by Jayne Blue
I whirled away from King and turned back toward the door. Then I drove my fist straight through the drywall.
Chapter Eleven
Harper
* * *
I fixed Wyatt’s lunch and got him situated with his iPad. He’d earned an hour of screen time for helping take out the garbage and clean his room. Mom had an outing planned with him later tonight to see the latest Pixar movie. It was turning into quite a social event as several of her new retired condo friends were going with their respective grandkids too. I loved that they both seemed to be thriving here.
I gave Wyatt a kiss on the head. With his earbuds in and a few of his favorite YouTube toy reviewers with new videos to watch, he was practically on another planet. My mother, however, was very much grounded on this one. She’d gone out to the patio and stared at me with laser-like focus. Since she’d seen Nash drop me off, she’d been chomping at the bit to get me alone. Taking a deep breath, I went out to join her, wishing it wasn’t too early to start drinking. I sat down next to her and looked out at the community gardens. Three tall orange trees had just started to bloom again. Wyatt had been counting the days to when he could pick a real live orange off a tree. It was one of the things we’d promised him he’d love about Florida and might even make up for the lack of snow.
“Yes, Mom,” I finally said. “That was him. That was Nash.”
“Nash. What kind of name is Nash?”
Smiling, I looked at her. “I think it was supposed to be ironic. Short for Nashville. Though he’s from Kentucky.”
“Well, now I understand why you’ve kept Wyatt a secret. I know what that patch meant on his leather jacket. The Great Wolves MC has a reputation all the way up in Michigan too, you know.”
I nodded. “I know.”
“Well, you did tell me some bad things swirled around him. Is that still true?”
I folded my hands in my lap. “He’s not a criminal, if that’s what you’re asking me. He owns his own business. He runs a bar.”
“The Wolf Den. I’ve seen it. Honey, a generation ago, those boys were all over the news. Very bad business. Gun running. Mob connections.”
“Mom. I know what they are. Or were. But that’s the past. Like you said, a generation ago. Nash’s boys are different. They’re clean now. That’s what I needed to be sure of before I decided what to do about Wyatt.”
My mother turned toward me. She lifted her hand to shield the sun from her eyes. In this light, the years and sickness melted away, making her almost look like a teenager again. My mother was beautiful with kind eyes, full lips, and cheekbones as high as the sky. She was the only person whose approval I ever cared about. It killed me that she might judge me now.
“Well, no matter what he is or does, you’ve let him back into your life. I know you, Harper. Probably better than you know yourself. You have a look in your eyes I don’t think I’ve ever seen before.”
“Oh? What look is that?”
My mother’s lilting laughter rang through me. “Baby girl, you’re in love with that man. He’s certainly fine. But I suppose that’s beside the point. So now what?”
I inhaled and closed my eyes. Then I turned to face her again. “Now I have to find a way to tell him about his son and hope he doesn’t hate me for keeping it from him.”
“Well, there’s that. Did you have a good reason?”
I picked at the cuticle on my thumb. I wished the answer to that question were simple. “I didn’t just leave six years ago. Someone had tried to kill Nash. Right in front of me. He made me leave and I didn’t know I was pregnant at the time. When I found out, his club was in the middle of a war with a rival gang. People got hurt. People went to jail. It wasn’t a good environment for Wyatt to be around.”
“You were protecting him.”
I nodded.
“And now? You’re sure it’s a good environment for him to be around?”
I closed my eyes again. My body still hummed from the lingering echoes of Nash’s touch. I ached for him. The thought of leaving again tore my heart in two. I knew I couldn’t have it both ways and still be fair to both Nash and Wyatt. But I was still scared to death.
“He’s asked me to trust him,” I answered.
My mother chewed her bottom lip. “Well, I suppose you have to start somewhere.”
“He’s a good man. I believe that in my heart.”
Mom leaned over and put her hand on my upper arm, giving me a loving squeeze. “Well, baby, then it seems to me you can’t let the sun set again without telling that man he has a son. When are you going to see him again?”
