But… no. My feelings for him won’t win this time. Not right now.
I start to turn but Ace grasps my shoulders from behind, pulling my back to his chest. A sound crackles in his throat—one of guilt or shame. I’m not quite sure, but it hurts to hear because I know he wants to say more. I know what’s scratching at that throat of his.
“London… I’m sorry. I swear. I didn’t know…” He pauses, clearing his throat. Turning me in his direction again, he looks me over, swallowing thickly. “I didn’t know we’d become this. I didn’t know we’d grow so close. I didn’t even see it coming.” I look away but he continues, grasping my fingertips. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs. “What I did was wrong, but I won’t take it back. This obviously happened for a reason. And I’m clinging to it… the reason. You.”
I lower my gaze, my throat constricting. My tears thicken, but I blink quickly, hoping they don’t fall. Then I whisper, “I’m sorry, too.”
His eyes expand. “You’re sorry?”
“Yes. For… blaming you for everything.”
He slides his fingertips into his front pockets. “Nothing to apologize for. I’m part of the blame as well. I was selfish.”
“Did he really trust you… as a brother, like you said? Like he said in that letter?
He sighs. “Yes… but the truth is I made Jonah write that letter.”
I gape.
“I didn’t put a gun to his head or anything,” he says, laughing a little. “But when I found out that Krane wanted him hurt, I invited him to my place for a few drinks. Then I told him this story about how I didn’t get the chance to tell my mom goodbye. Because I was so busy and so damn stubborn, my mom died, and I didn’t know it until a week later. At first, I thought I was doing all of this work and stuff for her, but deep down, I knew I wasn’t. I just liked being in charge. I liked being… bad. I liked not caring. Or worrying about anyone. I liked that people were scared of me because, at one point in my life I was afraid of everything.” He lowers his head. “I told Jonah that if I could go back, I would’ve at least written a letter or given her a call telling her that I loved her—that I missed her every day and was doing what I had to do for us. For her… because I was. She was so sick and so… lonely. I wanted the best for her. Jonah realized that all he had left was you, and he knew anything could happen to him while he was in Crow, so he wrote that letter. I got into his head… made him think. And I’m glad I did. I’m glad he had a chance to say goodbye to you, even though it was a lot sooner than expected.”
“God, Ace,” I whisper, feeling the tears fall. “You could’ve done something else to stop it, couldn’t you?”
“I didn’t know what Krane had planned. I wanted to stay in New York and handle that deal with Pablo. I wanted Krane out of the way, and I wanted him to calm down. I wanted to tell Jonah about Krane, but I’m not a fucking snitch, and if we’re being honest, Krane is more like a brother to me than Jonah. I’d just met him. I didn’t want to see Krane go down, but I admit, I did want Jonah to be knocked down a few levels. I wanted him to know who was boss. That shit backfired on me, too, and if I would’ve known it was going to go down that way, I would’ve done more to prevent it. But I didn’t it. I regret the hell out of it.” He blinks hard.
“I knew, whether we’d stayed here, gone to Atlanta, or even if we’d come back, Jonah was going to get hurt by Krane somehow. He had it coming. I didn’t know what the hell to do about Krane or Jonah. Crow was falling apart. That’s when I realized I couldn’t be a part of this shit anymore. Jonah didn’t know it, but he told me about the diamonds he had hidden. He was drunk out of his damn mind, and he didn’t even realize he was telling me everything. He told me how much they were worth—millions—and he said he was going to use them when he hit his thirties or if the business ever failed. He didn’t tell me where he put them, but he did tell me that if something ever happened to him, the only person that would ever be able to find them was you. He wanted you to be okay if anything ever did happen…”
“And you were just gonna take them right from me?” I ask, tilting my head.
“I was going to keep them to myself at first, yeah. I mean, if I’m being honest, I didn’t give a damn about any of Jonah’s family. I didn’t even know you. But as I got to know you, I realized you would’ve needed them more than me. I couldn’t do that to you.”
