by Ann, Pamela
“Nice to see you again, Jen!” Mick gave her a quick bear hug and released her with a grin.
“You too, Mick.” She jokingly punched his arm before she headed towards some other people we used to hang out with. I casually waved at the group and continued to stick with Mick. I didn’t want to go there and hangout. It would just invite questions and gossip about Kyle and I’m not ready to discuss it.
I scanned the area for any sightings of Kyle but it seemed he had yet to arrive. I looked back at Mickey who seemed to be studying me with a twinkle in his eye.
“Looking for someone in particular, Sienna?” Fishing, I see.
“Huh? Oh, no. Just taking on the scene and seeing who else I know here. It feels good to be back home again Mickey! I forgot how beautiful it is out here during summer time.”
Indeed, it was a magnificent night.
The full moon was up high and bright amidst the darkened sky. It was illuminating the ocean and making it look breathtakingly ethereal, serene and peaceful. The waves lapped softly on the shore and I felt calm inside, wishing Blake was here with me. He would have liked it.
My trio of friends offered to come, but I refused them. I needed to do this one on my own.
“How are you?” I said as I sat on the wooden lounger glancing back to Mickey and enjoying my cold alcoholic beverage.
“Actually, a lot has been going on, man. I’m leaving for Alaska next week to help out my dad. He’s been feeling exhausted from running the business. So, it’s my turn to step-up and help the family,” he said solemnly.
“I’m sorry to hear that, Mick. I recall you weren’t really fond of that place,” empathizing with his situation.
“Damn right, but I got to help the family out, so there’s no other option,” he took a chug of his Corona, studying the sand on his feet.
There was some hollering from behind me so I twisted my head and glimpsed to see who the culprit was.
Kyle was hugging and high-fiving people along the way. His other right hand was attached to a very attractive blonde who was gazing and smiling lovingly at him.
Perfect. Just bloody, fucking perfect.
I felt awkward and anxious. Fuck. Should I go over and say hi? Maybe I should play indifferent? I castigated myself for being idiotic. Come on Sienna, I scolded myself.
Crap-fuckity-crap.
Deep breaths and think of something relaxing.
“’Kay there doll?” Jen sat next to me with her arm loosely on my shoulder.
“’Course! Should we get more drinks?” Might as well get some encouragement from my old pal, The Don, Patron.
“Ooooh! Shots?! That should get us going!”
“Hell, yeah!”
“Bring on the happy face, doll. Don’t let him see anything else.”
I nodded, not wanting to say anything else. She was right, of course.
We got up and headed back to the house. I knew we would be passing Kyle at any moment, so I willed myself to play it cool and not take it too seriously. Who cares if we dated two gloriously fun-filled years? Really, who cares? Uh! I was getting idiotic already with one drink.
“Hey, Jen! Sienna…You’re back,” greeted a merry-looking Kyle.
“Heeey, there! Congratulations on your internship! I’m hearing that they’ll hire you before you even finish school?” Jen playfully said to Kyle. They got on so well back in the day, it was no wonder they fell back into an easy banter.
Kyle’s working with his father now. He loves music. He grew up with it and learned everything and anything music from his father. His dad owns a major record label company here in LA so it was a no brainer that he’d be following in his dad’s footsteps. Most importantly, he loves to scour for musicians that have depth and soul in them and help them be successful in the music industry. He’s quite passionate with his work and I remember how he used to light up and get all excited when talking about it.
“Ha ha! How I’ve missed your craziness!” Kyle said this in his deep playful laugh.
God! I’ve missed that laugh. Here goes my stupid brain.
I looked like a complete idiot standing there next to Jen while they were catching up. His girlfriend, whom he hadn’t introduced yet, was curiously eyeing Jen and me. Did Kyle talk about me? Is that why she’s eyeing me up and down now? Hah. Bitch.
Kyle turned his attention to me. His laughter died the minute our eyes met. His hazel eyes looked intense and fiery. His face looked calm, but I knew deep down, he was mad.
Damn, he looked gorgeous.
A deep ache settled in my heart.
I miss him.
