor, then took off. When he was around the corner, he closed his eyes. When he opened them, he was driving down a dirt road. The air was brisk and clean. No smog or city noises there. And finally he breathed a sigh of relief because he knew he was safe from Destiny’s charms.
If it wasn’t for a killer hard-on, he’d feel pretty good that he hadn’t fucked up.
But it was there, and it wasn’t going away any time soon. His damn jeans were cutting into him. And he was sore as hell. What made him want to ride that crazy-assed bull in the first place? But then he already knew. He wanted to impress Destiny. It worked. Chance had a feeling she could make him do quite a few things if he wasn’t careful.
What the hell was happening to him? Up until then, his life was pretty good. Not perfect, but not bad. He had Hunter, Dillon, and Ryder, who were more like brothers than friends. But there seemed to be something missing, and he didn’t know why he felt so restless.
He slowed, pulling to a stop in front of the ranch. A bit of paradise on earth. At least, as close as any of them could ever hope to get. He killed the engine and glanced around as he climbed off the bike. Until this moment, he’d always been happy to return.
He raked a hand through his hair, grabbed his hat from the saddlebag, and settled it on his head. Instead of going inside, he strode to the barn. Every step he took, he remembered Destiny asking him to come up to her apartment. He forced the images to the back of his mind. She was tearing him up inside and he was discovering there wasn’t a whole lot he could do about it. Chance saddled his mount. They raced across the range, over hills, but he couldn’t outrun the pictures in his mind. When he stood naked in front of the small pond, he imagined himself sinking inside her hot body, his cock caressed by her heat.
He closed his eyes and dove in, but the water was warm. Hell, the pool would have been better, he thought when he surfaced. He still had a killer hard-on, and he still felt dissatisfied.
Why? No one could ask for more than what he had. Immortality was a gift to be treasured. He’d accumulated more wealth than he could spend. But he knew it wasn’t enough anymore. Maybe he’d just lived too many centuries, but there was something missing in his life. A quiet voice inside his head told him that it wasn’t something, but someone.
This assignment was proving more difficult than he’d anticipated. He never got emotionally involved. He never made love to his assignments, either. When they were gone from his life, it didn’t bother him so much. Emotional detachment.
He climbed out of the pond, dripping water everywhere, and jerked on his clothes. The ride back to the ranch was slower, his energy spent. The late afternoon sun beat down on him as he headed home, and as much as he’d like to believe he cleared his mind, his thoughts still returned to Destiny.
By the time he got to the barn, he was dry and still confused. He unsaddled his horse, gave her a brisk rubdown, an extra square of hay, then made his way to the house.
This assignment would be over soon, then he would take a long break. Hang out with the guys. Leave saving souls to them for a while. Sometimes it was difficult not answering calls for help, but he might not have a choice. Not if he wanted to keep his own sanity, his soul, intact.
The ranch seemed eerily quiet as Chance went inside. Nothing new since the house was so big. They were closer than most families, but they still liked their privacy. The size of the ranch gave them everything they needed.
They’d each added their own ideas to the plan. Chance liked the dark, hand-scraped wooden floors. They had the rich smell of wood. With Ryder, it was the attention to detail. Dillon chose the layout. Hunter wanted the fireplace. The hearth was large enough for two grown men to stand inside. He never went small scale. Everything had to be larger than life.
Chance ambled over, standing in front of the cold stone. Summer was too hot for a fire, but come winter, oak logs would crackle and burn, giving off a welcome warmth.
Fire could be enticing to someone as vulnerable as Destiny. All at once, the flames could be powerful and strong, but she didn’t see the destruction they could create too. And she hadn’t felt the burn. She hadn’t felt the pain. The demons were careful not to let the new recruits see the dark side. They were gullible and wanted to believe the demons.
If he couldn’t save Destiny, she would feel more pain than she ever thought possible. His gut clenched at the thought of what she would suffer. From past experience, changing someone’s mind was not easy. If he moved too fast, he could lose her.
Chance didn’t want to think about what would happen if she lost her soul. The thought alone tore him up inside. He drew in a long breath and glanced around, needing to be with someone other than himself.
Where were the others? Rec room? He closed his eyes. He didn’t sense anyone there. They weren’t on a mission. They never liked to save more than one soul at a time. They could be answering prayers. That was always a nice change from the more difficult assignments. There were so many people who needed so many things.
He moved away from the hearth and made his way up the wooden steps as his energy drained and fatigue set in. He’d rest for a while, gather his strength.
“You look like you’re deep in thought,” Ryder spoke. His voice broke the silence like a cannon exploding.