“He wants to see me tonight.”
She smiled and looked back through the window. Wyatt was still firmly entranced by his videos. “Then so be it. I’ll keep Wyatt out as late as I can. The grandma brigade wants to go out for dinner and ice cream after the movie so that’ll buy you some alone time.”
“I love you, Mom. And I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For every bad decision I’ve ever made.”
She reached out and hugged me. I sank into her embrace. It would have been so easy to just give into the sobs that wanted to bubble up out of me. She said I loved Nash. Maybe I did. But his lifestyle still scared me. No matter how it went down tonight, my life … Wyatt’s life … would never be the same.
“You did one careless thing when you were nineteen years old, honey. But the fruit of that mistake is also the best thing you’ve ever done. That boy is the best part of both of us. Except he’s not just part of us. He’s got his daddy in him too. Now this Nash has some things to prove to me, I’m not going to lie about that. But he helped make Wyatt so that gives me hope.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too. Now go get your son off that device before his brains fall out, for God’s sake.”
Laughing, I straightened and looked in at Wyatt. He kicked his feet against the couch and sang along with whatever video he was watching. He cocked his head to the side and smiled when he saw me staring at him. My boy got that same devilish dimple in his cheek when he looked at me that Nash did. Oh God, it tore my heart to pieces. My mother was right. Wyatt was the best part of both of us. I only hoped Nash could understand the choices I’d made.
* * *
I texted Nash to tell him I could meet him again this evening. I wanted to go to The Den. His answer unsettled me a little.
“Not tonight. I’ll pick you up. Be ready at six.”
I thought to argue with him, but it felt like old patterns. Wyatt wouldn’t be here. Once Nash learned the truth, I couldn’t predict what he’d want from me next. Surely he’d want to meet Wyatt. I wanted that too, but it had to be in a way that wouldn’t confuse him. In all these years, Wyatt had never asked me where his daddy was. He just seemed to accept the way our family was. Gam and I seemed to be enough for him. On some level, it was as if he understood the subject was painful for me to talk about. Introducing him to Nash would take time. I just hoped Nash could understand that. My instinct told me he would.
Mom and Wyatt were out of the house by five thirty. I ran around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to figure out what to wear. It was so silly. Nash had seen me naked. We’d done things together that made me blush just thinking about them. But I knew that even if he understood and forgave me, he’d never see me in the same light again.
I settled for a purple sundress with white flowers and spaghetti straps. It was Wyatt’s favorite. He said he liked the color. I fussed with my hair, twisting it up then combing it out. Finally, I settled for winding it into a loose knot at the nape of my neck and slipped on a pair of flip flops. This was Florida after all. I didn’t want to look like I was trying too hard. My palms sweat as I paced in front of the door waiting for Nash to come.
God. What would I say? How could I tell him? I practiced the speech in my head a dozen times but every word felt hollow. I had to get this right. For Wyatt’s sake, I couldn’t afford to screw things up.
I jumped when I heard Nash’s knock at the door. I had expected to hear the unmistakable sound of his Harley’s engine well before he got that far. I plastered on a smile and opened the door. He hadn’t ridden the bike. Instead, he had a black SUV parked out front.
Nash looked serious. He wasn’t wearing his cut. Instead, he had on just a plain black t-shirt that stretched taut over his tanned biceps. He wore jeans and his motorcycle boots but other than that, nothing about him besides the swirling ink on his forearms would have identified him as a club member. I’d never seen him like that before.
His eyes were hard as I opened the door wider to let him in. My heartbeat quickened. I’d put all of Wyatt’s toys in his bedroom. There was no sign of him, and yet I felt Nash scanning the apartment as if he were looking for some clue.
He turned to me and drew me into his arms, still not having said a word. I tilted my head up to meet his gaze. There was something wrong. His intense, gemstone-green eyes searched my face. Hard lines creased his brow.
