I’m instantly pulled into his side as a deep yawn takes over me. I try to keep my yawn classy, but sometimes those fuckers just overtake your body and possess you until the moment finally passes.
I snuggle into his chest as I turn on Netflix and go through my nightly ritual of deciding what to watch while Rivers grabs hold of his phone and begins doing whatever the hell it is that boys do on their phones.
Not finding anything that holds my attention, I drop the remote to the bed and look over at Rivers’ screen. “What are you looking at?” I murmur as another yawn rips through me.
“House listings,” he grumbles, turning his phone slightly to give me a better view of the screen.
My brow raises in curiosity. “What the hell for?”
“Well, I highly doubt mom wants her grown-ass son crashing with her, especially now that she only just got her freedom back.”
“Good point,” I say, reaching over and scrolling back up as he passes a nice little cottage style home. “This looks alright. The house could use some upgrades, maybe a little paint, and a bit of love, but there’s a huge yard.”
“Nah,” he grumbles, clicking out of the listing and continuing to scroll. “Too small. It only has two bedrooms.”
I scoff. “Two bedrooms? How many were you looking for? There’s only one of you.”
His only response is a wide grin that has my mind spinning with untold mysteries. Could he possibly be thinking about filling those rooms with…I don’t know, children?
My brows furrow and I find myself watching him as he scrolls through the listings, absolutely complexed by the realization that I’m not terrified by that train of thought. Had that been Spencer, I would have been running for the hills, but the idea of building a life with Rivers, sharing our home, and having children running around a big, open yard with two dogs and a bunny rabbit has warmth spreading within my heart.
The second the thought goes through my mind, I realize that I want it more than I’ve wanted anything in my life, and I want it all with this incredible man sitting right beside me.
Why the hell isn’t this scaring the shit out of me?
I was so hesitant when it came to Spencer asking me to move in with him, I put it off and off, and off. Every time the topic came up, I found a way to change it, yet here with Rivers, he hasn’t even suggested it and I’m already making a mental list of all the things I want to take with me.
I shouldn’t be thinking about it though. We’ve been together for all of two weeks. It’s way too soon. We have so many hurdles to get through before we can discuss moving in together.
Though, it does have me wondering what was holding me back with Spencer. Was it the apartment I wasn’t willing to let go of or was it because I knew deep down that I was with the wrong guy? Because right now, I couldn’t give a crap about leaving my apartment despite how much I love it.
Damn it. I really need to stop reminding myself how much of a bitch I was to Spencer.
My eyes fall back to his phone and watch as he opens one of the listings for a home in the middle of Haven Falls, right near where Henley grew up. The first picture is of the front of the home, showing off a double garage, a fenced yard which is outlined by beautifully cared for hedges.
The home is similar to my childhood home. A typical Haven Falls, three bedroom, brick home. There’s a backyard with space for a pool, a deck, and a huge tree that casts a perfect shadow over the lawn. Absolutely perfect for a little boy to be running around playing soccer while his little sister splashes in the pool which could be built in.
I can picture our lives in this home. I can picture walking around the kitchen while I nurse my pregnant belly, I picture Rivers crashing down onto a couch in that living room or working away on his Firebird in the garage.
I see it all.
Shit. I’m getting way ahead of myself here.
“I like this one,” Rivers says. “It’s got potential.”
“Potential for what?” I question.
Again, all he does is grin and this time, I know for sure that he’s thinking exactly the same thing that’s running through my mind.
“When were you planning on moving out and actually buying a place?”
“As soon as possible. I don’t want to overstep it with mom. We’ve only just started working on mending our relationship.”
“Yeah, I get it,” I tell him, looking back up at him. “You know you can stay here until you find your own place. There’s no need for you to crash with your mom if you don’t want to.”
Rivers' phone gets dropped to the bed as he grabs hold of me and rolls us until he’s hovering above me and looking down at me with a smile so wide that it lights up his eyes. “Are you asking me to move in with you?”
“I, um…no. That’s not what I was saying, but…I mean, I guess so. I’m just suggesting that there’s no rush to buy a place. We have here to live and I want to be where you are, though, it’s just a small apartment and not exactly great for…”
“Having a family?” he questions with a teasing grin.
“Yeah.”
Rivers' lips come down on mine and he kisses me with everything that he’s got before slowly rising back up and gazing deep into my eyes. “You want to have a family with me?”
“Well, I mean, not right this very second, but one day…definitely.”
He smiles. “I’m going to give you the whole fucking world, babe. Anything you want, I’m going to make it happen.”
“I know,” I tell him. “I…”
Rivers’ phone ringing on the bed cuts me off and he groans, hating that this moment is getting interrupted. “Sorry, babe,” he sighs, reaching across the bed for his phone to silence it, only as he flips it over to see the screen, his brows dip down low. “Shit. I should take this,” he says, rolling off me.
“It’s fine,” I tell him, watching on in concern as he sits up in bed and hits the accept button.
Rivers brings the phone to his ear. “Hello,” he says. There’s a slight pause before he continues. “Yes, Sir. This is Samuel Rivers.”