Chance stumbled on the next step and had to grab the railing to keep from falling. Ryder scared the holy hell out of him! For a moment, he thought a demon had found his way to the ranch. Not that he really thought one ever would. They were too careful for that.
“Make some kind of noise when you come into a room,” Chance grumbled.
“I did, but you didn’t hear me.” Ryder’s forehead wrinkled. “Where have you been?”
“I took Destiny to the rodeo.”
Ryder stopped at the bottom of the staircase and leaned against the banister. “I once met a cute little cowgirl at the rodeo. A saucy little number, I think her name was Tammy Sue—”
Chance held up his hands, annoyed that Ryder never seemed to take anything too seriously. “Please, I’m not in the mood to hear about another one of
your conquests.”
Ryder looked offended. “I saved her soul.”
“You fucked her.”
Ryder grinned roguishly. “That too.”
“I don’t know how you do it.”
“Do what?”
“Stay emotionally detached. Don’t you feel any kind of connection?”
Ryder was thoughtful for a moment. “Not really. I’m doing them a service, and they’re reciprocating. It all evens out.” He shook his head. “Your problem is that you’re afraid of making some kind of connection, so you don’t have sex with them.”
“I guess that makes you a callous bastard.” Chance immediately regretted his words. They’d been friends a long time and Ryder wasn’t the cause of all his frustration. “I’m sorry.”
Ryder turned serious. “This girl is getting to you. You can walk away.”
Chance raked his fingers through his hair. “No, I can’t.” He studied Ryder. “How do you turn the emotions off?”
Ryder shrugged. “I miss them. But then someone else comes along. The problem I have is that I envy them.”
Ryder surprised Chance, and he wanted to know more. “Let’s talk.” He motioned toward the two sofas that were in front of the fireplace. Chance walked down the few steps. They took a seat, stretching their feet in front of them
“Why would you envy anyone?” Chance asked. “We have everything here.” He looked around. Paintings by Charles Marion Russell hung on several of the walls. One of his bronze sculptures graced a side table. Each room had at least one hand-knotted Persian rug on the floor. The furniture had been painstakingly crafted from Agarwood. No detail had gone unnoticed.
“It’s not enough,” Ryder said.
Chance raised his eyebrows. “What else do you need?”
“I’ve been studying mortals over the years. Haven’t you noticed how most of them live life to the fullest?” Ryder’s face took on an excited glow as he delved deeper into the subject. “They all love the challenge life gives them.”
“All of them?” Chance raised his eyebrows. Not some of the ones he’d helped. They’d been on the brink of suicide. Ready to end their pain and suffering. If he hadn’t come along when he did, they would have been lost to the dark side forever.
Ryder pulled his legs in and leaned forward. “Okay, so maybe not all mortals love a challenge. But it’s their resiliency that fascinates me. There are so many of them who face hardship time after time and they stay strong because they know they’ll get past whatever is wrong. They fight for survival.”
“And that’s what you want? Hardship? The pain and agony that go along with it?”
“You’re not grasping what I’m saying.” Ryder frowned, shaking his head. “It’s the struggle, the challenges in life that make them stronger. Their spirit is amazing.”
“And sometimes it breaks them.”
“Those are the ones who need us the most. The ones on the brink of giving up. They only need a little help to regain their faith in life.”
“I still don’t see your point. You save them, then you walk away. What more do you want?”
“I don’t want to walk away.” Ryder stared straight ahead as though he could see something Chance couldn’t. “We’re not given a choice though,” he said quietly. “We were never asked what we wanted. So yeah, I guess we have to forget them and move on. There’s no alternative, is there?”
Chance sighed. “No, I guess not.” Ryder still looked troubled and Chance knew there was more that he wanted to say. “What alternative is there?”
Ryder was quiet for a moment. Chance wondered if he was going to continue, but he waited. That’s what brothers did.
“I want to be mortal,” Ryder finally told him.
Chance sucked in a breath, fear spreading over him. “You know that can never happen.”
Ryder’s lips thinned to a grim line. “But it can. You know as well as I do that there’s a way to become mortal.”
Chance jumped to his feet, striding closer to the cold fireplace. Ryder didn’t mean it; he couldn’t. He faced Ryder. His friend’s serious expression worried him. Fear weaved through him at the thought of losing his friend.
“No, you can’t. It’s too risky, and for what? To feel what they feel? Don’t be stupid!”
“But it can be done.”
“You would risk losing your soul?”
Ryder leaned back against the cushions, wearily rubbing a hand over his forehead. “No, I wouldn’t risk my soul. It’s just that sometimes I want more.”
Chance breathed a sigh of relief. “I understand wanting more. I feel it sometimes, too.”