“Nash?”
He crushed his lips to mine. His touch was urgent, claiming. In spite of my nerves and the zillion thoughts swirling in my brain, my blood sang as his body called to mine. I pulled away though, staggering backward. This night was too important to spend it in the throes of the passion we both craved. If I didn’t get this out now, I never would.
“Something’s happened,” he said. “I can’t stay. I just wanted to check on you to make sure you were okay.”
Icy fingers of dread snaked their way up my spine. I knew that look. It was the same one he gave me all those years ago when he told me to walk out of his life and never look back.
“You’re scaring me.”
“I don’t mean to. And I can’t go into detail.”
“Is this about Andre? Oh God. Is he dead?”
Nash squeezed his eyes shut and let out a breath. When he opened them again, pain etched across his face. “No. Andre’s good. Dee and Sadie got him checked out. Just a mild concussion. He’s already home.”
“Thank God. Jesus, Nash. Don’t freak me out like that.”
We walked into the kitchen. Nash gripped the countertop so hard his knuckles turned white. He leaned over and put his head down. For an instant, I thought he was going to be sick.
“Harper … fuck!”
My throat went dry. “Nash, you better tell me what’s going on.”
He pounded his fist against the counter. His hands were shaking. “I asked you to trust me. I’m still asking that. But I can’t lie to you. Things aren’t safe around me right now.”
I shook my head. No. This couldn’t be happening again. Not now. I took two steps backward, pressing my back against the wall.
“We lost Ghost last night.”
His words seemed to hang in the air, waiting for my brain to make sense of them. Ghost. I’d only met him once but he was easy to remember. He had a shock of white hair with one dark streak at the crown. I’d made a joke back then they should have named him skunk instead. He’d laughed and had King make me a fruity drink. I couldn’t remember the name of it. God, it seemed important now that I should. Such a funny detail.
“What do you mean you lost him?”
Nash’s shoulders shook and my heart tore in two. I went to him. He collapsed into my arms and held me tight. He kissed me hard and deep, as if he were trying to drive away the grief threatening to overtake him. When he pulled away, something else came into his eyes that struck me. The grief was there, but along with it, I saw cold, murderous fury. The next words he spoke nearly drove me to my knees.
“He’s dead. It’s bad. I can’t tell you more. But I can’t be around you for a while until this is dealt with.”
“What do you mean dealt with? What happened?”
“Baby, that’s all I can say. I just needed to tell you you’re not going to see me for a little bit.”
Bile rose in my throat. “Are you kidding me? Is this another club war? Was everything you told me about the club being clean now bullshit? Jesus, Nash!”
God. I couldn’t hear it. I couldn’t keep making the same mistakes over and over again. How could I tell him about Wyatt?
His expression went cold. “I’ve been straight with you. I’m taking a risk even coming over here. You still work for the mayor. If there’s a way for him to use this against me, he will. But you matter to me a hell of a lot more than I bargained for. This isn’t like six years ago.”
“It sure as hell feels like it.”
He nodded. “I know.”
“This is how it’s always going to be, isn’t it? You’ll always be between one disaster and the next.”
Nash shook his head and a muscle jumped in his jaw. “I have to go. My club needs me.”
I crossed my arms in front of me. More than anything, I wanted to go to him again. I wanted to kiss away the pain and grief I saw eating away at him. If it was six years ago, I would have without question. Because in spite of all the darkness that swirled around this man, I loved him still. I wanted him still. But I didn’t have the luxury of reckless choices. If someone was coming after Great Wolves, being near Nash would put me or Wyatt at risk. The only thing I could do was stand there and slowly nod. He wanted a promise from me that I’d wait for him to reach out to me again when everything died down. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t find the words.
Nash finally nodded and touched my cheek. “I’m sorry, baby.”
Then he walked to the front door. I had to grip the counter to keep myself from running after him but I had to be strong for Wyatt. Nash reached out to grab the doorknob. He turned toward me one last time and the door swung open in front of him.
