The artificiality and insincerity of it all wearied. Alison, but she thought it best to let her aunt have her own way.
In contrast, she was touched to something between laughter and tears by the brutal frankness of Audrey’s letter.
‘Dear Alison,-I’m glad you got Julian after all,’ she began without preamble. ‘He was much too nice for Rosalie. But it was a near thing, wasn’t it? I don’t mind being your bridesmaid, and I’ll try not to step on your train. I’ve written to Theo about a present for you. Mother will probably buy something in our name to make it look good among the other presents, but we’d like to give you something ourselves. What would you like? Anything up to ten shillings. We can’t spare more as we have spent most of our pocket-money for the term. Write and tell me what you choose. Lots of love.-Audrey.’
They are darlings,’ Alison thought warmly. ‘I’d rather have the present they’re going to squeeze out of their pocket money than all the others. Except perhaps Julian’s present,’ she added after a moment, and smiled to herself.
Julian brought her his present himself, on the evening before their wedding day.
The last trunks had been packed and stood there now outside her bedroom door, new and shiny, all ready labelled for their journey across the world. Her wedding-dress, with its cloud-like veil of rosy tulle, hung, almost solitary, in her wardrobe. Even her smaller suitcases were packed, ready to accompany her on the motoring week-end in the West of England which was to be their honeymoon.
Every link with her old life was snapping, Alison thought, as she went downstairs to join Julian in the library.
He insisted on her putting on the coat there and then, and he stood there regarding her with an expression of unmistakable pleasure.
‘Oh, Julian, it’s lovely!’ As she nervously smoothed her hands over the rich, silky fur, Alison longed suddenly to be able to kiss him. It seemed tragic and ridiculous that she was going to marry him to-morrow, and yet she had never kissed him.
‘I’m glad you like it,’ he said. ‘You look sweet in it.’
‘Julian ‘ She didn’t attempt to go to him.
‘Yes.’
‘May I kiss you for it?’
‘Why. Alison child, of course.’ He came over to her at once. But before he could touch her, there was a knock at the door, and a servant announced, ‘Mr. Langtoft.’
‘Simon!’ Julian turned, with something like annoyance as well as surprise.
Simon came straight across the room. He looked as nearly agitated as Alison could imagine him looking, and it frightened her suddenly.
‘I’m sorry to barge in like this.’ His voice had lost its slow laziness ‘But this cable has just arrived at the office for you. I thought you’d better have it at once.’
Alison watched the two men with a curious sort of detachment as they stood there under the light, like figures on a stage.
She saw Julian rip the cablegram out of its envelope, read it and then go slowly white.
‘What is it, Julian?’ she said in a whisper. ‘What is it?’
He handed her the paper without a word, and slowly she read the squarely printed letters:
‘CANCEL FLIGHT ARRANGEMENTS BUSINESS CRISIS NECESSITATES ENTIRE REARRANGEMENT OF OFFICE HERE. WRITING AIR MAIL. FARADAY.
She was very distinctly conscious of the loud ticking of the clock in. the silent room, of the nervous opening and closing of Julian’s hand, of the rustle of the cablegram in her own fingers. And then-somehow, much more startling and significant than all of these-that Simon Langtoft was watching her intently with those curious black eyes of his.
CHAPTER VI
IT was Julian who spoke first.He turned to Simon a little stiffly, as though his muscles were tense and it was a physical impossibility to relax them.
‘Thanks for coming straight along. We’ll have to make- some alterations in our plans, of course.’
He spoke slowly, a little jerkily, like someone struggling to retain consciousness. And at that Alison forgot her own distress and fear in her overwhelming pity for him.
‘Julian.’ She came and stood beside him, longing to say something that would comfort him. But she couldn’t think of anything. She just slipped her hand into his and held it very hard.
He glanced at her as though he had forgotten her existence. Then, as her timid smile seemed to reach him, his fingers closed tightly on hers with a sort of bewildered relief.
‘Perhaps it will only mean putting off going for a short while,’ she suggested gently.
