by Sally Rippin
Lina felt her insides bubble in frustration. Imagine if Sarah got to see Mary’s television before her? Lina would never hear the end of it. Nonna would be okay with Enzo just for a little while. After all, he wasn’t really Lina’s responsibility, was he? She made up her mind. ‘Maybe I can just come for a bit,’ she said.
‘Oh, super!’ Mary squealed. Sister Rosemary shot her a deathly look.
‘But we’ll have to work on the magazine, too,’ Lina reminded her in a whisper. ‘That way at least I can tell my parents I went over to your place to work on a project.’ Lina hadn’t told her parents about the magazine. She was pretty sure they wouldn’t approve of her spending so much time on something that wasn’t exactly schoolwork. ‘It’s due at the end of next week, remember?’
‘I know!’ Mary replied. ‘There’s still so much to do! Don’t worry, we’ll just watch a little bit of television and then we can work hard on the magazine. You’ll be home even before your parents know you’ve been gone.’
I’d better be, thought Lina guiltily. But she couldn’t help feeling excited, too. Imagine! She had seen advertisements for television in the newspaper, of course, but never the real thing.
The bell rang and the girls dashed outside to line up for assembly. Today, for the first time, it felt like Spring had finally arrived. Green buds glittered on the jacaranda branches and sunshine was peeking through the clouds. Lina felt as chirpy as a bird. Nothing is going to spoil my day today, she decided.
Miss Spring waltzed over to where Lina stood next to Mary in line. She raised an eyebrow and peered down her nose. ‘Well, Lina, I hope you have a note from your parents?’ she said in a stern voice. ‘I hear you missed double Latin yesterday afternoon.’
Mary looked at Lina in surprise.
‘Er, yes,’ Lina mumbled. ‘I had . . . er . . . an appointment.’
‘Very well,’ said Miss Spring. ‘But in future you are to inform me if you are leaving school early. And I will need a note from your parents to explain your absence. By the end of tomorrow. At the latest.’
‘Yes, Miss Spring,’ Lina said, feeling her cheeks begin to heat up. How could she possibly get a note from her parents? She couldn’t have them find out that she’d skipped school. They’d never forgive her.
Don’t worry about it now, Lina told herself, crossly. Remember, this was going to be a good day, no matter what! You’ll think of something. Just get through the school day, avoid Sarah, and this afternoon you and Mary can watch television!
Lina and Mary made their way back to Mary’s house in the afternoon sunshine, chatting excitedly all the way. When they walked into Mary’s lounge room, the television was on and Mrs Doveton was perched on the edge of a footstool. ‘Quick! Come and see!’ she told the girls. ‘It’s only just started. It’s a variety show. Look, they’ve got live musicians. And ballroom dancers. Aren’t they just glorious?’
Mary flopped onto her stomach on the soft beige carpet and Lina lay down next to her. Together they watched the dancers on the small black-and-white screen and listened to the music coming from the speakers. Lina had never seen anything so extraordinary as this little wooden box on its four skinny metal legs. It really was like watching a miniature cinema. In your own home!
‘Look how beautiful those ladies are,’ Mary sighed. ‘Aren’t they just dreamy? I want to be like one of those beautiful ladies on television.’
‘Why, that’s a marvellous idea,’ Mary’s mother said, clapping her hands. ‘You would be perfect for television, darling. You’re so pretty. And you’ve a lovely smile. Let’s talk about it with Daddy. I’m sure he’ll know someone who can get you on the television. Who knows, you could even have your own show one day!’
Mary rolled onto her back and clasped her hands together on her chest like she had just been proposed to by her sweetheart. ‘Isn’t television the best, Lina?’
Lina nodded enthusiastically. Yes, television was definitely magical.
The variety show eventually finished. A test pattern came on and Lina jumped up in a panic. ‘What time is it?’ she said.
Mrs Doveton stretched and wandered over to the clock on the kitchen wall. ‘It’s six o’clock, dear,’ she called out. ‘Will you stay for dinner?’
‘Oh no! I have to get home or my family will be worried!’ Lina said.
‘Just telephone them,’ Mary said dreamily, still watching the test pattern.