My heart dropped to my feet as Mom and Wyatt stood in the doorway. Nash turned and the world seemed to stop. Wyatt stood clutching my mother’s hand. He looked up and up, his brilliant green eyes settling on the mountain of muscle in front of him.
“We dint make the movie,” Wyatt said, his sweet voice cutting through the fog of my mind. “Mama, I frew up in Gam’s car.” He trained his eyes on me and shot me a sheepish grin.
Nash drank it all in. Wyatt’s blond hair, the dimple in his cheek, and those brilliant emerald eyes that were a perfect match to his own. Then Nash and Wyatt both fixed those twin eyes at me and cocked their heads at the same angle.
They each said their next word in unison. “Mama?”
Chapter Twelve
Nash
* * *
“Mama?”
The boy’s voice felt like a spear through my heart. Harper’s mother stood with her hands on his small shoulders and she mouthed “I’m sorry” over me. I took a step back. He looked up at me, eyes narrowed in confusion, then widening in surprise. I took in the tiny details from his black Chuck Taylor sneakers with one lace untied, to his rumpled jeans, to his black t-shirt with a superhero on the front. He stood with his hands on his hips, not sure whether to move past me or stay put.
“Nash, is it?” Harper’s mother said. She gave me a steely-eyed look as she kept her hands on the kid’s shoulders. She was tall but stood stooped, resting her weight on a knotted pine cane. I moved out of the doorway to give her room to pass, resisting the urge to hold out my hand to help her. Something about the way she carried herself told me she might take offense.
“Mrs. Mays,” I said, finding a smile to give her.
“We’ll just get out of your way,” she said. “I didn’t see your Harley parked outside so I thought the two of you had already left.”
“You got a Harley!” Whatever nausea the kid had seemed to melt away. His eyes widened and his jaw dropped open.
“Later, champ,” Mrs. Mays said. “Your mom needs a minute to talk to her friend. And we need to get you cleaned up.”
Keeping the boy firmly in hand, she shot Harper a look and disappeared down the long hallway off the living room. Stunned, I turned to Harper. She stood with her hands covering her mouth and tears filling the corners of her eyes.
�
�Nash.”
I put up a hand. My world spun in two directions. Things were broken and off keel. Ghost was lying in a morgue down at Emerald Point Hospital. When I left Harper’s, I had to go there. Then there was the kid. She didn’t need to say the words. Reality hit me like a sledgehammer the minute I looked into his green eyes. Still, I needed to hear it. Maybe then things would start to make sense again.
“He’s mine.”
Harper dropped her hands to her side. She stood in the doorway to the kitchen, leaning against one wall. “Yes,” she said simply.
I took a step back, feeling gut-punched. I had twin urges to go to her and slam the door behind me. I wasn’t opposed to smashing my fist through a wall again either. So many things made sense. I knew Harper was hiding some secret here. I’d thought it might be a guy. I’d wondered if she was married. A million obvious questions ran through my mind. When were you planning to tell me? You knew he was mine all these years? But it all seemed so inadequate, so I settled on what mattered.
“What’s his name?”
A shudder went through her and a single tear finally spilled down her cheek. “Wyatt. His name is Wyatt.”
Wyatt. Wyatt.
My cell phone vibrated in my back pocket. Shaking my head, I took it out. King’s number flashed and I gripped the phone so hard I’m surprised it didn’t crack. I couldn’t stay here. The crew needed me at the hospital and then The Den later for an emergency meeting. We’d put the word out to all our loved ones. Those who had families … Puck and Gordo … we sent their wives and kids out of town. The rest of us were on lockdown at The Den. Until we understood the threat to the club, we had to play it safe.
Those who had families. Those who had kids. I blinked hard trying to figure out how the fuck I was supposed to feel.
“Wyatt,” I said, getting used to the sound of it. It was a good name. A strong one. Wyatt Tillman. Wyatt Mays. My son.