by Sandy Holden
“Could you take on Jake’s illness?”
He sighed, stroking little Jacob’s hot, flushed face. “I already tried. I didn’t think it would work since it’s not a mental problem but a biological one.” He looked out the window at the dark Interstate ahead. “I found out I had this ability when Jacob was screaming one night. This was before I moved into your house. He was just beside himself, and I was so desperate I just tried to ‘will’ him to look at me and calm down. You can imagine my shock when I started feeling incredibly upset—just a formless fear and desperation that was fed by my own tears and sobbing. Jacob calmed down, but then I couldn’t get control of myself for hours, and he ended up crying again. I never wanted to try it again, but finally realized that it is temporary, just like Jacob’s crying would have been had I done nothing. I’ve done it a couple other times, but as I said, it’s a very limited gift.” He slanted me a look of self-recrimination. “And I’m afraid if I took on something that wasn’t temporary, such as Granny’s senility, it would never leave me, and I’d be stuck with it forever.”
I patted his hand, unseen by the touch-police in the back. “Don’t do that to yourself. There is nothing that says being a good person means you have to sacrifice yourself.”
Soon we were in town, and I had to concentrate more. I knew there was a detour around the broken bridge, but couldn’t remember exactly where it was, and in the dark the road looked unfamiliar. I found it, and then once I was back on the Interstate, I instructed Tim to watch for my turn off. He, at least, knew how to get there.
As we were getting closer, Fred tapped my arm, his eyes wide. “His breathing is getting so soft, sometimes I can’t even hear it,” he said, almost whispering.
I screeched to a halt in front of the entry of the hospital, upset that I’d entered the parking lot in what had to be the furthest entrance, winding around cars that had been left behind during the aftermath of the bombs. Fred was out of the car almost before I could turn it off, and I was out a few seconds after. Tim scrambled to meet me as I followed Fred and little Jacob inside the doors.
Two people were waiting in the foyer of the hospital. One of them turned and led the way quickly to an area that looked as if it might have once been the billing or admitting area. Now it was a small emergency area, much better equipped than I’d dared to hope. A woman came to meet us and motioned Fred to put Jacob down on the table. I was hovering as Fred began to answer the doctor’s rapid-fire questions about how and when Jacob had fallen sick. The stress of getting here was overwhelming, and now that the emergency was out of my hands, the tears rose up and rolled down my face. One of the people who had been waiting for us to arrive, possibly a nurse, told me to go and wait outside, and since I didn’t want Fred to see how I’d fallen apart and was continuing to fall apart, I did as he told me.
There were a few chairs out in the open foyer, and I slumped into one of them, studiously ignoring Tim as he stood against the wall, guarding me from absolutely nothing. As I sniffed, I stood and went in search of Kleenex, and finally found the pharmacy. It was gated and locked. I suppose Gabriel the all-powerful didn’t want the locals gorging on the sleeping pills or morphine. I held on to the gate while I tried to pull myself together. Why hadn’t I made sure that procedures were in place in case someone got sick? Why didn’t I have someone find the nearest hospital and doctor? The thought that there had been a closer hospital, or maybe even just a pediatrician in the area was sickening to me. What if I had doomed little Jacob because I was a terrible leader? How could I ever look at Fred again? Oh, sure, come and live at my parent’s house, and we’ll all pretend I know what I’m doing. I’ll gain your trust and then let your little brother die.
I heard a sound behind me and realized that Tim must have followed me. I suddenly couldn’t stand him watching me in my disgrace. Without turning, I said in a bitter, teary voice, “Why don’t you just go away and leave me alone? Please? Just get the hell away from me? Could you do that?”
There was no sound of movement for a moment, then a rich voice said, “I suppose I could, but why would I?”
My eyes were closed, my forehead resting against the metal gate that guarded the pharmacy. At the sound of his voice, I closed them tighter and tightened all over. I hated that I hadn’t known it was him and sounded so weak and whiny. I hated that he sounded calm and controlled, and most of all, I hated that part of me adored him just like everyone else.