But Lina wasn’t in the mood for playing that charade again and quickly began gathering up her things. ‘No, I have to go home,’ she said. ‘My mum’s not well.’ Then she stopped as she remembered. ‘The magazine! We didn’t do any work on the magazine.’
‘Don’t worry!’ Mary said, waving her hand in dismissal. ‘We still have plenty of time.’
‘No, we don’t,’ said Lina, anxiously. ‘We said we’d get the first draft to the Mother Superior by next Friday. And now that Sarah and I aren’t working together, it’s going to take us even longer. Have you two done any more?’
Mary shook her head. ‘Look, I’ll bring it in tomorrow and we’ll do some at lunchtime, okay? Don’t worry! We’ll get it done.’
‘I hope so,’ Lina said. ‘I really want to do this, Mary.’ She didn’t know if her friend understood how important this was to her. She had to prove to everyone just how much she wanted to be a writer.
‘I do, too!’ said Mary. ‘You know I do!’ But the moment an announcer came onto the screen, Mary lost interest in their conversation.
‘Mary, see your friend out, I’m going to start dinner,’ her mother called out from the kitchen.
Mary got up reluctantly and walked Lina to the door, but Lina knew as soon as she was only halfway down the driveway, Mary would be lying back down on the soft beige carpet again, waiting for some other entertainment to appear on the little magic box. Lina wished she could have lain down on the carpet beside her friend all evening, watching those little people on the screen, but that wasn’t her life and she knew it. Her life waited at home for her, with chickens to feed and dinner to help prepare and an annoying little brother to keep out of Nonna’s way.
Outside, the sky was bruising dark. A wind had lifted and the birch trees in the neighbour’s yard whispered menacingly and shook their long straggly arms at Lina. ‘You’re laaaaate!’ they whispered. ‘Agaaaaain! What kind of daughter are you? Your mother unwell and your nonna at home by herself looking after all those boys.’
‘Shush!’ Lina told them and she ran down Mary’s street before the other trees could scold her too. She made her way back to the school, which now looked gloomy in the gathering darkness. The main building leered at her, a light flickering in a top window like a watchful eye. ‘Not a real St Brigid’s girl,’ it whispered. ‘Not really one of us.’
‘I am!’ Lina shouted in her head. ‘I am a real St Brigid’s girl. I am as good as any one of those girls with their fancy houses and pretty dresses and gleaming new televisions!’
Just as she began to shiver in the cool wind, the bus came around the corner and Lina scrambled on board.
When she got home, Nonna was busy preparing the dinner and didn’t notice her slip in. Lina was relieved to see that she had made it home before her mother. Her father was still in bed after his long night shift, catching up on sleep before he set out for work again that evening. Lina quickly changed out of her uniform and made her way out the back to join her brothers, who were already doing their chores. Only Enzo seemed to notice she was late home. He followed her around the back garden as she did her chores, like a little lost shadow.
LINA lay in bed, worrying about the absentee note. Her mother had returned home from work that evening looking more exhausted than ever and gone straight to bed. Lina’s father had taken her meal to their room and sat by her mother’s bedside. Usually Lina and her father read the paper in the evenings before he went to work, and Lina had been waiting for this moment to bring up the note with him. She’d decided she would just tell him that she’d been feeling unwell
so had left school early. She was sure he would forgive her. She’d never skipped class before.
But her father had spent all evening with her mother, and Lina hadn’t had the nerve to bother them with her problems. I’ll have to catch him in the morning before school, Lina thought. I can’t turn up a second day without a note for Miss Spring.
In the dark, Lina listened to her father leave for work and her brothers get ready for sleep. Soon her grandmother came into their room, undressed, and climbed creakily into bed, sighing loudly and complaining under her breath about her tired old bones and how ungrateful everyone was. Lina lay still, pretending to be asleep. Within only a few minutes, her grandmother’s breathing grew slower and deeper until she began to snore. The sound had become Lina’s evening lullaby. If she concentrated hard enough she could almost imagine she was listening to a rumbling ocean, waves crashing on the sand of a tropical island.
Just as she was drifting off to sleep Lina heard a different noise. She sat up, heart pounding, ears ringing with the unfamiliar sound. It came again. A long, low moan, like before, then a crash. She heard her brother’s footsteps rushing down the corridor.