But Julian shook his head.
‘No. If Faraday had authority to sign that cable it almost certainly means the big amalgamation which they tried to put through the last year. Don’t you think so, Simon?’
‘I’m afraid so.’ Simon was no longer watching anybody in particular, and she wondered confusedly why she had thought his expression so peculiar a minute ago. ‘Of course, Faraday always wanted that job himself, and if there has been an amalgamation it will mean much more influence for him.’
‘Exactly. He’ll make out a good case for filling the post from that side, and-’ Julian completed the sentence by a significant gesture of one hand, while with the other he still held tightly to Alison’s fingers.
‘It’s rotten luck for you,’ Simon said. ‘You were specially anxious to get out there again, weren’t you?’
‘Yes.’ Julian spoke curtly, but, Alison saw, he was almost completely master of himself again. ‘Still, we can’t tell much until the letter comes. It will probably arrive while we’re on-while we are away. I’ll leave you to open it and deal with it as you think best.’
‘Yes, I will. And the arrangements for to-morrow are to stand, of course?’ Simon’s voice expressed nothing more than the bare query.
There was a second’s pause. Neither Julian nor Alison looked at each other. Then Julian said:
‘Of course.’
Alison had felt her heart stop when Simon asked that question; and then, at Julian’s reply, it went racing on again, thumping against her ribs so that she thought the two men must hear it.
‘Why should you suppose anything else?’ Julian spoke sharply, almost haughtily.
‘No reason at all,’ Simon said lightly. ‘Only, as best man, I naturally want to have everything clear.’
‘Naturally,’ Julian agreed, just a little drily.
‘Well, I won’t keep you two any longer.’ Simon turned to Alison with a smile. ‘Good night, Alison. When I see you to-morrow you mustn’t be looking so pale as this. Don’t have too many regrets for Buenos Aires. We’ll contrive to give you quite a good time in London.’
‘Thank you, Simon.’ Alison managed to smile in return.
The two men exchanged a nod, and Simon went out of the room. They heard him say a word to one of the servants as he crossed the hall. There was the sound of the front door closing. And then-silence.
With an effort, Alison raised her eyes to Julian’s face, and in return she received that sombre, absent look which seemed to take no account of her in his scheme of things.
There were a dozen things she might have said-tactful, well-considered things that would have helped to gloss the moment over.
She said none of them. She merely stated crudely and painfully: ‘You-don’t have to marry me, Julian.’
‘What do you mean?’
The very slightest smile broke the tenseness of his expression.
Alison dropped her eyes, her own expression almost sulky in the effort not to betray her feelings.
‘Well, your reason for the marriage is gone, isn’t it?’ she reminded him doggedly. ‘You were only marrying because it was necessary to have a wife in this South American job. Now that you can’t have the job anyway, you-you don’t need a wife.’
‘But your reason is still there,’ he said gently, and, loosing her hand at last, he put his arm round her. ‘You don’t really suppose I should back out now, do you?’
‘It’s terribly like being-caught, though,’ Al
ison murmured unhappily. ‘In a way, I rushed us both into this. If you’d taken normal time to think about it-’
But he wouldn’t let her finish.
‘My dear child, it was I who insisted on rushing things. It’s easy enough for us to be wise now and say we should have waited, but I absolutely refuse to have you blaming yourself. In any case, if we were going to do it at all, we had to do it quickly. It’s just bad luck that things haven’t turned out as we expected.’
‘Yes, I know.’ Alison’s voice was very little more than a whisper. ‘Only I-I don’t want to hold you to the bargain. I mean-well, it’s rather awful for you staying here among all the people you know, married to someone for a reason that no longer exists.’
‘Do you propose that I should jilt you?’ he asked quietly.
‘We could just say we had made a mistake.’
‘And what do you suppose it would be like for you, being thrust back on your aunt’s hands?’
Alison moved slightly in the circle of his arm.
‘Well, that’s my affair, isn’t it?’ she said a little sulkily. ‘Not yours.’