I didn’t move, just ignored the voice and tried to pretend I was somewhere else. When I felt a hand on my shoulder, I jumped, not having realized he’d moved closer. He put his other hand to one of my hands gripping the gate as if it were a lifeline, and carefully loosened my fingers, pulling my hand away. I gave up then, and let him turn me until I was facing him. But instead of saying something else that would humiliate and mock me, he pulled me into his arms and held me tightly.
At that moment, I believe I loved him. He hadn’t toppled me, I hoped. I hoped it was just the combination of his gift of attraction and my vulnerability that did it. I didn’t want to love him, much less lose my will around him. But for now, I couldn’t fight it, and so I relaxed against him and let myself go.
Instead of just tears, I sobbed a few times. I felt myself calming faster than I could believe possible. I began to feel more control, and my breathing slowed and became regular. He didn’t say a word, just kept his arms around me. Finally I lifted my head where it was resting against his chest. He immediately loosened his arms, giving me some space to look up at him.
I swiped at his shirt where it was wet from my tears. “Sorry about that,” I said, my voice still husky. I wondered what else I could say. Sorry about being human? Please excuse my neediness? Thank you for being here for me? I finally just cleared my throat and tried to step away from him. He dropped his arms, and I put a couple of feet between us.
He touched my face. “Your cheek looks better,” he said.
I had forgotten all about it. In a house with far too few bathrooms for the number of people, I didn’t hang out in front of the mirror very much. Last time I’d looked, the bruises were yellowing and fading. The crescent under my eye was still darkish. Yeah, I was a beauty, all right. I shrugged, uncomfortable. I found myself avoiding eye contact.
“How is the baby?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” I sniffed, again wishing for a Kleenex.
He reached out and took my hand. “Let’s go find out.”
I thought about pulling my hand away, but after the last few days, I welcomed the contact. I wondered if I was suffering from a deprivation of touch. Had he planned that? Yeah, like he spent all his time thinking about me. I was really pathetic. I might as well just let him topple me and be as mindless about him as the rest. At least they didn’t seem to lust after him. Or if they did, they weren’t so obvious about it.
We walked silently back to where Tim waited, turning to go to stand in the entryway of the makeshift ER. Fred had retreated to the wall near us while it looked like the medical folks were putting an IV in little Jacob. Fred turned to look at us, and froze.
I gasped. Damn! Why hadn’t I taken Gabriel somewhere else? I wanted to cry as I saw the now-familiar look of dazed adoration come into his eyes. I swiftly turned and walked away as quickly as I could; back down the hall, not stopping at the pharmacy this time. Stupid, stupid, stupid! I berated myself. Now I’d let Fred go over to the dark side too.
I heard someone behind me and stopped, turning to look to see who it was this time before I assumed. It was Tim. “Your mission is over. Go back to Gabriel,” I snarled, and to my surprise, he turned and walked away. I stared at him for a moment, wondering what I should do now. I didn’t, of course, have anywhere to go, so I just sat down on the floor in the hall, my back against a wall proclaiming the lab was just through the nearby doors.
I wasn’t all that surprised when Gabriel came walking down the hall, stopping when he saw me. “Why did you run off this time?” he asked with a trace of e
xasperation in his velvet voice.
“What does it matter?” I asked tiredly. “Why are you even here?”
“That’s a good question,” he said, shrugging. “I had the impression earlier that this was all of great importance to you.”
“It is. Jacob is Fred’s little brother.” I suddenly glared at him. “You know Fred? The one you just made love you?”
“Made love me?” He sounded a bit annoyed. “You act as if I have control over this.”
“Don’t you?” I challenged.
“You’re being deliberately provocative. You may not like it, but I expect you to deal with it all the same.”
I felt like I’d been scolded, and maybe I had. I tried to focus on Jacob and stop needling him. “Jacob is like family to me, and to my closest friends. We love him. We all take turns caring for him.” I felt the tears threaten again, and looked off down the hall, taking a deep breath and willing the tears away. Once I was back in control, I looked back at him. “So, yes, it’s very important to me.”