Lina leapt from her bed and scrambled out of her room to the bedroom across the hallway. Her older brothers were already there. Bruno was kneeling on the floor beside their mother, and Pierino had his hands under her arms, trying to help her stand. As Lina watched, her mother opened her mouth wide and let out another sharp groan of pain. She pushed away Pierino’s hands and curled up into a knot on the faded linoleum. In the dim hallway light Lina saw a dark red stain bloom across the back of her mother’s nightdress.
Lina gasped. ‘She’s bleeding! What happened?’ Every muscle in her body snapped tight.
Bruno turned to her with terrified eyes. ‘Wake Zio and Nonna,’ he yelled. ‘Get help!’
Lina ran back down the corridor, dizzy with fear. ‘Nonna!’ she yelped. ‘Zio! Help!’
Nonna and Zio stumbled out of their bedrooms. Enzo began to wail.
‘Go and look after Enzo!’ Bruno shouted at Lina. ‘Don’t let him come in!’
‘But what’s wrong?’ Lina sobbed, clutching at the doorframe. All around her the house seemed to pitch and rock like a boat on an unsteady sea.
Enzo began to cry louder.
‘Lina! Look after Enzo!’ Pierino roared.
‘I’ll go across the road to call an ambulance,’ Zio muttered, dashing out the front door in his pyjamas.
Lina ran back down the corridor to comfort her little brother. He was sitting up in a tangle of blankets, eyes rolling white in the dark. She clambered onto his bed and clutched him in her arms, her body shaking uncontrollably.
‘Mama? Where’s Mama?’ Enzo wailed.
‘Shhh . . .’ Lina said, trying to be brave for her little brother, holding him tightly. She heard an ambulance siren drawing closer, then a pounding on the front door. The calm voices of the ambulance crew, the frightened shouting of her brothers and the wailing of her nonna all jumbled together in the corridor. Lina pulled her brother down under the blankets to try to block out the world. It felt like it had been tipped upside down and knocked inside out. Please, God, let Mama be okay, she pleaded into the dark.
Soon the house fell quiet. Lina poked her head out of the blankets. She could hear a low murmuring in the hallway. ‘Bruno?’ she called.
Bruno filled the doorway. ‘It’s all right,’ he said gently. ‘Mama’s gone to hospital. Nonna’s with her and Pierino’s gone, too, to translate for them. Zio’s cycling over to the car plant to find Papa.’
‘What happened?’ Lina asked urgently. Beside her Enzo began to whimper.
Bruno came towards them and knelt by the bed. Lina saw him struggling to hold back tears. He wiped his eyes with the backs of his hands. ‘Let’s talk about it when Pa’s here, huh?’ He gestured towards Enzo with his chin.
Lina gulped down a ball of fire and nodded. She was still trembling with fear.
‘You two get some sleep now, okay?’ Bruno said, tucking the blankets in around Lina and Enzo. Then he stood up and walked back out of the room.
Lina lay awake for what seemed like hours. She felt Enzo drift back to sleep and envied him. Her body was so tight she felt like she might never sleep again. Bruno came into the room and slipped into his bed. She could tell by his breathing that he wasn’t sleeping either. ‘Bruno?’ she whispered.
‘Go to sleep,’ he insisted, so she lay quietly and watched dark shadows shift across the ceiling. When they melted into morning-grey she finally drifted into sleep.
The sound of a key in the front door woke Lina. She sat upright. The curtains in Bruno’s room were still tightly drawn but she could tell by the crack of sunlight on the floor that it was already late. Bruno was a dark hump in his bed.
‘Papa?’ Lina called out.
But it was Nonna who appeared in the doorway. She put her finger on her lips and beckoned for Lina to come into the hallway. Lina slipped out of bed, careful not to wake her brothers. Pierino was there, too. Nonna’s eyes were red and her face was like a crumpled sheet. She pulled Lina into a big bosomy hug. Lina looked up at Pierino.
‘Nonna will stay here with Enzo and I’ll take you into the hospital to see Ma,’ he explained. ‘We have to take some clothes in for her.’
Nonna let go of Lina and shuffled off to pack a bag. Lina pulled on the first dress she could find and within a few minutes was at the front door, where Pierino stood waiting for her. She and Pierino headed towards the bus stop at the end of their street. Outside the sun was already creeping up into the sky. The air was surprisingly balmy and the sound of chattering birds was everywhere. There were days when Lina envied those birds, who had nothing to worry about other than singing and hunting for worms.
