by Ann, Pamela
My body shivered with anticipated excitement. I nodded, urging him on.
His lips touched softly behind my earlobe as he trailed soft kisses all the way down to the base of my neck. Neatly pulling my hair to one side, neck exposed, he inhaled deeply.
He groaned with frustration. A burst of lust surged from my aching core.
Just one kiss, I thought wildly. I just want a taste. Turning around to face him, we closely stared at each other—intently. Electric current between us crackled and sizzled. It was heady—intoxicating—searing.
My gaze fell on his lips. One taste, that’s it. Feeling bold I licked my own bottom lip. It’s now or never. Do it.
Slanting my head, I kissed him very softly. A guttural sound came from his throat as he devoured my lips. His kiss was demanding with potent alacrity as I matched his passion.
This. Gorgeous. Man. Wants. Me.
Hooking my leg on his hips, locking them against me—the feel of him being this close—drove my body to a raging inferno. I’m so screwed.
Feeling brazen, I tugged and pulled his shirt off. I needed to touch—feel—taste his hardened chest. I greedily stroked his chest as his kisses became rapacious. Encouraged from his groans, I kissed his neck and ran my whole hand on his chest, scratching his erect nipple.
“Ahhhhh.” Blake howled from pain and pleasure.
He speedily flipped me on my back and kissed my swollen lips hard. He briskly opened my boxer-clad legs and positioned his hot, hard body above me. Our tongues clashed as I locked both of my legs on him. His erection pressed boldly against his sheer pajamas. The heat of his erection rubbing with urgency against my covered mound sent me into a tail spin.
We were on fire. I felt his need, his frustration, his want, his desire from his blazing kisses. The mixture was heady and downright intoxicating.
I broke away from his mouth and moaned satisfyingly. The profound effect his body had on me was astounding. I felt drunk and more aroused than ever before.
“Blake.” I gasped with my sex-awakened voice.
Gazing at me with lust-filled eyes, he grinded his hips harder on my pussy—making me even wetter.
Touch me. Please.
Panting hard like he ran a marathon, he sat back, looking over my wanton state. I can’t breathe. Time stood still. He softly caressed the cleft of the boxers, over my pussy with his finger.
I whimpered and bit my lip, hard.
Blake…what you do to me…
The evidence of my arousal seeped through the soaked silk fabric, wet and hot. His finger grazed it, teasingly and stopped right there—holding my gaze, he spoke. “You’re so beautiful—you have no idea—how much I want to fuck you—hard and fast as you scream my name when you orgasm. I want to feel you come apart beautifully while my cock fucks you harder.” Oh, shit. My throat ran dry, his eyes pure with torment. “You have no idea…how much this is killing me—but I’m keeping my promise. You will be mine, Sienna. Not just for your body, I want everything from you—I’ll wait—you’re worth the wait.” His voice gruff but very much determined.
He shrugged and looked away. Was he for real? What if I just want to get laid without the emotional hang ups?
“Blake—I—are you serious?” I croaked out, wide-eyed in disbelief.
The infuriating man kissed me softly and quickly pulled his body away. “Breakfast will be ready and waiting in ten minutes.” With that, he left the bed and exited the door with an evident hard-on.
I was left with my mouth agape and still wide opened legs, waiting to be ambushed. Who. Does. That?
How can he just walk away when I’m more than willing? It’s not the body he just wants to possess. He wants you—body and soul—and won’t settle just for your body.
He wants it all.
I had to get up and shower.
He wouldn’t change his mind. Not until I’ve cleared my emotional closet and cleaned up all the cobwebs hanging loosely about.
How long will that take?
I cursed.
Blake. Fucking. Knightly.
Twelve
Showered and dressed with Blake’s Manchester United football jersey, I piled my hair up and went straight to the kitchen.
Upon entering, I stood frozen and watched as Blake placed an omelet and bacon on both plates. His hair was still wet from the shower, bare-chested, wearing only his well-worn jeans, barefoot.