His tone tells me exactly what I need to know; the man on the other end is someone of importance within the military. Worry grips me and I find myself latching onto Rivers' arm as I listen to the barely audible, muffled voice on the other end. It’s too quiet for me to figure out what’s being said, but the way Rivers' eyes flick back to mine with nothing but regret has my heart racing in my chest.
“Yes, Sir. I understand. I'll be there.” There’s another short silence. “Thank you, Sir. Goodbye.”
With that, Rivers ends the call with his hands falling into his lap. “What?” I demand as the regret in his eyes shine brighter and brighter by the second. “What is it?”
Rivers shakes his head as he watches me and I’ve never seen someone look quite so defeated. My heart starts to sprint as the dread begins to weigh on me. He reaches for my hand, lacing his fingers through mine before closing his eyes and pulling me into his chest. “I’m so sorry,” he says, completely broken. “My presence is required on another mission. I’ll be deployed tomorrow afternoon. They need me on the next flight.”
A long breath comes sailing out of me. “What?” I say as tears instantly begin to fill my eyes. “How…why? You…you just go home.”
Rivers squeezes me. “I know.”
“How long?”
He shakes his head and I feel the movement of his chin skimming across the top of my hair. “I don’t know, Tullz. It could be a few months or it could be more. It depends on the mission.”
“No,” I cry. “This isn’t fair. I only just got you back.”
Rivers hand soothes up and down my back before he lays us down and holds me in his arms. “I don’t know what to tell you,” he murmurs. “I’ve just spent the last few weeks promising you that I’m home for good and that I’m not going anywhere and just when I get you back, I have to leave.”
Tears stream down my face. “Why you? Surely, there must be someone else
they can get.”
Rivers lets out a deep breath and is silent for a moment before giving me a gentle squeeze. “I’m a sniper, Tullz, and a really fucking good one at that. Only a few can shoot as accurately as I can. I have a set of skills with guns and a certain talent for going into battle and being able to leave my emotions out of it. I guess I have my father to thank for that.” He lets out a sigh. “I’m going to be debriefed in full tomorrow, but there have been some major casualties in a deployed unit that require emergency back-up. They’re in a tight position and require me to help complete their mission.”
My head whirls with that information. He’s a snipper, and a fucking good one, and now that skill has him being deployed into a dangerous situation. Where are all the other snippers at? Why couldn’t they have chosen one of them? Surely, Rivers isn’t the only one available right now.
But the bigger question is, how did the sniper they were already using become a casualty?
Rivers wipes the tears off the side of my face. “Tullz…are you alright?”
I shake my head into his chest. “I…I don’t know. I just…I can’t.”
“I know,” he says, curling his arms around to get a better hold on my body. “It’s going to be ok. It’s just a little setback. I’m going to be fine. I’ll go, do the mission and get it over and done with, and then be back here in no time.”
“You make it sound so easy,” I cry. “All this time, I’ve gotten by from telling myself that you were just at the base. I never knew if you were deployed or what kind of situations you were facing, but this…how am I supposed to breathe every day knowing that you’re out on a mission where anything could happen to you? How am I supposed to know that you’re safe or if I’ll ever see you again?”
“Hey,” he says, cutting me off. “You can’t think like that. It’s going to be fine. I’m going to be fine, Tully. Do you hear me? I am coming home to you and when I do, I’m going to make it right.”
“I don’t want you to go,” I tell him. "Please, don’t go.”
“Trust me, babe, I’d give anything to be able to stay here with you. I love you so fucking much. The idea of leaving you is killing me.”
I hold onto him a little tighter as his lips press down on my forehead.
There’s absolutely nothing I can do about it. Whether I like it or not, Rivers is leaving tomorrow to go and fight a war and this right now is the last time I’m going to get to spend with him. Hell, who knows, this could be the last time I’ll ever spend with him.
The thought brings on a wave of tears and I do my best to control it. If this is the last chance I’ll get to spend time with the man I love for who knows how long, then I’m not going to spend it crying. I’m going to suck it up and make the most of a bad situation.
I can cry once he steps onto that plane and not a second before. I don’t want to send him off with the image of me being broken. I need to be strong for him. I need to let him know that no matter what, when he gets back, I’ll be right here waiting.
Samuel Rivers is it for me and no matter how long the Military insists on stealing him away, I will always be right here waiting. Besides, when it comes to forever, what’s a few extra months?
With that resolved in my mind, I will pull it together for the next twenty-four hours. I need to make the most of my time with him even if that means spending the next twenty-four hours between the sheets.
I raise my chin and as he wipes away my final tear, and with that, Rivers' lips come down on mine which is exactly where they stay until we’re both falling asleep, dreading what’s yet to come.
Chapter 16
Rivers
Dread sits heavy in my gut as we pull up at the airport. I have loved my time in the military. I’ve never felt bad about leaving and have always been ready and willing to do what I need to do, until now.
I never expected that I’d be leaving quite so soon, right after getting my girl back at that.
This isn’t how this was supposed to go down.