‘School!’ Lina said suddenly.
Pierino looked at her like she was nuts. ‘I’m sure the world won’t fall apart if you miss one day of school, Miss Smarty-Pants.’
Lina felt her cheeks redden. One day and an afternoon, she thought. She would have even more explaining to do when she finally returned to school.
LINA followed Pierino down a long hospital corridor, which smelled of disinfectant and boiled cabbage. Some young nurses in crisp white uniforms and starched caps gathered by the desk as Pierino sauntered past. Lina looked up at him curiously. Do they think he’s handsome? To her he could only ever be her annoying older brother, but she supposed if she squinted he wasn’t bad looking. Pierino kept his eyes straight ahead, not like Bruno. Bruno loved to flirt with girls and girls loved to flirt with him.
Soon they reached a room at the end of the corridor and Pierino hesitated at the door. ‘Here it is,’ he said. ‘I’ll wait downstairs. Ma said she wants to see you on your own.’
‘Really?’ said Lina, feeling butterflies tickle her stomach. ‘Why?’
Pierino rolled his eyes. ‘You’re her only daughter, Lina. Don’t you think that makes you a little bit special?’
Pierino’s words came as a surprise. This wasn’t something that had ever occurred to her. She’d always thought Pierino was Ma’s favourite. He was always so good and did his chores without complaining. Bruno made her mother laugh and Enzo was everybody’s favourite because he was so cute. Lately Lina felt as if she was always on the wrong side of her mother.
She watched Pierino stroll back down the corridor and stepped nervously into the darkened room. There were four beds with curtains pulled around them; Lina had no idea which one hid her mother. To her relief, she spotted her father, propped in a chair, eyes red, still in his grease-stained overalls from the car factory.
He held out his arms to Lina and she rushed over, holding back a wave of tears. ‘Shhh . . .’ Papa said, ‘your ma is still sleeping.’
‘No, it’s okay,’ Lina’s mother said, opening her eyes and rolling stiffly onto her back. ‘I’m awake.’ She winced as she pulled herself upright, then patted the bed beside her. Lina hopped up onto the high hospital bed, looking between her parent
s for an explanation.
‘Your mama lost a baby,’ Papa said gravely, his eyes heavy and dark.
‘What?’ Lina said, too shocked to feel anything. ‘I didn’t know you were pregnant.’
Lina’s mother nodded. ‘We were going to tell you . . .’
‘We wanted to wait to make sure the baby was healthy before we told anyone,’ Papa explained. ‘Your mama is thirty-seven now and that’s quite old to have a baby.’
‘Too old,’ Mama sighed, hanging her head. She took Lina’s hand and stroked it. ‘It was a little girl,’ she said, sadly. ‘I’m sorry, Lina. I know what it’s like to grow up in a house of boys. I wanted so much to give you a sister.’
‘Oh, Mama!’ Lina said. She threw her arms around her mother’s neck, tears welling up and sticking her hair to her mother’s cheek. ‘I don’t need a sister. I’m happy just as we are!’
Lina’s mother put her arms around Lina and stroked her hair. Lina felt her father’s big hand on her shoulder and even though it was the saddest moment she could ever remember, it was also strangely the happiest, to be enfolded in her mother’s arms with her father’s steady hand on her back. For a moment Lina was reminded of being a little girl, before Enzo came along, when her mother was brighter and happier and would pick Lina up for no reason whatsoever and cuddle her tight just like a baby.
The three of them sat for some time. Lina nestled in the crook of her mother’s arm, her father gazing out the window. It seemed as if anything that needed to could be shared without words.
Finally, Lina’s father turned around as her mother’s head dropped forward in sleep. ‘Come,’ he said gently. ‘We should let Ma rest now. Pierino will take you home, okay?’
Lina kissed her mother goodbye and followed her father out of the room. ‘How long will Ma stay in hospital?’ Lina asked.
‘Probably a couple of days,’ her father replied. ‘She can’t take too much time off or they’ll give her job away.’ He shook his head sadly. ‘I wish I could take tonight off to be with her.’