‘No, Alison.’ Julian spoke quietly. ‘That’s where you’re wrong. You are my affair now. For good or bad we made that decision four weeks ago. God knows what sort of a muddle we’ve landed ourselves in. You were just as unprepared for this as I, and will probably have some difficult readjusting, too. But at least we’re in it now-and we’ve got to go on.’
‘But I don’t want you making such a sacrifice-’ began Alison desperately.
‘Hush.’ He very lightly put his hand against her startled mouth. ‘There’s no question of sacrifice. Don’t you see that it would be as unpleasant for me as for you if we called everything off now? I simply can’t afford another fiasco after the business with-Rosalie. I’m not exactly sensitive’- (‘That’s not true,’ thought Alison with quick tenderness)-’but I must confess I couldn’t face much more.’
‘Do you really mean that?’ She looked up at him very earnestly.’
‘I do’ He gave his grave smile at her.
‘Then we’ll go on with it,’ she said with a little sigh.
‘Good child.’ He tightened his arm for a moment before he let her go.
Then. glancing at his watch, he gave an exclamation.
‘I had no idea it was so late. I must go. There are several things I shall have to do before to-morrow. For one, I must see about keeping on my flat until we can get something that suite us better.’
‘Yes,’ Alison said. And she was oddly stirred at the mention of their future life together, just as she had been when Jennifer had spoken of their honeymoon.
‘Would you like me to see your aunt and uncle, and explain about our remaining in England?’
‘No, it doesn’t matter.’ Alison smiled faintly at his unconscious assumption that she needed to have things done for her. He would never think of her as entirely grown up. ‘I’ll explain. I’ll just say we’re postponing the trip indefinitely.’
‘Yes, that might be best.’
She went with him into the hall, and he said good night to her kindly but a little absently, his thoughts already on the many things he had to do.
When he had gone, she went slowly upstairs. She hung the wonderful mink coat in the wardrobe beside her wedding-dress. It looked very beautiful there.
‘The bridegroom’s present to the bride was a mink coat.’
But the bride had not been able to kiss him for it. Even that had been denied her. He had forgotten all about that timid suggestion of hers, of course. It was quite natural that he should. But she had remembered. That was natural, too.
She put out her hand and touched the coat wistfully.
Then very quietly she closed the wardrobe door on her wedding-dress and the present from the bridegroom.
She supposed she ought to go downstairs and explain to the others about the change of plans. But for the moment she flinched from the thought of playing her part in front of them all over again-being questioned, perhaps even being laughed at by Rosalie, who had come home from her prolonged visit only that afternoon.
And as she sat there on the side of her bed, trying to get up her courage, there was a knock at the door.
‘Come in.’
Alison looked up as the door opened and Audrey, in her dressing-gown, insinuated herself round it.
‘Why, Audrey, you ought to be in bed and asleep!’
‘Yes, I know.’ Audrey was quite unabashed. ‘But I wanted to see your wedding-dress. I haven’t seen anything interesting-not being allowed to come home from school until to-day, and then being hustled in and out of my own dress and having my hair done, and being sent off to bed early and all that sort of thing. You’d think it was Mother’s own wedding,’ she added bitterly.
Alison laughed.
‘But you’ll see my dress to-morrow,’ she said.
‘That’s not the same thing at all.’ Audrey was firm.
‘All right,’ Alison went over and opened the wardrobe door once more.
‘Ooooh!’ Audrey sucked in her breath on an admiring sigh. ‘You’ll look awfully good in that.’
‘I hope so,’ Alison said, touched by the little girl’s interest.
‘And what a marvellous fur coat!’ Audrey turned her attention to that next.
‘Yes, it’s beautiful, isn’t it?’ Alison felt her own pleasure in the coat revive at Audrey’s enthusiasm ‘That’s Julian’s present to me,’ she added a little shyly.
‘My goodness! I should think Rosalie’ll be sick she lost him when she sees that,’ Audrey remarked with great candour.