His white v-neck shirt outlined his defined torso and arms. My word, is he more buff and defined, or what? My eyes roved all over him. Yes, he’s been working out. His body’s a lean, muscular type, different from Blake’s physique, but still downright sexy.
“How long are you here for? Didn’t expect you to be back for your break—would’ve thought you’d be traveling all over Europe or somewhere much more exotic, rather than coming back here to plain old Los Angeles,” he said cuttingly. Hidden bitterness laced his words.
“Umm, I’ve missed Jen and needed to tie up some loose ends with the conservatorship (outright lie)—so, I decided to come back during break. It’s only two weeks anyway, so I won’t be staying long.”
Shit. I sound so lame. Couldn’t I come up with something better to say? Sigh.
Why is he being all cold, anyway? He was the one who broke-up with me.
“Right, anyway ladies—I want you to meet my amazing girlfriend, Brooke,” he announced as he hooked his left arm around his amazing girlfriend. She had a huge cat-like, fake smile and a massive rack.
GAG.
She looked fake, a Blonde Bimbo.
She was clingy, giggly, and used a whiney voice like a little girl—it made me want to scratch the wall with my nails. I hated her already and from the look she was giving me, with pure disdain, the feeling was mutual.
Since when was Kyle attracted to BB’s anyways? He always made fun of them.
“Hey! Pleasure to meet you people—but we must go and mingle with others, Kyle? I see some of your friends are already in the tub. Let’s go! I can’t wait to get you wet baby!” she said coaxingly as she grabbed his hand and left for the tub at lightning speed.
Nice, she was amazing indeed.
Not.
Four
“Nice girlfriend there.”
“Don’t mention it. I know you’re dying with questions, but let’s skip it tonight, okay?” I pleaded.
The house was in full-on grinding, party mode as the speakers pounded, blaring Birthday Cake by Rihanna and everyone was dancing and grinding with the beat.
“Hey! Why don’t you stay put and mingle with the eager men out here, hmm? I’ll go get us our drinks, lemon drop or a shot?” Jen suggested.
I looked at Jen with a raised eyebrow.
I knew she was going to go check out the hot-tender and have her wicked way with him, so I wasn’t going to trouble myself by getting in line for drinks.
“How about both, please? I’m in dire need of them,” I winked at her as I fished out my phone from my purse and checked for messages.
I got three emails from friends back home—Chad, Blake and from Lucy/Toby.
Lucy Connelly:
Be strong and don’t forget to enjoy! In case you forgot… you’re on vaca too!
See you when you get back!
WE love you,
Lucy and Toby xxxxx
Lucy’s message made me smile. She likes to smother people with as much xxx’s as she can in her messages and I love her for it.
From: Chad Wilson
Baby girl! You would never guess! I just got a spot on a show! I’m so psyched! Couple of months away though, but shit! This is crazy! How’s vacation? Call me the moment you land on Heathrow!
I miss you lover!
Your ever sexy java-mamba friend,
C xxx
Oh, Chad! I’m so happy for you! I c
an’t help getting excited for him. He’s an artist—a photographer to be precise and he’s quite gifted. Finally! After a few months of being depressed, this was a very good opportunity for him. It’s a competitive field out there. This show’s going to be his big break!
Opening my message from Blake, I suddenly felt warm knowing my friends were supporting me even if they weren’t physically here.
From: Blake Knightly
Hanging in there, poppet? Make it short and quick. No need to linger with the bloody tosser! We still have a few episodes to catch up with Game of Thrones, so you better bring your cute butt back home immediately! Or better yet—want me to come get you, Sienna? I’ll book the next flight out or I could use one of the company jets to fetch your tenacious self. Don’t doubt me because I bloody will drag you back to England, if I must. Two weeks without you or Toby (since he decided to permanently attach himself to Lucy’s side) it has been uneventful to say the least. The break-up with Camille didn’t help much. The woman was painstakingly relentless wanting to move in with me. Got to dash, but don’t forget about my offer about coming back early! I’m only a text or phone call away. I miss you.
P.S. MAKE YOUR TRIP SHORT!
BK
Cute?
