by Madikizela-Mandela, Winnie; Kathrada, Ahmed; Kathrada, Ahmed
In a frail handwriting almost at the corner, hardly visible is ‘Ndopho was here from the 22nd of May on account of Joyce Sikhakhane’s sake’. In the same handwriting, ‘Joyce was also here’. This is Nondwe Mankahla’s piece. She looked as frail as her handwriting when I saw her for the first time the day she stood in the dock and declared, ‘I refused to give evidence against my people.’ Ndopho is her nickname.
Scribbled almost hurriedly it seems or perhaps in deep meditation two feet17 from the floor on the door is, ‘Trust in the Lord thy God, in Him I shall be saved. Pray no matter how difficult times may be, never lose faith. He will answer your prayers.’ This was Shanti Naidoo whom I still see vividly in my mind, her dark hollow eyes, her thin arms hanging loosely out of that pale yellowish sleeveless dress, her slanted head when she craned her neck in the dock with her misty eyes strained to hear Justice Bekker18 on that memorable day when she declared in a firm voice which left no doubt, ‘I will not be able to live with my conscience for the rest of my life if I give evidence.’
How I loved her always and even more now. My admiration and respect for her is doubled. Only a person who has been through solitary confinement would realise the amount of sacrifice that lies behind those few words. To my horror hot tears rolled down my checks in the Supreme Court when Shanti said those words – I concealed my face from the press reporters by shielding behind accused No. 5’s19 shoulder, then No. 4.20 The prospect of screaming headlines in the so called non-white papers, ‘Mandela’s wife weeps in court’ was not a very palatable thought.
Scrawled untidily in cursive is ‘October 17th I shall never forget’ followed by a number of scratches. This is my sister’s mark. Beneath this is a half hearted attempt to draw a calendar, she recorded just the first few days of each month. It’s amazing she is just like that at home too. Nonyaniso Madikizela is as stubborn as a mule, has no continuity of purpose. If she cleans the house she will do all the rooms at the same time and leave them halfway if she feels like it. She can be exceptionally neat and just as exceptionally untidy. As a child only father managed to discipline her when she started with her tantrums. He had to give up placing her in boarding school because she packed her clothes and went home if she was fed up with the teachers. That’s how she ended up in day schools whilst all the other children were in boarding schools. I can never get over the shock of seeing her as a submissive docile witness for the state in our trial with half her weight gone with the brutality of solitary confinement. At that moment I felt so bitter that time will never heal the bleeding wounds inflicted on me by this experience. From now henceforth I prefer my feelings left at that, perhaps this will justify my own attitude of tomorrow.
That reminds me that this is the third cell I’ve occupied since my arrival on the 12th of May 1969. On this date I was taken to a cell upstairs. At the entrance to the prison there is a big door on the left. From inside this door there are 39 shiny black steps which lead to the cells upstairs. There is one cell however separated by a locked grille/gate from the rest of the two long rows of cells with a long passage between. The door of this isolated cell faces north west, one small window faces east and another large one much higher facing west. The first three days I spent in this cell were the most wonderful days I’ve ever had in prison because of the small window which I reached with ease, opened it and gazed at the outside world from the moment I finished my breakfast.
My daily routine in all three cells was the same, full of nothing. After cleaning the cell I washed my mouth, face and hands into the sanitary buckets with the drinking water poured into the mug. There are no lavatories in all three cells so I had to use the same bucket for everything. I trained my stomach to work once a day, in the morning just after washing my mouth, face and hands because this ‘pon’ is changed once a day, in the morning only.
When the second bell rings at 7am the wardress opens the cell door. I take out my ‘pon’, bottle of drinking water, the mug and the Dixie.21 These I put just outside my door where I find already waiting for me a bucket of washing water, a plate of porridge, a clean ‘pon’ rarely with a disinfectant. Once when my ‘pon’ was the enamel type with a flat lid, my dixie was put on top of the pon. The wardress then pours into my mug black sugarless coffee or just so little sugar it makes very little difference. The door is closed. The porridge is seldom cooked, often I am compelled to do without breakfast. This porridge is dished up about 40–50 yards22 from my cell, by the time I take it it’s already cold and covered with dust. No hygienic rules are observed in prison, the food is not covered. I also bring in drinking water.
I eat before I wash as I would like to eat warm food, then I wash and get dressed, I wash my teeth with toothpaste if I have it, into the washing bucket. I also wash my mug and spoon into the washing bucket. After about an hour the door is opened again for me to take my washing water out with the breakfast dixie. Sometimes I also go out at this time for exercise for about 15 to 20 minutes. I exercise by going round and round the exercise yard. When the wardress is not looking I knock on the doors of my colleagues to greet them. For months this was our only means of communication until we decided the Aucamp23 lot could go to hell, we just shouted to each other at night and pretended we did not hear the Afrikaans-speaking wardress screaming at us to keep quiet. This is down at the punishment cells. The lunch is served at 11.30am. Our menu is as follows:
12. This is in feet. South Africa metricated between 1971–73. This would measure 4.5 x 1.5 metres.
13. The journal was started after Mrs Mandela and her co-accused were acquitted and immediately re-detained.
14. 1.37 metres.