‘Audrey! You mustn’t say such things.’ Distress and nervousness sharpened Alison’s voice.
‘Sorry. But it’s true. Rosalie would almost have put up with going to South America to have that. Still, she’d have loathed South America, when it came to the point,’ Audrey added. ‘And I expect you’ll quite enjoy it.’
There was a second or two’s silence, and then Alison said flatly:
‘We’re not going to South America.’
‘Not going?’
‘No.’ Alison went on hastily, because she felt she couldn’t bear too many exclamations and questions. ‘Julian’s firm have just cabled to say they’re making other arrangements.’
‘And so Julian is going to live in England after all?’
‘I suppose so.’
‘My goodness!’ said Audrey, that being her chief exclamation of the moment. ‘Won’t Rosalie be sold!’
‘Audrey!’ Alison said rather faintly, but it failed to stem Audrey’s half-shocked jubilation.
‘Why, she only threw him over because she didn’t want to leave England. She’ll chew her finger-ends off when she hears.’
‘That will do.’ Alison spoke sternly enough to suppress even Audrey. ‘Your sister has nothing to do with this. She’s -she’s happily engaged to Rodney Myrton and it can’t matter to her whether Julian and I live in London or in Buenos Aires. Now go along to bed, or I shall be really angry with you.’
Audrey retreated then, but the last thing Alison heard was a scornful mutter of ‘Happily engaged!’
It frightened her terribly to have Audrey putting her own fears into words.
Was it really true that Rosalie had only thrown Julian over because she couldn’t face living abroad? It couldn’t be the only reason, of course. There must have been some sort of a quarrel, too. But probably that was at the back of it.
Alison pressed her hands against her eyes with a weary little gesture.
It was no good tormenting herself with doubts now. As Julian had said, for good or bad they had made their decision. They would have to stand by it.
It was quite late when Alison woke up, and the pale sunshine of a cold October day was struggling into the room.
Then she realised that Prentiss, her aunt’s maid, was standing beside the bed, holding a breakfast tray, her usually rather frost-bitten expression warmed by a smile.
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p; ‘Why, Prentiss, how kind of you.’ Alison leaned up on her elbow and smiled in return.
‘Madam said you were to have your breakfast in bed, miss and then to stay quiet until it’s time for you to dress. I’ll come and see to everything. Help you dress and fix your hair and everything.’
‘Oh. thank you very much,’ Alison said, a little nonplussed at this unwonted attention, and she watched with some amusement while Prentiss went over and pulled the curtains aside.
But as she ate her breakfast she became very serious again.
This morning she was to marry Julian.
It might be a strange marriage It might be scarcely a marriage at all in some senses of the word. But the fact remained. she was to be Julian’s wife; to have some significance in his life unshared by any other woman.
She lay back again, feeling curiously awed and humble.
‘I’ll be good to you, Julian,’ she thought very tenderly. ‘You haven’t found people very kind, but I’ll try never to hurt you as the others have.’
She didn’t name Rosalie even in her own thoughts, because she had an idea that she didn’t want to have any feelings of bitterness and resentment just now. But; in some indefinable way, she felt that it was for her to bridge the gap that had been torn in Julian’s happiness and affections.
It was that thought which kept her very quiet and serious while she was dressing-all the time Prentiss was brushing her shining hair and fastening her into the wedding-dress.
Her aunt came in just as the yards of rosy tulle veil were being adjusted.
‘Yes, very nice,’ she said, inspecting Alison critically. ‘No, no, Prentiss-a little further forward on her head. That’s better. Now don’t forget to hold your head up, Alison, when you are coming out, You can look down and be as shy as you like when you come in. It isn’t important then. But raise your head when you are coming out of the church. Otherwise it doesn’t give the Press photographers a chance, and you’ll look as though you have a double chin.’
‘Very well, Aunt Lydia,’ Alison promised meekly. It amused her a little that, when it came to the point, her aunt had been quite unable to keep up her apparent lack of interest in anything which appealed to her so strongly as a social show.
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