My butt was anything but cute! I got the junk to back it up. How could he say it’s just cute?
Because he thinks you’re just cute—you’re just you, DUH?
I should’ve been used to it with Blake—I mean—we’re friends—but as good-looking as he is, I wanted him to see the other side of me. Not the reliable, good friend side—but the attractive, sexy side of me—at least just once.
But no, he’s been impervious and treats me like his buddy from his boarding school days.
He and Camille broke-up? She wanted to move in with him after barely two months of dating? I could picture Blake’s reaction perfectly: mortified, racing to the hills. He abhors it when he feels like he’s being trapped. He confessed as much before when I first met him; he was in a similar predicament.
Blake’s message—was just so Blake. It was bossy and demanding with a tad of adorableness on the side. If it were from another guy, I’d think that he couldn’t wait to have me back home and he was going ballistic from missing me. But sadly, it was from Blake. There’s no hidden agenda there, plain and simple. I put my phone back in my clutch purse and swayed with the music, weaving my way to the dance floor.
One thing’s for sure, you can always count me in for dancing. I love to immerse myself in the music and just make my body speak and move to the beat. I dance when I’m stressed out. I go to hip-hop classes or Zumba a few times a week in Hampstead. Chad manages the dance studio and after closing time we have our own little dance-off. It’s our ritual and the bond that brought us together.
Closing my eyes, I was swaying my hips slowly to match the rhythm of the music—when I felt someone grab my hand. I opened them slowly, disappointed that it wasn’t Kyle standing in front of me.
I knew he was somewhere outside, possibly sucking face and swapping spit with his BB, but I couldn’t help it. I was home, and being home just makes me want Kyle, badly.
Maybe I’m nostalgic ’cause I haven’t been laid in what, like nine months? Who knows?
“Hi! My name’s James—dance with me?” he asked smoothly.
Hmm, not bad looking. Quite decent actually—not like Kyle but decent enough and he seemed nice.
“Sure, James,” I smiled at him as he twirled me around and my back landed on his chest. That was impressive. This man could dance. The DJ changed up the music to some Raggaeton song with Pitbull singing Go Girl and the tempo started to pick-up as did we. Raggaeton music’s for sensual dancing. It was more for showing your skills with popping your hips and being sexy.
I separated myself from James and faced him. His eyes were all over my body and that gave me ammunition to get down and dance more. “So, Sienna—where do you live? Somewhere close by?”
“I did—I’m on vacation. Home is London—for now,” as my eyes scanned the crowd. The song ended and I found Jen across from me watching us intently with drinks in hands.
“Goodness, Sienna Richards! You know, everyone was checking you out? You looked…sooo…sooo hot dancing in there! I was even getting hot and bothered watching you two dance—and that’s saying something! Was that to show someone that you still got your groove on? Hmmm?”
I laughed.
Oh Jen! How right you are. I shook my head in denial and smiled innocently.
“And who might you be?” she asked James who unknowingly followed me.
Cute.
“I’m James,” who was about five ten, muscled, dirty blonde hair spiked, with boyish good looks.
“Where are you from?” Jen quipped. Knowing how she works, she’d have him thoroughly grilled about his life in five minutes. We’re protective of each other so we tend to do this with most men we meet.
Enthusiastically, I freed her hand of the Lemon Drop and took the tequila shot she was holding out to me.
My, that burns.
I welcomed the warm feeling it gave my body as I murmured “Thanks.” She didn’t seem to hear me because she was still busy talking to James.
I, on the other hand, was busy scanning the room to see a familiar face. Okay, I’m guilty. I wanted to see more of Kyle and what he was up to, but he was nowhere to be seen. I just couldn’t believe he was being cold and indifferent towards me. What was that whole introduction scene with Brook, anyway? If he wanted me to think that he had moved on and was happier, then he definitely succeeded in getting his message across.
I decided right then and there that I wouldn’t think about him anymore. Maybe this whole trip for getting closure from Kyle was just stupid and irrevocably irreparable. I couldn’t torture myself with the thoughts of him with his girlfriend kissing and groping each other somewhere in a dark corner outside. All I had to do is endure this night and move on, but for the mean time—I had to hold my head high—even if I was anguished, my heart gutted and intestines twisted inside out. Or I could possibly take Blake’s offer. I could drown myself happily just staring at him.
