When Gerrick hands me my suitcase, I ask, “Where’s Ace?”
He ignores me, shutting the door in my face. “Go to Trent. Now!” he yells through the window.
“I’m not leaving without Ace!” I shout.
And then, there’s a gunshot. I look up, watching as Wes falls to his knees. Tye roars, rushing to his side and pressing on his wound immediately. Gerrick demands that I leave once more and then he rushes to Tye’s side to aid him.
I start the truck with trembling hands, and as I put the car in reverse, I finally see Ace’s tall stature emerge from the driver’s side of Krane’s car. From this point, I can tell he was going to use Krane’s car to escape while the boys handled it but has just changed his mind. He glances over his shoulder at me, yelling for me to go.
My heart races in my chest as I freeze, clutching the wheel. I have no control over my tears. No control over what’s going on.
Ace lifts his gun and shoots at Pablo’s men. They shoot back. And as Gerrick rushes to Ace’s side to help him, he’s hit. Gerrick falls to the ground, and Ace cries out to him, turning in his direction and lowering to his knees. I can’t see Ace or Gerrick over Krane’s car, but I can see Tye, clinging to Wes’s body.
I quake with fear, but for some reason, I still can’t move. I know I should go, but I can’t. I don’t want to leave without him. I don’t want to go on without him.
Ace finally stands again, yelling something at Pablo’s men. The guns stop shooting as he slams the car door and walks in front of his Mercedes. I can’t hear what he’s saying, but he’s banging on his chest. He’s yelling at them, hollering. I wish I could hear what he’s saying, but all sound has drowned out. I can’t make out a thing.
Then, seconds later, it all becomes clear. He’s yelling for them to let his men go. The one that’s hurt and the one that’s still alive and mourning over his possibly dead brother. He’s yelling for them to just take his life, and to let us go. Me… He’s begging them to just do it.
“Just take me! Do it!” he shouts, taking a step forward. “I’m the motherfucker you want. It’s me! Let them go! Let her go!”
Finally, he stops yelling. He lifts his hands in the air and his gun drops to the ground. Then, he looks over his shoulder at me, and a slow smile appears on his full, beautiful lips. He mouths the words “I love you”, continuing his smile. His warm, honey eyes lock with mine, and in them, I can see everything. I can see his regret. His pain. His passion… his love.
I can’t blink.
I can’t move.
I can’t function.
Because I know what’s about to happen. With all of his men gone, what is there to hold onto? With Pablo’s men here, he’d never be able to escape. Even if he were to come with me, they’d find him. And they’d kill him. And me.
I realize this is a sacrifice. This is the price he’s going to pay in order to keep me alive. But this isn’t what I want, and I refuse to watch it happen. Anything could happen if I don’t look or wait around. Pablo’s men could change their minds and make amends. They could let him off easy. Anything—there’s hope— the only way I can cling to it is if I just go.
But not yet.
I shove the car door open and cling to it with thick tears streaming. I yell, “ACE! I FORGIVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!”
He glances back, and his head tilts. A slow smile spreads across his lips. His eyes bore into mine. I linger, wanting to say so much more. Wanting him with me. Wanting him and his men to just make a run for it.
I’m not sure how long we end up staring at each other. It feels like an eternity. I can hear my heart pounding. I can feel every heavy breath rushing in and out of me.
“I love you,” I whimper, but I’m sure he can’t hear me.
Ace starts to say something, my face lights up, but in an instant a gun goes off and he clutches his shoulder with a groan, falling to the ground.
“Ace!” I scream.
I start to get out of the car, never even realizing that Tye was already on his way towards me. “Get back in and go. I can handle it.” I try and see over Tye’s shoulder but it’s useless. He’s pushing me back, shaking his head. “Go!”
I want to rip Tye to shreds right now. I want to see Ace. I want him to be okay. It doesn’t take very long to know that he is though because he yells, “Go, London! I’ll find you!” as he rushes to the driver’s side of his car where Gerrick is sitting. He’s slouches down and clutches his shoulder, looking me dead in the eye.
I swipe at my blurred eyes. “No.”
I don’t hear him, but his mouth forms the word, “Yes.”
“Ace, please,” I beg.
He smiles. “Letters, babe. Write me letters! I’ll find you.”
I fight a smile as Tye forces me back. I don’t stop staring into Ace’s eyes, though. I can’t. Not until I’m pushed into the car completely. “Okay,” I whisper, as if he can hear me.
He nods, and Tye backs away, slamming the door in my face and demanding that I leave.
Without a second to waste, I press on the gas pedal and the truck skids backwards, causing a smoke trail. I hear gunshots and someone yells Ace’s name, but I don’t give myself enough time to look up. In an instant, I make a wide turn and rush away from the scene like he told me to—away from the man I love.
Away from the man who just gave up his pride for his men… for me.
Away from my peace.
My bliss.
The one I love.
The one who became my everything.
The one who holds my heart.
The one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
The one I was going to risk everything for.
He was the one… he was there… but just like that, he’s gone. I’m sure I won’t see him for a while… maybe never again. But there’s hope. And there’s his promise. He said he’d come back. He’s a fighter so I believe him. He always comes out on top. He’s Ace Crow for heaven’s sake. Knowing that causes a smile to break through my tears.