His defined torso and six-pack made a rippling effect as he moved about. My mouth watered. What is it with men in jeans and bare feet? The combination’s simply irresistible!
Was he trying to drive me insane? He looks so deliciously yummy!
Feeling my presence, he turned around. With a sexy grin, he sauntered to where I was standing, kissed my forehead and guided me to sit on the breakfast bar.
“Coffee?” The hot chef asked. I nodded, unable to speak, still mesmerized by the charming barefoot-jean-clad god.
He went over to the coffeepot. My eyes gawked as his impressive back muscles flexed as he moved. I retrained from licking that nicely sculpted back and that nice dipped curve along his spine. Yum!
This man is too sexy; it’s criminal.
I could stare at him all day without becoming bored. It was like eye porn and he was a delectable subject. But at the same time, I wanted to throttle him. Here he was, acting like a good host, like he didn’t leave me hanging and yearning in the bedroom.
Coffee poured, he fixed it to my liking and placed the steaming cup in front of me with a sexy smirk. Blake’s eyes twinkled.
He was enjoying this. His eyes were dancing with amusement.
Asshat!
“Blake—can you please put a shirt on?” I demanded petulantly. I didn’t think my hormones could take another dose of this exuberant display of masculine perfection.
He just gave me a devilish smile and teasingly said, “Is it too much for you, Sienna? You just say the word and we can remedy that problem immediately.”
I shrugged. What word? How about three words? Let’s just fuck?
“Thought you needed a reminder—that we’ll be EXPLOSIVE together.” That hoarse, gruff voice again. It was making my body hum like no other. “But I want your all, poppet.”
Don’t I know it!
“Baby steps Blake.” There was no doubt in my mind that we will be explosive. But I was trying to delay the inevitable. Once I let him in, there was no going back. There was no doubt in my mind that he would take everything—he would consume me with no concession.
It would be easy to fall for Blake. Most women did.
I would be vulnerable.
Open.
Defenseless.
“Loser” I proclaimed with a little victory dance, hands waving high and hips swaying.
“Don’t count your eggs yet, two more games to go.” Blake declared playfully.
We were playing Scrabble. I’ll show him who’s the BOSS!
I won two-to-one and he was a little annoyed because I kept teasing him. This was the second time I won a round with him and we played possibly a hundred games all together. I was ecstatic and victorious!
I was dancing one of my victory dances again when he pulled me to the couch and tickled me until I was out of breath. Panting loudly as my thoughts provoked.
I badly wanted him to kiss me again, but he never tried. I wouldn’t beg, though I was dying inside. It was as if the incident this morning never happened.
How does he switch off like that? Hot and smoldering one second, to casual and friendly the next?
Standing in the open built-in wine cellar, I was biting and twisting my lips in frustration. My indecisiveness contemplated for the umpteenth time as to what kind of red wine to drink when he snaked his arm over my shoulder and grabbed his preferred wine.
“Do you feel like a bottle of Barolo?” Blake asked, so close to my ear. His question barely registered because I was hyperventilating.
I cleared my throat before I responded with a steady sounding voice. “I was actually thinki
ng of Pinot Noir or that—but you’ve made up my mind. Go get the wine ready. I’ll go fetch the popcorn, Parisian cake and the fruits.”
I could get used to this domesticated scene with Blake. He was so easy to be around—charming, thoughtful, witty and sexy—but most of all, he made me laugh.
It wouldn’t be difficult to fall in love with him.
We watched another movie, our third one today. Love Actually, one of our favorite movies. It was funny, sad and heart-warming at the same time.
I snuggled close, drawing his heat and the need to be near him. He pulled me closer and placed my head against his strong, solid chest and held me firmly.
I listened to his heart, beating steadily, closing my eyes as he started to stroke my arm gently and I sighed with blissful contentment.
Life certainly was starting again, whether I wanted it to or not.
Thirteen
The sound of my ring tone blaring jolted me awake. I was about to reach for my phone when it suddenly dawned on me that there was a strong, heavy arm clutching my waist.