“Well,” I sigh. “I guess it’s just your luck that I don’t want them. I can’t keep stolen goods…”
“You deserve them.”
I ignore him. “When I find them, they’re all yours. I’ll keep looking.” I turn away from him and head for Jonah’s bedroom.
He follows after me, stopping between the frames of the door. I look around, knowing the only reason Ace brought me here the first time was so he could get those diamonds. He thought maybe I’d find something that Jonah would only give to me and the diamonds would be there. I can’t help but question what would’ve happened if I were to find them then? Would I still be alive? Did he care for me back then? As I search under all the junk I damaged when I was here before, Ace asks, “Do you forgive me?”
“Forgive you?” I ask, looking through the nightstand. “This soon?” I laugh.
He remains quiet. I can feel his heavy eyes on me.
I turn towards him, looking him over. “It was selfish of you, yeah, but… I don’t know.” I lower my gaze. “If there’s one thing about me, it’s that it’s not hard for me to forgive someone. You kept your promise to Jonah… and no harm was done to me. You couldn’t help that Jonah was going off the deep end. I just wish the outcome would’ve been… better. You know? But this…” I shake my head. “I don’t know if I can forgive it right away. But I can look over it… for now.”
He gives a small smile, nodding.
“It’s just… trust goes a looonnng way for me, Ace.”
He steps forward, his boyish smile faltering. “I understand.”
“And I want to trust you—”
“Just let me know now if this will be my last day seeing you,” he says, interrupting me.
His eyes are locked on mine, his face firm. There’s almost a pleading look on his face, as if he’d do anything to keep me around.
“I wanted us to be together, Ace,” I whisper.
“I know, and when I get out of this, we’ll be together.”
“This,” I say, looking around, “…is your life. I’m not sure you’ll ever be able to get out of it.”
“I don’t need it. Not when I have you.” I start to speak, but keep my lips sealed as he steps closer. “When I’m around you, Crow doesn’t mean shit to me. I remember wishing it wasn’t that way. I wanted to forget about you, drop you. I wanted nothing to do with you. I only wanted to focus on business. But yesterday, when you came to me all pissed off and shit and I told you to leave… that shit hurt. I didn’t want you to leave, and I’m so fucking thankful there was a storm to keep you here. That storm was my second chance— telling me to get over my damn pride and go after what I wanted. It was a sign.” He rakes his fingers through his hair. “I’ve been in this shit for too long. I’ve done so much bad shit that I can’t even sleep peacefully at night anymore. I’ve fucked up so many times in my life, but I refuse to fuck up when it comes to you. I know I lied to you, hurt you, and said shit to you that I shouldn’t have said, but it was because I didn’t know what I was feeling. I never felt it before. It fucking scared me.” He pauses, lifting his hand up to cup my cheek. I sink my face into his hand, closing my eyes briefly. “But I know now,” he murmurs.
My eyes pop open to meet his. I already know what he’s going to stay. I’ve wanted to say it for so long. I can tell by the look in his eyes, the way he’s caressing my cheek, the way he’s staring at me as if I’m the last thing he’d hold onto even if the world were to end right now, in this very moment.
So, I beat him to the punch. Because the way he feels is exactly how I feel. I may be confused, afraid and kind of unforgiving, but I can’t
fight my feelings. I can’t hold it in anymore. I have to let it out. Holding it in is going to destroy me. I’ve missed out on so many chances with the people I love. There’s no reason to hold back with him. How I feel is how I feel.
“I love you, Ace,” I whisper.
His eyes expand, and not long after, a soft smile spreads across his full lips. Bringing his head down, he presses his velvety lips against mine, threading his fingers through my hair. I return his kiss with just as much passion as he does.
It’s corny to say, but sparks seem to fly. My belly heats with satisfaction. My body yearns for more of his touch. I’m on fucking fire, and I don’t want to be put out anytime soon.
Breaking the kiss, Ace says, “We’ll find those diamonds, and we’ll go to Greece, like you wanted. We’ll start over… live. We’ll do whatever you wanna do.”
“But… what about your men?” I ask in a whisper.