Was this jealousy I felt? Or was it merely an indication that I was still in love with Kyle?
I love him. I’ve loved him all my life but in love with him? I’m not so sure. I mean—if I was dangerously in love with him—then I wouldn’t have left him, surely? I would have found a way to still be next to him—or simply endure being miserable in Los Angeles if it meant being with him.
I miss him and I’m mad that he ended our friendship like that. I want to salvage our friendship, if nothing else.
Would I want him back if he begged me? I don’t know. My mind couldn’t process the possibility of us getting back together when it was blatantly apparent that he was in a happy, satisfying relationship.
Before I left home, I made that whole spiel of loving him, but I felt that I needed freedom. I desperately sought change, away from my horrid miserable past with my extended family and the memory of my dad.
Kyle took it badly when he learned of my plan, of course; he was crazy about me. We were inseparable then—we finished each other’s sentences. We were happy together, but my soul needed something more, to feel free, free from memories of my past.
So, my announcement to go to school in England was a surprise to everybody—most of all to Kyle. He didn’t speak to me for days. He felt betrayed and implied I was giving up on us, our relationship.
Distraught and wounded, he stuck it out until I left for school, showing me how much he loved me. Those few weeks before my departure were bittersweet. I remembered having a hard time letting him go at the airport, clutching and hugging him so fiercely.
The memories brought a melancholy sigh and my attention back to reality.
“Well it was great to meet you, James,” Jen said politely. I was still reeling from my nostalgic flood of flashbacks—swamped with the thoughts of what might’ve been—my mind shuffled back to
the past and lost track—that I was here—in the middle of a damn party.
“Doll, can I speak to you for a sec?” she grabbed my hand and dragged me to a corner.
“Sure, be back in a sec, James,” I gave him one of my melt-to-your-bones smiles or so-called effect I thought would do. It seemed to work from the look he gave me.
I needed a diversion and the unfortunate victim was James. I needed to gather my bearings before I went ballistic with roaring jealousy and did something drastic to get Kyle’s attention—like going up to him and giving him a kiss—so scorching—it would haunt him forever.
So, I needed James tonight, for my sanity’s sake.
“Hey! What’s up?” Questioning her with an arched brow, knowing full well what she wanted to speak to me about.
“I’m going to leave the party with, Ethan. He’s off; another person is taking the shift so we decided to go grab something to eat somewhere. Will you be okay if I leave and you catch a ride with Mickey or something? If you can’t catch a ride—call me—and I’ll come get you.”
“I take it Ethan’s the hot-tender right? Jen, seriously, go have fun. Don’t worry about me—I have only two weeks to party and back to school again, so I’ll be okay? Go enjoy yourself! I’ll see you tomorrow for catch-up and fro-yo, ’kay?” I hugged her and kissed her blushing cheek. It really bothered her leaving me here, but she’s not my sitter. As much as I love hanging out with Jen, she needs to enjoy and meet people. I wanted her to be happy, especially after Tony.
“Have fun, doll,” I gave her a huge grin.
“Will do! Alright, catch up with you tom! And be safe, kay? Call me if you need me—anytime.”
“See you!” I shooed her away and went back to James, who was watching my interaction with Jen with hawk-like intensity.
“Did anybody tell you how gorgeous and sexy you are?” His dark eyes traveled all over me like I was a piece of candy to be savored.
“Are you just saying anything to get laid tonight? Because let me tell you, your line is way off the finishing line!” I instantly quipped back.
Ha! This is a merry-go-round play date buddy—nothing more, I thought.
The last time I had sex, or any intimacy for that matter, was with Kyle. It’s not that I didn’t find anyone attractive in London—apart from crushing on Blake—but that’s beside the point—he’s a friend. I went to a lot of house parties and met quite a few interesting and attractive men, but not one who gave me the I-can’t-breathe-and-think-around-you feeling. Maybe if I put myself out there instead of cutting them off before they even speak would make a vast difference.