As much as I try and fight it, I know I’ve entered the showers of gloom. The agony. The pain. The hurt.
I’ve felt it all before, but this time around, it’s much, much worse because a part of me was given to him. And that part of me has just been left behind. That part of me will never awaken again… not unless he’s around.
I have to face it.
There’s no looking back.
There’s only hope for now, but there will be joy and completion when we meet again. When he finds me.
Five Months Later…
My brother always told me to take care of myself before taking care of anyone else. When he left, he basically scolded me. He told me no one in our family or in our lives is going to pave our way. We have to create our own goals. Our own future. I used to consider him crazy, silly even, but I believed him.
But right now, I don’t fully agree.
Ace saved me. He risked himself for me. He gave up so much… for me. Although I never thought it could happen, I was… happy around him.
I can’t remember everything that happened that night.
I mean, I was there, but I could hardly breathe, could hardly speak. Everything got so out of hand that I don’t remember much.
But I do remember Ace.
I remember him being the soldier he is and not backing down. I remember him defending his men and even me.
I left before I could see what was about to happen. I left because I wanted there to be a possibility that maybe he made it out alive. I wanted there to be hope, and I knew the only way I was going to have any was if I just ran away instead of watching like I normally did.
I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to stay. I wanted to be there with him, but deep down, I knew the best thing to do was leave.
I wonder if he’s still out there. I wonder if I’ll ever see him again.
I write letters to his condo like he told me to, hoping one day, he’ll return them. Most of them explain how to find me, wha
t I’m doing, and even how much I miss him. I wonder if he’s even set eyes on those letters. Five months have passed, and I haven’t received a thing. With every day that goes by, I try and fight the ache. The loneliness.
But with each day, I’m losing hope.
I’m losing myself.
I stir in the bed, staring up at the ceiling fan. My head spins as I watch the fan go round and round. Then, I shut my eyes, remembering everything. From the first day I saw him to hating him. From loving him to losing him.
So much was done in so little time. So many feelings were involved, but they were all worth it.
I miss him.
Turning on my side, I bring my legs to the edge of the bed, slide my feet into my slippers, and walk towards the balcony window.
Santorini is much nicer in person. The pictures were a tease, but to have a taste of the real thing is unbelievable. I push the balcony door open and step out. A soft, cool gust of morning wind brushes my skin, and I inhale, shutting my eyes. Tilting my chin up towards the sky, I allow the sun to soak my entire body. It feels nice out. Not too hot or too cold. Amazing.
But it would be perfect if he were here.
With those diamonds, I could’ve left from here months ago and started over on my own, but I stayed here for him. Because of that tiny strand of hope I’m still holding onto. I stay here because I hope to receive a letter soon, possibly a phone call. I left my number in the letter.
Nothing has happened, though, and my mind tells me constantly to just get over it. My mind tells me that he’s dead, but my heart speaks otherwise. My heart is what’s clinging to this hope. My heart is what clings to the very thought of him.
With a heavy sigh, I step back into the bedroom, staring at the messy white sheets. I then head for my closet, pulling down a striped maxi skirt and a tank top. When I’m dressed, I brush my teeth, wash my face, brush my hair up, and then enter the kitchen. I stare at my grocery list on the fridge, debating if I want to go to the market today.
After months of feeling sick, I’m starting to feel better. I know I need to keep my life moving and go day by day like how I would if I never would’ve met him, so I take down my grocery list and walk into the living room to get my purse.
Just as I’m hooking it on my shoulder, there’s a knock on the door. I’m hesitant as I near it. No one knocks on my door here. In fact, no one around here ever bothers me… the American girl.
I take a look out of the side window, and who I see outside the door astounds me. I unlock it and swing it open instantly, running into the arms of Bianca. She giggles softly, returning the embrace. “Missed you much,” she says, rubbing my back.
I release her, looking her in the eyes. “You’ve got no idea. What are you doing here?” I squeal. “How’d you find me?”
She forces a smile. And for some reason, her forced smile causes goosebumps to crawl on my skin.
“Come in,” I say, gesturing inside. She walks past me with the same smile on her lips. It’s almost like it’s hard for her to smile. Like it’s hurting her. I don’t like how she’s acting. This isn’t normal. Not with her.
When I shut the door, Bianca’s back is still facing me. Her head is down, her fingers wrapped around her wrists. She’s shaking her head, causing her ebony hair to swing at her shoulders.
“Bianca,” I whisper, and she turns my way immediately.
“Listen, London,” she whispers, tears lining the rims of her eyes. “You know just as well as I do that I’m not here for no apparent reason. I wouldn’t just show up. Not unless it was important. I’m here to tell you something… something that’s going to kill me to say because I haven’t even been able to accept the truth myself.”
My breath comes to a halt. My hands tremble, but I nod and swallow hard, taking a seat on the love seat. “O-okay,” I murmur.
She looks down at me, fighting her tears. Once she’s won that battle, she takes a seat beside me, grabbing my fingers and wrapping her hands around them. Her lips part, but I interrupt her.