15. Joyce Sikhakhane.
16. 5 x 1.37 metres.
17. 0.6 metres.
18. The trial judge, Simon Bekker.
19. Elliot Shabangu.
20. Jackson Mahluale.
21. A steel plate.
22. 36.5–45.7 metres.
23. A senior prison official.
Chapter 3
Acquittal and Re-detention
On 16 February 1970 Winnie Mandela and her co-accused appeared in court after an adjournment of more than a month. The Attorney General himself, Kenneth Donald McIntyre Moodie, made a rare appearance in court and declared that he was withdrawing the charges against all 22 of the accused. The judge pronounced that they could leave but the Security Police re-detained them and took them back to Pretoria Central Prison. They also confiscated the notes that they had been preparing for their defence team.
THE NEW DETENTION SINCE FEBRUARY 16, 1970
ARRIVAL FROM COURT ON 16TH
On our arrival from court on the 16th of February 1970 we found members of the Security Branch waiting for us in the matron’s office. In court I had left my plastic bag containing all my documents on the bench with the hope that my attorney would see the bag and take it. I anticipated what would happen later on and although the documents were mostly court records of the case I have all my draft notes on certain portions of the Saga24 and the biographical data on the two accused 1725 and 1826. Unfortunately Victor Mazituleli27 thought I had forgotten the bag and he picked it up and brought it to me. I was stopped by the police at the entrance of the court trying to take it back to my attorney. The members of the SB28 called us into the office one by one and took everything we had on us including pens, cigarettes etc.
BACK IN THE CELLS
No. 7 was the first to be called by the matron to go to the cell. She kissed us goodbye and was promptly told by Britz that she would be deprived of three meals the following days for this act. I was the last to be taken to the cells after standing outside for about an hour. At the entrance to my cell I found everything outside including the suitcase and the handbag which had my clothes.
I was stripped naked outside and entered the cell naked after the matron had searched my naked body. Inside the cell my clothes were on the floor, four stinking blankets, one sanitary bucket and drinking water plus two sisal mats. I asked the matron what I was expe
cted to do with the clothes on the floor without a suitcase. She said she was acting on instructions. Even the nails on which I hung some of my clothes had been removed.
I wrapped the clothes with one blanket and used them as my pillow. Normally every prisoner has six blankets so that one can use two as pillows. From that very day I noticed the food ration was almost half of what we usually get when we were served with supper. We were back to the usual mental agony of solitary confinement.
We saw Brig Aucamp for the first time on the 24th of February. He saw us one by one in our cells. He was in a very jovial mood. He told me that we were re-detained because we violated prison conditions with all those letters we had been writing. I said I thought we were detained in terms of the Terrorism Act and I asked if letters were acts of terrorism. He said it was no use cracking my head over that because in any case we would be kept at least for the next eight years, that I could be sure of. He further said (with amusement) that if he was in my position he would seriously consider escaping from prison. (I took this to be a sarcastic reference to the portion of the Saga which deals with my husband’s suggested escape from the Fort.)29 I thought the Saga must have been confiscated from my defence the day we were detained as no mention is made of this in the chronological order draft which they must have made a photostat copy of.
THE VISITING MAGISTRATE
That same week the visiting magistrate called on a Thursday. We almost all made similar complaints.
(a) That our suitcases be returned as we had nothing in which to put our clothes.
(b) That we be allowed reading matter.
(c) I requested that charges be brought against me, that Brig Aucamp said we violated prison conditions and that surely General Nel has efficient staff who wouldn’t take so long to investigate such charges.
(d) That we be allowed to exercise together as the time allocated to our exercises was at the most ten minutes, and that twice or thrice a week.
(e) Later on we complained about the little food, the stinking blankets and the dirty overcooked vegetables.
There was only a slight improvement on exercises and cleaner blankets were exchanged for the filthy one, otherwise we got tired of complaining to the visiting magistrate as there was just no point.
The SB’s followed up each magistrate’s visit to tell us we shall be charged when they feel like doing so and that we shall never get reading matter.
On the 17th of March Dirker30 came to tell me (thumbing his chest as he spoke), ‘We shall decide when to charge you, you must stop at once telling the magistrate every time you want to be charged.’ I screamed back and said who is he to tell me that. I asked if he had been promoted to the post of attorney general and that I thought he was a warrant officer, a rank he held before I was born. Britz who was with them screamed at me, ‘I am sick and tired of your nonsense, you must stop talking like that’ – the cell door was banged. I had long sat down and disregarded the whole lot. Later on matron Zeelie came to tell me I would be deprived of three meals that following day.
On the 18th I was therefore punished, the girls also boycotted the food in protest except Acc. 17.31 The following day there was a complete change of attitude, the staff was more friendly. That following Sunday and Monday we were visited by the most senior members of the prison department to ask us if we had any specific complaints against the prison conditions. Unfortunately they were never introduced so we never knew who they were but from the number of stars and medals I suspected one was General Nel.
That was the first and last time I personally saw Dirker.