Blake.
I turned around to see if the noise woke him up, but his steady breathing showed he was fast asleep. I unhooked his draping arm carefully as I slid off the bed, grabbed my phone from the side table and left the bedroom as I softly made my way to the living room.
Why did Blake sleep next to me? He didn’t last night.
Either way, I was happy he did.
The entire flat was dark, but the moonlight helped me find my way around. When my toe touched the plush, black area rug, I opened my phone to see who the caller was.
Who would call me at this time of night? Luce? Jen?
Kyle. It was him. Again.
I might as well get this out of the way if I have to start considering being with Blake. It was best to clear out as much “Kyle baggage” as I could. The other issues I had still needed to be worked on. I’d have to talk to Chad, my gay go-to person and a very dear friend about this. He’s my unofficial therapist.
After a couple of rings, he picked up.
“God, Sienna! I’ve been going crazy here! Are you okay, baby?” Kyle sounded frantic and like he was going crazy.
Why is he still pursuing this issue? He made it perfectly obvious what his intentions were the last time I saw him.
“Yeah, Kyle, I’m great! This call better be important if you had to wake me up at FOUR in the morning. So, what do you want, Matthews?” I sounded like how I felt, furious and annoyed.
“Jesus, baby, take it easy—will you? I’ve been trying to reach you, but you’ve been ignori—”
“It was done with good reason, Kyle! I told you—very clearly in fact—not to contact me again. But no, no, no! You never listen to me. I’m hurting—that’s a given. It wasn’t just our dating relationship that ended—I lost my childhood best friend too! So, am I okay with that? Not really, but it was your choice. It was your choice to go behind my back—cheat—and start dating Brooke before having the decency—like other men do—to simply break-up with their girlfriend first!” shrieking with erupting anger.
I heard him sigh, heavy and pained.
“I’m sorry, Sienna, baby—I’ve been missing you so badly—I’ve been drinking non-stop and got a DUI. I had a hard time handling things without you. I am hurting too. You left me, even if it was for school…but you left and went on with your life without me. When you called happy and excited about your day, I felt left out—it was you and me against the world since we were kids—but in the end… there was just me. I was lonely—I needed you—but I couldn’t beg you to give up your life for me—you already went through so much with your family—I can’t ask it of you. Breaking it off was the best thing to do…then—and I was getting by….trying to live my life… working harder on my career—and it was helping and for the first time since we said our goodbyes at the airport—I felt like I was living again.” He drew air in his lungs before continuing. Crap.
“When you showed up at Katie’s party, everything went down the drain… all the things I told myself that helped me get through…were forgotten from the moment I saw you again...You looked even more beautiful…,” he sounded choked up, his thoughts and feelings unconcealed.
My stomach churned.
“I simply wanted you—I needed you, I still need you, Sienna—like air to breathe. You’re my life and I can’t simply go on living and not be with you. Without you in it—I’m in hell. I’m desperate for you…and without a doubt…in my mind, my heart that I’m still hopelessly in love with you, Sienna,” his voice barely a whisper. I wouldn’t have heard him if the apartment wasn’t so eerily quiet.
Oh Kyle! This conversation’s killing me inside. He’s dying from pain. I felt it. I felt his pain and it tore me up inside because I didn’t want him to hurt. I love him—but I can’t—I’m beyond hurt. The man, who I placed so highly on the pedestal, crushingly betrayed me and appallingly let me down. That was something I couldn’t get past, or forget about.
I sighed with a heavy heart, the weight pulling me down, “Kyle…”
“Sienna…,” his voice gruff and anguished, “please,—please—I beg you—all these years I never asked much from you, but I’m begging you now—give me another chance—let’s give us another shot. I won’t let you down this time. I promise you I’ll figure it out—speak to Dad and work in our branch in London—I’ll do anything—I’ll promise you anything—just please, think about it? We can get married, if you want…I’d give anything to have you back…just please, Sienna, forgive me—and love me again.”
