“I meant what I said, Jack.”
He did it again. He knows what I’m thinking.
Jack didn’t know what to say. It seemed rude not to return the sentiment, but he wasn’t sure if that was what he felt for Roman yet. His heart yearned for Roman the way his body did, but everything between them had been so intense, so fast. Jack wasn’t used to things happening that way. As with everything else, he needed time.
“I don’t expect you to say it in return. Yet. I just want you to know how much you mean to me. Have meant to me even before this. I want you to understand that fucking is only a part of what we are to one another. Stay with me, Jack. Stay here with me and never leave.”
Jack couldn’t breathe. This is what he had always wanted. Someone who loved and adored him. He might not be completely in love with Roman at that exact instance, but surely he would be eventually. How could he not? Roman was everyone’s dream man. He had certainly been that for Jack before he’d ever even met him. And Roman had revealed a side of himself that Jack was sure no one else ever saw. He would be crazy not to stay with Roman. And he wouldn’t be alone anymore. He wouldn’t have to think about what might have been. With Nick.
Chapter Twelve
Roman’s heart thudded in his chest. It was no longer owing to the amazing fuck he had just shared with Jack—it was in response to Jack’s silence after Roman’s rash declaration of love.
What the fucking hell is the matter with me?
He had planned to continue playing it smooth, to be the seducer even after he’d had Jack in his bed. He’d intended to send him home after fulfilling him some more, then casually show up at the set on Monday, and respond to Jack’s pleas to be with him again. Try not to appear too desperate to be with Jack. But as it appeared that Roman had just turned into a complete idiot, that plan had shot right out of the window. The words he’d cried out as he was shooting his cum deep into Jack’s ass had been completely true, if poorly timed. When Jack came at the same time, Roman assumed it was a reaction to what he’d declared. But now that he had made it worse by expounding his feelings to Jack even more, he was terrified at the prospect that he had just scared Jack off again.
But Jack hadn’t pulled away, he had just stayed still. And Roman knew that sending Jack away would never have been an option anyway. Now that he was here, Roman wouldn’t let him go.
“Jack. Please say something. I fear you are trying to drive me mad.”
Jack pulled up from where he’d lain on Roman’s shoulder and looked at him. “Don’t think that, Roman. I just don’t want you to be angry with me for not saying I love you back right away.”
Roman jostled Jack a little. “Am I to take that statement to mean that you might be saying it to me sometime in the future?”
Jack gave Roman his shy smile.
Good. Very good.
“Yeah. I just need more time, that’s all.”
“Yes. You and time. I’m familiar.”
“Are you angry?”
Jack’s expression was so worried that Roman resisted the urge to laugh. The look gave him the comfort that Jack probably did love him, but was just too scared to admit it yet.
“No, my dear Jack. I am not angry.”
Jack sighed. “Okay, good. I do really like you a lot. But I understand if you want me to go…”
“I suppose I should have been more specific. No. I do not want you to go. I want you to stay here and never leave.”
“But I didn’t say I love you…”
“Oh God. Let’s forget about that for now. Why don’t we concentrate on when we can pick up your things from Trixie’s. Or, even better, I’ll purchase you new things. Shall we go shopping tomorrow?”
Jack frowned. “Geez, Roman, I’ll stay here with you, but I don’t want you buying me a bunch of things. I can get my own stuff. I can take care of myself.”
Roman could tell that Jack wasn’t kidding. Jack wasn’t trying to pretend that he didn’t want Roman to lavish him with gifts. He really didn’t.
Roman scooted up in the bed so he was more upright. Why was he so adamant about it? Did he really have that much pride?
“Of course you can take care of yourself. That has nothing to do with it. I just want to make you happy.”
Jack looked pained. “You do make me happy, Roman. But don’t do anything for me. Please don’t. You’ve already done too much.”
Roman sighed. “All right, now I have to know. What the hell happened that makes you think having a man take care of you or treat you well is so dreadful?”