THE EASTER WEEKEND
During the second week of March we had a shower specially installed next to our cells with the hot water system as well.32 It is just an enclosure with corrugated iron in an open space and has no roof. We had showers only then. This can only be used in summer although the wardresses daily ask if we want to shower which is impossible in this weather. On a Saturday of the Easter weekend Brig Aucamp visited me in the cell. He said, ‘I was with your husband this week, he is full of nonsense as usual. He is putting on weight for the first time ever since he has been in prison all these years – very happy that his wife is in prison I suppose – strange love! The last time he ever looked as he does [was] in the early 60s.’ He mumbled something else, by then the cell door was long closed before I could say anything.
DURING MARCH 1970
During the 1st week of March we were given Bibles and hymn books. The first few days I read the Bible but soon discovered that I read one sentence more than four or five times and still absorbed nothing at all.
Up to this stage the wardresses and the matrons hardly spoke to us at all and they wore long faces and were very nasty. The maximum exercise period was about ten minutes thrice a week at the most. Often we were locked up from Thursday to Monday continuously.
After the quarrel and my punishment of the 18th March referred to in my first notes I developed a new type of attack at night mostly.
THE ATTACKS
It would start off as a blackout although I would be lying flat and slightly propped up. I then felt completely numb, the whole body – I lose complete control over my muscles and struggle to breathe and [have an] irregular heart beat. The body then jerks into functioning in a very painful spasm. I then breathe very fast and sweat a lot. I grew afraid to sleep and sat up the whole night. I literally became afraid of nightfall and started getting anxious towards the afternoon. On two occasions when the attacks were very bad at night I banged on the wall of my cell neighbour Acc. No. 17 who is a very heavy sleeper. Acc. No. 1833 who is four cells away from me heard me but I could not shout to her as we were not allowed to communicate.
RETENTION OF URINE AND EXCESSIVE BLEEDING
During the third week of March I had difficulty with passing water. This often happened after the attacks described above. I would struggle for hours especially during the night. I would try seven or eight times before I passed a little drop of water. I asked to see the doctor. In prison you merely give the history of your illness and the doctor prescribes. The doctor who saw me on this occasion is not the one who usually treats me, he stood outside the cell and asked me to give him the history of my illness. He prescribed something. I was also bleeding profusely for eight days, my normal period is three days. This was also a complication I had suffered on my previous detention. The hospital orderly gave me something for bleeding.
During the first week of April the retention of urine grew worse even though I was taking the new treatment. I was then taking eight different drugs three times a day. The sleeping tablets were increased by the doctor who had seen me before and I was able to sleep half the night at least. I found out however that if I did not get the sleeping tablets I did not have a wink of sleep and that is the position to this day. The bleeding continued endlessly until the doctor prescribed something else.
I was convinced in my mind that I was becoming a drug addict. I was frightened when I thought of what I would go through if I got a long prison term and I knew that I would never get my treatment then.
The bitter taste in my mouth which I suffered as a result of loss of appetite grew worse. I did not feel like eating at all.
24. Mrs Mandela had titled the journal and collection of notes as the ‘Saga’ after the name given to their detention and trial by Advocate David Soggott.
25. Douglas Mvembe.
26. Venus Thokozile Mngoma.
27. A fellow accused.
28. Security Branch of the South African Police.
29. Mrs Mandela had written notes about a plot to have her husband escape from prison in 1962. It was not carried out due to fears that it was part of a plan to kill him.
30. A security policeman.
31. Venus Thokozile Mngoma.
32. Access to showers resulted from legal action by the attorneys of the accused.
33. Martha Dlamini.
Chapter 4
State of Mind
The thought of beginn
ing another period of detention was almost too much to bear.
MY STATE OF MIND DURING THE FIRST TWO WEEKS OF MY RE-DETENTION
Perhaps because I already had experience of what I would go through in solitary confinement, the first two weeks were the most gruesome period I’ve ever gone through. I went through the following phases:
(a) I was lucky if I got my three times a day treatment once a day. I had to literally beg for my tablets from the matrons and the wardresses. I just could not sleep at all even when I did get all the tablets sometimes. I was alarmed when I found myself walking in my sleep. On four occasions I remember finding myself standing near the door. I tried to think how I got there but could not reconstruct any movements. This happened when I did fall asleep for a short while.
(b) I had horrible nightmares and woke up screaming in the night. I discovered I spoke aloud when I thought of my children and literally held conversations with them. I cried almost hysterically when I recalled their screams on the night of my arrest. I just cannot get this out of my mind up to date. I spent the whole day walking up and down my cell hoping to exhaust myself so that I could sleep at night.
(c) I realised that although I was not sleeping I did not either feel tired or drowsy during the day. I could not bear the glare of the light day and night. I was growing more and more tense each day.
(d) I suffered from loss of appetite and because I ate so little, my colleagues’ food was reduced to almost a quarter of our daily rations. This was enough for me but serious punishment for my colleagues. I then decided to throw my food in the sanitary bucket. [Unnamed accused] suffered most as she is a heavy eater. I told No. 9 and 7 who were also poor eaters to dispose of their food as I did if they had not finished it. We whispered to each other at night.