by Avery James
“So what happened?”
“He said he’d pass up the deal a hundred times to save his relationship with you. Not that it matters.”
“Why not? What are you talking about?” She had no reason to believe a word Logan said to her, but she wanted to hear him out anyway.
“My father sold him the company that morning. Ethan just asked him to hold off for a while. Hank’s already preparing for the transition, but I think he’s getting impatient. When I found out it was a done deal, that’s when I decided I needed to start making changes in my life.”
Amy felt like Logan had just hit her over the head. She felt off balance, and she braced herself against the wall. Why would Ethan hide the sale from her? Amy took a deep breath and tried to push the thought out of her mind. “Let’s just focus on what’s happening now. Are there any other pictures?”
“No. Look, I was into you. Obviously I made a few bad decisions, but I won’t lie to you. You won’t have any other problems from me. Sounds like you and your husband have enough to work through without me mucking things up any more than I already have.”
“What do you mean?”
“If you could see yourself in the mirror right now. You look like I just stole your puppy. I get it; you’re caught off guard by the stuff about the sale. You look like you’re ready to puke. If your husband is hiding things from you, that’s not something I need to get in the middle of. Like I said, I have enough problems of my own. I got the message loud and clear. I’m staying out of your business. I just don’t get what I need to do to show you I’m serious.
“Get serious. Stop messing around with married women. Stop drinking all the time and playing rock star. Closing that bar sounds like a great first step, but figure out what you want to do in life and stay out of trouble for the next few months. I don’t want to read your name on some gossip site. I don’t want to see your face under some headline, and I don’t want to explain to your father why you’re causing him so much trouble.”
“Is that all? You have a deal,” Logan stood up and held out his hand. “I really am sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen,” Logan offered.
“I’ll let you do me one favor. Help me avoid your father until I leave the state. I can’t look him in the eye after all of this. I feel sick to my stomach just imagining what he must think of me. I feel sick just thinking about what I think of me.
“You’ve got it. I’ll call him as soon as you’re on your way. I’ll let him know that it’s urgent.”
***
Amy rode to the airfield in silence. She felt a rush of relief as she saw the plane on the tarmac. She just wanted to get the hell out of Wyoming forever. The sooner she was gone, the sooner she could put this all behind her. Each step she took up the stairs felt like a step towards freedom, but when she stepped into the cabin her heart sank. Hank was sitting in one of the tanned leather chairs, already waiting for her.
He stood to greet her. “I just got a curious call from my son. He told me I had to come see him immediately. He said it was something he couldn’t discuss on the phone. I couldn’t figure out why he’d do that.”
“I asked him to distract you. I just wanted to avoid seeing your disappointment in me.”
“Disappointment?”
“That I would act so terribly. You were so kind to Ethan and me, and I ran around like an idiot and messed everything up.”
“It’s understandable what happened between you and my son. It’s a real shame that we didn’t meet under different circumstances. I think you would have been good for him.”
“What do you mean understandable? I can barely look at myself in the mirror without feeling disgusted for betraying my husband like that. I had managed to push it out of my mind before, but the pictures — I hate myself for what I see there.”
“Well, I mean, it’s not like you have a traditional marriage.”
“I’m sorry?” Amy asked. What was Hank getting at?
“Ethan told me.”
“Told you what?”
“He told me why he asked you to marry him.”
“He did? Hank, I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. I was impressed. The way he was willing to put everything on the line like that to get what he wanted. The moment he told me, I knew I had picked the right man for the job.”
Amy hesitated before she spoke again, reading Hank’s face until she was sure the secret was actually out. “You know we were lying to you?”
“I understand the intentions.”
“After all that talk about the importance of family and love stories?”
“I wasn’t the one spinning a tale, Amy. You were. You’d do well to remember that. The way I see things, you came out here to save your own behind. I did you a favor.”
“Why?”
“I saw the way you two looked at each other all weekend when you were here. You may not have married for love, but I know love when I see it. Go home. Come clean to your husband. Figure things out from there.”
“Hank, I don’t know what to say.”
“Don’t say anything. When I call again some day, asking for a favor, just remember that I tried to help.”
“I will.” Amy sank into one of the chairs as she tried to process everything that had just happened.
He pushed himself up from his seat, “I’m sure we’ll see each other again at some point,” Hank said as he turned to the steps. He tipped his hat and nodded. “Until then.”
Amy leaned her head back against the plush leather and closed her eyes; this trip couldn’t be over soon enough. She had been so excited to return to Ethan, but now she was dreading it. He had lied to her about everything. He had lied about the deal, and he had exposed their secret to Hank without even telling her. She couldn’t figure out which was worse. This was a complete betrayal. Why would he do something like this? It made no sense. As Amy sat through the flight back to DC, she was even more confused than she had been after the first trip. Everything with Ethan was one step forward, two steps back.
Ethan wasn’t the only one who had lied. Amy wondered if she had been lying to herself for the past several weeks. She had been intrigued with Logan when she had first met him, had felt an urge to give in to her attraction to him during that first trip. She had hidden that from Ethan. Hell, she was still hiding it from him. She had been lying to him from the start as well. Everything they had told each other, everything they had done, was built on a foundation of lies.