Jack sat up and moved away from Roman a little.
What the fuck is going on here?
“You won’t want to hear it.”
“Of course I want to hear it. I wouldn’t have asked otherwise. Now out with it.”
“It’s embarrassing, and it involves someone you don’t like hearing about.”
Roman sighed. Will the boyfriend ever get out of our lives?
“Jack, I have just had my cock up your ass. I don’t think there’s anything that can’t be shared between us.”
Jack wrung his hands and wouldn’t look at Roman. Finally, Jack raised his head. He looked so sad that all Roman wanted to do was crush him in his arms. To keep him there always so that no one could hurt him again.
“When we first got to Hollywood, things were tough. We weren’t sure when we were gonna get jobs. We didn’t have all the money for our trip because we’d had to leave so quick after what had happened with Pearson.”
“Yes, Jack. You told me that before. But…”
It dawned on Roman then. He’d had his own rough times, and he knew first-hand what young Hollywood hopefuls would resort to doing just to get by. Trixie had quite the reputation as well. But how was Nick involved?
“Go on.”
Jack was chewing on his bottom lip, and Roman was concerned the poor boy might faint.
“Nick was worried about us, about me. So he did some things that I didn’t know about at the time to help us get by. Sex things.”
There it was.
“Well. I suppose he didn’t want anything bad to happen to either one of you.”
Lord. I can’t believe I’m defending this man. I need to be nominated for sainthood immediately.
“Exactly!”
Jack’s vehemence caught Roman off guard.
“I can assure you, Jack, I won’t be sucking cock to buy you a new suit.”
“That’s not funny.”
Jack jerked away from Roman and began to slide down to the end of the bed. Roman lunged for him and grabbed his upper arm.
“Jack. Wait. You know I have a smart mouth. I apologise. I hope you know I would never intentionally hurt your feelings. You have me at a disadvantage right now. You know my feelings for you better than I know yours for me. Can’t you see that puts you at an advantage?”
Jack didn’t struggle to get free, but he wouldn’t look at Roman either.
“I’m not trying to have an advantage. I’m just really confused. I don’t know what to do.”
Roman put his arm around Jack’s chest, and hauled the much lighter man back up to the top of the bed. He gathered Jack to him, and kissed the top of his head over and over.
“All you need to do right now is stay in my arms. We’ll figure out the rest later.”
Roman held Jack close, the fear of him almost leaving still churning in his gut.
“Roman?”
“What my angel?”
“I…did something too.”
Roman tensed.
“I’m so ashamed.”
Jack shook, and Roman could tell he was crying.
The thought of Jack selling himself to other men, being touched by them, and them being inside him made Roman sick to his stomach. Yet Roman himself had hardly lived a chaste existence. Still, he had somehow put Jack above all of that.
It’s this town. This fucking, soul eating town.
“Jack,” said Roman softly. “I’m not upset with you
. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I can’t bear it when you cry.”
Jack sniffed. “I do want to tell you. I don’t want anything to come between us.”
Roman’s heart melted.
“All right then, what happened?”
“I found out what Nick had done, and I was so upset and angry. I’d never felt anything hurt so deep. Well, not until later.”
Roman clutched Jack tighter.
“I told him I never wanted him to be with another man again. That no matter what, we would only touch each other.” Jack paused. “At the time, I’d thought that Nick was going to be the only man I’d ever be with. So, I found out from Trixie that there were guys who would pay to watch me and Nick have sex.”
Trixie. Of course. I need to add wringing her neck to my calendar.
“And?”
“So we did it. We made enough money so that Nick didn’t have to go back to the studio and get messed with by Wilson.”
“Wilson?”
“He’s the foreman that hands out the set building jobs. And he, you know…”
“Yes. I’m sure I do.”
And make a little call to the heads on Monday.
“We were only going to do it until I could make enough money acting so neither of us would ever have to do anything like that again. But… Anyway. Nick left. It doesn’t matter.” Jack sniffed again.