“Then to answer your question, that is why I’m here.”
I gave him a look of disbelief. “You’re here because I am?”
He gave me a little smile that told me he wasn’t going to answer that. He put out his hand to help me up. “Come on. We’re leaving.”
“We?” I asked, ignoring the hand.
“Take the hand,” he said firmly, and I took it, cursing myself as I realized he’d overwhelmed me momentarily. “You and I are leaving. We’ll take Ryan with us. Tim can stay in case your friend needs anything.”
I shook my head; my hand, that stupid traitor, still in his. “No. I’m staying here.”
“No, you’re not,” he said. “There’s not a thing you can do for the baby, and if I have to have you dragged out and thrown into my car, I’ll do it.” He continued before I could argue, “I’ll have them call me with any news.”
“No!” I said, suddenly upset. “What if he dies? I can’t leave. I’d …” I swallowed audibly. “I’d need to say good-bye.”
He studied me, finally shaking his head. “Come on.” He tugged on my hand to get me to follow him back towards the entrance.
“Gabriel, I won’t—”
He suddenly turned and pulled on my hand at the same time, swinging me to almost crash against his chest. He gave me a hard look. “Be quiet!”
My mouth snapped shut and for a few minutes, I couldn’t even think of anything to say. Whether this was because he’d overwhelmed me again, or because I was shocked and intimidated, I didn’t know.
He kept a firm hold of my hand, turning at the entrance to the ER and leading me inside. He said to the team at large. “How is he?”
All three medical personnel turned, and I wanted to yell at Gabriel that he shouldn’t distract their attention away from the baby, but I stayed mute. The woman I had figured was the lead doctor or pediatrician said, “He’s quite ill, but he isn’t in immediate danger. We’re cooling him down; his temperature spiked, and he’s responding to medication. We’ll stay with him every minute until he’s out of the woods.”
In spite of myself, I felt grateful to Gabriel. I doubted every baby who came in got this kind of treatment. I wasn’t going to complain about the inequality, though. Fred gave a gusty sigh of relief, and I turned to him, pulling on Gabriel’s restricting hand. He didn’t let it go, so I said from where I stood, “Fred, will you be okay if I leave for a while?”
Fred nodded, dividing his attention between Jacob, Gabriel and me. He said to Gabriel, “Thank you.” And the devotion in his voice made me sick. Another one bites the dust, I thought to myself.
Gabriel led me to the door of the ER, asking quietly, “Will you come along peacefully?”
I nodded, sighing.
He took me out to his car, another black Escalade, and Ryan got in the back. I never heard him say anything to Ryan, so maybe he was sending mind-commands now. Yeah, probably he had said something before or motioned to him, but it was easy sometimes when around Gabriel to believe him capable of anything.
I didn’t pay attention to where we were going, but I recognized Hill House when we drove up. I turned to Gabriel in surprise, “You live here?”
He nodded, getting out of the car. He said to Ryan, “Put the car away, then you can go see Carl.” Gabriel took my elbow and led me inside. It was mostly dark inside, with some security lighting in place glowing gently. He took the grand staircase up a level, and turned towards the opposite way than I had gone to see him before. He went up another flight of steps, and down another hall. He opened a door and looked in. He turned to me, a smile on his face. “Half the time I don’t know what is behind the doors I walk by. I think there are some guest bedrooms up here.”
He flipped on the light, which was strangely modern, considering the décor. “We’ve had to re-do some of the rooms and the electrical work. I’m sure the Historical Society would complain, if most of them weren’t dead. The rest, of course, love me.”
I rolled my eyes but smiled a little. The room had been modernized, to a degree. The furnishings were the same except for the bed, which looked modern. “So, what? I’m supposed to just go to sleep?”
“I thought you might want a place to rest. If you’re not tired, you certainly don’t have to. Don’t worry, I won’t order you to bed,” he said smugly.