Amy thought back on all of the fears and doubts she had had after their first trip together. Had she really done anything to address any of them, or had she just ignored them in hopes of being happy for a while? If she had been honest with Ethan, would he have done all of the wonderful things he had done since she had moved in? And now she had to wonder if he was being so sweet simply because he felt guilty about lying and misleading her at every step of their marriage.
The longer Amy thought about it, the more she convinced herself that she and Ethan were trying too hard to make their relationship something it wasn’t. She looked down at the enormous diamond on her engagement ring. It was beautiful. It was clear and flawless, and it meant absolutely nothing. She wanted it to mean something, anything other than an agreement to lie. That’s all the ring was: a lie.
That had been Logan’s appeal from the beginning. He was honest. He was immature and scandalous, but he was honest about what he had wanted from her. He had left out the part about leveraging it against Ethan, but it seemed much less of a lie than everything Ethan had done. Even so, she was glad to finally be done with Logan. He would be one less thing to worry about.
Amy had been ready to tell Ethan that she loved him. Now she wondered if she had actually felt love at all. Their whole relationship had been a lie. She couldn’t help but wonder if her feelings had all been fake, too, just a delusion that helped her avoid reality. Ethan was lying to her about so many things, and she was lying to him. Maybe it just wasn’t meant t
o be. Maybe she just needed to go back and end it.
By the time she climbed into her town car back to DC, Amy was so upset, she felt sick. She looked down at her phone, hoping for some comforting message from Ethan. Instead she had a voicemail from Callie. Instead of listening to it, she called her back.
“You called?”
“You’re getting a divorce?” Callie said. Amy could hear the loud sounds of a bar in the background.
“What are you talking about?” Amy asked. She half shouted. She could barely hear Callie’s voice above the noise on the other end of the line.
“I stopped by the apartment, and Ethan was talking about getting a divorce. Amy, what’s going on?”
He must have seen the photos, Amy thought. “I have to go. We’ll talk about this later.” That was definitely not the reassuring call she had hoped for.
Chapter 23
Amy took a deep breath and opened the door to Ethan’s apartment. It was late, and she hoped that Ethan was already asleep so she wouldn’t have to face him until morning. As soon as she was inside, she smelled the cool musk of his cologne and immediately choked up. She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know what to say or think. Moments before, she had been so sure that she needed to end their marriage. Now, she didn’t know what she wanted.
She leaned against the wall. She hated feeling this way, angry and insecure. She hated who she had become. She let herself slide down against the wall until her head bowed against her knees. Her whole life, she had been strong and independent. A few months with Ethan had turned her into a needy, insecure mess.
“Honey, is that you?” Ethan called from the kitchen. “There’s something I need to tell you.” She was mad at herself for wanting nothing more than to run to him and kiss him. She just wanted things to be different. She wanted to go back in time and tell him that she wouldn’t take his deal but she would take a date with him.
Amy paused for a moment before pushing herself back up to her feet. “I don’t want to hear it, Ethan,” she said as she rose. Her voice broke as she said his name. He had become the center of her world, and he didn’t respect her enough to tell her the truth. He didn’t even respect her enough to let her know what he was thinking. By the time she reached the threshold of the kitchen, she was angry again.
Amy leaned forward and tossed the photos on the counter. She couldn’t even look at Ethan, instead she stared down at the gleaming countertop. It was perfectly clean, just like the rest of the apartment. Suddenly Amy hated the apartment. She hated everything it stood for. It wasn’t her apartment. It wasn’t their apartment. It was his apartment, right down to the color of the granite and the lack of anything out of place. The only thing that didn’t belong there was her. “I can’t do this anymore. I’m done with the lying and pretending. I’m done trying to force something that just isn’t.”
“What are you talking about, Amy?”
“Do you really have no idea what I’m talking about?”
“Why do you say that?”
“You have divorce papers in that envelope, don’t you?”
“Yeah, I do.” Ethan looked down at the photos. “What do you have?”
“Your grounds for divorce. Its photos of Logan and me on the night you came to the bar. Some website got ahold of them. That was the crisis. It was bush league, the kind of thing I could solve in my sleep. It doesn’t matter. He told me everything, Ethan.”
“What do you mean? Slow down for a second. Why are there photos of you and Logan sneaking off together?”
“Because you weren’t there and he was. This was Hank’s scandal. This is what I had to go fix. And I fixed it for him, but I can’t fix things between us, Ethan. All I wanted was for you to stick around while I helped you finish your deal. I never asked you to stick around DC planning out some elaborate surprise for me.”
“I was trying to show you how much you meant to me. Christ, I knew he hit on you, but I didn’t think you reciprocated. I was off trying to figure out a way to show you how much I cared about you and you were doing this?” Ethan swept the photos off the counter in anger and started pacing back and forth in front of the sink.
