by J. R. Ward
So much possibility back then. And given where they were now, it seemed kind of fitting that all of summer’s warmth was gone, that vital blooming period missed altogether: Now the leaves were on the ground, the branches were bare once again, and everything was about hunkering down.
Well, wasn’t she a Hallmark card tonight.
Zeroing in on her mother’s grid, she went along the side of the house, passing by the French doors of the billiards room and the library.
No’One was down at the pool’s edge, a still figure spotlit by the blue glow of water that was yet to be drained.
Wow… Xhex thought. Something big had changed with the female, and whatever the shift was, it had altered much of her emotional superstructure. Her grid was jumbled up, but not in a bad way; more like a house that was undergoing extensive renovations. It was a good start, a positive transformation that was probably a long time in coming.
“Attaboy, Tohr,” Xhex murmured under her breath.
As if she had heard, No’One looked over her shoulder—and that was when Xhex realized that the hood that was always up was down, her mother’s cap of smooth blond hair suggesting that the stuff was braided, with the long end tucked under the robing.
Xhex waited for fear to light up that grid. And waited. And waited…
Holy shit, something really had changed.
“Thank you for coming,” No’One said as Xhex approached.
That voice was different. A little deeper. Surer.
She had been transformed in a lot of ways.
“Thanks for inviting me,” Xhex replied.
“You look well.”
“As do you.”
Stopping in front of her mother, she measured the way the flickering light from the pool played across the female’s perfectly lovely face. And in the quiet that followed, Xhex frowned, information flooding through her sensory receptors, the picture filling out.
“You are stuck,” she said, thinking that was kind of ironic.
Her mother’s brows flared. “As a matter of fact… I am.”
“Funny.” Xhex looked at the sky. “Me, too.”
Staring up at the strong, proud female in front of her, No’One felt the strangest connection to her daughter: as the restless reflections from the pool played over tough, grim features, those gunmetal gray eyes held an edgy frustration similar to her own.
“So you and Tohr, huh,” Xhex said casually.
No’One put her hands up to her hot blush. “I do not know how to respond to that.”
“Maybe I shouldn’t have brought it up. It’s just—yeah, it’s all over your mind.”
“Not really.”
“Liar.” There was no accusation, though. No censure. Just a statement of fact.
No’One turned back to the water and reminded herself that as a half symphath, her daughter would know the truth even if she didn’t say a word.
“I have no right to him,” she murmured, looking at the pool’s churning surface. “No right to any of him. But that is not why I asked you to come—”
“Says who?”
“I’m sorry?”
“Who says he’s not yours.”
No’One shook her head. “You know all the whys.”
“No. I don’t. If you want him and he wants you—”
“He does not. Not… in all ways.” No’One brushed at her hair even though it was already back off her face. Dearest Virgin Scribe, her heart was beating so hard. “I can’t… I shouldn’t speak of this.”
It felt safer not to utter a syllable to a soul—she knew Tohr wouldn’t like to be speculated about.
There was a long silence.
“John and I aren’t doing well.”
No’One glanced over, brows up at her daughter’s candidness. “I… I had wondered. You have been long gone from here, and he has not looked happy. I had hoped for… a different outcome. On many levels.”
Including between the two of them.
And indeed, it was true what Xhex had said. They were each stalled—not exactly the accord one would wish for. However, she would take any commonality that presented itself.
“I think you and Tohr make sense,” Xhex said abruptly, as she began to wander down the edge of the pool. “I like it.”
No’One arched her brows again. And reassessed the no-talk rule. “Truly?”
“He’s a good male. Steady, reliable—damn tragic about what happened to his family. John’s been worried about him for so long—you know, she was the only mother John had. Wellsie, that is.”
“Did you ever meet her?”
“Not formally. She wasn’t the type to hang out where I worked, and God knew I was never welcome where the Brotherhood was. But I was aware of her reputation. Tough cookie—really blunt, a female of worth in that regard. I don’t think the glymera were big fans of hers, and the fact that she didn’t care about them was just another thing to recommend her, in my opinion.”
“Theirs was a true love story.”
“Yeah, from what I hear. Frankly, I’m surprised that he’s been able to move on, but I’m glad he has—it’s done you a world of good.”
No’One took a deep breath and smelled dry leaves. “He has no choice.”
“I’m sorry?”
“It is not my story to tell, but suffice it to say, if he could choose another path, any other, he would.”
“I don’t understand what you’re getting at.” When No’One didn’t fill in with explanations, Xhex shrugged. “I can respect the boundaries.”
“Thank you. And I’m glad you came.”
“I was surprised you wanted me here—”
“I have failed you too many times to count.” As Xhex visibly recoiled, No’One nodded. “When I first arrived herein, I was overwhelmed by so much, lost though I spoke the language, isolated though I was not alone. I want you to know, however, that you are the real reason I came—and tonight, it is time that I apologized to you.”
“For what?”
“For abandoning you at your very beginning.”