“The assignment. I’m sorry. I’ve talked about my wishes and not given a thought to what you’re going through. Are you gaining ground with the demon?”
“She’s not a demon. She thinks she wants to be one,” he defended Destiny.
It was Ryder’s turn to look worried. “You’re not getting too close to this girl, are you?”
“No, I worry about them all,” he lied. Chance knew he was letting Destiny get under his skin. This assignment would be difficult to walk away from, but he didn’t want to think about that possibility. God, he only hoped it wouldn’t come to that.
“We’re here for you if you need us to intervene.”
“I know.” He smiled at Ryder. They couldn’t be any closer if they’d been twins. “I think I’ll go to bed. It’s been a long day.”
Ryder nodded.
Leaving Destiny that afternoon was difficult. Sometimes when he was around her, she made him feel things he never felt before. Would he be able to save her? Or would he be the one in danger of losing his soul?
He trudged up the stairs and down the hall to his room. As close as the four of them were, they all still had their own problems, their own secrets, and they each faced their own demons in one way or another.
He walked inside the bathroom, tossed his hat on the counter, and removed his clothes. It had been a good day. Destiny enjoyed herself, too. He was glad he gave her that.
After pulling on a pair of thin pajama bottoms and a T-shirt, he went back to the other room, but he was still restless. What the hell was happening to him? He strode to the window, gazing out at the night. The stars were bright, the moon high in the sky. He wished he could show Destiny the beauty of his world. Show her there was more to life than the one that had been shoved down her throat.
He knew about the foster homes, the beatings, and some of the other stuff she had suffered. The nephilim were able to catch glimpses of what their assignment’s life was like.
They never got the full picture, just bits and pieces, but what Chance saw of Destiny’s past wasn’t pretty. The more he was around her, the closer he got to her, the more he was able to see, but still it was only fragments.
Destiny hadn’t stood a chance having anything close to a normal life. Her mother fell in love with a man who didn’t want kids. She’d had to make a choice. Her daughter or him. She chose the man.
He saw that much of Destiny’s life, but he knew he had to see more if he was going to save her. It was dangerous, but he had to know.
Give me strength, he silently prayed, then began to speak the ancient words. A fog swirled around him, growing thicker as the air grew so heavy he could barely breathe. But he didn’t stop. He had to know everything.
And then he no longer stood in his room. He looked around. He was inside a grocery store. People passed by him, not seeing him. He didn’t expect them to since he wasn’t really part of their world.
Then he saw a little girl dressed in a ragged, torn blue coat that looked as if it had been salvaged from a dumpster. A woman stood near her.
The woman glanced nervously around, then knelt beside the little girl. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart, but mommy has to go.” She brushed away a tear that rolled down her face. “You see, he doesn’t want a kid.”
“Mommy?”
“No, no, now don’t get upset. I’ll be back. I just have to convinc
e Ray how good you are.” She gave the girl a lopsided smile. “I do love you, Destiny, and if your father hadn’t walked out on us, we’d all be together.” She clamped her lips together. “It’s his fault. Not mine. Always remember that. Just… just wait here, okay?”
Destiny nodded, her eyes big and round.
The woman straightened, then looked furtively around the store before hurrying away.
Destiny’s fear washed over Chance in waves, making his gut twist. The woman climbed inside a late-model car, throwing her arms around the dark-haired man sitting behind the steering wheel. She was laughing as it pulled away. Her mother had told her to wait, so she did.
Mommy was coming back, wasn’t she?
Chance watched through Destiny’s eyes as she scanned the store looking for just a glimpse of her mother’s black coat. When the customers began to dwindle, she hid beneath a table of oranges.
The heat was turned down to save on electricity, the doors locked, and Destiny was alone.
Mommy?
No one answered in the darkness.
She had to pee so badly. She couldn’t hold it any longer.
The cold seeped past her thin coat. Mommy would come back to get her because she loved her. She’d said so.
The next morning, the lights came back on. The heat was turned up. Still she shivered, unable to get warm.
Someone grabbed her arm and pulled her from her hiding spot. Thief, they called her. They said she stank. She tried to tell them her mommy was coming back. Someone laughed and said it was no wonder she dumped a kid that smelled as bad as her.
Mommy?
Chance gritted his teeth as he relived that day with Destiny. She was only a kid. Just six years old. Who the hell abandoned their own kid?
He gripped the edge of the window, taking deep breaths as he reined in the emotional trauma Destiny had gone through. Her pain almost overwhelmed him.
Maybe that’s why they were given only bits and pieces of their assignments’ lives. To receive it all at once would be more than the mortal side of him could bear. It was as though he felt her pain tenfold. If he wasn’t careful, her emotions could destroy him.