I knew that at some point, it was likely that I’d be deployed again, especially after the skills that I’ve gained over the past four years, but to be here only a few months after getting home? It’s unreal, but I get it. In a perfect world, I would have been home for at least twelve months before being called to serve again. Hell, most marines on reserve get four years, but this is the life I signed up for and when my country needs me to stand tall, that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
Only this time, I have someone to come back to that’s going to make leaving harder than it’s ever been before.
Missions for me always used to be about finding myself. They were hard and dangerous, and sometimes downright terrifying, but a part of me looked at them as my way of giving back after the disgusting things that I’ve done. Missions were the jail sentence I so desperately deserved, but now that’s all behind me, and truth be told, I feel as though this one is going to be different.
Being on a mission gave me a sense of purpose and helped set my mind to something to make not thinking about her easier, but now that’s all changed. There won’t be a second where I’m not thinking about her and my gut is telling me that this mission is going to be the hardest one to get through.
I’m fucking lucky that it’s only going to be a few months; at least, I hope it’s only a few months. Truth be told, I could be out there for six months or longer, it’s all details that I’ll find out when I get debriefed. But hell, sometimes shit happens and quite often, it never goes to plan.
I stayed up all fucking night, watching as Tully slept in my arms. She was trying to be strong, she was trying to show me that she’s going to be alright, but I saw her breaking inside. It’s like the past coming back to haunt her, only this time, I have every intention of coming back to my girl.
Nothing will stand in my way when it comes to getting back here and picking up where we left off. I mean, fuck. It was only twelve hours ago that I was looking at house listings and picturing Tully and I truly starting our lives together and now we have this set back to deal with.
We’re going to be ok. We have to be ok.
I don’t know if I could handle coming home again to find my girl with another man, but I know she’ll wait. I feel it in my gut and from the way she’s allowed herself to open up to me over the past few weeks, she knows this is the real deal. She knows I’m coming home to her and she knows that not a damn thing will stop me.
I don’t care what happens to me over there or what kind of mission they’re sending me on, as long as I know that I have Tully’s heart, I’m going to be just fine. The military can’t put me through anything worse than what I’ve already suffered at my father’s hands. I’m going to be ok.
I’ve trained for this and I’ve been on many missions over the past few years, each one drastically different from the last. I’m ready to face down anything, especially with the wallet-sized photo I have on my girl that will remain in my chest pocket day in and day out until I’m standing before her again.
I look down at Tully as we stand at my boarding gate, surrounded by friends and family, yet all I see is her.
I hear my flight being called and watch as all the people around me begin to get up and start making their way over to get their boarding passes checked, but there’s still time. There has to be. I don’t care if I’m the very last person to get on that plane. I’m not wasting a single second.
I draw Tully into my arms and she nuzzles her face into my chest, willing herself not to cry, but I see the pain etched on her face. It’s been there since the second I received that phone call.
Henley steps into my side, wrapping her arms around both me and Tully. “Be safe, big brother. I only just got you back. I’m going to be pissed if I don’t see you again for ages.”
“Oh, I’ll be back,” I tell her with a wide grin, tightening my hold on Tully. “I can’t possibly leave you guys to look after my girl. Last time you threw her into the arms of another man. I can’t let that happe
n again.”
Henley rolls her eyes. “Blame us all you want, jackass, but you know just as well as we do that all that Spencer bullshit is on you. Do I need to remind you that you’re the dickhead who never came back in the first place?”
Gina shakes her head. “All these years I was devastated that you two never got the chance to develop a close sibling relationship. You know, the one where you can’t possibly go two minutes without getting on the other’s nerves? But it seems I had nothing to worry about.”
“I can’t help it,” Henley grins. “Someone has to help deflate his ego every now and then, otherwise he’ll be strutting around here thinking he’s king shit when we all know that role has already been claimed by Noah.”
“Hey. How did I get dragged into this?” Noah grunts, pulling Henley out of his way to step into my side. Noah wraps an arm around my back and claps me between my shoulder blades. “Don’t be a fucking hero, alright? Henley’s right. We’re going to be fucking pissed if you don’t come home.”
Tully scoffs into my chest. “He’s coming home even if it means that I have to go over there and drag his ass back.”
“Damn straight, babe,” I laugh, running my hand down the back of her hair before looking to her brother. “You have my word. I’m coming home. I’ve already wasted so much time and I don’t intend on fucking things up like that again.” I pull against her. “This girl is my fucking world and the second I get back, I’m going to make all her dreams come true. Just keep an eye on her until I get back.”
“You know I will,” Noah murmurs before glancing down at his sister and studying her face, “though, something tells me she’s going to be just fine.”
I couldn’t agree more. While she’s going to be hurting and missing me, just as I will be pining for her, she knows deep down in her heart that I couldn’t possibly stay away again. I’ve been able to see a clear path to the future I want with her and I won’t let it slip through my fingers this time.
The line at the boarding gate begins to dwindle down and my heart continues to sink. I say goodbye to everyone while keeping an eye on the tears that Tully keeps forcing herself to hold back.
Unstoppable: Haven Falls (Book 7) Page 17