Amy raised her hands in frustration. “What do you want me to say? You showed up out of the blue, tossed a ring on my finger and dropped me in the middle of nowhere all by myself. Meanwhile, you were whispering in my ear to relax and live in the moment. Then you left me with the one guy I’ve met in the past decade who was genuinely interested in me, and he was good looking and charming and didn’t care what my job or address was. And you were nowhere to be found. What was I supposed to think?”
“You’re the one who told me to go handle it. I handled it and then I tried to do something nice for you. Can’t you see that I’ve been doing this all for you?”
“Well, stop. Just stop,” Amy said. Tears welled up in her eyes as she got more and more upset. “You put me on a pedestal and you treated me like some kind of trophy. I didn’t ask you to stick around DC to make some gesture. I didn’t ask you to treat me like one of your movie star girlfriends. I only wanted you to come back and stand by my side while I did you a favor. I just wanted you to be there. I told you from the beginning that I wanted this to be an equal partnership. That’s all. Instead, you misled me. You lied about what you were doing in DC and you lied about reaching a deal with Hank. Why couldn’t you just tell me the truth? You made me look like an idiot, again and again and now you’re making me feel like one for ever believing this could work.
“That wasn’t my intention.”
“What was your intention? Why drag this on if you already had a deal in place?”
“To make you fall for me, the same way I fell for you three years ago in Chicago. You wanted to know what happened that night? You told me I’d have to trick you into having feelings for me because otherwise you wouldn’t let me in.”
“This isn’t a movie, Ethan. You can’t just trick someone into having feelings for you. And, I think I’d remember if I had told you that.” Amy crossed her arms and looked Ethan in the eye. The way he glared back at her made it clear that he wasn’t lying.
“I thought you would too,” he said, lowering his voice. “I’ll never forget what happened that night, and I guess you’ll never remember. Are you saying you don’t love me? Is that it? Am I supposed to believe that you hate me now?”
“I’m saying that I hate myself and how I act around you. I let you walk all over me. I supposed it’s my fault for thinking I could ever be an equal partner with the great Ethan Cole. I’m just another pawn in your game. A pricey one, but a pawn just the same. All I wanted was for you to keep your end of the deal.”
“That’s bullshit, Amy, and you know it. I’m sick of the games too. But I’m sick of you pretending like you don’t love me. I’m sick of you coming up with excuses for not trusting me. Again and again, I’ve tried to show you what you mean to me, and now you’re trying to tell me that all of it just made you feel worse about yourself? You didn’t seem upset when I was bending over backwards to make you feel special. That’s why I have the divorce papers. I wanted to take away the excuse. But if you want me to live up to my end of the deal. Fine, here you go.” Ethan grabbed the envelope and tossed it toward her. “If you want to be me with me, it will be because you want to be with me, not because of some stupid contract. I don’t care about the money. You can have the money. Just sign on the dotted line.”
Amy looked down at the envelope. She watched her tears dropping down onto the manila paper. Why did he have to be such a jerk? She felt like Ethan was buying her off. She grabbed the envelope and threw it against the wall. “I don’t need your money, and I don’t need you. I was just fine before we made our deal, and look at me now. I’m a mess.”
Ethan stopped pacing and tried to put his arm on her shoulder. “Amy, please, calm down.”
“Don’t tell me to calm down! This is exactly the same as before. You made a plan and didn’t tell me until you had already set it in motion, a
nd I half want to believe you, but I can’t.” Amy was crying hard now, and breathing hard between her sentences. She just needed this to be over. She pushed Ethan’s hand off of her shoulder. “I had to hear about this from Callie. Christ, you told Vi before you told me! You tell everyone everything before you tell me. And I’m supposed to be your wife. You’re supposed to tell me everything first, not last. I’m such an idiot. You want to prove to me that you care? Then get out and leave me alone.”
“Maybe I should give you some time to think things through.”
“Go!” Amy shouted at him. “Get out.”
Ethan hung his head and walked toward the exit. “Amy, this is a mistake.”
“Just go,” she said between sniffles. When Ethan left the apartment, Amy collapsed against the island in the middle of the kitchen. Then she slid down onto the floor and sobbed. She ran her hands through her hair as she tried not to cry, but she couldn’t help herself. These tears were his fault, she thought. She hadn’t cried in years, and now she was a basket case, all because of him. She sat there, sobbing, unaware of the door opening down the hall or the approaching footsteps. She didn’t realize she wasn’t alone until Vi placed her hand on her shoulder.
“Boy troubles?” Vi asked.
Amy sniffled and mustered a fake smile for her aunt. “Come on, Vi. It’s time to go home.” She pushed herself back up onto her feet.
“But I rather like this home. Are you and Ethan having a fight?”
“Now.”
“Now what?”
“We’re leaving.”
“Oh. I had hoped you’d say you’d changed your mind, something along the lines of ‘now I see I love him‘ or ‘now I finally appreciate my aunt and will heed her wisdom.’” Vi sighed. “I guess I’ll get my things together so we can go back to that house with the stairs that are trying to kill me.”
Amy rubbed her face as she tried to wipe away the tears. “Vi, I know you like it here, but we have to go. I think my marriage just ended.”