“Gerrick and Tye will take over. They’ve wanted to for a while. I’ve talked to them about getting out. They understand.”
“But I thought it was against your rules…”
“There aren’t any more rules like that, Red. I ran what we had going on for eight years. A lot of things changed since my father was in charge. Some men dropped out. I didn’t blame them. I simply let them go. I only recruited men I knew I could trust.”
“Well,” I breathe, planting the palm of my hand on his chest, “…if this works out, I want to go back home and see my friends. I want to let them know I’m okay. And that I’ll be taking a much needed vacation.”
He nods, lifting a brow and smirking.
“But first,” I continue, “...after we find the diamonds, we’re going back to your place and you’re going to give Bianca a call. You really hurt her feelings the other night.”
He groans, rolling his neck. “I… didn’t mean it. She knows that.”
“She was getting fed up… and afraid.”
“I know.”
“She said you changed in a bad way, like her dad and yours.”
“I’ve changed somewhat, but nothing like them. Never like them.” He cups my face with both hands. “Sure you wanna do this with me? Can you even trust someone like me?”
I smile, pecking his lips with my own. “You have a lot to tell me and a lot to fill me in on, but I want to do this. This morning, the only thing I feared was letting this go. If you’re willing to walk away from Crow, I’m willing to walk away with you and make this work. I’m willing to take the risk as long as you are.”
He nods, placing a kiss on the corner of my mouth. “You have no idea. Never been afraid of letting someone go this bad.”
I know I’m taking a risk on this. Anything I do with Ace Crow is a risk… but I want this. I want us. Coming here with him was a risk. Sleeping with him was a risk. Getting to know him was a risk. If all of that worked out, then I know this will too. With all of that, I gave little thought to it. I just did it. So this, I’ll just do. And if it doesn’t work out, then there’s always the option of leaving. There’s always the option to go back to what I had before.
We spend another half hour searching Jonah’s loft high and low. Everything is flipped upside down. Frustration strikes me as I scramble through his bathroom drawers and cabinets. Nothing is here. Nothing that would ring a bell.
Ace sighs behind me, folding his arms at the door. “Probably right,” he says. “It’s not here.”
I stand up, dusting my hands off. Sighing, I walk past him and into the living room. I take a hard look around. It has to be here. If it wasn’t in his car, it has to be around here somewhere. What the hell am I missing? What is it that he wanted me to see?
The floor creaks behind me as Ace enters the living room. I stare ahead, looking from the TV to the recliner and then to the sofa. My eyes then land on the coffee table I bought him. I smile at it as memories of how we bickered over it come to mind.
And then, it hits me. Just like that.
I rush for the table, bending as I pull the two hidden compartments beneath the table open. It’s a simple table, and I got it because that’s what Jonah was to me. Simple.
Inside one of the drawers is a stack of paper, pens, and some condoms. In the other is a pack of gum, a Snickers, a pack of M&Ms, and three packs of my all-time favorite gummy bears.
I snatch the gummy bears out, staring at the pack. It’s heavier than the norm.
“Oh my God,” I breathe.
I flashback to the time Jonah first bought me these. It was a week after our parents passed away. He didn’t know what to do to make me happy, and to make matters worse, we were living with the most awful aunt ever. She hardly fed us, and she was never home. He gave a pack to me one night. He told me to eat them, and he even told me they’d make me feel better. He was right. I felt a lot better while eating them because, for a brief moment, I wasn’t thinking about my deceased parents or the nightmares I had of them. I only thought about the gummy bears and how he shared them with me. I told him he was the best brother ever, and he told me he was glad to have me as a sister.
The gummy bear pack isn’t see-through. It’s all black, and he was right. No one would’ve torn open a pack of these gummy bears unless they were me. Candy would be the last thing on any man’s mind while searching for diamonds. To this day, they’re my favorite.
“Oh my God,” I breathe again, ripping open one of the packs as a tear slides down my cheek.