Roman reached for a handkerchief on the nightstand, before handing it to Jack. “So, wait. You were only with the boyfriend? Not with other men?”
“Geez no. I could never do that.”
“So you’ve only ever made love with Nick?”
“Unless you count Stanley at the orphanage.”
“Boyhood fumblings. Not even close to counting.”
Roman felt a measure of relief. He should have known it wouldn’t be near as bad as Jack had made it seem. He was so sensitive.
“So this is why you fear having someone take care of you? Why you wanted to take me out?”
“I just don’t want anyone to ever say again that they did something for me that they didn’t want to do.”
Roman petted Jack’s head and lowered his hand to his back to gently rub it. “I think I know the solution to your dilemma, dear Jack. If I promise to only do things that make me happy, is that acceptable to you?”
“Well, sure. That’s all I want. For everyone to be happy.”
“My sweet Jack. We shall pick up your things tomorrow, but I can’t promise I’m not ever going to gift you with anything. These past few days of spoiling you with fancy restaurants and flowers have given me great joy. You wouldn’t want to forever take that away from me, now, would you?”
Jack squirmed in Roman’s embrace. “N-no. But not all the time, okay? I want to give you things too.”
Roman hugged Jack to him tighter. “You’ve already given me all that you ever could just by staying here with me.”
* * * *
After Hector had got past his supreme bewilderment as to why he wouldn’t be arranging a ride home for Jack, Roman had managed to get his valet to bring up a chilled bottle of champagne and their salads from Musso & Frank’s. The refreshments were waiting for them once they had showered together and sucked each other off. Jack was getting better at taking Roman’s cock deeper, and Roman looked forward to long sessions of instructing him on various techniques. What he didn’t have to teach Jack was ass licking. His natural enthusiasm for it was quite enjoyable.
Roman was completely satisfied. Jack was safely tucked in his arms and snoring lightly. He hadn’t wanted anyone in his bed since the days with Fernando, but with Jack it felt like the most natural thing in the world. It was almost dawn, and despite coming twice—without the help of any cocaine—he couldn’t sleep. The adrenaline in his veins refused to allow him to rest. He even considered waking Jack up for more fucking, but knew that Jack would need a respite from that for a few days. Roman wanted to break him in gently so that he would crave, and not fear it. But there were plenty of other things they could do in the meantime. Roman’s next concern was how long it would take for Jack to admit that he loved him. It was silly in some ways. Jack was here. Roman had what he wanted. But he had revealed himself to Jack, and it was disconcerting. It was what had got him in trouble with Fernando. As soon as Roman had admitted how he felt, Fernando had begun to chase other men. Prior to that, everything had been fine.
Roman clutched Jack to him tighter, and he stirred, draping a slender leg across Roman’s thighs.
“Roman?”
“Shh, angel. I’m here.”
“Mmmm.”
Jack nuzzled him.
I’m the one who lives in him when he sleeps. Good.
* * * *
“Trixie, where’s my other set of pyjamas?”
“Pyjamas. You’re kiddin’, right? What makes you think you’re ever gonna need any pyjamas livin’ with Roman?”
“Trixie.”
“And don’t start with that blushin’ shit either. I know Roman, remember?”
Jack frowned.
What did she mean by that?
“You know about guys not wearing pyjamas with Roman?”
He knew he was being unreasonable. Roman was a gorgeous, famous and rich man. He’d probably had dozens of lovers, which explained how amazing he was at swallowing Jack’s dick. But that thought didn’t help. He feared he could never be enough for Roman, no matter how many times Roman said he loved him. Maybe he was making a big mistake. Maybe he should slow things down.
Trixie had her arms crossed in front of her.
“Don’t start gettin’ all nervous. I know ya think ya ain’t good enough for him, I heard ya say it a dozen times. I’m tired a tellin’ ya how lost Roman is over ya. That don’t mean he ain’t as horny as hell, though. Ya lucky stiff.”