He sounded so broken and extremely desperate.
I sat on the floor leaning on the couch, my lips quivered. What he said —broke me in two. If he had come clean and was honest about his feelings, we wouldn’t have broken up. We would still be together. Plan our lives, get married and have babies. It was what we talked about. He threw that out the window because he was lonely.
I was too for the whole time we were apart, but I didn’t act on it. What I wanted most was trust, honesty and loyalty. And Kyle lost on all three counts.
Can I take him back? Even if—I try to see if it could work out—after what he’s done—I could, possibly, if he showed remorse and guilt. I might’ve before—before Blake told me how he felt about me. Hold on, did he say anything about what he felt? Besides wanting me? No. He hadn’t. His intentions were clear though. He wanted me, in his bed, but other than that—he never spoke about any indication about the future. It was sex he was after—my whole cooperation but not once did he mention he was after my heart.
I mentally shook my head.
It doesn’t matter.
My heart was not up for anyone to grab. Love makes you weak and open for pain and suffering.
Never again! I took a chance with Kyle because he was everything to me then, but he reinstated my beliefs by proving them right.
“Kyle….I forgive you, I do…It would have been easier for us if you told me about your feelings then—how terrible it was for you, but you were silent, never uttering a word to me about your pain—and I’m sorry for that… I am. But asking me to give us another try? That’s a bit too much. I can’t trust you. I was hurt and still am. I’m so sorry—for everything, but it’s all too late now—I can’t be with you,” my voice trembled, each word punctured me deeply.
Never in a million years had I imagined that I would cause Kyle pain and suffering. I wanted him to be happy and to take all that pain away. He means that much to me, but I can’t sacrifice myself for his happiness.
I just can’t.
“So, please, I’m begging you now, Kyle….I need space…I can’t talk for awhile. Maybe in a year—we can be friends again, who knows? But right now, I simply can’t. We just have to move on with our lives—separately. Goodbye, Kyle…. I’ll always miss you,” those last two sentences were torturous to utter.
The pain in my heart was so acute, I gasped for breath.
I immediately ended the call before he had the
chance to speak. I almost ran to the bathroom across the hall, but I was careful enough not to make a lot of noise and wake up Blake.
Blake awake is the last thing I needed right now. He’d grill me until he’d gotten all the facts as to why I was distraught.
The bathroom was dark and comforting. The moment I closed the door, I slid down it and sank onto the cold marble tiles and cried, hard.
I cried because Kyle was the only family I had growing up.
Because he was my best friend, my first love.
It hurts, but I didn’t have it in me to forget what Kyle did. He made his bed. He just needed to grow up and accept that sometimes things just don’t work the way you pictured them.
After weeping for like an eternity, I washed my face and swollen eyes. I stared at the mirror, studying my distressed state, skin blotchy from crying.
That’s enough crying. You’ve shed it all and you have nothing left. Be strong.
I walked slowly back to the bedroom and positioned my body next to a sleeping Blake. Curled up and closed my eyes and prayed for sleep to come so I didn’t have to think about my life.
Even if just for a little while.
Experiencing this kind of loss certainly made me realize that life would never be the same again for me.
Kyle. He’ll always be a part of me. I will always remember him as the man who took me in, held me close and protected me.
He was my hero, my love, and my best friend.
Goodbye, my Kyle.
I will always miss you.
Fourteen
Waking up the next day was brutal. My body was lethargic and my head pounded. I groaned and covered my head with a pillow. As much as I wanted to stay in bed all day, I needed to keep moving to find some sanity.
Reaching for my phone, I was shocked to find that it was already eleven-thirty. Haul your lazy butt out of bed, Sienna.
Sitting, still on the bed, I decided to text Chad.
Hey, love! Are you busy? Want to meet me @ the studio to let off some steam? -S
Dragging myself to the bathroom, I washed my face and brushed my teeth, then studied my reflection. My eyes were red and swollen from crying, skin blotchy and my hair, a tangled mess.