I didn’t know what to say. Why did it seem like I was the only one affected here? Had I just imagined that he was affected by me as well? I knew I had all sorts of questions for him, but I couldn’t think of one right now. Then my cell phone rang. I looked down at my pocket where I’d shoved it, having forgotten it was there.
I checked the readout as I opened it. Tucker. “Hello?”
“Hey, we have a problem,” he said without preamble. “The people Tina warned us about are here. They came to the door peaceably enough, so we let them in, although we had them disarm. Now they want us to pay for protection. They say they’re from your boyfriend.”
“What? Gabriel sent them?” I saw Gabriel’s eyebrow lift as he heard his name mentioned.
Tucker sounded mad, and I didn’t blame him. “Yep, that’s what they said. Either we give them what they want, or they will, let’s see if I can remember the words exactly, ‘erase Catfish from the map.’”
“Hold on.”
Tucker grumbled, “Oh, good. He’s right there. I hope I didn’t interrupt you two.” His voice was thick with sarcasm and innuendo.
I ignored that and lowered the phone slightly. “You sent your goons to Catfish?”
Gabriel frowned. “My goons?”
I said angrily, “Apparently your people are at my house right now, telling my family that if we don’t pay them, they will erase Catfish from the map.”
Gabriel put out his hand. “Give me the phone.” I did, only realizing after I’d given it to him that I’d done it without thought. But then as he was putting the phone to his ear, it hit me what would happen if he spoke to Tucker. Before I could consider the wisdom of such an action, I launched myself at him, trying to knock the phone away.
I slammed into him and he stumbled backwards, finally knocking into the four-poster bed. The phone was still in his hand, although not near his ear now as he’d lowered his hand for balance at my insane attack. I was frantic as I grabbed his arm. “Please! Don’t talk to him. I don’t want him to be …”
Gabriel shook me off, and for the first time since I’d met him, looked truly angry. In spite of myself, I shrank back. He looked at the phone, and then stiffly handed it to me. “Tell him I sent no one. Whatever they say, they are not my men,” he growled at me.
I could barely talk. I blamed my semi-connection with him for my upset. “Tucker?” I said into the phone, nearly panting.
“What the hell is going on?” Tucker asked.
“Never mind. Tucker, he says they aren’t his. He didn’t send them.”
Tucker sounded part surprised, but he also sounded disbelieving. “And why would he tell
you if he did?”
I looked at Gabriel, so magnificent and angry, standing woodenly in front of me. “I believe him,” I said softly. “He didn’t send them. Why would he? We’re going to join him. He wants to bring the area together, not destroy it. I believe him,” I said again.
Tucker hesitated. “Okay, if you believe him, I believe him. I need to go deal with this. I’ll call you back.” He hung up before I could respond.
I pocketed my phone, looking at Gabriel to see he was staring at me quizzically.
“What?” I asked defensively.
He didn’t say anything. He came closer to me and I backed up, not knowing what he was intending to do. He continued to stalk me until I had run out of room. I tipped my chin up and looked at him. “What’s the matter?”
He said slowly, “This Tucker. Who exactly is he?”
“Why do you want to know?” I asked.
He barked the question this time, and I didn’t have a chance. “Who is he?”
My words tumbled over themselves in their hurry to emerge. “He’s a friend who lives with me. He’s helped us from the very beginning.” I wanted to scowl at him for ordering me like that, but I decided it might not be so prudent to do that right now.
He was still looking at me intently, and my stomach was fluttering urgently. I unconsciously shifted my gaze to his lips. The very second I realized what I’d done; I tore my eyes from his and looked down like a coward, hoping he hadn’t see that. He must have noticed, because he reached out and slid one arm around my back, so near the wall as I’d backed away from him. His other hand went to my jaw and tipped my head up, so he could look at me for just a moment before he kissed me.
His lips just barely touched mine at first; maybe he wasn’t sure about this. I felt almost as if I might collapse. My heart was beating fast, and my blood was almost audible as it raced along. He kissed me again, more firmly this time, leaning forward to pin me to the wall, my head bumping against it in a move that would have hurt if I were aware of anything else other than him. I wasn’t.