“Jesus…” The female rubbed her short hair, her powerful body wincing in place, as if she were having to force herself not to bolt. “Ah, listen, there’s nothing to apologize for. You didn’t ask to be—”
“You were a young, newly born unto the world, without a mahmen to care for you. I left you to fend for yourself when you could do little more than cry for warmth and succor. I am… so sorry, my daughter.” She put her hand up to her heart. “It has taken me too long to find my voice and my words, but know that I have practiced this for hours in my head. I want what I say to you to be correct, because everything has been wrong between you and me from day one—and it is all my doing. I was so selfish, and I lacked courage, and I—”
“Stop.” Xhex’s voice was strained. “Please… just stop—”
“—was wrong to ever turn my back on you. I was wrong to wait this long. I was wrong about everything. But this.” She stamped her foot. “This night I reveal to you all my faults, so that I may also pledge you my love, however imperfect and unwanted it is. I do not deserve to be your mother, or to call you daughter, but mayhap we may form a kind of… friendship. I can understand if this is unwanted as well, and I know that I have no right to demand anything from you. Just know that I am here, and my heart and mind are open to learning about who you are… and what you are.”
Xhex blinked once, and then stayed silent. As if what had been spoken to her had come over a bad radio frequency and she was forced to extrapolate meaning.
After a moment, the female said roughly, “I’m a symphath. You know that, right? The term ‘half-breed’ doesn’t mean shit when the ‘half’ is sin-eater.”
No’One kicked up her chin. “You are a female of worth. That is what you are. I care naught for the composition of your blood.”
“You were terrified of me.”
“I was terrified of everything.”
“And you have to see that… male in my face. Every time you
look at me, you have to remember what was done to you.”
At that, No’One swallowed hard. She supposed that part was true, but it was also the least important thing going forward: it was more than time to make this about her daughter. “You are a female of worth. That is what I see. Nothing more… and nothing less.”
Xhex blinked again. A couple of times. Then faster.
And then she lunged forward, and No’One found herself enveloped in a strong, sure embrace.
She did not hesitate for a moment to return the gesture of affection.
As she held on to her daughter, she thought, yes, indeed, forgiveness was best expressed through contact. Words could not give nuance to the sensation of holding what she had eschewed in a moment of great agony, of having her blood against her, of supporting the female, even just briefly, whom she had so selfishly wronged.
“My daughter,” she said in a voice that cracked. “My beautiful, strong… worthy daughter.”
With a shaking hand, she cupped the back of Xhex’s head and turned the female’s face to the side, so that she held her upon her shoulder as she would have a babe. Then with soft, gentle strokes, she smoothed the short hair.
It was impossible to say that she was grateful for anything that symphath had done to her. But this moment took the sting away, this vital moment when she felt as if the circle that had started to be drawn in her womb had finally been completed, two halves that had long tarried apart, coming to cleave once more.
When Xhex eventually pulled back, No’One gasped. “You bleed!” Reaching up to her daughter’s cheek, she cleared away the red drops with her hands. “I shall get Doc Jane—”
“Don’t worry about it. It’s just… yeah, nothing to worry about. It’s the way I… cry.”
No’One put her hand on her daughter’s face and shook her head in wonder. “You are nothing like me.” As the female looked away sharply, she said, “No, that is good. You are so strong. So powerful. I love that about you—I love all about you.”
“You can’t mean that.”
“Your symphath side… it is a blessing of sorts.” As Xhex began disagreeing, No’One cut her off. “It gives you a layer of protection against… things. It gives you a weapon against… things.”
“Maybe.”
“Definitely.”
“You know something? I was never mad at you. I mean, I understand why you did what you did. You brought an abomination into the world—”
“Do not ever use that word around me,” No’One barked. “Not when it comes to yourself. Are we clear.”
Xhex laughed in a throaty way, putting her palms up in defense. “Okay. Okay.”
“You are a miracle.”
“More like a curse.” When No’One opened her mouth to argue, Xhex cut her off. “Look, I appreciate this whole… thing. I really do—I mean, it’s really good of you. But I don’t believe in butterflies and unicorns, and neither should you. Do you know what I’ve been for the last… God, as many years as I can remember?”
No’One frowned. “You have been working in the human world, no? I believe I overheard that at some point?”
Xhex lifted her pale hands, flexing the fingers into claws and releasing them. “I’ve been an assassin. I’ve been paid to hunt people down and kill them. There’s blood all over me, No’One—and you need to know that before you go planning any kind of rosy-rosy reunion for us. Again, I’m glad that you asked me to come here, and you are more than totally forgiven for everything—but I’m not sure you have a realistic picture of me.”
No’One tucked her arms into the sleeves of her robe. “Are you… engaged in that practice now?”
“Not for the Brotherhood or my old boss. But with the job I have at the moment? If I had to revisit that skill set, I would without hesitation. I protect what’s mine, and if anyone gets in the way, I will do what I have to. That’s how I am.”
No’One studied those features, that stark expression, that tense, muscled body that was more like a male’s… and saw what was behind the strength: There was a vulnerability to Xhex, as if she were waiting to be turned away, shut out, shoved aside.