“Is he ignoring me? Does he not want to be here? Because if he doesn’t that’s all he has to say…”
She looks me in the eyes briefly then stares down at our hands. “I’m sure he’d love to be here right now. More so than anywhere else.”
I smile. She doesn’t. I know I’m giving myself false hope. I’ve been holding onto it since I left. But I had no choice. The last thing I want to think is that he’s…
“London, Ace is gone,” Bianca whispers.
I blink at her rapidly, my eyelashes batting. “Gone?” I whisper.
“He died the day you left. All of them are dead. Gerrick. Wes. Tye. Even Pablo’s men. It turned into a big shootout. Cops didn’t make it in time to save or arrest anyone.”
“But I thought…” What did I think? That, somehow he’d made it through? That Pablo’s men showed mercy and decided to work things out with him? No. Like Ace always said, it was business. And sometimes it got deadly.
“I got a call from Ace’s condo manager a week ago. They told me his mailbox was getting full, and that if it didn’t get checked they’d have to throw his mail out. He wasn’t answering his phone and neither were the guys, so I came to check on him. When I got to the condo, Miss Baker was there and told me all the info she was given from the cops. I believe she’s still working on the case—trying to figure things out. She also told me you got away.” She looks up at me, a tear sliding down her cheek. “I got his mail and read the letters you sent. I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to know that you were okay at least. So, when I saw you were in Greece, I caught a flight here. To come tell you. I thought you, of all people, should know… especially since you’re carrying… his child.”
I glance down at my tummy through blurry eyes. I stare down for quite some time—until I break out into a complete sob. My tears come by the millisecond, flooding me with nothing but sorrow.
“Oh, God,” I say thickly.
Bianca releases my fingers to wrap her arms around my shoulders. “I know, sweetie. I know,” she coos, rubbing circles on my back.
“I just don’t understand.”
“Neither do I… but you have to live on, London. You can’t dwell. Dwelling will only kill you if you allow it.” I cry even harder, and she brings my forehead to her chest, cooing and whispering to me that everything will be okay.
But I know she’s wrong.
I’ve lost so many people in my life.
I’ve been hurt so much.
I thought for once, with him, that things would progress… get better. But they haven’t. It’s only gotten worse. I’ve lost another person I cared for. Another person I love. The memories are what will kill me the most.
My heart cracks with each tear. I can feel my gut clenching, wanting to hold on so badly to that small ounce of hope that I once had, but after hearing those words come out of Bianca’s mouth, I know that hope is gone.
It’s funny, because we all expect rainbows and butterflies in our life. We expect the simple things, like happy endings and changed hearts. But not every person is the same. Not every life holds the same luck.
Unfortunately for me, I have bad luck. It seems everyone I love, dies—like even if I try to hold onto them, they’ll weasel their way out of my life somehow.
I wanted to hold onto Ace. I wanted him to be here. I wanted to start over with him. I wanted a better life for him and for myself. I just wanted us to be happy… but to know all of that is gone, kills me.
Bianca sits me upright, searching my face. I look away, lowering my gaze as I hiccup and weep. “London,” she whispers. “He wouldn’t want you to be like this over him. I know it hurts,” she says, sniffling, “…but you also have something to be proud of and happy for. You have his child. You have a bundle of joy blossoming within you.” She swipes at her tears, her eyes never leaving mine. “You’re a strong girl. I know it. Shit happens… shit we’ll never be able to get over or understand, but you can. You just have to keep your eye on
the future.”
“I can’t,” I say, voice thick with tears. “Not anymore.”
She frowns at me. “You have someone to be strong for now. Don’t give up on yourself.”
“I just wanted him here… with me. Alive. Another chance,” I whisper with tears running over my lips.
She hugs me. “Me, too.” Then she lets go, scrambling in her purse for something. Once she pulls out a folded sheet of paper, she hands it to me. “I never read it, but he told me to give it to you if something were to ever happen to him… right before we got into that fight.” Knowing exactly what it is, I take it but not with a light heart.
London,
Never in all my damn life did I think I could feel this way towards anyone. Not a soul. I lost hope a long time ago, but you brought it right back to me. You gave me life. You gave me faith in myself again. Because of you, my sanity was able to return. My humanity.
I know I’ve fucked up a lot of times. I know I should’ve just told you the truth from the start, but I just didn’t know how. And at first, I didn’t want to. I was so stuck in my ways, thinking opening up meant losing pride.
But after a while, I realized I would trash all my pride when it came to you. I’m writing this because we never know what’s to come or what will happen. I’m writing this because, whether I want to believe it or not, I love you and nothing can stop me from feeling that way. You coming into my life was for a reason. Jonah passing away was for a reason… it was so I could find you. Find myself again. It was so I wouldn’t go off the deep end. I know you don’t want to hear that, but it’s true. And it’s better to face the truth than the lies. Everyone needs saving. You saved me.
If you’re reading this, it’s because I’m gone. With me, it’s always seemed bound to come. But ,if you’re reading this, it’s also because I love you so much that I want you to know it’s okay. I know you’ll be okay. With or without me. Sometimes it takes a sacrifice. Sometimes it takes a change. But most times, all it takes is love.
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