Flipping the bag upside down, a mixture of colorful gummy bears and sparkling diamonds come tumbling out on the table. I laugh as I stare down at the various sized diamonds. Some of them are big, some small. But they’re all so clear. So icy. So beautiful.
Ace runs to my side, staring down like mad man. “He ate those shits all the time,” he breathes.
“I know.” I nod. “We both did. These were my favorite. He was right. If anyone were to try and search for them, no one would have found them but me.”
Ace swallows, lowering to his knees. “All of these have diamonds in them?” he asks, lifting one of the four gummy bear packs.
“Yes. All of them. I’m sure.”
“Wow… more than I thought.”
“How the hell did he get them in there?” I question.
He shrugs. “Easy. Get someone to open the bag then seal it again with a vacuum. Probably did it himself.”
“Wow,” I breathe. Seriously, wow. This is more than I thought. I shouldn’t be so happy about this, considering every single one of these diamonds has been stolen, but to know that Jonah left these behind for only me to find means he had some kind of decency. It means he still cared, that he wasn’t all cold and heartless. He was being thoughtful. No matter how much I can’t stand what I didn’t know about him, he was still my brother. And I loved him just as much as he loved me.
“Alright. Let’s gather this back up and get back to my place,” Ace says.
“Yeah.” I nod, swiping my tears away. I use both hands to scoop the gummy bears back into the pack, and then I hand them all to Ace. He stuffs what he can into his pocket, leaving one pack in his hand. He hands it to me, a hint of a smile on his lips.
“Might look better if you’re carrying the candy instead of me. Never know who’s watching.”
“Right,” I breathe, taking the pack.
Wrapping an arm around my shoulder, Ace leads me to the front door and opens it. I step out first, and he follows after me, shutting it behind him. We’re pretty quiet walking to the parking deck, but it’s not awkward. It’s understandable. I’m sure we’re both thinking about the plans we have in store. We’re both thinking about how this will work out between us. We’re both afraid, but our fears mean nothing when we feel this way about each other. There’s so much to learn. So much to talk about… it’s a fresh start. We need it.
Truthfully, I know things will be okay. I know Ace has changed—somewhat. Ever since I’ve been here, I’ve seen the change in his eyes. His eyes used to be so hard and dark. Now, they’re much brigh
ter… more relaxed. He was tough to get to, but I could tell there was a soft spot. And I got to it, just like I said I would. The plan was to get him to open up to me—to be weak for me—but that plan backfired because here I am with him, scared, yet excited for what’s in store for us.
We make it to the fourth level. Ace’s car is only a few feet away. As we get closer, though, I hear footsteps. They’re slow, and Ace also hears them because he stops walking immediately, gripping my hand. Taking a gradual look around, he brings me closer to his side, breathing heavily through his nostrils.
“Doesn’t feel right,” he murmurs.
“What do you mean?” I whisper.
“Somebody’s up here.”
I try and keep calm.
“A lot of people are in this building, Ace,” I whisper. “Could be someone that lives here.”
“Then why haven’t they shown themselves yet?” His question is rhetorical, but packed with so much meaning. He looks down at me, stuffing his keys in my hand. “Hurry for the car.”
I nod and rush for the car, pressing the button to unlock it. My heart thunders as I near the driver’s side. When I make it, I pull the door open. I look back at Ace, and he nods, hurrying my way. I hop in the driver’s seat as he rushes to the passenger side.
But in this moment, everything completely falls apart.
Ace grunts, and his body is forced against the passenger window. Someone is behind him, beating him. Fear courses through me, and I scream to the top of my lungs. Before Ace’s large body falls to the ground, he yells, “Drive away, London!”
Once he’s collapsed the passenger door is yanked open.
And the face that appears is a face I never thought I’d see again after this day. He grins at me, pointing a gun at my head. I quake with fear, lifting my hands innocently.
“Those,” Krane says, pointing down at the pack of gummy bears on my lap, “must be what we’ve all been looking for, huh?”
“Alright,” Krane says. “Get out of the car.” I start to climb out, but he clears his throat. “Drop the candy.”
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