Trixie jostled him with her elbow and winked.
“So I’m not movin’ too fast with him?”
“Fast, slow—there ain’t no handbook. Do ya wanna be with him? Does it feel right?”
They stood in her bedroom, surrounded by the chaos of Trixie’s mess and Jack’s attempts at packing. Roman had lent Jack one of his Louis Vuitton trunks to gather all his possessions, and Jack was trying to make sure he had everything. Living in Trixie’s world didn’t make it easy. She tended to keep things strewn about except when she knew she would have company, then everything just got shoved into whatever closet or other space was available. Jack was currently trying to find matching pairs of shoes, and pants that belonged with their proper suit jackets. It was a challenge. Roman had already called twice to ask if he should send Juan over to collect Jack.
“Yeah, it feels right. He feels right.”
Trixie snorted. “I bet he does. I hear he’s got quite the schlong on him.”
“Trixie!”
“Yeah, I know, I know. Ya don’t suck and tell.”
Jack sighed and shook his head. “Well. This will have to do for now. If you find anythin’ else, just let me know.” Jack looked up and saw Trixie making a pouty face. “What’s wrong?”
She stomped over her tangled clothing towards Jack, her arms outstretched. She grabbed him in a big hug and rocked him back and forth. He reached up to embrace her back.
“My baby Jack is leavin’. What’ll I do without ya?”
“Geez, Trixie. You’ll see me tomorrow on the set.”
She pulled back, and held him in front of her. “Wow. I’m so happy for ya. Here ya are with your rich and famous boyfriend. Can ya find one for me?”
“Come on. He hasn’t called me his boyfriend yet.”
“Well, ya ain’t his butler. Are ya?”
Jack pulled out of Trixie’s grip and playfully smacked her on the arm. “No!”
She howled with laughter. “Speakin’ a your boyfriend. We gotta do that kissin’ scene tomorra where you burst in on me and Roman—I mean Darius—and are consumed by jealousy. As long as you twos don’t start kissin’ each other, it should go fine.”
She cackled some more.
Jack threw his hands up in the air. “That does it. I’m callin’ Roman to come get me.”
* * * *
Roman paced the terrace just outside his bedroom. Jack had been gone for nearly three hours, and he was positively beside himself with anxiety. He should have gone with him. What if Trixie ruined things by saying something stupid and getting Jack upset? If Roman was there, she would have known to keep her big trap shut. Plus, he wanted the rest of the day to enjoy Jack. He wanted to explore every inch of Jack’s body in the daylight and memorise each inch. Claim him over and over with his mouth until Jack was so sated, he wouldn’t be able to think of anything else except for Roman.
Already he was hard.
He checked his pocket watch and saw that it was almost one o’clock. He headed to his gold-plated phone to call once again, when there was a knock on his bedroom door.
“What?”
Without Jack there, Roman was back to his typically irritated state.
Hector called out, “Juan wanted me to inform you that he is on his way to retrieve Jack. Is there anything else you require?”
Roman sighed and laughed to himself.
All this concern over nothing.
He would have to make sure that Jack had the private number that went directly to his room. He would have loved to have heard Jack’s voice.
Roman went to the door and pulled it open. Hector stood there, hands clasped behind his back, ever patiently awaiting Roman’s demands.
“Yes. Prepare a luncheon tray with fruits and cheese. Do we have strawberries?”
“The season, sir.”
Roman frowned. “There are none to be had? Oh, never mind. The dates then. And mangos? Surely you’ve had some brought in.”
“Yes, sir. We have a standing order.”
“Fine. And champagne. He seemed to like the one you brought up last night.”
Roman was about to turn away, but Hector spoke. “He?”
Anger built in Roman. Hector had been with him from the start and had never, ever questioned him in any way. He performed whatever was required of him and never said a word. “Jack. His name is Jack, and he lives here now. Do you take issue with that?”
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