“I think that’s just fine.”
Xhex actually jumped. “What?”
No’One kicked up her chin once more. “I am surrounded by males who live by those rules. Why should it be any different for you because you are female? I’m rather of proud of you, actually. Better to be the aggressor than the aggressed upon—I should much rather have you of that mind than any other.”
Xhex took a shuddering breath. “God… damn… you have no idea how badly I need to hear that right now.”
“I shall be pleased to repeat it, if you would like?”
“I never thought… well, whatever. I’m glad you’re here. I’m glad you called. I’m glad you…”
As the sentence was not finished, No’One smiled, a bright, shining light striking up within her chest. “Myself as well. Mayhap, if you have… how do they say, time off? We could tarry some hours away together?”
Xhex started to grin a little. “Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“You ever been on a motorcycle?”
“What’s that?”
“Come around to the front of the house. Let me show you.”
THIRTY-SEVEN
Tohr came back at the end of the evening with two dirty daggers, no ammunition, and a bone bruise on his right calf that made him limp like a zombie.
Fucking tire irons. Then again, payback to that particular lesser had been kind of fun. Nothing like sanding the face off your enemy to lighten the mood.
Asphalt was his friend.
It had been a hard night fighting for all of them, a late one, too—both of which were good. The hours had sped by, and even though he stank like spoiled meat from all the black blood, and his new pair of leathers were going to have to be stitched up on one side, he felt better than he had when he’d headed out.
Fighting and fucking, as Rhage had always said. Those were the two best mood stabilizers there were.
Too bad the fact that he was more chilled out didn’t mean anything was different. The same shit was waiting for him as he came home.
Stepping through the vestibule, he began the disarming ritual, undoing his chest holster, his shoulder holster, his gun belt. The scent of freshly cooked lamb with rosemary filled the foyer, and a quick glance into the dining room showed that the doggen had set everything up properly, the silver gleaming, the crystal sparkling, people already beginning to gather for Last Meal.
No’One wasn’t among them as was usually the case.
Jogging up the stairs, he couldn’t deny the arousal that got harder and harder the higher he went. But the erection didn’t exactly make him happy.
You know as well as I do how much you haven’t done.
When he got to his door, he gripped the knob and closed his eyes. Then, forcing the panels wide, he said, “No’One?”
Her shift would have been over for about an hour—Fritz had insisted that she have some time to ready herself for dining, something she had fought initially, but seemed to have been taking advantage of lately, as the Jacuzzi was always damp at its drain when he came back after fighting.
He hoped he wouldn’t catch her in the tub. He wanted a shower, and didn’t know how to handle the two of them in the bathroom naked together.
You know as well as I do—
“Shut. Up.” He dropped his weapons and started to shuck his muscle shirt and his shitkickers. “No’One? You here?”
Frowning, he leaned into the bathroom, and found a whole lot of nobody.
No fragrance in the air. No draining water in the tub. No towels out of place.
Weird.
With a scattered head, he went back out into the corridor, hit the grand staircase and put the hidden door underneath it to good use. As he went through the underground tunnel, he wondered if she was in the pool.
He hoped she wasn’t. His cock prayed she
was.
For godsakes, he didn’t know what the fuck to think anymore.
Except… she wasn’t floating, naked or otherwise, on its surface. And she wasn’t where the washers and dryers were. Not in the weight room or the locker room or the gym restacking towels. Not in the clinic area putting fresh scrubs in the shelving, either.
She wasn’t… there.
His trip back to the mansion took half the time of the jog out, and when he got to the kitchen, all he found was a shitload of doggen doing the dinner scurry.
Stretching his senses out for the first time, he discovered… she wasn’t anywhere in the mansion.
A striking panic went through him, making his head hum—
No, wait, that was the sound of a… motorcycle?
The deep, rumbling growl made no sense. Unless Xhex had come home for some reason—which was good news for John—
No’One was out in front of the house. Right now.
Tracking his blood in her veins, he ran out across the foyer, shot through the vestibule, and… stopped dead on the top step of the entrance.
Xhex was on her Ducati, her black leather form fitting perfectly with the bike. And right behind her? No’One was sharing the seat, her hood off, her hair a frizzy mess, her smile as bright as the sun.
The expression changed as she saw him, tightening up.
“Hey,” he said, feeling his heart rate start to return to normal.
Behind him, he sensed someone else come out of the vestibule. John.
Xhex glanced at her mate and nodded, but did not cut the engine. Looking over her shoulder, she said, “You okay there, Mom?”
“Yes, indeed.” No’One dismounted awkwardly, her robe resettling down at her feet as if it were relieved to have the joyride over with. “I shall see you tomorrow night?”
“Yup. I’ll pick you up at three.”
“Perfect.”
The two females shared a smile that was so easy, he nearly teared the fuck up: Some kind of something had been reached between them… and if he couldn’t have his Wellsie and son back… yeah, he would want No’One to find her true family.
Looked like a step in the right direction had been taken.